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Posted 8/14/08 , edited 8/14/08
Do you like it? It's my first story, so I'm kinda new to it. Can you help me with some advice?
Posted 8/20/08
Its a good start..
I think it needs to start off with more description of your main person.
Her traits clothes and why she is the way she is. more on that line

More description

I would say it needs some more description of everything
.. u got the speaking part down good it just needs more of a push more depth.
Remember it can't be all speaking ... (Which u mostly have)

B/c all i know from the story is a boy likes a girl alot and she dislikes the idea, and she is sick.
?

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Posted 8/21/08

FlamieFlames wrote:

Its a good start..
I think it needs to start off with more description of your main person.
Her traits clothes and why she is the way she is. more on that line

More description

I would say it needs some more description of everything
.. u got the speaking part down good it just needs more of a push more depth.
Remember it can't be all speaking ... (Which u mostly have)

B/c all i know from the story is a boy likes a girl alot and she dislikes the idea, and she is sick.
?



thanks a lot! Since it's my first story, I have to practice a lot.
Posted 8/21/08
Your welcome i know how u feel .. I'm writing one now 2.. u always need advice .. ^_^
Posted 11/10/08
I liked it... men I would hate a stalker-guy like Hiroshi ^^
But it was easy to read, even though I don't understand were it's supposed to go =D
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Posted 12/13/08
i've started uploading the chapters more often. I'll try to do it at least twice a week now ^^
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Posted 12/13/08

manga4ever05 wrote:

Do you like it? It's my first story, so I'm kinda new to it. Can you help me with some advice?


i ,like it.... but the way you wrote it made it easy for people to feel like they know how's it's gonna end..... u should give some suspense bout her sickness really.... make people look forward to the ending..... not like when people read the ending...they go : " i knew it! " well...... overall.... i really like it ^^ it's sweet~
:D

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Posted 12/13/08

hikarinozomi wrote:


manga4ever05 wrote:

Do you like it? It's my first story, so I'm kinda new to it. Can you help me with some advice?


i ,like it.... but the way you wrote it made it easy for people to feel like they know how's it's gonna end..... u should give some suspense bout her sickness really.... make people look forward to the ending..... not like when people read the ending...they go : " i knew it! " well...... overall.... i really like it ^^ it's sweet~
:D



i'm not that good of a writer
XD
i'm gonna put more suspense in about 5 or 6 chapters later. i kinda have it planned out.
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Posted 12/13/08

manga4ever05 wrote:


hikarinozomi wrote:


manga4ever05 wrote:

Do you like it? It's my first story, so I'm kinda new to it. Can you help me with some advice?


i ,like it.... but the way you wrote it made it easy for people to feel like they know how's it's gonna end..... u should give some suspense bout her sickness really.... make people look forward to the ending..... not like when people read the ending...they go : " i knew it! " well...... overall.... i really like it ^^ it's sweet~
:D



i'm not that good of a writer
XD
i'm gonna put more suspense in about 5 or 6 chapters later. i kinda have it planned out.


i see.... well... maybe your story is better then mine ^^ i don't plan mine.... i just write whatever my mind brings out of my world of imagination.... from mine to yours..... your's is not that sloppy as my story ^^



eh hehehe........ =="
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Posted 12/13/08

hikarinozomi wrote:


manga4ever05 wrote:


hikarinozomi wrote:


manga4ever05 wrote:

Do you like it? It's my first story, so I'm kinda new to it. Can you help me with some advice?


i ,like it.... but the way you wrote it made it easy for people to feel like they know how's it's gonna end..... u should give some suspense bout her sickness really.... make people look forward to the ending..... not like when people read the ending...they go : " i knew it! " well...... overall.... i really like it ^^ it's sweet~
:D



i'm not that good of a writer
XD
i'm gonna put more suspense in about 5 or 6 chapters later. i kinda have it planned out.


i see.... well... maybe your story is better then mine ^^ i don't plan mine.... i just write whatever my mind brings out of my world of imagination.... from mine to yours..... your's is not that sloppy as my story ^^



eh hehehe........ =="


i tried to draw haruka >.>
but it didn't really look like what I planned to make her look like
Posted 12/15/08
Your drawing of Haruka looked beautiful
Whenever try to draw one of my characters, they end up entirely different from what I wanted them to be >.< (That say a lot about my drawing skills xD)
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Posted 1/7/09
OMG i have read tons of books and this is SOOOOOOO good. wahh whats gonna happen in the end?
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Posted 1/9/09 , edited 1/9/09

Shifter-Chronicals wrote:

OMG i have read tons of books and this is SOOOOOOO good. wahh whats gonna happen in the end?


you'll find out soon enough. I don't wanna spoil anything. But if u REALLY wanna know, you can send me a PM
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Posted 1/9/09

manga4ever05 wrote:


Shifter-Chronicals wrote:

OMG i have read tons of books and this is SOOOOOOO good. wahh whats gonna happen in the end?


you'll find out soon enough. I don't wanna spoil anything. But if u REALLY wanna know, you can send me a PM

Yaay you wrote more!!!!! So happy!!!!!!

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Posted 10/11/09
I really love your story! The story was so sweet! Please update more! I wana know what will happen next XD
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