First  Prev  1  2  3  4  Next  Last
Choose Adoption
8715 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
29 / M / North Carolina
Offline
Posted 4/27/07 , edited 12/8/08


My views have changed, stop quoting me on this! I was younger back then
28729 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
27 / M
Offline
Posted 4/27/07
by your passion on the subject I assume you've had some personal stake in this.
Dude, it says your 20. If this is going to be a serious adult topic a woman's "privates" is actually a vagina. (gasp) or to be easier on younger minds "the birth canal"?


My brother just got remarried, and his wife is having a difficult time bonding with his two kids whose real mom is a total bitch.

Lets just say this. When you adopt, you are never truly that child's parent. There is no, "flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood" bonding moment at birth. In a way taking on a child can be sorta like raising a cow. You may love the cow, you take care of the cow, but in the end that cow is still a farm animal hat you have a responsibility to, and to the cow you are just a source of food and love, but not one of the herd. Your it's caretaker, but it'll still grow up to be a cow.

crude analogy, but if you adopt a teenager its what your asking for. Most problems will start in childhood, by if you do adopt a teenager your basically getting an individual who doesn't trust you, and has to this point already made up his/her mind about the world, so as a parent your job is basically going to be seeing them through the bumpy ride thats going to almost certainly come. It is terrible that there isn't enough adoption in the world, there should be more of it.
8715 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
29 / M / North Carolina
Offline
Posted 4/27/07

Jorlwind wrote:

by your passion on the subject I assume you've had some personal stake in this.
Dude, it says your 20. If this is going to be a serious adult topic a woman's "privates" is actually a vagina. (gasp) or to be easier on younger minds "the birth canal"?


My brother just got remarried, and his wife is having a difficult time bonding with his two kids whose real mom is a total bitch.

Lets just say this. When you adopt, you are never truly that child's parent. There is no, "flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood" bonding moment at birth. In a way taking on a child can be sorta like raising a cow. You may love the cow, you take care of the cow, but in the end that cow is still a farm animal hat you have a responsibility to, and to the cow you are just a source of food and love, but not one of the herd. Your it's caretaker, but it'll still grow up to be a cow.

crude analogy, but if you adopt a teenager its what your asking for. Most problems will start in childhood, by if you do adopt a teenager your basically getting an individual who doesn't trust you, and has to this point already made up his/her mind about the world, so as a parent your job is basically going to be seeing them through the bumpy ride thats going to almost certainly come. It is terrible that there isn't enough adoption in the world, there should be more of it.


Nothing is wrong with censorship, this isn't really a forum full of mature people. Also, having sex, and taking a baby out of your [erm erm..], makes such a great bond.... of course..... seriously you can GAIN the trust if you actually try, and not be a lazy person and just adopt a child who trusts EVERYONE! Yeah... sounds like you're trying hard. Tough luck for the teenagers, they should've chosen to be adopted *cough*.
6347 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
21 / F / SDF-1
Offline
Posted 4/27/07
Non-adopted children go emo? That's new.
8715 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
29 / M / North Carolina
Offline
Posted 4/27/07

n0odle wrote:

Non-adopted children go emo? That's new.


Some do..... but not all of course..

They go Emo for reasons like:
"Nobody cares about me >.<"
"My life sux"

All the other reasons emo's go emo besides parents being annoying.
10452 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
27 / M
Offline
Posted 4/28/07
It’s awfully hard to take the topic seriously when you yourself are being comical and sarcastic in the same post that tells us to keep such activities to a minimum. Also, you should copy and paste everything you write into a grammar check writing program. (Try Microsoft Word.) This will clean up your nearly negligible, though profoundly distracting, typos. Some of us type enough (looser like me who have no real life) enough that we don’t need to do this. However, for normal people, it’s very wise. Typos are understandable, but if you’re trying to be eloquent they completely destroy you.

Anyway, censoring the word vagina? Well, I’ve always though of that as a sort of professional term. It certainly makes people uncomfortable, but that’s because people are immature. Still, I’m with you. Obviously the word may offend some people so the whole argument on you putting privates, well I’m on your side with that.

