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Post Reply "Internal Instincts" by yaidoll
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Posted 8/13/08 , edited 9/18/08
Warning, this manga is incomplete at the moment.

This was one of the first manga I wrote with the help of my friends and mostly my husband. As of now, there r only 25 eps. Due to the Publication of Kokoro-ni, I will retake this manga once Kokoro-ni has been completed.
Hope u enjoy and pls read it, its very different from my other one!
Enjoy!

Character profiles.

Asami Mitsu:



Hara Yoshin:



Chiba:



Koji a.k.a Ukyo, son of the Aki:



Nobukazu:



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Posted 8/13/08 , edited 9/6/08
Episode #1





Episode #2




Episode #3



Episode #4




Episode #5



Episode #6

Episode #7




Episode #8



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Posted 8/14/08
I have read the first 6 chapters.

I'm not sure what to think. My knowledge of the setting is limited, even after six episodes. I'm not sure exactly what these organizations are fighting over. I know it's the rulership of Japan (and probably more) but that's not what I meant; what kind of lifestyles do the citizens lead? How will their lifestyles change if the bad guys gain control? I'm just not feeling any real sympathy for the goals of the agency, since I don't know what they're fighting for.

There are a variety of very distinct, easily identifiable characters. At this point in time, it would be impossible for me to mistake one character for another, or forget who a character is.

You've got a little bit of romance in there, I suppose. Mitsu has two options: A suicidal, emo guy, and a sketchy, polyamorous coworker. I have a feeling that romance will play an enormous role, but I could be wrong.

You have a lot of text in parentheses that explains stuff we don't know. Most of this text is superfluous, and much of it downright subtracts from the story. The introduction about the Foundation and the Agency can stay, of course, but "She does not mention how his eyes looked when they first met," is unneccesary, and "Of course he had. What Mitsu doesn’t know is that the man ever
since he had been brought into the agency had been watching her closely. He could use what he now knows of her to destroy her. But does he?" is downright annoying. It would have been cool and creepy if you had revealed that he had been listening through what he says later, but it completely removes that effect when you state it so unsubtly. Another very important example: "Talk about foreshadowing, make a note of this." Yes, it made me lol, but it's just not worth it. I'm not sure what this comment was meant to accomplish, but I would prefer to quietly make note of foreshadowing on my own, without any help.

That's all for now.
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Posted 8/14/08
Lols, thanks for reading!
As for the goals of the agancies is very simple they r like super inteligences of the government, like the old vertion of the C.I.A, or something like it. Theyr goal is to overthrow each other, the one who stands on top is the one who will rule Japan. The siticens live a life much similar to that of the siticens of the U.S. However, if the evil organisation takes control of the country it will b a total comunism and ppl will not have an opinion about their lifes or bodys, they'll toy with their bodies and view them as animals whom they can manipulate. I'll take into noitce the parents, I wrote this many years ago and had not gone threw it again, but I'll re-edit it and take it into considerations for when I post the next chapters. I too felt anoyed by this, but was undeside as if to take them off, or live them since the story does get a little complicated. I was waiting for an opinion on this matter and I'm glad u pointed it out.
Thanks!

The_8th_Sin wrote:

I have read the first 6 chapters.

I'm not sure what to think. My knowledge of the setting is limited, even after six episodes. I'm not sure exactly what these organizations are fighting over. I know it's the rulership of Japan (and probably more) but that's not what I meant; what kind of lifestyles do the citizens lead? How will their lifestyles change if the bad guys gain control? I'm just not feeling any real sympathy for the goals of the agency, since I don't know what they're fighting for.

There are a variety of very distinct, easily identifiable characters. At this point in time, it would be impossible for me to mistake one character for another, or forget who a character is.

You've got a little bit of romance in there, I suppose. Mitsu has two options: A suicidal, emo guy, and a sketchy, polyamorous coworker. I have a feeling that romance will play an enormous role, but I could be wrong.

You have a lot of text in parentheses that explains stuff we don't know. Most of this text is superfluous, and much of it downright subtracts from the story. The introduction about the Foundation and the Agency can stay, of course, but "She does not mention how his eyes looked when they first met," is unneccesary, and "Of course he had. What Mitsu doesn’t know is that the man ever
since he had been brought into the agency had been watching her closely. He could use what he now knows of her to destroy her. But does he?" is downright annoying. It would have been cool and creepy if you had revealed that he had been listening through what he says later, but it completely removes that effect when you state it so unsubtly. Another very important example: "Talk about foreshadowing, make a note of this." Yes, it made me lol, but it's just not worth it. I'm not sure what this comment was meant to accomplish, but I would prefer to quietly make note of foreshadowing on my own, without any help.

That's all for now.


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Posted 8/14/08
All right, the nasty forshadows and coments between parentesis have been fixed and yes, they were very anoying and took a lot away from the story.
Thanks for letting me know!
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Posted 8/14/08

yaidoll wrote:

All right, the nasty forshadows and coments between parentesis have been fixed and yes, they were very anoying and took a lot away from the story.
Thanks for letting me know!


Your welcome. I'll look forward to this once you're done with your first story.
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Posted 8/14/08
Actually my first one still has a long way to go, so I'll post one ep of this one every month till I get to the 25th ep of this one, which is were I stopt writting it. Than I'll continue from there.

The_8th_Sin wrote:


yaidoll wrote:

All right, the nasty forshadows and coments between parentesis have been fixed and yes, they were very anoying and took a lot away from the story.
Thanks for letting me know!


Your welcome. I'll look forward to this once you're done with your first story.


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Posted 8/16/08
(Update)
As of next week I'll try my best to post a new episode of the story every week!
Please read and enjoy!
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Posted 8/21/08 , edited 9/15/08
Episode 9


Episode 10

Episode 10



Episode 11.




Episode 12.


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Posted 8/21/08
Here is episode 9. This is a must read episode in order to understand what will come! Please read it and hope u enjoy!
"Or I'll kill u with a piano wire!"
lols, just joking! But pls do read!
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Posted 8/22/08
I have finished the series as far as you have created it.

Let's look at our situation. Koji believes that he is the target, but clearly, he is wrong. She was the target from the beginning and she is still the important target now. I can't fathom what sort of value she has. Perhaps she is a more complete experiment; a better version of x-25.

By the way, you call x-25 "Koji" in the line before Mitsu names him. Just a little slip up.
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Posted 8/22/08

The_8th_Sin wrote:

I have finished the series as far as you have created it.

Let's look at our situation. Koji believes that he is the target, but clearly, he is wrong. She was the target from the beginning and she is still the important target now. I can't fathom what sort of value she has. Perhaps she is a more complete experiment; a better version of x-25.

By the way, you call x-25 "Koji" in the line before Mitsu names him. Just a little slip up.


Very good! in part you r right, in some others your not, but I can't tell you where because that will ruin the story, the only thing I can tell u is that Mitsu is not an android, she is a regular human. Oh, thanks for telling me about the little slip up. I really appresiate your comments they r very helpfull!
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Posted 8/22/08
Well, little mistake has been fixed! Thanks!
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Posted 8/29/08
Hey ppl, here is ep 11. Hope u enjoy it! lols.
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Posted 9/1/08
Hey ppl, if u like the story, I would like to know what u think about it!
Domo!
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