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26 / F / aichi-ken ichiome...
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Posted 8/24/08 , edited 8/24/08
this is my story
im working it till now...
im using a multiple style..novel rpg.
its a freestyle pattern...
i may used the word wrongly or improperly
and so on...
you may read it and have the opportunity to give your ideas or comments to improved
and i may add it to the story

Plot " an era of vodoo.and inhuman acts..
Genre : horror..love story..gore..action
(used vol..akt..and chapter in my own way)

Vol. 1 "compensate"
~~soon~~
vol. 2 " realization"
~~soon~~
Vol 3 " ..heart,,or no heart"
~~soon~~
Vol 4 " the road of memories"
~~soon~~
Vol 5 " the violinist"
~~soon~~
Vol 6 " the awakening"
Posted 8/27/08

akai09 wrote:

this is my story
im working it till now...
im using a multiple style..novel rpg.
its a freestyle pattern...
i may used the word wrongly or improperly
and so on...
you may read it and have the opportunity to give your ideas or comments to improved
and i may add it to the story

Plot " an era of vodoo.and inhuman acts..
Genre : horror..love story..gore..action
(used vol..akt..and chapter in my own way)

Vol. 1 "compensate"
~~soon~~
vol. 2 " realization"
~~soon~~
Vol 3 " ..heart,,or no heart"
~~soon~~
Vol 4 " the road of memories"
~~soon~~
Vol 5 " the violinist"
~~soon~~
Vol 6 " the awakening"


r u even gonna do it?
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26 / F / aichi-ken ichiome...
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Posted 8/28/08

dragonxlove wrote:


akai09 wrote:

this is my story
im working it till now...
im using a multiple style..novel rpg.
its a freestyle pattern...
i may used the word wrongly or improperly
and so on...
you may read it and have the opportunity to give your ideas or comments to improved
and i may add it to the story

Plot " an era of vodoo.and inhuman acts..
Genre : horror..love story..gore..action
(used vol..akt..and chapter in my own way)

Vol. 1 "compensate"
~~soon~~
vol. 2 " realization"
~~soon~~
Vol 3 " ..heart,,or no heart"
~~soon~~
Vol 4 " the road of memories"
~~soon~~
Vol 5 " the violinist"
~~soon~~
Vol 6 " the awakening"


r u even gonna do it?


ive already made it 1 month ago
i just need to type 30 chapters in this room...
Posted 8/28/08

akai09 wrote:


dragonxlove wrote:


akai09 wrote:

this is my story
im working it till now...
im using a multiple style..novel rpg.
its a freestyle pattern...
i may used the word wrongly or improperly
and so on...
you may read it and have the opportunity to give your ideas or comments to improved
and i may add it to the story

Plot " an era of vodoo.and inhuman acts..
Genre : horror..love story..gore..action
(used vol..akt..and chapter in my own way)

Vol. 1 "compensate"
~~soon~~
vol. 2 " realization"
~~soon~~
Vol 3 " ..heart,,or no heart"
~~soon~~
Vol 4 " the road of memories"
~~soon~~
Vol 5 " the violinist"
~~soon~~
Vol 6 " the awakening"


r u even gonna do it?


ive already made it 1 month ago
i just need to type 30 chapters in this room...


oh ok bro
Posted 8/28/08
lll can u finish it on time??? O_olll
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26 / F / aichi-ken ichiome...
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Posted 8/29/08
maybe..i guest..
my cousin said he would help me on the typing job since..
i work it as manga style it depends on volume
since 1 volume consume 5 -6 chapter..and 2-3 akts,,
i might need to rush up..or i need to cut some of it.,
Posted 8/29/08
hey bro it's ur story so take ur time it's not like she can hunt u down............................can she?
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26 / F / aichi-ken ichiome...
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Posted 9/13/08
sorry fo r it take it so slow..well here it goes..i change some details and tittle..some chap.

chap.1 vol. " compensatition of a doll a' Witch"
(akt 1)
..a lady..is fighting for her dear life..stab..or tried to be murdered..
..she cries..in pain.his father the baron of thier humble town..looked upon his only child.
..tears..agony..sorrow..anger..the baron sat beside his daugther..and cried
..but her daugther even in her critical condition..spoke softly as gent..
.."dont cry father,your reputation as a baron could be discarted by those tears..the lady breath deep..and such words came out from ..small mouth.." i dont wanna die; but time calls for my soul..soon as her swollen eyes fall..her heartbeat stops. and her red entising lips,became pale...his father could only whisper her name...and his wishes.."Athena..come back.."

