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Scientology
777 cr points
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31 / M / Canada
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Posted 4/16/07
one of my best friends parents are Scientologists. they have invested tens of thousands of dollars in the "learning" the truth about life and the person. they have put themselves into debt just like countless other people who believe in the this scam of an religion. to first enter the religion you have to get "audited" which is a machine that measures your body thetans, which are spirits of the past (explained in depth a little further) that cause all the negative feelings you have. This before you enter the religion, and just to see if it is for you will set you back anywhere from two to five hundred dollars. after that you pay more and more to learn the truth about all existence on the planet earth which is -

Once upon a time (75 million years ago to be more precise) there was an alien galactic ruler named Xenu. Xenu was in charge of all the planets in this part of the galaxy including our own planet Earth, except in those days it was called Teegeeack.

Xenu the alien ruler Now Xenu had a problem. All of the 76 planets he controlled were overpopulated. Each planet had on average 178 billion people. He wanted to get rid of all the overpopulation so he had a plan.

Xenu took over complete control with the help of renegades to defeat the good people and the Loyal Officers. Then with the help of psychiatrists he called in billions of people for income tax inspections where they were instead given injections of alcohol and glycol mixed to paralyse them. Then they were put into space planes that looked exactly like DC8s (except they had rocket motors instead of propellers).

These DC8 space planes then flew to planet Earth where the paralysed people were stacked around the bases of volcanoes in their hundreds of billions. When they had finished stacking them around then H-bombs were lowered into the volcanoes. Xenu then detonated all the H-bombs at the same time and everyone was killed.

The story doesn't end there though. Since everyone has a soul (called a "thetan" in this story) then you have to trick souls into not coming back again. So while the hundreds of billions of souls were being blown around by the nuclear winds he had special electronic traps that caught all the souls in electronic beams (the electronic beams were sticky like fly-paper).

After he had captured all these souls he had them packed into boxes and taken to a few huge cinemas. There all the souls had to spend days watching special 3D motion pictures that told them what life should be like and many confusing things. In this film they were shown false pictures and told they were God, The Devil and Christ. In the story this process is called "implanting".

When the films ended and the souls left the cinema these souls started to stick together because since they had all seen the same film they thought they were the same people. They clustered in groups of a few thousand. Now because there were only a few living bodies left they stayed as clusters and inhabited these bodies.

As for Xenu, the Loyal Officers finally overthrew him and they locked him away in a mountain on one of the planets. He is kept in by a force-field powered by an eternal battery and Xenu is still alive today.

Well there it is the super truth of the religion. The truth the people pay tens of thousands of dollars to learn. Written by L.Ron Hubbard, the leader of the religion. Past occupations such as Science Fiction writer. Yes the same man who wrote Battle Field Earth.

But it doesn't end there see once you reach OT3 the level needed to learn the "truth" you are supposed to experience changes in your mental and physical self. Meaning you are to gain psychic abilities and gain abnormal strength. Im not making this is up this is true.

And this is just scratching the surface. thanks for reading
106 cr points
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28 / M
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Posted 4/16/07
scientology is a cult.
1056 cr points
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27 / M / Irvine, CA
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Posted 4/16/07
Go watch the south park episode on scientology everyone.
3928 cr points
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27 / M / Jersey
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Posted 4/16/07
This would make a fantastic cult classic film.
Posted 4/16/07
One of my lady friends was drooling over one of our mutual friends, and when she mentioned that he was a scientologist, I burst out laughing and couldn't stop for about five minutes. I'm really glad that he wasn't the one who told me this because I probably would have really offended him. I just think that scientology is really hilarious. It sounds like something that would come out of a young Douglas Adams and young Tolkien playing Dungeons and Dragons together. I mean, every religion has its really weird and funny parts, but when a religion involves aliens, it just gets me right in the funnybone. I think I start imagining the Great Gazoo and the giggles take over. On a side note, they should be worshiping that eternal battery. I think that is the most kick-ass part of the story. I could do a lot of damage with an eternal battery.

But on a serious note, scientology is pretty scary. If you are in NYC, don't do the free stress test because those are really scientologists trying to measure your midi-chlorians.
6212 cr points
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30 / M / US
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Posted 4/16/07
sounds good, im going to sign up right away.
58645 cr points
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21 / M / Boston
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Posted 4/16/07
*Note sarcasm is contained below*

Taken directly from their website "Man is an immortal, spiritual being. His experience extends well beyond a single lifetime. His capabilities are unlimited, even if not presently realized — and those capabilities can be realized. He is able to not only solve his own problems, accomplish his goals and gain lasting happiness, but also achieve new, higher states of awareness and ability." This amuses me. Worst religion ever? I think not, absolute brilliance. I mean seriously if they got Tom Cruise as one of their main figure heads then their campaign to convert all of society is working. I'm with Eros I'm signing and and writing a check as I type this.
6347 cr points
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21 / F / SDF-1
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Posted 4/16/07

chunky_munky wrote:

scientology is a cult.



I ran into some of their "stress test" things. I lol'ed in their face.
1526 cr points
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32 / M / New York
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Posted 4/16/07
Gotta admit that starting the scientologist religion was an extremely profitable move though. I mean imagine how much money this "religion" makes on a daily basis? I want in on some of that money...

I think I will start my own religion down the line...I mean if this Science Fiction writer can "Create" this religion and maintain his credibility than anyone can.
1685 cr points
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25 / M / Ohio
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Posted 4/16/07
lol scientology just lol
15140 cr points
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27 / M / Minnesota
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Posted 4/16/07
Hahaha I hate the head scientology mother fuckers so much I could spit

Scientology is THE biggest cult around and most likely the #1 way to throw away all your money.

Scientology pisses me off soooo much
8990 cr points
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31 / Ronald McDonald's...
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Posted 4/16/07
Once a scientology member was chasing me across the street.They tend to talk alot so I tried to run, but the traffic light was red and it was a really big crossing with lots of traffic. He was screaming that I should stop in a very melodramatic way. When he caught up he offered me bubblegum. I lol'd, too. They're incredible to recruit new members like that! Oh and in the scientology church all women wear red costumes...freaky
8138 cr points
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28 / M / North Carolina
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Posted 4/16/07
wow, I saw that episode of south park, I thought they were just joking about most of that stuff, I mean no one in their right mind would believe in that, but then again, Tom cruise hasn't been in his right mind for years, those guys sound like the worlds biggest suckers
7147 cr points
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35 / M / 中国
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Posted 4/16/07
Supposedly it was a bet between Isaac Asimov and L Ron Hubbard that L Ron couldn't make a religion that was financially successfull....

It's all just a money laundering scam really, at least on the top. Basically they donate all this money so it gets knocked off their taxes and a lot of people on the top get it back. This isn't chump change. At the higher tax brackets you lose A LOT of money. They donate - no taxes paid on it - and often get it right back. The only people stupid enough to beleive the religion aren't in on the joke. They just needed something remotely plausable to get them tax-exempt status, so L Ron wrote a hokey sci fi book, made it into a bizarre religion and called it a day. Nobody on top actually beleives any of it. The fact the so many stupid people throw thousands away on it is just icing on the cake for them.
4473 cr points
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27 / F / Mexico
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Posted 4/16/07
scientology = big lol
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