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Post Reply The Finger Against My Lip
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Posted 8/25/08
Really? Is there no other animal or demon in the vastness of the real world and the mythical world that can fit me other than a dragon? Sheesh. You need to work on that.
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Posted 8/25/08
.....you think of one then. Oh yeah, as for the dragon, it's suppose to be the European version. Not the Asian version. I can see you as a black dragon with a t-rex look but can't see you as a dragon with a serpitien look.
Posted 8/25/08
Your tenses need work, as well as your grammar and punctuation. All the basics. Of course, I'll let that one segment slide because it was supposedly written at 3 in the morning.

Your description is lacking, as baka ookami noted on the first page. Description of the surroundings and of people need work. The readers don't see this world like you do. They're just reading words. It's your job as the writer to make the words appealing to them and to set an image in their mind.

This needs work. A little bit of subtltey now and then wouldn't kill you, would it?
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Posted 8/25/08
And that's why I luv you so much. You give good crits ^_^........and cause the rest of them only notice the lil' personal details like making them obey the law *koffserenkoff*
Posted 8/25/08
Really, now. As flattering as that it, it won't stop me from being blunt. Work harder on this, because right now, I feel a bit disappointed. But I'm sure you'll get better at it. I just need to hammer the basics into your brain like baka ookami and you'll be set.
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Posted 8/26/08
((...........either your words are really being hammered to my brain or I'm lacking sleep. My head already hurts XP. Oh yeah, from now on, you're officially registered for my lista people I use in stories!!! Sorry but I didn't give the others an option about it so you don't really get a say in this either. Trust me. I'll give you a nice role. Also, I like to switch between writing styles so from this point on, thing's'll get complicated. And REMEMBER PEOPLE, THIS STORY IS WRITTEN ON WHIM AND AT 2AM WHEN I'M HAVING A HEADACHE!!!))

"You see," Jan started with a small smile on her face, "Humans had always disliked and feared demon-kind. Maybe it's because we're stronger, faster, and more........bewitching then they can ever be. Higher class demons like to keep to themselves so humans see more of the lower classes. The lower classes of demons are what made humans give us the name of 'monsters' and 'beasts'. They hunt humans and prey on the weaker creatures."

"What does that got to do with us?"

"Shuttap, no interruptions remember?" Jan said, sitting down on the grass and leaning against the boulder Julie sat upon. "Anyways, there were exceptions. Some humans mingle with demons and some demons mingle with humans. Most of the time they were shunned for being with the other......species. I met a demon in the time right before the century long second demon wars." Her dark brown eyes hazed over slightly as she remembered him.

"He had beautiful indigo hair that touched his waist and strikingly bright green eyes that almost seem to glow. His skin was always pale and cold to the touch. He was like Narcicist without the vainness. His beauty seem to define absolute perfection." her voice was filled with admiration and love, "Every being, may it have been human or demon, male or female, all fell under his charm. Because he was caring and gentle. Because he has a heart to love others."

"But there are those who doesn't have hearts." her voice turned sad and her eye color turned a shade darker, "They envied him and tried to kill him. They couldn't because of a certain power inside him that kept him alive. But he changed. He lost his love and compassion. He lost his mind and sanity. He seduce several females and made them bare his children. After that, he disappeared. When I finally managed to find him in a cave all alone, he was dying. His last will was that I would look after his children and their decendents." Jan's voice lost its soft tone and returned to normal, "And that, leads down to you guys."

"So we're actually related?!" Julie asked.

"Yep," Jan confirmed, "But that's waaaaaaaay back. It's history. When it comes down to it, everyone's related somehow. Oh yeah, he wasn't catagorised either. Like Lili. But it's more like he was absolutely unique. He had powers beyond human limits, can use magic, control the elements, control minds, telepathic, you name it. He's also a grand fighter but he's more like a God then a demon."

"Then what does that make us?"