(akt.2)
..athena opened her eyes..she was in a place of total solitude..dark..and quiet..but then a masculine voice echoes..as if he was ..all around the room.." you are choosen to be a doll a' witch..my fine lady..athena whom in the state of confusion sat..and closed her eyes..."leave me alone..."but the man continues to talk..and soon spoke a words..that cought Athena's attention
"do you want to live again?" the man appeared..he was medium built..at the age of 20-25...have fair skin tone and long hazle nut colored hair.." do you really wanna live again" her repeated the question,and athena did answer back without hesitation.." yes i do want to live again!!"..the man walk near him..and open a paper.."then sign the contract.."
..dont worry..the contract isnt bad at all..i'll give you another life..and then pay the compensation..as payment of your soul..
..athena suddenly stop and think..." can i read the contract?"
..the man gave the paper to athena.
(" contract of ressurection")
you who died and wanted to live again must condemn a contract, a compensation for a borrowed life
you shall have no brighter path.and serve your contractor of ressurection as he/she wills.
shall have a vengeful soul..and dark end..and shall have the signs.
athena was horrified..confuse..irritated.." what thus it mean, i will serve you as exchange of my life!!" she shouted at the man
the man laughed..yes!! what do you think..im dealing w/ the reaper and yet i will give you another life without any exchange or payment!!..well...just think of it..you will live..and see your father..the man look at athena..
the fine lady were totally confuse of what she wiil do and what to do..but then..she thinks of her father...
" i will sign the contract..." athena hold the feathered pen..crossed finger she signed the contract..the man laughed and laughed
the contract is granted.you shall live as my servant!!
(akt.3)
at athena's room
athena's cold body is dressed w/ beautiful whiet victotian dress..
her bed is full of red and white petals of roses..
..sweet perfume..spread through out her room..
..but then. the wolves howls..the wind blew sronger..and the candles burned out...
and soon a red diabolic sign shone upon athena's dead body..
..the baron get his rosary..and prayed..but his rosary was crushed by the dark force..
...god is my daughter' soul is venging!!"..he looked at her daughter..once more..and he couldn't believe in what he see...
his daughter rise from the bed..but yet..all the roses turns black...her dress was shaded by blood..and the sweet smell disappear..and rottening smell arise...athena does change aswell..her rosy color turns pale..her beautiful long blonde hair turns black..and a sign of contract appears in her left chest..and stitches in her face appeared..and cried...
her tears are no longer a water like..but blood..
" she walked near her father...she hold his fathers shoulder..and spoke the words before his contractor gets her
" father..im sorry i sign a contract,,that ressurects me..but yet im now imprisoned.." every after word..shackles appear..chains
..gripping upons athena's body...
" ffather..i love you so much...please take good care of your health.." his father cried...her dear athena spoke again
"athena my little angel"..his father hold her pale face..." good bye father...good bye"..
" a black hole appear..and soon athena was gone...gone"
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26 / F / aichi-ken ichiome...
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Posted 9/13/08
chap.2 vol 1..a puppet of bueaty and death

athena soon arrived at her master's place..she was amazed...it was majestic..beautiful vases..1st class carpets and all around are marbles..and flower...
athena walked and looked arround the place..but suddenly her master appears..." does my place wonderful?"
he hold athena's long black hair.." athena just vowed.." yes indeed it is beautiful"..her master sat on the chair..and starred at Athena..he sways his hand and soon smiled.." looked at you Athena..your dress looks filty!! dirty...your hair looks like a birds nest..your face..augh..not so good..let me fix you.."leila" " sussie" ..fix my new puppet..i want to see her fix. clean,neat and adoralbe..i want my play doll to be elegant as possible..soon the man leave..

(akt.2) the grand hall of doom
the man appeared in the door...he look handsome as usual but then a man as of his level called him "Lasaruz"
" what are you doing in the hall of doom...you know you are not allowed to enter here my little brother!!"
lasaruz sways his hand.." waste no more air my brother...soon you'll meet the doll who can defeat of your dolls face.."
lasaruz brother suddenly smiled..my hera..to whom?..he laughed...are you day dreaming again..no one can match my hera's beauty..lasaruz just smiled..soon you'll meet her..all of you..

(akt.3)
at a dressing room
sussie and liela fixed athena
they make her as beautiful as possible...leila smiled..look at you..elegant as a red rose..you can matched hera's beauty!!
sussie giggled..yes indeed..you have the beauty..and yet you have that soft attitude..i am impressed..
athena just blushed.speechless and flattered..soon lasaruz maids bring athena to the grand hall..

