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Post Reply What's Coming Out Like?
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Posted 1/4/08
I came out by bringing my boyfriend to christmas dinner....then they caught us having sex....Oooops ....But I'm pretty sure they thought I was gay before that...
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Posted 1/4/08

rsd22 wrote:

my god you guys come out in your ealy teens?! i stell havent come out to ether my mom or dad and my moms a lesbian.


Does that make it easier or harder? ... Don't know why I thought it might be harder ... though I suddenly had this image of someone with a gay parent coming out as straight.


SaintVicious wrote:

I came out by bringing my boyfriend to christmas dinner....then they caught us having sex....Oooops ....But I'm pretty sure they thought I was gay before that...


...Like when you introduced him? This is just me but that would have been a dead giveaway.
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Posted 1/8/08

SaintVicious wrote:

I came out by bringing my boyfriend to christmas dinner....then they caught us having sex....Oooops ....But I'm pretty sure they thought I was gay before that...



lol... wow... it'll be funny if you said something like "i tripped" or something.. lol... haha, just started imagining everything you could've said.. =D
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Posted 1/9/08

darkeststorm wrote:


SaintVicious wrote:

I came out by bringing my boyfriend to christmas dinner....then they caught us having sex....Oooops ....But I'm pretty sure they thought I was gay before that...



lol... wow... it'll be funny if you said something like "i tripped" or something.. lol... haha, just started imagining everything you could've said.. =D


wow bob noice well i forget how i came out to my friends dat i was bi i think i jus said im bi and they really have supported me and also ive helped some of them come out...ya still havent told my parents either i could jus see it now....

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Posted 1/10/08
When I came out to my parents, I cried really hard. I told them I had something to tell them, and it took me two hours to finally say it.

It was the most terrifying thing I've ever done, and I'd never been more sick to my stomach in my entire life. In fact, even if someone offered me a million dollars, I wouldn't go back to that day.

But I have to say, though, that afterwards I felt extremely liberated and I felt that I had made the right decision. It's been a year since then, and things have gotten better.

My mom had avoided telling me that she loved me for the entire year, and my father wouldn't even want to go near the topic of two men in a relationship.

But things get better, and I'm happy I did it. Maybe someday I'll have a boyfreind =).
The point it, now I'm able to go and pursue those dreams without feeling the heavy weight of guilt.

Trust me though, it hurts a lot at first. It's a terrible physical pain that echoes for a long time afterward. But it's part of being who we are.
Posted 1/13/08
Well, I've told only three friends...maybe a couple more, that Im bi. I never really fully came out at first, but now, I guess its ok. My family would completely shun me if I told them...so, I'll scratch the idea of even bringing it up with them. But, once I got it out to my friends, it was like this huge boulder lifted off of me...
Now, Im just looking for friends who are going through the same thing(s) as me...
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Posted 1/14/08

jagem92 wrote:

When I came out to my parents, I cried really hard. I told them I had something to tell them, and it took me two hours to finally say it.

It was the most terrifying thing I've ever done, and I'd never been more sick to my stomach in my entire life. In fact, even if someone offered me a million dollars, I wouldn't go back to that day.

But I have to say, though, that afterwards I felt extremely liberated and I felt that I had made the right decision. It's been a year since then, and things have gotten better.

My mom had avoided telling me that she loved me for the entire year, and my father wouldn't even want to go near the topic of two men in a relationship.

But things get better, and I'm happy I did it. Maybe someday I'll have a boyfreind =).
The point it, now I'm able to go and pursue those dreams without feeling the heavy weight of guilt.

Trust me though, it hurts a lot at first. It's a terrible physical pain that echoes for a long time afterward. But it's part of being who we are.




...that's not very encouraging. You are much braver than me at least.
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Posted 1/14/08

Tyrfing wrote:


jagem92 wrote:

When I came out to my parents, I cried really hard. I told them I had something to tell them, and it took me two hours to finally say it.

It was the most terrifying thing I've ever done, and I'd never been more sick to my stomach in my entire life. In fact, even if someone offered me a million dollars, I wouldn't go back to that day.

But I have to say, though, that afterwards I felt extremely liberated and I felt that I had made the right decision. It's been a year since then, and things have gotten better.

My mom had avoided telling me that she loved me for the entire year, and my father wouldn't even want to go near the topic of two men in a relationship.

But things get better, and I'm happy I did it. Maybe someday I'll have a boyfreind =).
The point it, now I'm able to go and pursue those dreams without feeling the heavy weight of guilt.

Trust me though, it hurts a lot at first. It's a terrible physical pain that echoes for a long time afterward. But it's part of being who we are.




...that's not very encouraging. You are much braver than me at least.


Well, I wasn't trying to be discouraging O.o...I was just trying to share my experience and get people to understand that it's not supposed to be easy, ya know?
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Posted 1/14/08

jagem92 wrote:

Well, I wasn't trying to be discouraging O.o...I was just trying to share my experience and get people to understand that it's not supposed to be easy, ya know?


Yeah... I get that, but I want it to be easy!
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Posted 1/14/08

Tyrfing wrote:


jagem92 wrote:

Well, I wasn't trying to be discouraging O.o...I was just trying to share my experience and get people to understand that it's not supposed to be easy, ya know?


Yeah... I get that, but I want it to be easy!


^_^ Trust me I wish it had been that easy. It takes a lot of guts because it's supposed to prepare you for more things that happen to people who have interests in the same gender as themselves. The things that go on afterwards really seem like a piece of cake, it's amazing.

It's hard for us because (for a lot of people, sorry if this isn't you) we love our parents a lot, and we're afraid it might hurt them. The truth is, it does. However, one has to understand that when you "come out" to them, it immediately *on the spot* conjures up predefined images in their minds about who/what you might end up being like. The important thing is that over time, they come to understand that you are you, and whether you like men or women it doesn't matter. Nothing has changed about you, all you've done is change the image in their heads.