Jan stood up and Julie followed suit. "I don't really know but birds of a feather flock together. Seems like some dragon demon interfeared with your bloodline and made you like you are. Or maybe your ancestor whom that man seduced was part dragon. Same thing with the others. I didn't bother to carry out his will till several decades back. Took me forever to track you guys too."

Jan smoothed out her plain brown tank top and stretched. Julie took the chance to look around. There wasn't much to look at. They were on a cliff side that's surrounded by thick forests that seems to go on forever. The cloudless sky was dull blue even with the bright sun. The trees were a mass of deep greens that border indigo and black. There were also patches of dark brown.

"Desolated isn't it?" Jan commented as she noticed Julie's objects of focus, "Although what do you expect in demon world? Those brown ones are actually tree demons. They can't seem to turn green so we always know if it's a real tree or not. The trees here are actually healthier the darker their green is. If their color is bright green or light green, that means that they're dying. If they're white, they're dead."

"Everyone's changed a bit," Julie stated, "things are so different here but it kinda feels like home."

"That's your blood telling you that you're finally back where you should be." Jan smiled. "You and the others belong here."
Posted 8/26/08
so if I am part elf, and fariy, does that mean that I have teleikiesess( spelling sucks), the ability to fly, magic, and i am strong? just to name a few powers of the two.
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Posted 8/26/08
No, yes, yes, and depends. I'm putting you down as earth fairy so think Karama from YYH. You can control plants and you're good at healing. The strength part depends on your mood, training, and talent. That means I haven't decided yet XP.
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Posted 8/27/08 , edited 8/27/08
((Sorry Kat. I know I agreed to post with Kat's POV but I need to put it off for a bit.))

"So why tell only me?"

"Cause you can use your powers while they're still trying to reach theirs." Jan looked at Julie with a huge Cheshire grin on her face. Her eyes flashed a bright, excited green color. "What do you say to some training?"

"Um, okay? And......your eyes are........." Julie said uncertainly and took an involuntary step back from Jan and the strange aura she was emitting. A hunter searching for a weakness within it's prey.

"Don't worry bout it, my eyes are like mood rings except that they actually work," Jan said dissmisively, "Now, here's what we're gonna do. We, my dear, no, more like I, am going to throw you, Julie, offa this cliff."

Julie stared at Jan with the did-you-hit-your-head-somewhere-and-do-you-want-to-go-to-the-hospital look, "Two words. Fuck. No."

Jan ignored her, "Let's see, this would be a," she looked over the ledge down below, "80 to 93 story fall. So that means, if I drop you from here, you'd make a very nice and big splat. But that means you'd die. But I dun want you to die." She frowned.

"Damn right I don't want to die," Julie muttered, "crazy ass bitch and her crazy ass ideas' gonna kill me."

"OKIE JULIE!!!" Jan suddenly cheered, almost making Julie fall off the rock she was standing on. "LET'S DO THIS!!!"

"WHAT?!?!!?!!!?!! Shit! Hell no!!! I'm NOT gonna jump of this fuckin cliff and commit fuxin suicide!!!"

((Sorry, that sounds more like how Lili would say it Then she'd say, "I may be fuckin half emo but I'm not freakin retarded enough to be SUICIDAL!!! I don't want to go to hell yet!!! Wait, then maybe I'll go to Soul Society and come back as a shinigami and kill all of you! Yay!!!" ...........yeah, she'd say that......>_>;;))

Kat, Lili, Seren, Zach, Steve and Alex, who just arrived to hear Julie's "I refuse to do suicide" speech, were all staring at Jan and Julie. "........I think that it'll be best if I get my ass outta here. I don't want pissed newbi demons trying to kill me. Tell me if something interesting happens!" Steve backed off and went back into the tunnel that leads back to the training cave.

"His idea sounds pretty nice right now," Zach and Alex agreed but neither of them moved.

"You're gonna commit suicide?!" Lili stared at Julie, then back at Jan, "The hell is she doing that for?"

