Post Reply Random....Or is it? +_+
Member
2823 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
24 / M / Australia
Offline
Posted 11/10/08
What the World Has Come To...

As the orange gleams break on forest shores
Mountain ranges tremble under the wind’s force
The rusty clouds wail through the deep ocean caverns
And the creatures of the underworld rustle up the courage


War horns blare in the blinding white sun rays
Dust ridden hooves and sweat matted hides
Screaming, snorting, growling, chanting, laughing
The raw foreground of the scene as they all prepare


Angels with silk white sleeves fall from the heavens
A chorus of golden harmony reverberates
Golden hair and cream white skin, beauty that stills the heart
Waiting for the scarlet blood to be spilt on the holy soil


The blackness settles on the floor of the glass cage
Capturing the glows of the children as they sit gazing
Silent and foreboding as the grim play sets the stage
Threatening to overcrowd the gold sand plains

Chaos and fury splinters the law of ruling age
As the great battle commences in the blinding rage
Clashes of metal, flashes of silver an ruby, screams of pain
Determination and the stench of sweat lie thickly on the land


Deafening undefined sounds shatter the air
Excruciating pain and sorrow lace into the pregnant clouds
Hatching together like a makeshift massacre
Sowing the needle of death through cloths of life


Silence and sudden peace rears its weary head
As the great battle ends in a somnolent resonated sigh
An ugly hole crumbles under the strewn bodies
And swallows the trickles of life that run like a stream


An empty victory prevailed on dirty blood
A resounding loss of the reaper that haunts the mass grave
The angels sing forth the spilt souls and deadened eyes
Gathering up the hacked hearts and sodden hair


The holy soil now tainted with black poison
Not a single flicker of life to be seen in the shriveled forests
The frothy sands stained with burgundy of the long forgotten past
Five hundred years of impacted agony and the stench still lingers


But among the ashes of the golden angels
And among the ruins of the hopes and dreams of the world
In the burial grounds of the brave and the foolish
Lies one glorious rose...
Posted 11/12/08
Cool usage of words...but try to toned down all those complicated words....
Poem are supposed be nice and simple to understand but then again is your style...
Moderator
5075 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
21 / F / On chair, decidin...
Offline
Posted 11/14/08
It's so ... good! I love it, really has feeling i wish i culd write lyk that. And u say u wrote it a year ago? Great use of words and i don't think it's complicated at all. No need 2 tune it down, i say. But of course that's only my opinion.
Member
2823 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
24 / M / Australia
Offline
Posted 11/14/08 , edited 11/14/08
lol. well i guess all my stuff are like that. its my..style....? iunno.

and all poems dont have to be simple. ~_~

some are extremely difficult to decipher, but that's why people read them - to decipher the beautiful poetry into their own theories of what is happening. *shrugs*
Posted 11/15/08

xxuseless-bulletsxx wrote:

lol. well i guess all my stuff are like that. its my..style....? iunno.

and all poems dont have to be simple. ~_~

some are extremely difficult to decipher, but that's why people read them - to decipher the beautiful poetry into their own theories of what is happening. *shrugs*


Haha...not all poems have to be simple( I didn't mean to put it in that way)..
But if you want to appeal to a wider audience, then simple is good.....but then again it depends to the audience you intended this poem to....

Member
2823 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
24 / M / Australia
Offline
Posted 11/16/08
true. ^--^

well i intend this to an audience of....teenagers? ~__~ well teens my age i guess...

You must be logged in to post.