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Too Nice!
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30 / Ronald McDonald's...
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Posted 3/22/07
I sometimes like to be mean, but the niceness often catches me of guard like yesterday, I once again gave my ( real ) cell phone number to a guy I'm not planning to go out with, since I sensed that he was usually kinda shy and I couldn't think of good excuse. Right afterwards I once again thought: "Fuck - being too nice means having to be a bitch at some other point". Similar thoughts anyone? Any counter strategies?
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Posted 3/22/07
i experienced that so often,girls give hope to guys they
dont want,and destroy all the hopes of guys the want.
you just make stuff worse if you try to be friendly
all the time,but still you dont need to be a bitch.i dont
know why so many girls have a hard time with that.
Posted 3/22/07
yea i agree haha ive often gotten myself into things like favours which ive had to nastily and sometimes quite shamefully get myself out of at later times..i think its just a natural instinct to please people and say "yes" but afterwards its like shite why did i do that? but then saying no to everything doesnt help either cos people think you're a right bitch [ive tried it out and my friends thought i was being really unhelpful which just made me feel even worse] ..so i guess its a case of say yes now consequences later
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29 / M / lost
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Posted 3/22/07
LOL, i have done that too. Gave my number to people i really don't want to call me! But you are right about being too nice means having to be a bit harsh at some other point, but i usually tell them straight away when they call, or i don't answer it. They'll soon get the message.
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30 / Ronald McDonald's...
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Posted 3/22/07
Arano,
duh, it's because you don't just wanna say no like that or obviously lie if it's a nice guy, but still you know for sure he's not you're type so you're going to have to say no at some point, so you're going to be hated for it anyway. but the topic was meant to be more general, I was only giving an example of problematic niceness.
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Posted 3/22/07
what duh!?you made it worse!dont do that stuff,its one of the reasons
men are getting pissed,just tell what you think,all that playing around
stuff is really stupid,both ways(to like someone and dont show it,dislike
someone and dont show it)
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30 / Ronald McDonald's...
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Posted 3/22/07
see, you hate me now, although I was actually explaining it the best I could!
But i always show people I dislike that I do
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25 / M / Uraguay
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Posted 3/22/07
u should just say

rude way
"GET DA FUCK AWAY FROM ME" and run off crying xD

OR

nice way
"my dog ate my phone" lmfao

2 ways to not give ur numba way
Posted 3/22/07
I'm "too nice" sometimes, basically I'll help almost anyone if they ask me (nicely). It means that lots of people ask me stuff, and I do it, sometimes I'm doing more work belonging to others than to myself.
I think it's nice to be nice, but it can be tiring (in my form of niceness).
I'm sort of building a new world where people have to earn my niceness... so if they are my friends I will definitely help them, if they are an aquantance it depends upon what it is, how much they need it and what I'm doing at the time, and I have only one enemy, and he'd never ask for help from me anyway.
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27 / F / UK
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Posted 3/22/07
I sometimes have the 'too nice' problem. I guess a good solution is to give someone something, but manuver it in such a way that it doesn't become too much. In this situation, not much you can do, but ie someone else asking for your phone no., give an office/work number instead.

It's hard though, because you don't really realize until after the fact that maybe you should have done something differently.
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30 / Ronald McDonald's...
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Posted 3/22/07

henz_lan wrote:

I'm "too nice" sometimes, basically I'll help almost anyone if they ask me (nicely). It means that lots of people ask me stuff, and I do it, sometimes I'm doing more work belonging to others than to myself.
I think it's nice to be nice, but it can be tiring (in my form of niceness).
I'm sort of building a new world where people have to earn my niceness... so if they are my friends I will definitely help them, if they are an aquantance it depends upon what it is, how much they need it and what I'm doing at the time, and I have only one enemy, and he'd never ask for help from me anyway.



I've no problems with helping friends either, i think that's natural, but like, when it comes to going out to a club I dislike or whatever, because my friends were talking me into it, I usually regret that. Also if friends of mine bring along friends of them I don't like, I'll still be nice to them for my friends sake, but I also consider that tiring.
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26 / M / Scotland
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Posted 3/22/07
It depends who the person is, if its someone I know I'm alright but if its a total stranger or someone I've seen but Dont know I'II probably ignore them or i might talk to them or do them a favor it just depends on what mood I'm in
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27 / F / UK
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Posted 3/22/07
Is this just in general or specific to things involving giving your number to a guy?

I don't think i'm too nice- i can be mean if i think it will help people more. Some friends will ask for help too often in their work in which case it's important to explain once and then force them to try it themselves- otherwise they will become too relaxed.
When it comes to helping people i suppose i'm a pushover! If someone needs help then they only need to ask ^-^. Well actually sometimes i can just tell, but that's only safe to do with closer friends. I agree with Henz- it can be tiring! I'm used to it now and have a sort of mental daily organizer of what i need to do for everyone at what times and why ^-^.

As for giving guys my number- i've never had any problems with that! I give out my number and get along with them fine. They seem to just realize if i'm not 'interested' but still make an effort to be my friend ^-^ yey!
Posted 3/22/07

ahojcookie wrote:

I've no problems with helping friends either, i think that's natural, but like, when it comes to going out to a club I dislike or whatever, because my friends were talking me into it, I usually regret that. Also if friends of mine bring along friends of them I don't like, I'll still be nice to them for my friends sake, but I also consider that tiring.


Maybe the "friends" thing is different for guys, I have a small close knit group of mates, and then a wider group of buddies, and generally the people my friends like I like as well, that's why I'm friends with them I suppose.
There are a few personality clashes, but I'm usually the guy inbetween, ie. friends with both of the people who aren't too keen on being together.
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27 / M
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Posted 3/22/07
sometimes I go extremely out of my way.

But I think I've made it abundantly clear to a lot of people that I can be a prickly character.
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