"People! Talk some sense into her! That crazy bitch just asked me to jump off this fuckin cliff!!!" Julie pointed at Jan in almost exasperation. Alex and Zach looked at eachother and rolled their eyes.

"Jan, there are better ways then that you know?" Zach said. Jan pouted and turned her head to the side. Zach glared at her.

"What ever," Jan said, her grin coming back, "sorry Julie. This might not be the best way but it sure as damn hell is the fastest way." Then, in a flash, she was in front of Julie and gave a well aimed kick to her stomach, sending her to the edge of the ledge. Then Jan shoved her into the air. "Don't worry, I'll clean up if you go splat." She whispered in Julie's ear jokingly right before she started falling.

Kat, Lili and Seren all gave a shout, "Julie!!!" and tried to run over to the edge to try to save their friend. Key word. Tried. Zach and Alex held them back.

"What the hell was that for?!" Kat, for the first time in anyone's memory, became pissed. She easily shook off Zach and her skin glowed a light brown color while her pupils became cat-like silts instead of their normal circle. Her brown eyes turned golden and her short, tomboyish black hair ruffled in a nonexistent wind.

"Anger and fear brings out the worst and the strongest in people," Jan said softly, not looking at any of them, but clearly enough that everyone hear, "humans and demons alike. Even Gods at some points. Trust me and watch as a full-fledged demon is born."

