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The Magic of the Ruby
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23 / F / My happy place -...
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Posted 4/25/07 , edited 4/25/07
K, i changed the title, changed intro, and now Rose says "What...?" instead of "W-why?"
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26 / M / U.K
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Posted 4/25/07 , edited 4/25/07

MewMewcherry01 wrote:


mushroomjay wrote:


MewMewcherry01 wrote:

IT IS A FIRST DRAFT . I know it's crappy! It's supposed to be long It's gonna be a novel...

In any case ty for at least commenting. Now I know what to work on.

Um....what's deviantART? Sounds neat.


Devian Tart is where retards share their shitty ass drawings, don't take advice, and continue to suck at everything they do.

Also you can do gay poetry about cutting a crying, and shitty stories.

As well, if you "know" it's crappy, why post it? IF YOU DON'T WANT HELPFUL CRITICISM: GTFO.

As well, I love long stories. I just don't like boring generic stories.


Jozephz wrote:

uhhh...she is 13 you know. What were you guys expecting? Catch-22? Man, I looked back on some of the stuff I wrote when I was 13 and some of it just makes me cringe >.< So don't worry if your first attempt isn't War and Peace. Hell, I'm only 15 now, just a 2 year difference, but it really *is* a difference. So keep writing. It'll come along.


Age is NO excuse. In fact you have a larger ability for creativity as a younger person.


Ummmm....mushroomjay? i DO like criticium, its just......i no matter what i say, it still bugs me for some reason

and.... i WOULD have posted some where else, had i known such a place existed

that being said, im still not sure about deviantART but...... I do NOT think that you should go telling people that their drawings are 'shity assed'! It takes a lot to post your works in a place where millions of people will see them(NOT refuring to me, i don't really care)! I don't mean to be rude but, can YOU do better? Also, drawing, writing, ect. ect. is a TALENT. It has NOTHING to do with age.


Talent has everything to do with age. Raw talent is good, but it needs care if its ever going to reach something great. If you've ever watched the movie 'whisper of the heart' you'll know there's an old shopkeeper who comapres talent with a gem, saying that both need polish to reach their best. He is right. With age comes experiance and that is essential in writing. Not just experiance of the world, but experiance of people, how they deal with situations and how their emotions and expressions change over time, how they converse with others ect.

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23 / F / My happy place -...
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Posted 4/25/07 , edited 4/25/07

Jozephz wrote:


MewMewcherry01 wrote:


mushroomjay wrote:


MewMewcherry01 wrote:

IT IS A FIRST DRAFT . I know it's crappy! It's supposed to be long It's gonna be a novel...

In any case ty for at least commenting. Now I know what to work on.

Um....what's deviantART? Sounds neat.


Devian Tart is where retards share their shitty ass drawings, don't take advice, and continue to suck at everything they do.

Also you can do gay poetry about cutting a crying, and shitty stories.

As well, if you "know" it's crappy, why post it? IF YOU DON'T WANT HELPFUL CRITICISM: GTFO.

As well, I love long stories. I just don't like boring generic stories.


Jozephz wrote:

uhhh...she is 13 you know. What were you guys expecting? Catch-22? Man, I looked back on some of the stuff I wrote when I was 13 and some of it just makes me cringe >.< So don't worry if your first attempt isn't War and Peace. Hell, I'm only 15 now, just a 2 year difference, but it really *is* a difference. So keep writing. It'll come along.


Age is NO excuse. In fact you have a larger ability for creativity as a younger person.


Ummmm....mushroomjay? i DO like criticium, its just......i no matter what i say, it still bugs me for some reason

and.... i WOULD have posted some where else, had i known such a place existed

that being said, im still not sure about deviantART but...... I do NOT think that you should go telling people that their drawings are 'shity assed'! It takes a lot to post your works in a place where millions of people will see them(NOT refuring to me, i don't really care)! I don't mean to be rude but, can YOU do better? Also, drawing, writing, ect. ect. is a TALENT. It has NOTHING to do with age.


Talent has everything to do with age. Raw talent is good, but it needs care if its ever going to reach something great. If you've ever watched the movie 'whisper of the heart' you'll know there's an old shopkeeper who comapres talent with a gem, saying that both need polish to reach their best. He is right. With age comes experiance and that is essential in writing. Not just experiance of the world, but experiance of people, how they deal with situations and how their emotions and expressions change over time, how they converse with others ect.



........When you put it that way.......lol

anywayz, that was my opinion so I could be wrong lol
Posted 4/25/07 , edited 4/25/07
Just wondering..what kind of books do you read?

Your writing style is quite developed for someone your age but obviously there's room for improvement as there always is. I understand that criticism is hard to take especially when you have put effort into your writing. It's the same with me. I always invite criticism but when I receive it I'm not exactly happy to listen to it.

You are over-using the usage of dialogue though. Just by skimming through your story, you are over-lengthening your story with speech which might not be neccssary. Also read your story out loud to see if it flows. Have a check at some of your grammar and punctuation usage. I think you've made some slight mistakes somewhere.

