First  Prev  1  2  Next  Last
Post Reply Astrological Signs
Member
13155 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / F / someplace high . . .
Offline
Posted 10/25/08 , edited 10/25/08
Well u guys can post info about the sign in here ~

Aries
Your positive traits:
You're quite the charmer. You've got the wit and attitude to attract almost anyone you meet.
Out spoken and honest, any date knows how they stand with you.
Fearless, independent, and willing to try anything twice - your dates should expect the unexpected.

Your negative traits:
You tend to be vain, and you expect your partner to feed that vanity often with complements.
Hot tempered and impulsive, you've occasionally ended things ... only to regret it later.
You're obsessed with being the best, most loved girlfriend or boyfriend your sweetie's ever had.

Your ideal partner:
A risk taking, free spirit like yourself - who can keep up with your latest wild child antics.
Someone stylish, attractive, and fit... who can keep you attracted for months.
Is hard to get - and lets you pursue things. You prefer to be the chaser, not the one being chased.

Your dating style:
Wild, unpredictable, fun, and daring. Your ideal date may involve a couple motorcycles or naked skydiving.

Your seduction style:
Honest and direct - you have no need for romance or much foreplay.
Show off. You like to show your lover how you're the best ever.
Ambitious. You often like to go all night - or aim for multiple orgasms.

Tips for the future:
Start to believe in second and third chances. You don't have to dump them so fast.
Savor the process. Sometimes the best part of falling in love is taking things in slow motion.
Let go of comparisons. If someone's with you, then you've already one. Stop worrying about exes.

Best color to attract mate: Red

Best day for a date: Tuesday


Taurus
Your positive traits:
You tend to stick with relationships - through the good and the bad.
You are a great listener and tend to give valuable advice.
Cautious and careful, you never jump in recklessly... saving yourself from heartbreak.

Your negative traits:
Money is very important to you, so much so that it's a cause of arguments in relationships.
If your lover isn't loyal or attentive enough to you, your eyes start to wander...
You tend to keep things inside - so your partner may not know when or why you're upset.

Your ideal partner:
Is stable, serious, and ready to be committed to you.
Is successful and able to provide you with the lifestyle you crave.
A true romantic, who is willing to express their desire for your heart.

Your dating style:
Comfortable and traditional. You'd love to have a nice meal at a cozy restaurant.

Your seduction style:
Love comes first for you before you'd even think of intimacy.
Traditional: you're not a cold fish - but you're not into kink either.
Pleasing... you always make sure that your partner is having a good time.

Tips for the future:
Be willing to change your mind. Who you think is the love of your life may be very wrong for you.
Try listening to your mate. While your stubborn streak is hard to break, sometimes your partner knows best.
Lighten up! The first months of a relationship should be about fun, not intentions.

Best color to attract mate: Pale blue

Best day for a date: Friday


Gemini
Your positive traits:
Your lively, outgoing attitude attracts people to you everywhere you go.
You can talk your way into - and out of - any situation you desire.
You're adaptable enough to flirt with anyone - and people tend to fight over you.

Your negative traits:
You get easily bored in relationships, and tend to jump from person to person.
You tend to be a bit of a player - and have a high tolerance for drama in relationships.
Not the most empathetic person, you tend to tell lovers to "get over" their problems.

Your ideal partner:
Is intelligent and quick witted enough to keep you interested.
Is a bit of a shape shifter, providing you with the variety you crave.
An open minded person, who's willing to have a non-traditional relationship.

Your dating style:
Exciting. If your date shows you a new experience (like Egyptian food or scuba diving), you're very happy.

Your seduction style:
Experimental: it's rare that you try the same thing twice.
Ultra kinky - you do stuff that's not even in books yet.
Hot and cold... sometimes you're just not into the whole sex thing.

Tips for the future:
Settle down a little. Sometimes good things come with time - so don't let people go so fast.
Acknowledge that you're a player and flirt. If your mate can't live with this, find someone who can.
Give your partner a little more attention. You don't have to be a social butterfly all the time.

Best color to attract mate: Sunny yellow

Best day for a date: Wednesday


Cancer
Your positive traits:
You're intuitive enough to know what's going wrong in a relationship early on
A total sweetheart - you're often the most caring person anyone knows
You are a generous and devoted parter to whoever you fall in love with

Your negative traits:
Insecurity - you tend to need a huge amount of comforting from your partner
You tend to be overly sensitive and easily hurt, which make loving you difficult
It's difficult to predict your moods. One minute you're up - the next you're down.