And as if a spell was put over them, everyone moved to the edge to watch Julie fall, unable to speak nor move.

~~~Julie's POV~~~

It felt weird to know that you're gonna die. Your whole body kinda goes numb and brings everything into sharper focus. I can feel the wind wooshing up at me and I suppose that it should be cold. But I can't feel that. 'Accelerating at 9.8 meters per second,' ((or was it 8.9??? I kinda forgot.)) my mind told me. It doesn't feel like it at all. It's actually a good feeling, like you're flying, or maybe floating. Even if it means death, it feels so peaceful to be surrounded by only air. It'll be great if I could stay here forever.

Then, something in me snapped, 'Like hell I'm just gonna die!' I twisted my body so I can see the ground rushing up at me. 'Shit! I can't die like this! I'm a demon right? A dragon demon! I won't loose to death!'

As if that was what my demon powers were waiting for, I felt my shoulder blades explode with a surge of power. A pair of jet black bat-like wings shot out, catching the air. The momentum of my fall almost made my wings snap but somehow, the managed to hold and give a strong flap. I wobbled in the air and almost lost control over my wings. 'Damn it to hell! Having extra limbs is hard!' I gave another experimental flap and almost dropped again when I brought my wings upward.

'At least I'm alive......and hopefully, I'd stay this way.' I added dryly.
Posted 8/27/08
when you teach me to fly, dont throw me off the edge of a cliff. i would probibly jump willingly, if not forceably, with a little coaxing. ( spelling again, damn my brain)
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Posted 8/27/08
Technically, I shoved Julie offa the cliff after kicking her to get her to the edge. Dun worry tho, I'm only doin that to Julie. You my dear, is gonna get some boulders chained to you.
Posted 8/28/08
*blank stare. blink. blink. blink,* AWSOMENESS!!. . . . . . . why a boulder thuogh? wont that crush me if i dun fly?
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Posted 8/28/08
You control earth and plants. if, somehow or another you can activate your full powers, you can lift up even the heaviest rocks just by will cause they're under your element.
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Posted 8/29/08 , edited 8/31/08
Kat's POV

I felt a strange warm sensation spread all over he body as I watched Jan push Julie to her doom. A rising burning anger bubbled up inside me. How could she!!! How could Jan be the one to kill Julie?! Aren't they best friends? How could she just so easily kill her own friend with a smile on her face!? The color and objects around me sharpened and my sight became clearer then it has never been before. "What the hell was that for?!" I yelled.

I struggled against Zach's hold on my arms and was almost surprised when I got free easily. Jan didn't look at me or any of the others. Then, she spoke softly but clearly, "Anger and fear brings out the worst and the strongest in people. Humans and demons alike. Even Gods at some points. Trust me and watch as a full-fledged demon is born."

I couldn't move my body and against my will, me and the others all walked to the edge to watch Julie fall. I wanted so badly to try to help her but then, I stopped looking at Julie's eventual death and instead, turned to look at Jan. Her eyes were wide with fear and concern and she was biting her bottom lip so hard that there was a small trickle of blood. Her fists were clenched tightly so her knuckles were white and her body was stiff, as if preparing to spring at any moment and jump after Julie to save her if necceccary. 'She does care.' I thought, and somehow, I just knew that Julie would be fine and I relaxed.

Then, I felt something slam against my senses and heard the sound of leather snapping in the wind. I quickly looked back down to the edge. Before I fully turned, I saw Jan relax her pose and smile slightly as she quickly wipe away the small stream of blood. Far down below, Julie hovered uncertainly in the middle of the air, with huge black bat-like wings attached to her back.

"She's stuck there," Seren said blankly.

"Hn?" Jan said thoughtfully and cheerfully, "Then I guess it's time to teach her how to fly." and she jumped from the ledge.

"O-OI!!!!" I said, "W-what are you.......!" but she was already falling.

"The hell?" Lili muttered incredulously.

From above, we saw Jan break her fall by swinging her arms around Julie's neck and hang there. They both dropped a few feet before Julie finally managed to stay air-born.........or at least, stop falling.

"BITCH!!!!! YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME!!!!! FUXING HEAVY!!!!" Julie yelled. I guess we all relaxed at Julie's normal reply to one of Jan's stunts. At least, there are some things that wouldn't ever change and thank goodness for that.
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Posted 8/30/08
Oh yeah, here's the answer to Kyuu's question. I'm lazy and brain dead right now so I don't feel like cramming this somewhere in the story. Here's the description that you all wanted:

Seren: A white person with lotsa freckles, almost pointed ears, slightly longer then normal neck, blond-brown, curly hair and blue eyes.(? did I get that right??? I for got your eye-color even tho I just saw you yesterday. Oh well.) She is wearing a tan tank-top and baby-blue jeans with casual slingbacks that's about 1 1/2 inch high.

Lili: A white French person with brown wave hair that's almost touching her shoulders, high nose and a stupid grin. She is wearing a black blouse with a dark blue jacket and brown cargo pants cause she hates wearing jeans and black flip-flops.

Julie: A Fillipino person with short black hair that's shoulder length and very normal look. She's wearing those long sleeve shirts that has a hood and light blue jeans and regular sneakers.

Kat: A Chinese looking girl that's tall and skinny. Her hair is short and boyish. Her skin is very light toned and she's wearing a big sky-blue shirt and baggy boy jeans and plain cream colored sneakers.

Jan: A typical Chinese with long, wavy black hair that reaches her waist that has natural brown highlights, dark brown eyes that's changing color (last year, it was dark bluish-grayish brown now it's getting orangish/goldish brown). She's wearing a baggy highlight-orange t-shirt and dark blue bell-bottom jeans with silts up the sides that she made herself for easier movement (do you know how tight jeans can get?!?! That makes trying to kick people very hard, especially when you're trying to aim for the head.) and she's barefoot cause demon skin is very tough.

Trista: already described so I'm not gonna bother.

Zach: he's wearing a white T and baggy jeans that most guys wear these days and barefoot.

Alex: Light brown T and blue boot-leg jeans with white Nikes.

Steve: Black T with baggy jeans and is also barefoot.

Dray: He's got pale white skin that's got an almost blueish hue to it, very pointed ears that has several golden earrings on them. His hair is dark red and spiked and his eyes are bright orange colored. He's wearing light brown trousers and isn't wearing anything else.

Was there anyone else??? Oh well. Anyhow, the descriptions above are all for them in their human forms, except for Dray since he doesn't have a human form. The clothing is the same till I change it later on. I'll also put up the demon descriptions later.
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