Sorry if I'm sounding rather criticising once again. I love reading other people's work however bad or good it is. But I'm really criticising and analytical, especially when it comes to creative writing. You'd understand if you were me.
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Posted 4/25/07 , edited 4/25/07
I must admit I couldn't read beyond the 1st chapter, because when I saw it was so long, it discouraged me. Seems good enough for 13 years... Keep on improoving.
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Posted 4/25/07 , edited 4/25/07

animoo_x wrote:

Just wondering..what kind of books do you read?

Your writing style is quite developed for someone your age but obviously there's room for improvement as there always is. I understand that criticism is hard to take especially when you have put effort into your writing. It's the same with me. I always invite criticism but when I receive it I'm not exactly happy to listen to it.

You are over-using the usage of dialogue though. Just by skimming through your story, you are over-lengthening your story with speech which might not be neccssary. Also read your story out loud to see if it flows. Have a check at some of your grammar and punctuation usage. I think you've made some slight mistakes somewhere.

Sorry if I'm sounding rather criticising once again. I love reading other people's work however bad or good it is. But I'm really criticising and analytical, especially when it comes to creative writing. You'd understand if you were me.


Fantasy XD


I started this story a looooooooooooooooooooong time ago so's I haven't looked anywhere near the begining for a while(exept for that edit earier) so its probably a little screwy
Posted 4/25/07 , edited 4/25/07
^ Can you give some examples of the books you read? Might help me understand your writing style better. See different people get influenced by the books they read which in turn encourages them to write a certain way.
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26 / F / lala land
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Posted 4/25/07 , edited 4/25/07
well it's kind of...interesting...but then again kind of boring...sorry. i used to write loads of stories when i was 12 and 13, i never post them on forums though. you should post ur story on sites like the one i used to go on.: www.quizilla.com this site is especially made for people to post their stories, quizzes and poems. i gots a lot of help from the people there. they're really good writers..so why not go on it?
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Posted 4/26/07 , edited 4/26/07
you have potential, keep up the good work!
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23 / F / My happy place -...
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Posted 4/26/07 , edited 4/26/07

animoo_x wrote:

^ Can you give some examples of the books you read? Might help me understand your writing style better. See different people get influenced by the books they read which in turn encourages them to write a certain way.


ummm.........Tamora Pierce, Baker, Paolini, and other misalanious(sp?) writers.......I've read some Xanth novels(forgot author)
Posted 4/26/07 , edited 4/26/07
Uhh...Read first chapter. It's not interesting at all..Make something more serious.
Posted 4/26/07 , edited 4/26/07
It looks good, I just prefer storys in my own language, Keep up the good work anyways=)




Posted 4/26/07 , edited 4/26/07

MewMewcherry01 wrote:


animoo_x wrote:

^ Can you give some examples of the books you read? Might help me understand your writing style better. See different people get influenced by the books they read which in turn encourages them to write a certain way.


ummm.........Tamora Pierce, Baker, Paolini, and other misalanious(sp?) writers.......I've read some Xanth novels(forgot author)


That's a good selection. Try and read a broader variety of books though which will definitely improve your writing style as you start to identify the key features that are present in each genre of story.
But enough of my blabbering. Keep up the story writing though. Always happy to see budding creative writers appear!
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Posted 4/28/07 , edited 4/28/07

animoo_x wrote:


MewMewcherry01 wrote:


animoo_x wrote:

^ Can you give some examples of the books you read? Might help me understand your writing style better. See different people get influenced by the books they read which in turn encourages them to write a certain way.


ummm.........Tamora Pierce, Baker, Paolini, and other misalanious(sp?) writers.......I've read some Xanth novels(forgot author)


That's a good selection. Try and read a broader variety of books though which will definitely improve your writing style as you start to identify the key features that are present in each genre of story.
But enough of my blabbering. Keep up the story writing though. Always happy to see budding creative writers appear!


well, I read SOME mystery
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31 / M / Japan
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Posted 4/28/07 , edited 4/28/07
I notice you changed the beginning a bit from the last time I tried browsing through it. I must say I'm impressed with how quickly you learn. However, you should review your grammar. You have quite a number of grammatical errors that occur too frequently to be considered forgiveable... Plus, try to experiment with your words. You tend to use very bland words, like "ask" or "the one named..." and your descriptions also lack a sort of luring appeal. Try to immerse yourself in the environment and immerse your reader as well.

What more is there to know in the cave? Is it dark? Is it stuffy? Does your character feel hot? tired? thirsty? When she sees the gems, does she feel surprised? Just by reading the first part, I was hoping to know more about this "cave" of sorts - in fact, you can start by trying to expand this portion so you can "capture" your reader and make them want to read on. That's the great part about the first chapter of good books - they have that "thing" that makes you want to read on.

The way I see it, you look like you're writing off bullet points that you made to keep you on track as to where your story is going. Remember, fill the "in-betweens" of these bullets:

She goes into the cave
She sees gems
She gets out
she meets some people... etc.

Fill up those gaps. You can do it.
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