To get to the actual topic at hand, this is something that hits me close. Many of my good friends have grown up in orphanages, foster homes, or have played the role of major provider for their younger siblings. (Actually I only know two guys who’ve done that last one, but I have countless acquaintances and a couple of close friends who have experienced the other two.)

Here’s the truth: Books like White Oleander exaggerate the emotional strain, physical umbrage, and other such things to an extreme degree. Movies do it to. In most cases things are not so bad. Most of the time when children are taken from their parents, or left to an orphanage, it works out for the better for them. Most of my friends agree that they became happier once they realized how horrible their lives with alcoholic fathers, drug addict mothers, and abusive parents.

Never the less, here in Oklahoma child care is not taken seriously. So yes, many of these children are left to rot. Many feel abandoned. (Although I don’t like you calling them Emos, cuz that term comes with the connotation of self-pitying and overly dramatic teens. These kids actually have -real- reasons to be depressed. Being past from dismal and trashy home to dismal and trashy home can really get to people. Emos have nothing to complain about, they actually get depressed about how they have nothing to be depressed about! That‘s drama.)

This I hate. Still, people should not adopt unless they are readily willing to take a child as their own. To love him/her as their flesh and blood. People who are financially unsound should not adopt. Thus, I think that the whole “Paying people to adopt or keep their house open as foster homes” is a bad idea. It leads drug addicts, thieves, thugs, and the likes to adopt children just for money. Naturally the money people get is no where near significant enough to care for a child the way they need to be cared for. So, these money grubbing jerks are only spending a fraction of the already finite checks they get on the kid. The rest goes to themselves.

As far as people wanting small children and not teens, good. The teens have already be molded by society. These smaller children are far more likely to have a chance. Besides that, these teens are usually capable of protecting themselves to a degree. Small children are not. Honestly I think we should focus on getting small girls out of the orphanages and into good homes before anything else. (Cuz a lot of them end up getting raped.)

Well, that’s my opinion on your “Serious topic.”




78167 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
30 / M / Japan
Offline
Posted 4/28/07
Honestly, I don't understand your actual point. You've been stating many different things, but you don't really make it clear what it is you're trying to drive forward. I think you're saying that people should adopt children as an alternative to birth control? Well, this is an odd solution, in my opinion. For one thing, adopting children isn't like a "oh... I want a child, let's pick one out."

For one thing, even though a child is adopted, this does not make them their filial son/daughter (blood related) - the arrangement of the child is only realized in legal terms, and fosterhood (parenthood) is bestowed upon the child as a power of the state. This is what jorlwind was trying to say about the child not "truly" being their parent.

Now you may ask, what's the big deal with this? Well, the truth is that not many people are open to the idea of taking care of someone that isn't truly theirs, and that's just the sad reality. The other truth is that orphanages and other institutions do not simply release children to any Tom, Dick or Harry that asks for a kid. There must be several legal qualifications (such as the ability to sustain the child) that are taken into consideration before the child can be released - furthermore, some institutions offer "compatibility" services that determine what child is best for a certain family based on their given context.

Given these processes, not all families are really ready to accept adoption as alternative. Some families may be open to it, but others might not, and to certain extremes can not because of some internal peculiarities. The last thing you want is a family that is not prepared to adopt a child and give him/her a life that is worse than it already is.

Your idea is reasonable, but not so feasible. Take into consideration the seriousness of your topic before you blurt out senseless statements like "Now to be serious, the world is getting bigger; [children] are being disowned, and [FEW] [families are opting for adoption]" (brackets are edited grammar corrections)
Scientist Moderator
digs 
48142 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / M
Offline
Posted 4/28/07
I know several adults who were adopted. They all turned out normal and never said that they got depressed. The only thing they said they wondered about is what their biological parents looked like. they said that they were content with adopted parents because they loved and cared for them. Just because they are not their biological child does not mean that they will recieve neglect from adopted parents.

