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Do you want to get married? Are you single by choice [read first post]
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25 / F / Neverafter
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Posted 10/29/08 , edited 10/29/08
I'm single by choice.

Why?

I didn't have any feelings for the men who courted me, feelings is a requirement.

I want to be single - freedom!!!

Because Im happy being single. My past relationship with men did not end up with a sham, they were all very memorable and none of them ended badly, but i realized that singleness is something. They always say that once you had a relationship you'll keep looking for it. But nah, that's not true. After my last relationship, i decided to be single, after a year, im still single. And im happy..

Happy Single Society!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted 10/29/08
Im not single by choice
my relationships is really messed up at the moment so we are trying to work things out as there is still love there
but I do want a family and want to be a wife and mother, even though my parents were exactly the best parents or husband and wife.. I have learned from their mistakes as I suffered them, to me its natural to me to want all these things, but there are other things i want in life too before i commit myself to this.
Its not unatural to not want those things but as years pass by would you not wonder whats the point in your life?
Posted 10/29/08
sorta by choice, do hope i find someone one day, otherwise im quite content as of now.
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Posted 10/29/08

fransyung wrote:
... i see people here still getting married for money or for family ties. some get married because they don't want to be "old ladies" and be the talk of the town whenever they walk into parties and such...



This almost sounds like the arranged/political marriages of old. Personally, I'm glad to hear you don't believe that marriage is all the crap Hollywood makes it out to be. It's a serious long term commitment which requires a tremendous amount of effort and responsibility to work out. Even then, you are still likely to encounter some bumps along the way.

I wouldn't call being single a "trend" now of days, but rather a choice made on a number of viable reasons. Personally, I wouldn't mind finding someone to live with but that does not necessarily mean marriage will entail. Your parents are just being too concerned about conforming to society's demands. Heck, you are still 19 and have a long way ahead of you. In fact, I think anyone willing to get married in their late teens or early twenties must be insane unless they come from an extraordinarily wealthy family.

What I think you need to do is go out and see what the world has to offer, make a decision about something and consider the consequences of it. I know many married women who crave after the job opportunities they gave up to take care of the baby and similarly, many independent working women or mothers who regret not being there to raise a family.

Remember, you can only have one and not the other.
Posted 10/29/08

fransyung wrote:
well, a lot of people think we would be minsters (irritated old ladies) when we're 30 and still unmarried, especially in my country (Indonesia).



Heh, I think the English word you are looking for here is spinster. But other than that your English deserves a medal!

Over a third of all adults in New York are single, so it really isn't a big deal. The life police aren't going to arrest you for being single; in Spanish the word for spouse is esposa and the word for handcuffs is esposas . The last thing you want to do is lead someone on thinking that they want you to want more. Do what is right for you now and as you get older, make sure that it is still right for you. Don't make the decision and forget about it, but re-evaluate your choice as life makes the decision more complicated.

I personally have been single for many moons. There have been interested or interesting women, but never anything that I could accept face to face. Sometimes being single is really hard; on my four year "single anniversary" the only thing that kept me going was the song "Five Years" by David Bowie because the only thing I could think of as worse than four years was five. I can look back at that now and laugh, because I'm no longer counting something that isn't there (romance), but something that is (independence). But discovering this took me way longer than it should have; if there is a spot on your life that says "insert someone else's heart here" then go find someone, but if you can't seem to find that place, then don't sweat it and do your thing.
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26 / M / New York City, NY
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Posted 10/29/08 , edited 10/29/08

fransyung wrote:


leviathan343 wrote:

I don't believe in marriage (at least in the ritual sense). I'll happily be in a relationship with someone I love without all that legal and religious nonsense attached. If I truly love them I won't be so quick to end it just because it's not a social institution.

There are no such things as "soulmates," so please don't start looking for them. You'll never find one.




ah... ^^ i have nothing against "holy matrimonies" but yeah~ i'm NOT looking... ^^

and please do read the last paragraph, everyone! ^^




I'm not single by choice. I would be quite happy to be in a relationship with someone I care about and adore, and I'm quite happy now even without that.

Marriage isn't a priority for me atm. Besides what I said before, I don't place enormous value on relationships to make me happy; I choose whether to find joy in life or not.
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Posted 10/29/08
i don't think marriage is so necessary..
Being happy is most important ...i think..
Just keep being yourself..
i used to think i was not gonna get married..
but i change my mind..
at first i must find out who my soulmate is..right?
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wait, wha?
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Posted 10/29/08
well, my answer is a bit of a 'yes and no' sort of thing
my first reason is this: My (only) two relationships started out great, but because it's hard for me to let go of the past (I had a really bad childhood) I bottled certain things up, which ultimately led to everything bursting out and me lashing at them
I bottled things up because I thought that it'd be better for me to protect them, otherwise I was always open and honest with them
however, my last relationship sort of told me that no matter what I do, or who I'm with, I'm always going to unintentionally hurt them, and they'll end up leaving me

my second reason is because I, before the lashing out happened, was hurt, either by them, or someone else, or both
with my first relationship, it was my family who hurt me, and with my second one, it was her
I can't tell you what my family did to hurt me... personal reasons
but my second ex hurt me by first constantly comparing me with HER ex
I did ask her to stop several times, ending with "I'm not him", but it just happened on and on, and I got tired of it
secondly, after I had finally trusted her enough to fully open up to her, she told me that she liked someone
I know that it doesn't seem like a big deal to some people, but in my view, you're either commited or you're not, and that's how I was taught
I took it as a huge emotional blow and I immediately shut myself up from her
in the end, we broke up, and since then, I haven't dated, much less looked
I'm too scared to hurt and be hurt

I just wish my first ex would talk to me...
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M / Canada
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Posted 10/29/08
To the OP
I see that you are only 19. Way too young to think about marriage. All you need to do is LIVE your life. Of course your family will pressure you, especially with asian families, but its nothing to stress over. Just live live live! Marriage will eventual come when the time is right.