(akt 4) athena soon arrived on the grand hall of doom..everyone looked at her even her master...cant believe in what beauty she have...even lasaruz elder brother saught and starred at athena..even the spoiled wicked hera..
lasaruz smiled..my friends..family..and siblings..meet my puppet..my doll!! athena..what can you say leoric?!
his elder brother leoric just walked out..but hera didnt want to pass without any fight..
she does have the beauty yet she dont knew how to fight like a doll a' witch!!..she laughed greedfully..
lasaruz hold athena's hand lets go to the colosus..and let my puppet be trained by you hera...the spoiled hera smirked..
may your doll be decapetated...

(akt 5) at the colosus
athena and hera stand between a hell pit.
athena dont knew what to do...hera in the other hand was confident..soon the matched has begun,,hera layed her hand on the land and summoned a orc for her to fight..but athena in the other hand is ignorant!!
lasaruz just watched.." let see how good are you!!" lasaruz throw a claymore in the pit..." whom need that may get it!!
hera laughed..i dont need that!! im to powerful to hold such foolish weapon!!..in the other hand athena get the sword..and smile
" one of my favorite swords among two handed..lets start the duel can we!!.. hera got irritated..with athena's soft spoken attitude.." hear my order..slave..kill the women it front of you" the orc rushed to athena ready to strike..but athena plays the swords gracefully..and ended the orcs life immedietly..." may you soul rest upon your ancestors!!..hera was struck..("how come my monster died in that foolish sword!!") hera looked at athena..and soon she realized her ruling beauty and strenght can be devour by a newbie puppet

Posted 9/14/08
that's just cul bro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted 9/14/08



I loved both chapters it was amazing! However you should work on grammar and such. I really do love the story line though please write more. >.<
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26 / F / aichi-ken ichiome...
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Posted 9/14/08

chelseabratz01 wrote:




I loved both chapters it was amazing! However you should work on grammar and such. I really do love the story line though please write more. >.<


Oh sorry..i cut some sentence to make it short cause i have a little time to open my laptop and type it..
sorry for the inconvinient..the pattern is rpg..thats why i use to little words sorry..maybe next time i'll just put the finished manga..
really sorry for the grammar..because its all proto types..my sempai are the one who polish my work
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26 / F / aichi-ken ichiome...
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Posted 9/14/08
chap.3 vol.1 " the princess of blade"

Athena smiled peacefully at hera..and throwed the claymore.
" i dont like to fight, i just wanted to rest,.i feel so weak after my resurection,." Athena yawn and walk away. but Hera..was furious.
she summoned another monster..larger than orc.,faster and gore., she summoned a bloodhound. A wolf of underworld.
"you might defeat my orc.but you wont defeat my pet.he'll cut you through Athena!!.Hera swayed her hand and the hound start to run after Athena.,
Lasaruz smiled.,but leoric throw his sword to the hound,. ENOUGH!!. Leoric jump to the Battle Pit and look at Hera.,Lasaruz in the othr hand got really angry..What do you want to show Leoric!!, as i said i want Hera to train my Athena!!.your destroying the show..!!
Athena hold Leoric's hand,." please go, i need to follow my master's order,." with Athena's soft voice.,Leoric's anger lighten and soon go back to his thrown.. " CONTINUE!! lasaruz shouted..and so Hera take advantage and resummon her hound..but now she summoned 2 bloodhound.,and athena only handling a claymore.,.( you shall die today PITY DOLL!!)..
Athena take off her corset..leaving her a light dress..She smiled.."its heavy..a major disadvantage."Athena hold the claymore and pointed in to hera..I dont knew how to summon a beast..a monster., but i have the power to make a sword dance.w/ me..
Athena runs towards Hera..she set to offensive.,Leoric and Lasaruz stand up from thier sit to watch the duel..
Hera ordered her hounds to attack..Feed my hound..feed., !!,, the hounds was hungry..hungry for human flesh and blood.
( I need to use everything i know!! or Else i will be a perfect meal for her giant dogs) Stop in the center and draw a big circle..
..(concentration..speed..strenght..grace) Athena closed her eyes and waited the hound to attack her..and in the right moment..
She dance with the sword and dodge the hounds..Hera laughed " and whats that? you just dance..swayed your fetish sword?
Athena raise her sword and shouted " and the blood shall rain upon me!! " The hounds was cut to two..in the mid air.
Athena looked at Hera badly..and burst to speed..and in a blink..Athena had pointed it Hera..I might be weak as of those craft of summoning..but im superior in swords..Hera closed her eyes "then you shall kill me!!"..Athena laughed softly..
kill you? for me this is just a sword play..the loser must accept her defeat..thats all..nothing more..no lives shall be wasted..Athena throwed the claymore and walked out..but hera couldn't accept her defeat summoned a skeleton warrior and order to attacked Athena "DIE!!" Athena was in the state of life and death.she closed her eyes..and pleased someone help her..she heard a sword slahsing the bone..as she open her eyes she saw her master..holding the claymore..(master...)
Lasaruz looked at hera " never attempt to cheat!! hera and killed my doll a' Witch..cause i will burn you alive!!
Lasaruz carried athena away and begun..and in the other side..Leoric held Hera's hand.."lets go home" other words..hera can see disappointment on leoric's face..