The world population is declining in some placed. Most of Europe is in a population decline because people are having less children. The average birth rate is 1.52. Japan is also shrinking due to a low birth rate. The United States birth rate is decreasing every year and soon we too will start to decline if immigration slows. Overpopulation is not a problem because there are still plenty non developed places on earth where we can make cities.
7147 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
34 / M / 中国
Offline
Posted 4/28/07
not reading this walls of text... but here's my take

i've known quite a few adopted kids, and the vast majority of the time they end up like their birth parents, not their adopted parents. it's the damnedest thing. they're raised in affluent neighborhoods, receive quality education, have good adopted parents that try to give them a solid moral grounding, and yet... they still gravitate to the (typically) white trash lifestyles of their birth parents. drugs, hanging out with the "wrong" crowd, etc.

basically, i don't want to clean up after anyone elses mistakes. i've already said i won't go out with single mothers, and i don't see much difference in adoption. sad? yes, but not my problem. if i was sterile or my wife was infertile, i'd consider adoption though.
78167 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
30 / M / Japan
Offline
Posted 4/28/07

digs wrote:

I know several adults who were adopted. They all turned out normal and never said that they got depressed. The only thing they said they wondered about is what their biological parents looked like. they said that they were content with adopted parents because they loved and cared for them. Just because they are not their biological child does not mean that they will recieve neglect from adopted parents.

The world population is declining in some placed. Most of Europe is in a population decline because people are having less children. The average birth rate is 1.52. Japan is also shrinking due to a low birth rate. The United States birth rate is decreasing every year and soon we too will start to decline if immigration slows. Overpopulation is not a problem because there are still plenty non developed places on earth where we can make cities.


Well, point taken that people who adopt children will truly love them. The point of "they aren't really their parents" is actually the reason why some people cannot understand adoption. Not everyone is as open as people who adopt children to openly accept a "stranger" as "their own".

About Japan, they are experiencing a population shock, where their demographic curve looks like a funnel, meaning a majority of the population includes the elderly, with a small number of youth.

With regard to non-developed areas to "house" the growing population - environmentalist groups will highly discourage such action as it implies not only the loss of natural resources and an added stress to the environment in the form of pollution, many "non-developed" areas house indigenous folk. For one thing, they are territorial, and it it'll be another American Indian annihilation if such careless land expansion for the sake of overpopulation woud overrun these "non-developed" areas.
8715 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
29 / M / North Carolina
Offline
Posted 4/28/07

SeraphAlford wrote:

It’s awfully hard to take the topic seriously when you yourself are being comical and sarcastic in the same post that tells us to keep such activities to a minimum. Also, you should copy and paste everything you write into a grammar check writing program. (Try Microsoft Word.) This will clean up your nearly negligible, though profoundly distracting, typos. Some of us type enough (looser like me who have no real life) enough that we don’t need to do this. However, for normal people, it’s very wise. Typos are understandable, but if you’re trying to be eloquent they completely destroy you.

Anyway, censoring the word vagina? Well, I’ve always though of that as a sort of professional term. It certainly makes people uncomfortable, but that’s because people are immature. Still, I’m with you. Obviously the word may offend some people so the whole argument on you putting privates, well I’m on your side with that.

To get to the actual topic at hand, this is something that hits me close. Many of my good friends have grown up in orphanages, foster homes, or have played the role of major provider for their younger siblings. (Actually I only know two guys who’ve done that last one, but I have countless acquaintances and a couple of close friends who have experienced the other two.)

Here’s the truth: Books like White Oleander exaggerate the emotional strain, physical umbrage, and other such things to an extreme degree. Movies do it to. In most cases things are not so bad. Most of the time when children are taken from their parents, or left to an orphanage, it works out for the better for them. Most of my friends agree that they became happier once they realized how horrible their lives with alcoholic fathers, drug addict mothers, and abusive parents.

Never the less, here in Oklahoma child care is not taken seriously. So yes, many of these children are left to rot. Many feel abandoned. (Although I don’t like you calling them Emos, cuz that term comes with the connotation of self-pitying and overly dramatic teens. These kids actually have -real- reasons to be depressed. Being past from dismal and trashy home to dismal and trashy home can really get to people. Emos have nothing to complain about, they actually get depressed about how they have nothing to be depressed about! That‘s drama.)

