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Post Reply If one of your parents dislike your partner because he/she is not from your race,will you continue dating that person?
Posted 9/26/08
Like I really give a damn what anyone thinks, nor do I ever listen to my parents.
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30 / F / Tokyo
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Posted 9/26/08
I'm black, but both my parents are mixed. Mom is black and white, Dad is black and Native American. My Aunt is Chinese and my Dad had a huge problem with that, so I know he'll probably have a problem with me if I come home with a non-black boyfriend...but I don't really care. It's your decision. If you're old enough to start dating, you're old enough to decide who you can date.

I'm not saying there aren't familial responsibilities or whatever, but in the end, it's you that has to live with your boyfriend/girlfriend, not your parents.
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27 / M / New York
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Posted 9/26/08

mikomiko123 wrote:

Many Asians also try to keep the tradition of taking care of their parents when they get old. Unlike Americans and other westerners who leave their old and ill parents at nursing homes, many Asians prefer to look after them with care.

Why? Because your parents took care of you, fed you, and raised you. Any amount of money will not be enough to pay them for giving you a life.


That is a rather weak argument, at least upon consideration of certain circumstances.

1.) Not every set of parents cares for, feeds, and raises its child(ren) well.
2.) It seems like many households containing children, their parents, and the parents' parents would find trouble in the established power hierarchy.
3.) If one spends the first part of his life being raised, the next raising his children, and the next caring for his parents, where is his personal time? When does he live for himself? The point is irrelevant if these things are unimportant to the individual, but many think they have considerable value.
4.) If one does not get along with his parents but must care for them in the same household, he is faced with a potentially long period of stress and unhappiness.
5.) Even if "any amount of money will not be enough to pay them for giving you a life," a life in which one is free from caring for troublesome parents could also be considered to be invaluable. I can easily imagine having parents whose presence in my house could make me want to end my life.
6.) We are far more than mere creations of our parents. It would be silly to be thankful for providing a body for me so that I could exist. If I had never existed, I wouldn't have ever regretted not existing, because no entity would have been there to do the regretting. I was not a "floating identity," waiting to enter the world once two people were kind enough to supply a physical form. Although my parents played a part in the shaping of my identity, I am a product of everything else in my environment as well, not to mention my ability to reflect upon who I am and change even the things closely tied to my upbringing.

Also, I would not be so quick to praise Asians who take care of their parents when they are old. Many people act in accordance with tradition merely for tradition's sake rather than for some genuinely noble cause.

My own answer to this question is: I'm in a relationship of which my parents did not at first approve, but came to accept as they slowly realized that it is long-term and not going to change simply because of their displeasure. As someone else stated, they are not the ones who are in the relationship. In my case, race did not play a role, but other "hot button" issues did.
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30 / F / Tokyo
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Posted 9/26/08

Regulus133 wrote:


mikomiko123 wrote:

Many Asians also try to keep the tradition of taking care of their parents when they get old. Unlike Americans and other westerners who leave their old and ill parents at nursing homes, many Asians prefer to look after them with care.

Why? Because your parents took care of you, fed you, and raised you. Any amount of money will not be enough to pay them for giving you a life.


That is a rather weak argument, at least upon consideration of certain circumstances.

1.) Not every set of parents cares for, feeds, and raises its child(ren) well.
2.) It seems like many households containing children, their parents, and the parents' parents would find trouble in the established power hierarchy.
3.) If one spends the first part of his life being raised, the next raising his children, and the next caring for his parents, where is his personal time? When does he live for himself? The point is irrelevant if these things are unimportant to the individual, but many think they have considerable value.
4.) If one does not get along with his parents but must care for them in the same household, he is faced with a potentially long period of stress and unhappiness.
5.) Even if "any amount of money will not be enough to pay them for giving you a life," a life in which one is free from caring for troublesome parents could also be considered to be invaluable. I can easily imagine having parents whose presence in my house could make me want to end my life.
6.) We are far more than mere creations of our parents. It would be silly to be thankful for providing a body for me so that I could exist. If I had never existed, I wouldn't have ever regretted not existing, because no entity would have been there to do the regretting. I was not a "floating identity," waiting to enter the world once two people were kind enough to supply a physical form. Although my parents played a part in the shaping of my identity, I am a product of everything else in my environment as well, not to mention my ability to reflect upon who I am and change even the things closely tied to my upbringing.

