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Do you want to get married? Are you single by choice [read first post]
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27 / F / Amatsuki
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Posted 10/28/08 , edited 10/28/08
Hi everyone! This is my first extended discussion topic, and I hope it's not a duplicate? If it is, please kindly tell me the old link~ ^^;; Thanks!!

Basically, I'm a happy person. I feel contented most of the times, and I also have a lot of friends. My brother got married a few years back and now he already got 2 children. I'm actually next in line... But I... well, let's just say that Marriage is never on my priority list! ^^;;

I like men, of course! I like being with them, and there's nothing wrong with them! ^^;; I've had a few close male friends, although no serious relationship has ever emerged. ^^ And please don't think I don't give them enough attention, because I do... ^^ Hehehe... Well~ I just don't take marriage too seriously. Relationships don't always mean marriage, right? So... having relationships are okay with me, but whenever people mention marriage, my mind just stops right there. Hmm~ >.<

I never think of myself becoming a wife or a mother. I love children and I love cooking, by the way. I just NEVER PUT MARRIAGE in my list of goals. Am I weird as a woman? I read somewhere that all women want to have a baby and want to start a family???!!!! I am not. So am I still a woman? Haha... ^^

I never get stressed out because of this, but my family have! They were shocked when I told them bluntly that I don't think I want to get married. ^^ If I ever fall in love so deeply with someone (which has never happened), I might change. But for now, I'm just living my life as it is... ^^ and not thinking about getting married to anyone! All of my friends are searching for their "soulmates", while I am 100% on an 'ignore' mode. ^^

My mother even brought me to a shrink a few weeks ago, so the shrink could tell me that I was wrong. Fortunately, she didn't. But she told me to "go find more friends, go to more clubs, go to more activities" which in my mind became : "go find that someone and get married"... >.> because basically, why would they want me to go to parties and such if not to find that special someone? If I go to parties and such, it'd be for my personal happiness, and certainly NOT to find anyone special... =.=;;

I become somewhat irritated everytime my family members try to match me with someone. I feel like kicking those men with my heely-shoes! I even bought a SINGLE BY CHOICE pin for my bag, which made my parents angry... =.=;; I wonder why they just can't let me live alone? They always say that I will be ALONE when I'm old and unmarried. If I tell them I like the loneliness, they look at me like I'm an alien or something... They always think I won't be happy alone, though in fact, I do. >.> I know they want the best for me, but somehow I wish they would understand that I'm just happy the way things are. I don't need to get married to be happy, do I?

So... after reading those...

I want to ask if you're also SINGLE BY CHOICE? Is marriage not in your priority list / list of goals in life? If not, then why? ^^ Please elaborate... Blabbing is accepted. I'm a good listener. ^^ Thanks!


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76 / M / Finland baby!
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Posted 10/28/08
omg theres soo much to read...so i didnt bother reading it lol...

so yes i am single :]...by choice...i think? :p
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26 / M / New York City, NY
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Posted 10/28/08
I don't believe in marriage (at least in the ritual sense). I'll happily be in a relationship with someone I love without all that legal and religious nonsense attached. If I truly love them I won't be so quick to end it just because it's not a social institution.

There are no such things as "soulmates," so please don't start looking for them. You'll never find one.


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F / Neverland
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Posted 10/28/08
tooo much 2 read :[
so Ima go by the title..
yes im single.. by choice? not rly
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27 / F / Amatsuki
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Posted 10/28/08 , edited 10/28/08

leviathan343 wrote:

I don't believe in marriage (at least in the ritual sense). I'll happily be in a relationship with someone I love without all that legal and religious nonsense attached. If I truly love them I won't be so quick to end it just because it's not a social institution.

There are no such things as "soulmates," so please don't start looking for them. You'll never find one.




ah... ^^ i have nothing against "holy matrimonies" but yeah~ i'm NOT looking... ^^

and please do read the last paragraph, everyone! ^^


Posted 10/28/08
Are you married to your brother?
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32 / M / The Kingdom
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Posted 10/28/08 , edited 10/28/08
Yeah...

Sorry but I cant even get started describing how fucked up my mental outlook on other people is, If I started now to write about all my pathetic self whining it'd never end.

The real answer to your question is YES and NO, Im ok with getting to know people its what happens afterwards that sends me into a complete tailspin.

Im one of those people that likes to find fault with the world. Basically to sum up my outlook (A lot of people may find this ugly) "If the flesh is rotten, Even your own... Cut it away".

Ive never been close to meeting a girl which I truely deep down in the bottom of my heart can honestly say ive really loved or even liked. I guess ill always be a loner, Just like my Grandad.

Maybe one day ill be as lucky as him and find someone for myself, Ive no doubt this will happen but things just look so bleak at this moment in time.

Im sure its just a matter of time...
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27 / F / Amatsuki
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Posted 10/28/08

KinkyHamster wrote:

Are you married to your brother?





Akaoni21 wrote:

Yeah...



please kindly READ THE RULES before replying...


3. Posts must offer significant content. If you have no opinion on something, DON'T post. "I don't know." or "Yeah I think so too." is not enough. The section is called "extended" for a reason. Longer posts, but more real discussion.


