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22 / M
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Posted 4/29/07
these posts are so long i cant read all of it and i dont know what they r talkin bout..
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30 / M / Japan
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Posted 4/29/07
^ don't bother. You aren't missing much.
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23 / F
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Posted 5/12/07
I'm adopted, it was hard growing up....
I was adopted at a young age ,so, I'm sure many other children have had it harder than me in many ways.I was born to a young, unmarried,girl just out of highschool. Only a couple of years older than I am now. Her name was Sandy..
It was a lot easier for me when I was younger because I didn't understand. But, when I turned 14, I finally realized that these people were not my blood relatives. Most of them didn't even resemble me in most ways. I was a completely different nationality (Im Hispanic and Irish. Most of my family is reallly white...Dutch and English). After my realization, things got hard in the house, many fights and screaming wars. I thought that I was unloved, givin up, unwanted. I even found out that I had a sister that I had never met, she was born before me.."Why wasn't she set up for adoption?? Why me?!" were my normal everyday thoughts.
And I did get depressed..'Emo' if you will. Now, I didn't go around listening to Emo music while wearing dark colors and complaining all the time...I cut myself and starved myself. I sufered from serious depression, almost to the point where I neede to go to a doctor.
Seeing pictures of my true mother, sister, and family hurt so much..I hated it! I thought I was a mistake..
Then, one day at my school(I go to a Christian school), we had a speaker come to talk to the JR. high and high schoolers.His name was Josh McDowel. He made me realize that i was loved. According to him, unlike most children, I was not just born to a family. I was chosen to be in my family.
He even told us an insult, joke thingy-
"HAHA! You're adopted and you're mother dosen't love you!"
"Oh really...well my parents chose me, you could just have been a broken condom.."
LOL

I like that I'm adopted. It makes me who I am, unique. I still wish that one day I'll be able to meet my 'other' family. But, Im happy to be where I am now....loved
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27 / F / California
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Posted 5/13/07
"We should all know, knowing that you were disowned, you are NOT going to be happy. Your parents left you there to rot.... that's really not a good though."

I found that statement to be offensive too as I am also adopted. By using the word "disown", you turn the act into something negative, as if the parent is putting the child up for adoption to purposely take away from the child (as punishment). Usually parents put their child up due to extreme circumstances. By using the word "disown" you imply that part of the fault lies within the child, as if the parents believed the child to be disgusting. You're exaggerating the circumstances.

I don't understand why you choose to criticize those who adopt children over teenagers. I would have thought that ANY parent who chose to adopt should be congratulated by those who are active supporters of adoption. By criticizing those who adopt children, you don't exactly help people realize the importance of adoption.

Basically, rather than speaking of adoption as something joyful, you have criticized it to the point where adoption looks offensive. I think that if parents who were debating about whether or not to adopt read this thread, they would be scared off, believing that the child would never be 'happy' or appreciative of them.

This thread sounds like it is leading into a nature vs. nurture discussion.
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24 / F / smiley heaven(:
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Posted 5/13/07
I guess dealing with teenage adopted kids can be hard. Because you don't know what theyve been through and what people they might be, there will be so many complications.
Plus nowadays, agencies take forever to get kids to parents. Sometimes they cheat people out of their money..plus it is expensive..It's not like the world doesn't wanna adopt.i wanna adopt 20 kids when im an adult.
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30 / M / Japan
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Posted 5/13/07
^ wouldn't that be a bit irresponsible? Adopt 20 kids? I hope you're just joking. Sometimes, if not always, quality will definitely be better than quantity. If I were to adopt, I'd only adopt 1, because I know that I would only adopt if I knew I could give the best to this child.

Hmm... and with regard to teenage kids, it's definitely difficult, especially with the changes they're going through. They'll probably be indifferent, hard to reach, stubborn, and difficult to deal with - but that's a challenge that only the best of parents can attest to.
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28 / F / singapore
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Posted 5/13/07
disowned?? well...be thankful if you don't find out you were sold for money for your parents drug issues. honestly...there's a lot of things happening out there. teenagers...aren't exactly the best ppl to deal with...they have crazy mood swings. then there's the whole i wanna have SEX....when i'm like 12...and they don't really realize that they might actually have a BABY. then they put the poor kid up for adoption...and the whole cycle starts again? but...not all kids go bad you know...some do REALLY well for themselves. i think of course...society does play a part here...but adoption isn't the only solution...or at least it isn't any longer.

parents adopt young kids...becoz it's easier...and you get to interact with them from young...rather than adopting the teen who might just kill...coz they din want to be adopted by you in the first place.

adoption is a difficult topic...but it's really not much point complaining about it...coz...ya...can you change anything? the problems exist...
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75 / in your cookie jar
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Posted 5/13/07
I agree that people should adopt more often ....... but your persuasion skills are a bit off. when you say this is seirous topic, shouldn't you be less sarcastic and rude? just saying "no offence" doesn't really help.........*takes a deep breath* ......wow, that's probably more then I've ever said or written before.
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26 / M / USA
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Posted 5/13/07
The reason to adopt a 4 year old rather than a teen age child is simple... You can change a four year olds perspectives and behavior patterns (unless they are retarted)*no joke*
With a teen you have to deal with their already F**ked up mentality.

