Post Reply HaruToki Volume 4 Chapter 1
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Posted 11/9/08 , edited 11/20/08
The first chapter of volume 4 ^^ It's a fun one with the appearance of Kotengu. Hope everyone enjoy it ^^
Raws: GL
Editor and translator: Noeltnq
I tried not to make any mistakes, but If anyone finds something weird/silly/incorrect, please tell me so I can fix it and improve later translations :"> Feel free to comment, I'll be grateful to read all your feedback :">



































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Posted 11/9/08
comments: Some of the lines sound...cliched? Hmmm...Maybe it's not the right word but some of the lines doesn't sound natural when spoken. Try saying it over in english just to make sure that it sounds like something someone would say naturally. =]
---
Line Changes/Spelling errors(?)

Lady: Too bad, who did eat up all the food?
--> Too bad, who ate all the food?

Lady#2: Seems like we have to recook...
--> Seems like we'll have to re-cook everything.

Inori: Till when do I have to carry your stuff?
--> How long do I have to carry your stuff?!

*Change Persons to People

Yasuaki/Takamichi/Fuji(?): Besides Kan is water Chi, represents the stream of falling down...
--> (Besides,) Kan is water chi, which represents the stream of falling water.

Same line: Which affects...
---> It affects nature in both good and bad

Takamichi: What's the sorrows...
--> What sorrows have the Royalty suffered in the past?

Takamichi's line
>Spelling error. Albe to Able
>Persons to people
>Then I'll start investigate... Change to: I'll begin the investigation at the ministry... OR I'll investigate at the ministry...

Fuji(?): We leave it to your hand...
--> We leave it in your hands, Takamichi-dono

Tengu: ...human's polluting
--> Human's Pollution

Akane: You here means you can't live...
--> Your being here means that you..

Tengu
>Spelling error: ater to After

Yasuaki: 3 days 3 nights?
--> add an and between days and 3

Yasuaki: Just now what was you...
--> Just now, what were you going to do to...

Tengu: You Troublesome!
--> You're troublesome!

Akane or Shimon?: His nose is short... May he be half...
--> Maybe he's half human?

Yorihisa: Tengu of...be hundred year... great evil
--> Tengu of Kita Mountain must be at least 100 years old of great evil

Tengu: You insolent!
--> At brat or something Tengu would say. =D

Tengu: I really get angry now!
--> I'm really angry now!

Akane: What am I going to do? He's messing...
--> He messing up the inside of the room!

Akane: Scared of what? Tomomasa-san
--> ? after Tomomasa

Tengu: Don't be rude I'm not bastard...
--> Don't be rude!I'm not bastard enough OR I'm not a bastard who'd

Tomomasa: Until Yasuaki...
--> Until Yasuaki-san removes his seal... Temporarily

Akane in letter: Keep up your good...
--> Keep up the good work,
--
Other than those minor stuff, you're doing a really great job! ^_^

~Ayu-pan
Posted 11/10/08
Oh oh! Ayu-pan-chan! You missed two of those lines!

Yasuaki's 'bubble' said "...and made no one sleep in peace." Shouldn't we change that to "...and let no one sleep in peace"? =D
Oh yeah, and his following 'bubble' said, "It's not worth sympathizing with him." What should we change that too? O.o

~Lay-chan
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Posted 11/10/08
Oh yeah, hehe. Umm... change it to "It's not worth it to sympathize with him." Or to "It's not worth sympathizing with him"

Hope this helps, Noeltnq-sama. ^_^

~Ayu-pan
Posted 11/10/08
Yup yup! ^.^
Why do I feel like I saw a "Possiple" somewhere? O.o My imagination? If it's not, then that should be possible. ^.^"

~Lay-chan
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Posted 11/10/08
*boink* argh~ you guys are proof-reading! ^^ that's awesome... why didn't anyone proof-read mine (vol.11, haruka3)? T.T
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Posted 11/13/08

fransyung wrote:

*boink* argh~ you guys are proof-reading! ^^ that's awesome... why didn't anyone proof-read mine (vol.11, haruka3)? T.T


I've proof-read yourrs now ^ ^
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Posted 11/13/08
Lol! Gomene Fransyung-chan, I'm terrible at proof-reading. ^-^;; But so far, the edits are perfect. =3


~Lou-chan >w<
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Posted 11/20/08
Ayu-pan-chan and Lay-chan, thank you so much for your feedback ^^ It was so kind of you :">
Now, I'm going to fix all the mistakes ^^
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Posted 1/5/09
thankies noeltnq-san
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