Your ideal partner:
Someone equally sensitive, who wants to take time to get to know you deeply
Dreams of an everlasting love - complete with marriage and a family
Loves to take care of you. Being a good cook and masseuse doesn't hurt!

Your dating style:
Slow. You enjoy dates that last all day, with plenty of time to talk and get to know one another.

Your seduction style:
Quite tender and loving, once you are comfortable in your relationship.
Coy. You tend to play it cool to drive your lover wild.
Orally talented - you're known as the best kisser in the zodiac.

Tips for the future:
Be a little less sensitive. Not every little mistake should hurt you.
Spend time away from your partner every so often - independence is a good thing.
Find ways to take care of yourself. You'll be happier if you put yourself first.

Best color to attract mate: Aqua

Best day for a date: Wednesday


Leo
Your positive traits:
You're almost always the center of attention - and easy for potential dates to spot
Your happiness and optimism is appealing to all... and contagious!
You don't hold grudges - getting over little fights is no problem for you

Your negative traits:
You tend to ignore relationship problems, until they are too big to handle
You crave luxury, and you are disappointed with partners who can't provide you with it
If someone does you wrong, you'll coldly and cruelly break their heart

Your ideal partner:
Someone high status enough to bring you more attention - but not so great that they upstage you
Makes you laugh and brings excitement to everything you do together
Is aggressive and confident enough to butt heads with you every so often

Your dating style:
High expectations. You need to be impressed with an incredible first date for a second one to occur.

Your seduction style:
You like to make the first move - you're fearless about initiating things
Passionate. You really get into any intimate act.
Aggressive. Most of the time, you find yourself wanting sex more than your partner.

Tips for the future:
Try to not need so much attention. You'll feel less ignored, guaranteed.
Learn to love your partner for who they are - not how they help advance your life.
Let your partner shine occasionally. You don't always have to be the alpha dog.

Best color to attract mate: Gold

Best day for a date: Sunday


Virgo
Your positive traits:
You're incredibly thoughtful and able to give your partner what they need most.
You are totally logical. You can deal with problems without involving your emotions.
A good work ethic. You'll do whatever it takes (within reason) to make your relationship work.

Your negative traits:
Sometimes you are so focused on your goals that you let your relationships suffer
You tend to be a perfectionist - and expect perfection from your mate as well
You are picky. So picky that you rather be single than with someone who has a few minor faults.

Your ideal partner:
Values success in life as much as you do
Fits a checklist of qualities you've been looking for since childhood
Like you, is more practical and realistic than romantic

Your dating style:
Active. You're a bit hyper, so you'd prefer a date that involved rollerblading in the park or hiking.

Your seduction style:
You may seem a bit shy, but once you open up to someone - you're totally uninhibited
You like to set the scene first - candles, music, nice sheets
A bit obsessed with cleanliness, you may want to shower first with your love

Tips for the future:
Soften up a little. Vulnerability is sexy - and feels great over time.
Lower your standards a little. Look past a messy desk or someone being five minutes late.
Praise your partner more. You make expect them to be successful, but complements are still appreciated.

Best color to attract mate: Navy blue

Best day for a date: Wednesday


Libra
Your positive traits:
You are open minded enough to date outside your typical "type" ... successfully!
You are diplomatic - and likely to end a fight instead of dragging things out.
You are easily loyal and faithful, but only for the right person.

Your negative traits:
You're a bit gullible, and partners take advantage of you. You still may not know it.
You find it difficult to decide where to go to dinner, what movie to watch, who to date...
You have to be in a relationship, or else you just don't feel like yourself.

Your ideal partner:
A smooth talker who enjoys socializing as much as you to.
Someone classy and cultured who knows which wine to order with dinner.
Is beautiful to you - although not necessarily attractive in the traditional sense.

Your dating style:
Romantic. If your date comes bearing flowers, wine, and poetry... well, your heart soars.

Your seduction style:
Giving. Your lover's pleasure is as important as your own.
Soft and sensual - you don't like anything to be rough.
Extravagant ... your fantasy involves staying at a five star hotel with your love.

Tips for the future:
Don't be so quick to compromise in relationships - and you'll get taken advantage of yes.
Try being single for a while. Seems impossible, but you'll learn so much about yourself from doing so.
Make some decisions about your romantic life, right now. You'll be happy that you did.