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29 / M
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Posted 11/1/08
I guess like many people it is a "Yes" and a "No"....

I'll give an example of how it's both. Recently, I have been feeling lonely. I haven't had a girlfriend for awhile because after my last one, I realized I was inadequate for her, or for anyone for that fact. So, I went I'm on this journey of self-improvement. I literally sabotage myself into either getting dump, or being unattractive for women. I make a lot of friends, and everyone that I know cares about me. I'm a great guy. I've had plenty of experiences that would categorize me as being attractive too. Simply, I'm a great catch, but I'm still single.

I like fransyung's thoughts on partying/clubbing because I seem those things in a similar fashion. It seems like the main reason people go there is to "hook up" with someone. Personally, I don't like that. I mean, if I were to find someone that I was going to spend the rest of my life with, I don't want it to be with someone I met at a bar, or a club, or at some party, while drunk. I just don't like that at all.

Today/Yesterday was Halloween in the states. I was invited to plenty of parties and events were I could meet other people and get something going, but I stayed home. I sabotaged myself into finding a potential mate by just sitting at home. I notice I did this, and then I get upset with myself because I know what I've done, and then get sad about being lonely.

So, it's like I'm single by choice, but I still get lonely, I still want that special someone. I just don't want to get that special someone at a partying flirting with her because I have had too much to drink.

It's hard to go out there and find your love, but it's even harder to stay in and wait for it.
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32 / M
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Posted 11/1/08

scarlet_tears wrote:

I'm single by choice.

Why?

I didn't have any feelings for the men who courted me, feelings is a requirement.

I want to be single - freedom!!!

Because Im happy being single. My past relationship with men did not end up with a sham, they were all very memorable and none of them ended badly, but i realized that singleness is something. They always say that once you had a relationship you'll keep looking for it. But nah, that's not true. After my last relationship, i decided to be single, after a year, im still single. And im happy..

Happy Single Society!!!!!!!!!!!!


yeah i am joining this happy single society!personally i think its cool to be single.the best thing is no strings attached.i am bloody 24 and marriage is the last thing on my mind..to me the important thing is if u like the way ur life is going..if u look in the mirror and see a damn happy bloke,why should u change?they say marriage is a comprimise and damn straight it is.are u willing to comprimise ur own happiness in an unhappy marriage?but of course if u found mr or mrs right.then its a different story altogether..
but there nothing wrong wit being single at the moment if u loving it......
banzai!!!
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32 / M
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Posted 11/1/08

scarlet_tears wrote:

I'm single by choice.

Why?

I didn't have any feelings for the men who courted me, feelings is a requirement.

I want to be single - freedom!!!

Because Im happy being single. My past relationship with men did not end up with a sham, they were all very memorable and none of them ended badly, but i realized that singleness is something. They always say that once you had a relationship you'll keep looking for it. But nah, that's not true. After my last relationship, i decided to be single, after a year, im still single. And im happy..

Happy Single Society!!!!!!!!!!!!


yeah i am joining this happy single society!personally i think its cool to be single.the best thing is no strings attached.i am bloody 24 and marriage is the last thing on my mind..to me the important thing is if u like the way ur life is going..if u look in the mirror and see a damn happy bloke,why should u change?they say marriage is a comprimise and damn straight it is.are u willing to comprimise ur own happiness in an unhappy marriage?but of course if u found mr or mrs right.then its a different story altogether..
but there nothing wrong wit being single at the moment if u loving it......
banzai!!!
Posted 11/1/08
I am single by choice. I had bad experiences with men and i decided enough was enough. I'd rather be single than go through all this pain and all. I have never been in a relationship but i tried. I ended getting fooled and made fun of.
He made him chase after him even when he knew i like him a lot. He dared to flirt with another girl knowing that I was there. He made me hear 'things'. He wasnt the only one.There are many others who did the same. I give up. I really do. I am so much happier now. I want to stay like this for the rest of my life if possible. It's the best way.
Some say I have an expressionless face. They are true in a way. I am unable to feel anything anymore.
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25 / F / nowhere on earth..
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Posted 11/1/08
yes im single^^
but by choice?
i dont know..
maybe..
i just like being single..
im happy being single..
Posted 11/2/08
Im Single By Choice,
Marriage Is Never Going To Be An Option For Me.
Cause Lets See...:
- Im Only 16 !!!
- Males Irritate Me...Dunno Why,
& No...Im Not Lesbian...Well I Don't Think So. :sweatingbullets:
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