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27 / M / Bermuda Triangle
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Posted 10/28/08

fransyung wrote:

awe, i admire you. Most men/women who got that marriage fantasy will just take anyone as their spouse and hope to put up with it. Then later in the years they start wishing it never happened because the cons outweighed the pros. I'm in ignore mode too, not looking but willing to take an invitation. I just think rushing into marriage at a young age is overrated. I'd rather wait till I'm older if my "special someone" doesn't appear until then.
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27 / F / Amatsuki
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Posted 10/28/08

crunchypibb wrote:


fransyung wrote:

awe, i admire you. Most men/women who got that marriage fantasy will just take anyone as their spouse and hope to put up with it. Then later in the years they start wishing it never happened because the cons outweighed the pros. I'm in ignore mode too, not looking but willing to take an invitation. I just think rushing into marriage at a young age is overrated. I'd rather wait till I'm older if my "special someone" doesn't appear until then.


good answer. ^^ thanks. how long would you wait? until you're 30? or is it okay to wait longer? i want to be so in love with the person i'm marrying (if i ever get married!), that i'm willing to spend the rest of my life with him. if that person never exists, i don't mind living alone. ^^

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27 / M / Bermuda Triangle
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Posted 10/28/08

fransyung wrote:


crunchypibb wrote:


fransyung wrote:

awe, i admire you. Most men/women who got that marriage fantasy will just take anyone as their spouse and hope to put up with it. Then later in the years they start wishing it never happened because the cons outweighed the pros. I'm in ignore mode too, not looking but willing to take an invitation. I just think rushing into marriage at a young age is overrated. I'd rather wait till I'm older if my "special someone" doesn't appear until then.


good answer. ^^ thanks. how long would you wait? until you're 30? or is it okay to wait longer? i want to be so in love with the person i'm marrying (if i ever get married!), that i'm willing to spend the rest of my life with him. if that person never exists, i don't mind living alone. ^^



Aren't people supposed to marry the people they love? I don't know where your from but I think arranged/forced marriages give no benefits to the two people getting married. I suppose 30 is gonna be my limit before I officially declare myself single for life. So at 25 I'll probably use eHarmony before the years are up, jk.
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27 / F / Amatsuki
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Posted 10/28/08

crunchypibb wrote:

Aren't people supposed to marry the people they love? I don't know where your from but I think arranged/forced marriages give no benefits to the two people getting married. I suppose 30 is gonna be my limit before I officially declare myself single for life. So at 25 I'll probably use eHarmony before the years are up, jk.


well, a lot of people think we would be minsters (irritated old ladies) when we're 30 and still unmarried, especially in my country (Indonesia). i see people here still getting married for money or for family ties. some get married because they don't want to be "old ladies" and be the talk of the town whenever they walk into parties and such... >.> so they will accept anyone when they're nearing 25~30 years old, even if they don't love the persons~ some of them live happily ever after (because one of them is probably in love with the other, while the other is not, and one person's love is enough to unity a marriage, especially when all of their families' eyes are on them!), and some just live because they're afraid of being alone. in here, if women above 30-something aren't already married, they're considered "unlucky in love" or "weird people that no one wants for life", and they will be the talk of the town for sure. i don't mind, actually. when i walked into a wedding party recently and someone asked me when i'd get married, i simply looked at her and said : "married? i'm not thinking about getting married." ^^ all of my friends and families looked at me in horror and i just walked past them, lol~~~~~

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26 / F
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Posted 10/29/08
i'm single because i'm lame ._.
and marriage is in my future..

._.
Posted 10/29/08
I'm single, and I think marriage is a good contract: easy for if one wants kids etc~
if I ever marry, then I want kids.(if my husband wanst kids too that is.)
I don't think marriage is a bad thing it's rather practical(?)
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27 / M / Bermuda Triangle
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Posted 10/29/08

fransyung wrote:


crunchypibb wrote:

Aren't people supposed to marry the people they love? I don't know where your from but I think arranged/forced marriages give no benefits to the two people getting married. I suppose 30 is gonna be my limit before I officially declare myself single for life. So at 25 I'll probably use eHarmony before the years are up, jk.


well, a lot of people think we would be minsters (irritated old ladies) when we're 30 and still unmarried, especially in my country (Indonesia). i see people here still getting married for money or for family ties. some get married because they don't want to be "old ladies" and be the talk of the town whenever they walk into parties and such... >.> so they will accept anyone when they're nearing 25~30 years old, even if they don't love the persons~ some of them live happily ever after (because one of them is probably in love with the other, while the other is not, and one person's love is enough to unity a marriage, especially when all of their families' eyes are on them!), and some just live because they're afraid of being alone. in here, if women above 30-something aren't already married, they're considered "unlucky in love" or "weird people that no one wants for life", and they will be the talk of the town for sure. i don't mind, actually. when i walked into a wedding party recently and someone asked me when i'd get married, i simply looked at her and said : "married? i'm not thinking about getting married." ^^ all of my friends and families looked at me in horror and i just walked past them, lol~~~~~



Oh, I didn't know where you were from at first yet I had that feeling you were either in Japan or India. Marriage is peer pressure everywhere, some more than others. I seriously don't think the work needs to get any more populated and I definately don't want to be miserable for my entire life. I get married and feel better being that than single, so be it. But I've got life plans that don't involve me getting married because I'm a selfish bastard for my money but my job also doesn't support a whole family either.
Just continue doing what you're doing, those ladies have no idea what it's like to be single anyways.
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