Also, I would not be so quick to praise Asians who take care of their parents when they are old. Many people act in accordance with tradition merely for tradition's sake rather than for some genuinely noble cause.

My own answer to this question is: I'm in a relationship of which my parents did not at first approve, but came to accept as they slowly realized that it is long-term and not going to change simply because of their displeasure. As someone else stated, they are not the ones who are in the relationship. In my case, race did not play a role, but other "hot button" issues did.


I definitely agree! So many people follow these traditions and it makes them miserable. Many people are only following them because they think everyone else is. Little do they know that everyone else is just as miserable as they are...

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27 / M / New York
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Posted 9/26/08 , edited 9/26/08

MahaloLalo wrote:

I definitely agree! So many people follow these traditions and it makes them miserable. Many people are only following them because they think everyone else is. Little do they know that everyone else is just as miserable as they are...


It's amazing how ideas of duty and tradition can be so strong as to overpower common sense and basic wants and needs. I wish that I could condemn it completely, but it's a double-edged sword; undoubtedly, we've benefited and continue to benefit from it in some ways, i.e. (some) soldiers volunteering to put themselves in danger out of a sense of obligation. Alternatively, if everyone were like me, my country's military strength would be non-existent: everyone would desert in the blink of an eye.
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30 / F / Tokyo
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Posted 9/26/08

Regulus133 wrote:


MahaloLalo wrote:

I definitely agree! So many people follow these traditions and it makes them miserable. Many people are only following them because they think everyone else is. Little do they know that everyone else is just as miserable as they are...


It's amazing how ideas of duty and tradition can be so strong as to overpower common sense and basic wants and needs. I wish that I could condemn it completely, but it's a double-edged sword; undoubtedly, we've benefited and continue to benefit from it in some ways, i.e. (some) soldiers volunteering to put themselves in danger out of a sense of obligation. Alternatively, if everyone were like me, my country's military strength would be non-existent: everyone would desert in the blink of an eye.


Exactly. It reminds me of a speech I heard about conservatism v. liberalism. Liberals need conservatives to think "country first" on some issues, like national security, etc., and conservatives need liberals to think "people first" on issues like heath care, women's rights, etc. It's that eternal balance.

I think some tradition is good, but you can't let that become the only thing you're living for.



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24 / M / somewhere in your...
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Posted 9/26/08
hell yeah
Posted 9/26/08
Well, I usually do what my parents told me but I would really love and appreciate it if they would refrain from intervening with my social and love life, so yeah, I probably would continue dating that person...

Posted 9/26/08
I would, but recently I though my mom would prefer me dating an Asian person since I'm Asian; little to my knowledge she developed a hatred for the Vietnamese.....what a coincidence. The girl that I REALLY REALLY like is Vietnamese......XPXP
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26 / F
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Posted 9/27/08
My parent wont mind, i have no worry...all my past loves were half white or mix and my mom don't mind, yah i never dated a asian before lol.
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22 / M / Singapore
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Posted 9/27/08
i wouldnt mind listening to my parents
Posted 9/27/08
I would still date him.

I'm white and my bf is half white/half japanese so ... my mom is totally OK with it. ^_^
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23 / F / Behind you.
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Posted 9/27/08
well as for my case, i will continue dating my partner. :]

off topic: i've experienced dating a taiwanese guy a couple of years ago, and his mom talked to me and told me to stop dating her son cuz i'm not taiwanese (i'm flip-spanish). it was heartbreaking cuz that damn guy left me because his family threatened him that he's not gonna have any inheritance and stuff if he ends up marrying me. psh. very dumb guy.

well now i'm falling for a taiwanese guy for the second time around, this time things between us are kinda not official yet. kinda afraid with what will happen between the two of us in the future, though.
Posted 9/27/08
Well, for one it'd be like my ONLY chance of ever having a girlfriend so I would probably slay my parents [not really] or go have a cry about it.
Posted 9/27/08
I guess I would although.. they'd never know.. if i did continue on dating the guy..
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