FOR EXAMPLE: Chose the little girl who is short and cute and reminds you of Annie
OR: the crazy ass kid sitting in the corner with greasy a** hair and little cuts all down his arm...

Now i may have went for the extremes but none the less you see where im comming from.

What we do about these messed up kids that grow up without parents?
I say we abort them the second they pass the age of 12 and we see anything emo or homo about them.
**By the way im not emo or goth if your looking at the picture its just something a friend drew
Posted 5/13/07

digs wrote:

The world population is declining in some placed. Most of Europe is in a population decline because people are having less children. The average birth rate is 1.52. Japan is also shrinking due to a low birth rate. The United States birth rate is decreasing every year and soon we too will start to decline if immigration slows. Overpopulation is not a problem because there are still plenty non developed places on earth where we can make cities.


I hear that Europe is being overrun by mid easterners because they're reproducing more than the europeans. There is a similar trend in the US with immigrants.

Anyway, to address the thread starter's argument that people should adopt teenagers, not just young children: I would say that it's the younger children, not the teens, that count. Teens are already in the late stages of development and you won't be able to do much for them besides supporting them in making their way into the world as adults (which they have already been molded into). On the other hand, you can raise young children the way you think is best and thus contribute to shaping their character and habits. Although, judging by Azrael910's experience, it may be that you can't even influence young children very much.

Considering this, what is the benefit to the foster parents, the adopted kids, or even society at large, if people adopt teens instead of younger children, or having their own children?

In conclusion, Europeans and Americans need to start making babies (or adopting small children if you prefer) if they don't want to become colonies.
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20 / M / Boston
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Posted 5/13/07

Cordivine wrote:

Although, judging by Azrael910's experience, it may be that you can't even influence young children very much.


I've a fair amount of experience with adoption and I'm going to say he's wrong here. I'm adopted myself, so are my two siblings and several of my closest friends (they have adoption play groups). Our adoptive parents have had huge effects on who we have grown up to become. The nature vs. nurture debate is just wonderful but regardless of which side your own you should realize that both play a role in development.

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F / somewhere in silence
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Posted 5/14/07
I always tell ppl that I'm going to adopt a bunch of 18 year olds so that they grow up and for mothers day and holidays i'll get lots of gifts and if they become famous Oh how I shall not regret their adoption...not that I would anyway unless they end up killing me...

but older oprphans need love too, and not the woody allen way either...

Poor kids feel that extreme unwantedness

when I was in the hospital first time I ever wanted a kid so bad, there was a lil boy there he was so adorable I wished i was a bit older so I could have adopted him...but who is going to give a 17 year old a kid
Posted 7/27/08
There will be a lot of problems to think about adopting. my theories:
if the adopted kid is a really different ethnicty to yourself (adopter), then might cause some racism.
shud u let dem know they adopted or lie to dem?...
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29 / F / unda the Sea
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Posted 12/5/08

Jorlwind wrote:

by your passion on the subject I assume you've had some personal stake in this.
Dude, it says your 20. If this is going to be a serious adult topic a woman's "privates" is actually a vagina. (gasp) or to be easier on younger minds "the birth canal"?


My brother just got remarried, and his wife is having a difficult time bonding with his two kids whose real mom is a total bitch.

Lets just say this. When you adopt, you are never truly that child's parent. There is no, "flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood" bonding moment at birth. In a way taking on a child can be sorta like raising a cow. You may love the cow, you take care of the cow, but in the end that cow is still a farm animal hat you have a responsibility to, and to the cow you are just a source of food and love, but not one of the herd. Your it's caretaker, but it'll still grow up to be a cow.

crude analogy, but if you adopt a teenager its what your asking for. Most problems will start in childhood, by if you do adopt a teenager your basically getting an individual who doesn't trust you, and has to this point already made up his/her mind about the world, so as a parent your job is basically going to be seeing them through the bumpy ride thats going to almost certainly come. It is terrible that there isn't enough adoption in the world, there should be more of it.



If you are comparing the adopted kids scenerio with your brothers kid and their new mom... it's quite different, the only similiarity is having a new parent. It will, of course, be hard for your brothers new wife to bond with his two child b/c they already have their dad who is still with them and their mom, im assuming is still alive, so therefore, they don't really give a d*** about their step mother..? As for the adopted child, I think, if you were to adopt them when they are just 4-5 years old, the bonding may be easier, but a teenager will definitely be harder... they already can see the world and know it to a certain extent.

I say, if anyone wants to adopt a child, they should just give charity to help shelter the rest of the orphans... thats my goal.. XD There are so many to choose, i feel bad for the ones that didnt get chosen.
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29 / F / unda the Sea
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Posted 12/5/08

wrote:

There will be a lot of problems to think about adopting. my theories:
if the adopted kid is a really different ethnicty to yourself (adopter), then might cause some racism.
shud u let dem know they adopted or lie to dem?...


That is quite tough... If I was the adopter and my child asked me b/c of the different skin color, I would let him/her know that he/she was adopted, there is no point of lying, they may or may not run away b/c of this fact, but they must understand and look at adoption in the positive direction, they should accept the truth and move on with their life, even if their biological parents left them they have me who took them in and showered them with all the love I have; they should feel lucky and live life to the fullest. If the child is very sensitive and was adopted as a baby, you (as the adopter) may be able to escape with lying to them that their biological parents didn't have the fate to live old and take care of them. (just my opinion..) XD
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