(akt 2) Lasaruz Grand Villa"
Liela and sussie pick Athena and ring her to the bath room,.lasaruz looked at athena..( you are very interesting..i never had a doll like you who can control the blade perfectly..)
athena rested her body in the tub while leila and sussie scrub her body..she closed her eyes and think what is happening to her father..her land.., leila comb athena's long black hair " Ms.Athena your hair isnt black..when you were just a normal human isn't it?..athena smiled a hold her long black hair..Yes leila..my hair is blonde..of color of gold.sussie looked at Athena..my ms.Athena you may be so beautiful..like a princess in distress..Athena sat and smiled..you know sussie. im no princess..and nor queen
im a baron's daugther..im not seating on gold chair..im seating on a horse trained to be a perfect chavalier..my father teaches me to use bow and arrows.flail mace.swords,and spears,. he trained me as a man.leila and sussie was excited..Sussie hold Athena's hand tell us more..Ms.Athena!!..but then a man spoke..so you are a chavalier trained no wonder why your so good in swords..it was lasaruz inside the bathroom..he open the curtain ..Sussie leila you can leave us..the two maid vow..
Athena was so afraid..she don't knew if she'll scream..or fight...she soak her body in the bubbles..What do you want master?..athena spoke softly either she's really nervous and afraid..
Lasaruz looked at Athena..badly..he get athena's hand a raise her in the water...athena closed her eyes as lasaruz see her naked body..lasaruz hold athena's chest..your sign is in your chest..the mark of lonely heart..why athena..are you lonely with your life wehn you are just a normal human..Athena looked at lasaruz eye to eye..yes i am lonely..i am alone..i have a weak heart..
lasaruz stared at athena..(her eyes..can window her being..her eyes is down and lonely..) lasaruz left athena..

(akt.3 ) at leorics villa..
Hera as of same was serve by her slaves..feed..cleaned..everything she orders..YOU SLAVE WASH MY FEET!!"
Hera ordered..her wicked attitude makes her the number one hated doll a' witch..leoric just looked at Hera..
You are not the most beautiful now hera..it's lasaruz doll..and you make yourself uglier cause of your stinky attitude...
hera was suprised..

(akt.4) at athena's room
her servant fixed thier lady..Ms.Athena master Lasaruz wants to see you in the balchony..liela vowed and closed the door..
(master want's to see me..why,) Athena walked out the room..she saw the villa in full view..it was wonderful and yet she cant beleve that she was in the underworld..soon she arrived in the balchony..she see her master sitting in the wooden chair..drinking a cup of tea..Master what can i do for you...Lasaruz just looked at the view..sit beside me..
Athena walked silently and sit beside lasaruz..she lowered her head..but lasaruz lift it..you look so beautiful athena..and yet..you must have a beautiful sword aswell..lasaruz get a beautiful case..and open it..thier the was a sword..the scabbard was shiny and full of ornament..but when lasaruz strucked the sword..it was beautifully excelent.. The sword shines with its violet color..
lasaruz looked at athena..this sword is my gift for you my doll.."he violeta sword..".the sword of th graceful warrior..as for you..
my princess blade..Lasaruz holds athena's hand and gave the violeta sword..Athena was flattered in her whole life it was her first to have a magnificent sword..lasaruz stand up and get his sword..his sword was red..like a blood..My sword is the vermillion sword..this can drain life..yet cant struck a soul..but the violeta sword can strucked a body and cant struck a soul of an immortal..
..use it as needed athena..cause thier will be alot of trials before you become a doll a' witch..
Posted 9/15/08

akai09 wrote:


chelseabratz01 wrote:




I loved both chapters it was amazing! However you should work on grammar and such. I really do love the story line though please write more. >.<


Oh sorry..i cut some sentence to make it short cause i have a little time to open my laptop and type it..
sorry for the inconvinient..the pattern is rpg..thats why i use to little words sorry..maybe next time i'll just put the finished manga..
really sorry for the grammar..because its all proto types..my sempai are the one who polish my work


It's okay I really did enjoy it I'm about to read the next part >.<
Posted 9/16/08
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