This I hate. Still, people should not adopt unless they are readily willing to take a child as their own. To love him/her as their flesh and blood. People who are financially unsound should not adopt. Thus, I think that the whole “Paying people to adopt or keep their house open as foster homes” is a bad idea. It leads drug addicts, thieves, thugs, and the likes to adopt children just for money. Naturally the money people get is no where near significant enough to care for a child the way they need to be cared for. So, these money grubbing jerks are only spending a fraction of the already finite checks they get on the kid. The rest goes to themselves.

As far as people wanting small children and not teens, good. The teens have already be molded by society. These smaller children are far more likely to have a chance. Besides that, these teens are usually capable of protecting themselves to a degree. Small children are not. Honestly I think we should focus on getting small girls out of the orphanages and into good homes before anything else. (Cuz a lot of them end up getting raped.)

Well, that’s my opinion on your “Serious topic.”






Truth, is some consider themselves emo. They too can over exaggerate their problems, not as much as the others, but they do it.
11277 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
31 / M / Iloilo City, PH
Offline
Posted 4/28/07
they're emo in a strictly natural way (outside factors, high levels of stress, etc...) they're depressed but don't know about it.. unlike artificial emos (mtv brainwashing) we know about... oh yeah we know who you are... lil' girls and boys who're born with a silver spoon in their mouths dressing up in black and proclaiming to the world your life sucks and you wanna die...
10452 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
27 / M
Offline
Posted 4/28/07

HokiePokie wrote:


SeraphAlford wrote:

It’s awfully hard to take the topic seriously when you yourself are being comical and sarcastic in the same post that tells us to keep such activities to a minimum. Also, you should copy and paste everything you write into a grammar check writing program. (Try Microsoft Word.) This will clean up your nearly negligible, though profoundly distracting, typos. Some of us type enough (looser like me who have no real life) enough that we don’t need to do this. However, for normal people, it’s very wise. Typos are understandable, but if you’re trying to be eloquent they completely destroy you.

Anyway, censoring the word vagina? Well, I’ve always though of that as a sort of professional term. It certainly makes people uncomfortable, but that’s because people are immature. Still, I’m with you. Obviously the word may offend some people so the whole argument on you putting privates, well I’m on your side with that.

To get to the actual topic at hand, this is something that hits me close. Many of my good friends have grown up in orphanages, foster homes, or have played the role of major provider for their younger siblings. (Actually I only know two guys who’ve done that last one, but I have countless acquaintances and a couple of close friends who have experienced the other two.)

Here’s the truth: Books like White Oleander exaggerate the emotional strain, physical umbrage, and other such things to an extreme degree. Movies do it to. In most cases things are not so bad. Most of the time when children are taken from their parents, or left to an orphanage, it works out for the better for them. Most of my friends agree that they became happier once they realized how horrible their lives with alcoholic fathers, drug addict mothers, and abusive parents.

Never the less, here in Oklahoma child care is not taken seriously. So yes, many of these children are left to rot. Many feel abandoned. (Although I don’t like you calling them Emos, cuz that term comes with the connotation of self-pitying and overly dramatic teens. These kids actually have -real- reasons to be depressed. Being past from dismal and trashy home to dismal and trashy home can really get to people. Emos have nothing to complain about, they actually get depressed about how they have nothing to be depressed about! That‘s drama.)

This I hate. Still, people should not adopt unless they are readily willing to take a child as their own. To love him/her as their flesh and blood. People who are financially unsound should not adopt. Thus, I think that the whole “Paying people to adopt or keep their house open as foster homes” is a bad idea. It leads drug addicts, thieves, thugs, and the likes to adopt children just for money. Naturally the money people get is no where near significant enough to care for a child the way they need to be cared for. So, these money grubbing jerks are only spending a fraction of the already finite checks they get on the kid. The rest goes to themselves.