Best color to attract mate: Green

Best day for a date: Wednesday
Member
13155 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / F / someplace high . . .
Offline
Posted 10/25/08
Scorpio
Your positive traits:
You're red hot passion makes anyone you date feel extremely wanted
Loyalty, to the point of doing anything to protect your lover
You are mysterious and charismatic - and you easily draw people in

Your negative traits:
You tend to be paranoid and think that the worst is going on with your lover
You turn cold and mean at the first sign of conflict in relationship
You sometimes become obsessed with dates - so much so that you develop jealousy early on

Your ideal partner:
Someone who will take the time to win you over. Not an easy task!
Is able to keep up with your carnal appetite... lots of stamina needed.
Reassures you of their love and loyalty on a daily basis.

Your dating style:
Intense. You prefer to stay in with take out and conversation - so that no one else is distracting you and your date.

Your seduction style:
Hot. New partners have trouble believing that your libido is for real.
You have incredible sexual intuition - you always know what your lover craves
A bit bossy. You know what you want, and you certainly aren't afraid to ask for it.

Tips for the future:
Don't be so secretive with your love - they want you the way you are
Let go of your jealousy. Your partner has chosen *you*
Spend more time alone, doing things you love. It will help you be less obsessive.

Best color to attract mate: Dark red

Best day for a date: Tuesday


Sagittarius
Your positive traits:
Your playful nature brings out the happy inner-child in dates
You're willing to take risks in love... and reap the rewards
You've got a killer sense of humor that gets talking with any hottie you meet

Your negative traits:
Sometimes your sarcasm comes off as biting and abrasive
You can be brutally honest, tactless, and truthful even when it hurts
You're such a free spirit that you find it hard to commit to one person

Your ideal partner:
Someone high energy who will pick up and out with you whenever
Is creative and fun - thinking of new adventures for the two of you
Is bold... and not afraid to tell you "I love you" early on

Your dating style:
Unpredictable. You never know how the night is going to end up.

Your seduction style:
Daring. You're always pushing to try something new in the bedroom.
Full of imagination. You've always got a new fantasy you're dying to try.
Spiritually driven. Sex for you can be an other-worldly act.

Tips for the future:
Realize that while freedom is great - sometimes a stable relationship is better.
It's not all about you. Focus on your partner's needs every once and a while.
Make up your mind about your partner, and stick to it. Your fickle will ruin things otherwise.

Best color to attract mate: Purple

Best day for a date: Thursday


Capricorn

Your positive traits:
You are serious about relationships and ready for a commitment.
You tend to help your partner attain the success they dream of.
You are a rock. Relationship problems don't seem to phase you.

Your negative traits:
Sometimes it's very hard for you to accept your partner's past.
You are emotionally reserved, and difficult to connect with.
You expect your partner to take care of you - and may cheat if they do not

Your ideal partner:
Is incredibly powerful and well respected.
Is often older than you - and could be a superior at work.
Has a good amount of money... or the ability to be rich someday.

Your dating style:

Practical. A "get to know each other" coffee date is just fine by you.

Your seduction style:
Bossy - you like to be the one in charge in the bedroom.
Slow and patient. You know that good sex takes time.
Calculating. You'll use sex to get ahead, if necessary.

Tips for the future:
Open up. A little emotional expression is a good thing in relationships.
Leap before you look. You don't have to run a cost benefit sheet on everyone you date.
Enjoy the now. No need to worry about marriage on the first few dates.

Best color to attract mate: Dark green

Best day for a date:
Saturday


Aquarius
Your positive traits:
You've got a ton of friends, so you have no problem meeting new people.
You're great at thinking up new things and activities to do with your sweetie.
You tend to let the little things slide in relationships... and focus on the bigger picture.

Your negative traits:

In relationships, it tends to be your way or the highway.
You can never open up completely to someone - you have to keep parts of yourself secret.
You're cold and reserved, which leaves your partner feeling unloved.

Your ideal partner:
Flexible, because you're not going to be the one to compromise!
Is smart and quirky with lots of weird interests... including you.
A true individualist who doesn't care what anyone thinks

Your dating style:
Stimulating. You prefer dates that explore a shared interest - like a lecture, muesum tour, or concert.
Your seduction style:
Wacky. Your wild ideas have your lover wondering what's next.
Insatiable - it takes a lot to satisfy your desires.
Varied. You're eager to try things as soon as you learn about them.

