This is the... first draft of this Microsoft Word 10 page story I wrote called Honestly
It's, as the sky is obviously blue, based on Red River/Anatolia Story
I'm only posting a few... um... paragraphs?
Just until Mai meets Ramses
It's really opinionated
Oh yeah: special note to Kiacutelove
:::::::Can u write a fic with ur point of view 'bout the matter we discussed?:::::::::
~Message me for more info Kiki~
It’s strange, how you would wish something out of the ordinary happens to you, and when it does, you regret it with all your heart. Believe me, I should know. The only reason why I, of all people, should know is because of him. Rising to the rare occasion, I would also like to state that this was also one out of a million reasons I am prejudiced against males. Hey: it wasn’t fair how I was the one drawn into the black vortex!
Anyways, back to the story, there I was, sitting on the freakin’ bench of the freakin’ yard of the freakin’ school. Lots of freakin’s. As you can probably guess, a huge vacuum of space opened up before me and sorta… vacuumed me in (pun unintended).
Naturally, I was scared, so naturally, I closed my eyes. When I opened them however, I found the most peculiar sight upon me: lots of sand. At first, I thought I was hallucinating or something. But after a good long while of rubbing my eyes, I think there’s a pretty good chance I’m not imaging things. Perhaps this is a dream and I passed out in the school yard or something. But did I really want to wake up? Obvious choice: No. So, I restrained from pinching myself and stood up, only to find myself soaking wet. Why, you ask? I have no idea.
Honestly, I was just as clueless as you probably are right now.
So, the first thing I see (besides the endless plain of sand) was a horse. I know when you imagine a horse in this typical type of story, you’d imagine a strong black steed that would prance to my rescue and haul me away to where ever the prince is. I’d gladly wish for that as well. But in my case? No, God wouldn’t grant me the pleasure. This horse is tiny and scrawny; the type that you know would snap like a pair of chopsticks if you even try to sit on it, much less run with it. But it is also God who couldn’t grant me a cold heart, for conscience chose this time to talk.
Honestly, my life gets worst and worst, but I thought it was fine since it was all a dream. But that theory was getting more and more impractical by the second.
Well, I really don’t think you can feel the burning hot sun and sand and the tugging of a horse biting at your wet clothes in a dream. But please, correct me if I’m wrong.
Seeing that I have no other choice, I started walking. In what direction? Hopefully, the right one. I was tired. It has been what, three hour since I started walking? I was exhausted, and not to mention thirsty. But was I desperate enough to lick a few drops from my dirty, yet already drying clothes? Turns out I was.
It was another good hour (maybe more, I was never really good at estimating) before I saw life. I suddenly saw the first few paragraphs of my social studies book come to life, as the caravan traders saw their long awaited oasis. By now, I was starved and thirsty as I stumbled in to the cool shades of the canopy, the horse a few steps behind me.
I rested for quite a while. There was a small spring on the ground, which satisfied my thirst. Food however, proved to be more of a challenge without (I can’t believe I’m saying this…) textbooks. Guess they do prove themselves useful when a person is starving to death…
Thoughts rushed through my mind 300 miles per hour. But one stopped, making all the thoughts behind it kiss each other’s arse. Why didn’t I read Hatchet?
If you can imagine this scenario, try imagining how happy I was to hear human voice, and how disappointing it was to realize the voice spoke a different language.
But you know what? I was happy to see life.
Atleast, I think I am.
Egyptian (well, they do have the typical do and stuff, if you know what I mean) soldiers marched in, lead by a quite familiar man.
I suppose this is the time I’m supposed to tell you that I read this manga called Red River. For full summary, wiki it up.
Curse my loose lips. “Ramses?!” He turned in my direction, and I managed a sorta half grin before two spears were pointed at my neck.
I couldn’t be wrong, I mean, that had to be Ramses. He had the golden eye and stuff. And plus: he reacted when I yelled his name. But guess what? They spoke Egyptian (why did I ever assume otherwise?) and naturally, I didn’t understand a single word. So I can only remain silent when they questioned me (at least that’s what I think they were doing…).
“It’s not my fault I can’t freakin’ understand you!” I yelled just for the heck of it. But I also wanted to get across the freakin’ message that I was a foreigner. To my (pleasant) surprise, the soldiers jumped at my outburst. But to my dismay, a (quite alluring) smirk came onto Ramses’s lips.
It’s not fair. I was already an undying fan of Ramses, now he just has to make it worst.
Like I had mentioned (or hinted) before, life is not always fair. IT’S NEVER FAIR!
Have you ever been arrested before?
Believe me, it’s not a pleasant experience.
Especially when your hands are tied up with rough twine behind your back.
And you’re slung in a very uncomfortable position on a back of a horse.
Well, imagine a few damn hours of riding that way and you’ll probably feel the same way I feel: nauseated.
Bet the soldier won’t appreciate me hurling on him huh?
But as if God read my devious mind (who’s to blame?), Ramses spoke, pointing to the city in the background (as poets would say, Just beyond the horizon. Though last time I checked, I’m no poet).
“Cairo… huh?” I muttered. Who’d’ve thought that Egyptians would have such good hearing? Well, iPods haven’t been invented yet; I guess that’s a factor.
So Ramses nodded with a sideways glance at me.
Was that… anxiety?
Hang on a sec, did he meet Yuri yet?
One of the million things I wanna ask.
But can I?
But turns out, Ramses planned on talking to me too.
Does that count as a cliff hanger?
If u want me to continue, quote this and tell me~~
Can\'t I say hello to ANYBODY???
Pretty good so far.
I like the smart-ass attitude of the main character.
Good description of places and emotion.
I do see a couple of problems.
There are spots where the ending sentence of a paragraph should be a separate paragraph by itself.
I'm pretty sure the paragraph problem isn't your fault. I have had similar qwerks happen to me when I use Microsoft Word, which is why I now exclusively use Open Office.
You should also be careful with what my editor calls, "the adidicts and pros." ie. overuse of adjectives, pronouns and adverbs.
Don't feel bad. My editor accuses me of much the same overuse sometimes.
As for a cliffhanger, I would say, yes it is. Since it's an anticipation of words rather than action, it's sometimes called a soft cliffhanger.
Hope that helps.
Don't get me started, I run on nuclear cells.