As far as people wanting small children and not teens, good. The teens have already be molded by society. These smaller children are far more likely to have a chance. Besides that, these teens are usually capable of protecting themselves to a degree. Small children are not. Honestly I think we should focus on getting small girls out of the orphanages and into good homes before anything else. (Cuz a lot of them end up getting raped.)

Well, that’s my opinion on your “Serious topic.”






Truth, is some consider themselves emo. They too can over exaggerate their problems, not as much as the others, but they do it.


Aye, that's true. Many call themselves emo, but trying to get attention is not something serious. Most people do it in some way or another. You've got your emos, your goths (the style not the actually Goth.), your rebels, your attention whores, and the likes. Being an Emo isn’t something to be taken serious. They talk about suicide cuz they want attention. They scratch their arms with razors and make a faint line of blood for attention. They’re not really cutters or suicidal. They just try to make themselves into these things for attention. It’s just teenage drama. (Hints there are very few adult Emos. Look at Avril La-what’s her face. Used to be PMSing sexist female emo martyr, now that’s she’s grown she’s a preppy married chick.)

An emo is somebody who purposefully conforms to the style. Somebody who really is suffering from chronic depression, manic episodes, and the likes, are emotionally unsound people. Emo’s do things like say they are bipolar. This is dumb. I know this because I’ve studied the disorder (I have a few books cuz my mommy really is bipolar though she wont admit it) People who are bipolar either A. Are not aware of it. B. Are made aware but go into denial. Or C. Know they are bipolar but don’t find it to be a novelty and don’t go around telling people it. C is very rare, A. is the most common, followed by B.


6212 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
29 / M / US
Offline
Posted 4/29/07
"We should all know, knowing that you were disowned, you are NOT going to be happy. Your parents left you there to rot.... that's really not a good though."

I find this offensive being adopted myself. I would venture that most often it is the case that the family is not able to take care of the child well enough, or there are particular circumstances which interfere, not that they just leave the child to rot.

As far as younger kids being adopted more, this is simply understandable. It is less trouble.

I agree with the main point though, that more people should adopt. "saving a life is better than making one." Any poor sob can make a life as long as their reproductive organs are in good order. Hell, on of my neighbors, a 21 year old girl just found out she was pregnant.

"It is estimated that about 1 million children in the United States live with adoptive parents, and that between 2% to 4% of American families include an adopted child. (Stolley, 1993)"
8715 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
29 / M / North Carolina
Offline
Posted 4/29/07

Eros wrote:

"We should all know, knowing that you were disowned, you are NOT going to be happy. Your parents left you there to rot.... that's really not a good though."

I find this offensive being adopted myself. I would venture that most often it is the case that the family is not able to take care of the child well enough, or there are particular circumstances which interfere, not that they just leave the child to rot.

As far as younger kids being adopted more, this is simply understandable. It is less trouble.

I agree with the main point though, that more people should adopt. "saving a life is better than making one." Any poor sob can make a life as long as their reproductive organs are in good order. Hell, on of my neighbors, a 21 year old girl just found out she was pregnant.

"It is estimated that about 1 million children in the United States live with adoptive parents, and that between 2% to 4% of American families include an adopted child. (Stolley, 1993)"


I meant you're not really going to be 'happy' about it... I didn't really mean you're going to be depressed all of your life because of it, and it was uncontrollable. Not much people would go "YES, I got disowned!" in much of a proud way... unless they really really didn't like their parents, that much. 2%-4% is actually... very low. 100 familes 2-4 adopt....

Also the "your own flesh and blood" thing. Your child isn't you, no matter what. It's genes were created based off of you, but it's stomach is not your stomach. When he/she bleeds, you don't bleed (unless you get hurt together/at the same time.) They're not anything like that in the first place. They're their own self, they're NOT you. So if you adopt a child, it isn't much of a difference.

Having a child is also, in no way easy. So I don't see a reason why to not adopt teenage children. There's drama, but with any child, you'll have to live through it anyways. Unless you want to raise loads of children until the 5th grade and then disown them cause you really don't want to deal with it. Every child becomes a teenager (unless they of course, sadly die), and of course drama comes along for a ride.
First  Prev  1  2  3  4  Next  Last
You must be logged in to post.