Tips for the future:
Bring a little responsibility to your relationship - like showing up for dates!
Compromise a little. It would kill you to do things your lover's way for once.
Be aware of your partner's jealousy. Even though you aren't jealous, realize your partner is sometimes.

Best color to attract mate: Sky blue

Best day for a date: Wednesday


Pisces

Your positive traits:
You're very tuned into your lover's feelings - and always doing something caring.
Sweetness - you're the most romantic person your partner has ever met.
You get easily swept away and are a total delight to fall in love with.

Your negative traits:
You are super duper sensitive and find it hard to get out of a sad mood.
It's difficult for you to tell your sweetie no, even when you should.
You often tell your partner what they want to hear, instead of being honest.

Your ideal partner:

Is straight from a fairy tale - the man or woman of your dreams
Is a total romantic, with an artistic or creative side
Loves to express their love to you, in all sorts of unique ways

Your dating style:
Dreamy. You like traditional romantic dates, like picnics in the park and candlelight dinners.

Your seduction style:
Fearless - you try what your partner suggests, no matter how unusual.
Loving. You'll take your pleasure second, if necessary.
Internal. A lot of your enjoyment takes place within your head.

Tips for the future:
Be more realistic. Your romantic ideal is nice, but it may just not happen.
Let go of your fear of rejection - it's holding you back from being with your true love.
Open yourself up to a new love. The person you think you want make not be the one..

Best color to attract mate: Seafoam green

Best day for a date:
Friday
Member
13155 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / F / someplace high . . .
Offline
Posted 10/25/08
I got this from some webside hope u guys enjoy it ~ >___< and u guys can also post other info of these sign ~
Member
13155 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / F / someplace high . . .
Offline
Posted 10/25/08
These is another one called ~

The Demented Horoscope

Aries
Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.


Taurus
You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts. The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.


Gemini
Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses. Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.


Cancer
You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation. A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans.


Leo
You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos. A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.


Virgo
You are a pain in the ass. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ass. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.


Libra
You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards. The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lam turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between caf latt and caf au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.

Member
13155 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / F / someplace high . . .
Offline
Posted 10/25/08
Scorpio
You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt. Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.


Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.


Capricorn
Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ass. Ren Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard. In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's cockeyed system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns.


Aquarius
The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do. Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.


Pisces
Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer. Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your ass and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
Member
19566 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
22 / in the deepest pa...
Offline
Posted 10/30/08
wow... nice one... though the other one seems to be very negative
Member
3693 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
23 / F
Offline
Posted 10/30/08
wow O.o I'm scarily similar to those weird horoscopes
cept i don't cry as much as they say pisces do
Member
13155 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / F / someplace high . . .
Offline
Posted 11/3/08
the Demented Horoscope is all about negatif part but its funny ~
Member
8900 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
21 / F / TVXQ/BSK/Tohoshinki
Offline
Posted 11/6/08
nice ^^ i love it^^ thanks for putting it ^^
Moderator
tlm
20995 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / Cyberspace
Offline
Posted 12/2/08 , edited 12/2/08
nowadays the like to separate the horoscopes for boys/girls. Especially in extremely feminine signs like Pisces ^_^'' ...still, those are some good classics =D
Member
3734 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
23 / F / in the city of th...
Offline
Posted 12/2/08
these r really cool.....everything it says about me is soooooo true!!! even the negative ones....sadly...lol
Member
966 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Offline
Posted 12/4/08 , edited 12/4/08
wow....the second one for pisces was really on the dot for me... LOL It's a good thing my bro's a cancer...or I might get hit with a truck!! O.O

LOL!! whats funny is i know three leos....(one of them moved though... )

my best friend is a leo...she hates me...but we're still great friends
Member
22155 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
20 / F / On a fantastical...
Offline
Posted 12/6/08
sadly~it doesn't seem true for me. i hate bossy people....=_=
Member
3527 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
22 / F / what are you talk...
Offline
Posted 1/13/09
um first one is right on the dot second is sorta wrong b/c I am always torturing my friends to do things for me and when I leave everyone gets sad for some reason. XD Thanks you two!!
Posted 1/31/09
lol thanks for the info xD
First  Prev  1  2  Next  Last
You must be logged in to post.