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YaMaPi ..Ch-ch-ch-ceck it ot yooo!
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27 / F / SoMeWhErE AwEsOmE
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Posted 10/7/08
I wrote this short story one day and thouht id share it on here. i put in in the other forum but i feel ill recieve more feedback on here.
1.This is my first attempt.
2. please don't mind the errors
3. please write feed back or let me know what i can do to improve as a writer; parts you liked or didn't like.
4. please enjoy!!!(its a yamapi story)
5. its in the spoiler!!! once again please enjoy!!!





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F / the netherlands
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Posted 10/7/08
so you wrote this your self i haven't read it all yet
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21 / F / hawaii
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Posted 10/7/08
its pretty good
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27 / F / SoMeWhErE AwEsOmE
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Posted 10/7/08

sinnerinheaven wrote:

so you wrote this your self i haven't read it all yet


yeah i was feeling creative...and bored..so i just took a go at it....
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27 / F / SoMeWhErE AwEsOmE
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Posted 10/7/08

astigpnoi wrote:

its pretty good


thanks any suggestions?? just curious....
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76 / M / Singapore
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Posted 10/7/08
its all words O.O,my eyes hurts! try to colour the words or give pictures
Posted 10/7/08
it was nice but i think the progression in the last part wherein yamapi enters the scene was a bit hasty. you should have given in more details, i feel as if you hurried in writing it. i like the beginning it has a flow and the story there move smoothly.that's it over all, good job..
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27 / F / SoMeWhErE AwEsOmE
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Posted 10/7/08

belle34 wrote:

it was nice but i think the progression in the last part wherein yamapi enters the scene was a bit hasty. you should have given in more details, i feel as if you hurried in writing it. i like the beginning it has a flow and the story there move smoothly.that's it over all, good job..


thanks! and i thought that too. i didnt wanna write a long story and i was having trouble like finding a way to end it without seeming rushed. i'll keep that in mind next time!!! but yea i aree
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27 / F / SoMeWhErE AwEsOmE
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Posted 10/7/08

RyanMiniKiti wrote:

its all words O.O,my eyes hurts! try to colour the words or give pictures


hahahahaha okay.(sorry wasnt ment to make ur eyes hurt!)
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28 / F / Helsinki,Finland
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Posted 10/7/08
nice story but it seems that you wanted to finish it off as soon as possible becuase i felt that the last part took off in great speed....but good work.heheh could have used my name instead of Miki
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24 / F / Oregon
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Posted 10/7/08
I liked it, but the end seems a bit rushed. It was odd to read because Miki is my name, what are the odds? lol.
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26 / F / Canada
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Posted 10/7/08
i like it, i think it is a really nice story
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23 / F / Virginia Beach
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Posted 10/7/08
nice story. next time write one with alittle more detail. even if it's long i'll still read it.
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27 / F / SoMeWhErE AwEsOmE
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Posted 10/7/08

dunning wrote:

nice story. next time write one with alittle more detail. even if it's long i'll still read it.

awe thanks! ill keep that in mind too!(i just wanted to try it out but ill try to write a longer one in the future )
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27 / F / SoMeWhErE AwEsOmE
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Posted 10/7/08

ilovedbsk5 wrote:

i like it, i think it is a really nice story


thank you! really apreciate it!
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