It took me a while to wrap around these ideas. My mother was very angry because she thought I was being insensitive. But over time, she's seemed to have more accepting, but you'll find it becomes really hard to tell what goes through your parents minds.

You have to try to put yourself one level above them. Your happiness should never be at the expense of those who raised you. All they want is for you to be happy, and they have preconceived notions about how to bring this about. One of the pains of coming out is that you rob them of that part of their dream.

It's unfortunate, but you have to remove some things and put in new ones. If they love you then must be ok. There's no justification for someone who loved you and raised you to suddenly turn on you. I hear terrible things about children who are beaten after coming out, bad things. What kind of parent must they be to have such weak feelings of love?

Even though it isn't easy, I do have something I can say with some sort of confidence. I promise that things heal after a certain time. This is one of the wounds that time patches up. As I said, when you come out to them you are taking away dreams that they had planned for you. But it's not their job to stop you. It's their job to make sure you stay safe, and to ensure your happiness, not theirs. By raising you, it should be your happiness that is their happiness, not the other way around. Although you should still strive to make them happy and to respect them, they are the previous generation, and you are the new one.

I really hope this helps. By the way, my parents have very strong conservative political and religious values. It was a real gamble for me; I had no idea how they'd react. Everything above still applies though.
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Posted 1/16/08
Aah, I want to be in this group! Just to tell about a friend of mine.

I'm not gay myself. I would've been totally fine with it, but I just like guys better than girls. They're way more huggable!

Anyway. A friend of mine already had been joking that he was gay for a while, so I started to have my doubts. Sometimes he just had these weird things, like when one of us said that a guy was hot, he said: 'He's not really my kind of guy'. He just didn't try to make it a loaded thing. He just.. said some things occasionally so that we would be able to put it all together.
So at a party we (I think 8 people or so) started talking about homosexuality, and that was when he really said he was gay. And everyone was totally fine with it, and we loved him even more. (Now some of my friends really.. exaggerated.. they always hug him now. Poor guy). One random christian guy didn't understand and said it was a sin. But we told him to stfu.

He told his parents too, and they didn't really care either. What difference should it make whether you like guys or girls?

Well, I think coming out must be hard. It probably makes a huge difference in which country you live. In my country homosexual people can get married and stuff. Being gay isn't a big deal here. But if you've got nice friends, well, then I see no reason why they would like you less when you tell them that you're gay.

By the way, someone (who is gay) told me that gay guys tend to hang out more with girls than with boys. Does this apply to any of you? Because I've seen it quite some times too. Why is that?

Oh, and Tyrfing: You're 19. Don't your parents start to wonder why you never had a girlfriend? Or did you have girlfriends? You don't have to reply, but things like that just interest me.
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Posted 1/16/08

jagem92 wrote:

^_^ Trust me I wish it had been that easy.


...sometimes I think that it could just not be an issue... I might just fall in love with some girl and then the problem might go away... I might but given the number of men that I get along with/ find a ttractive compared to the number of women... like I said in the other topic, I'm bisexual... but only just. Even so that isn't a good idea... Don't mind me I'm just rambling. edit: I'm being totaly incoheriant because I feel ill... but re reading that it sounded kind of ... emo. XD I wouldn't change it, just so you know.


Hitoli wrote:

Oh, and Tyrfing: You're 19. Don't your parents start to wonder why you never had a girlfriend? Or did you have girlfriends? You don't have to reply, but things like that just interest me.


I've never had a girlfriend no... do you think that makes them suspicious?
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Posted 1/16/08
^ Hmm, not really. The guy I told about also never had a girlfriend. But I've also heard of guys who had several girlfriends before realising that they only really liked to hang out with girls. Or guys who loved their girlfriend, but deep in their hearts always knew they liked guys better.

I only had one boyfriend for like, one week. It just takes too much of your time to have a boyfriend. I like doing other stuff better. That doesn't make me a lesbian either.

So no, everyone just has their own reasons for things. I don't think it makes them suspicious.

I was just wondering, you know, in case they had asked you about it. Or if you felt like you should have a girlfriend, since everyone has (had) one.
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Posted 1/18/08

Hitoli wrote:

By the way, someone (who is gay) told me that gay guys tend to hang out more with girls than with boys. Does this apply to any of you? Because I've seen it quite some times too. Why is that?


I'm one of those gay guys who's closer to girls than other guys. Aside from the fact that women tend to be more accepting of homosexuality than men, there's also other reasons. For one, a lot of straight guys I meet have this air of bravado about them, and everything is so competitive with them (of course, not all of them do). And then the way some of them carry themselves, the way they talk... it's always like putting someone down or calling someone names... "pussy" this, "faggot" that. I don't know, straight guys tend to rub me the wrong way most of the time. But that isn't to say I haven't met some really sweet, sensitive straight guys. The only bad thing about that is that I start to fall for them, and then things get complicated! Lol!

Oi, I've never had a girlfriend too. But my parents aren't the type to really question that. I'm sure they're suspicious, but I think they just dismiss it as me being too focused on school to have time for that stuff.
Posted 1/20/08
If I were to ever tell my family that I was Bi, I think that they would just push me away completely. It's sad
because my friends are the only ones I actually feel accepted by. My family just....there's no way.
It's just like this: I wear eyeliner just about everyday. It's just an image, it's not saying anything about my sexuality, yet I feel that I have to always wash my eyes before coming home, because I will be judged. But I suffer from a lot of things, especially around where I live. It's hard for me to open up to anyone....and I can't go to my family for guidance....
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