Post Reply Returning for a favor
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Posted 11/14/08 , edited 11/14/08
It's been a while, and most of you probably never saw me before, but I once was part of the group and tried to do a service to it, but ultimately was just a boy who didn't belong here. I answered questions for girls that wanted help. I said what I could, while staying logical. Now I just need some advise, or at least words of wisdom. Here's the story:

On September 30 someone from my middle school contacted me. I only went to the school for a year, and I knew her older brother who was my age (she's a year younger). We talked and found common ground: language appreciation, drawing, general creative things, music, familial interest (I dream of having a daughter), even similar philosophical grounds. We became rather good friends for people online (I live in Texas, she lives in Connecticut, which are about 1800 miles apart).

I eventually kept catching wind of guys named Joe and Mike. After a little bit of asking here's what I heard from her: Joe was her boyfriend but mostly to try to get Mike jealous. Mike was a guy in a band who her friends knew. The music seemed aimed at girls, and she had gotten talking to him online. Apparently (what she said) he was interested in her, he was perfect (apparently 'deep' though she couldn't explain, I assume he used poetic words), but since she was underage (she is 17, he's 22) he couldn't be with her. Once he told her not to be sad if she see's him with his girlfriend at a show. I pulled from all of this that there was a number of girls like her, an enamored fan he might flirt with online, but never be serious with. Well this girl had no future plans but marrying him. So I wanted to do something, which in retrospect was wrong:

From a link she gave to the band page I hoped to find Mike's aim screen name. Instead all I found was a band member with the same last name, who I assumed to be his brother. I contacted him, I was right. I asked him to ask his brother to be honest to her about how he felt, whether it was love or not. After a day of not seeing her she came online very upset. She never told me what he said, but whatever it was it made her sad enough to attempt suicide. I felt terrible. I immediately told her what I had done, I could have very well said nothing. She was angry but didn't stop talking to me.

After some time she acted like she was over him, even said she knew it wouldn't work, that it was denial to keep herself going. Eventually she said she wanted to meet him in person so she could know he's not that great, but that wasn't true, she was still obsessed. I spent hours talking to her every day, trying to give advise, trying to help.

One day she had a status up saying she couldn't stop smiling. She removed it as soon as I said hi for some reason, later when I asked why she's in a good mood she said she just woke up today and nothing hurt. I thought I was helping. I left that night for a few hours for bowling and came back to the same message "I can't stop smiling". I asked what was up and she made me guess as if a game, and after a while I learned apparently while I was gone Mike said he'd give her a chance, though gave no plans for when a date would be. I could only guess so much:
1.) Due to the fact she used the message over again and she wanted me to freak out over her (making a game with something I'd dislike), she was making it up. She had also said she kept Mike wanting her by being difficult, so perhaps she does the same for friends.
2.) She had contacted him and mentioned her attempted suicide and asked for a chance with him, which in fear of her hurting herself he said yes.
3.) I was totally wrong and Mike was going to date her.

So I acted excited for her, saying I guessed I was wrong about him. I figured if she was lying she'd phase him out, if he was threatened it would show in time, and if it was true it'd show in time. She thanked me and said I was a good friend for being supportive.

We talked for a few days, a few hours each one, and eventual we had a small debate. This was normal enough, just a friendly debate. The topic was whether or not suicide is ever a reasonable choice to the average person. I said no, she said yes. I claim it can only serve to avoid problem and hurt those who care like family or friends. If no one cares, then at least don't waste your life, devote it to helping others. She said that there's something to dying for the belief of not belonging, eventually claiming our religious differences were the deciding factor (me an atheist and her a general spiritualist). We agreed to disagree for the time being, and moved on. Mike came up again as normal, and at some point I said "even if I can't appreciate him like you do, I'm happy". She wanted me to elaborate on 'not appreciating'. I said are you sure, you'll be angry. She said go ahead.

So I gave my opinion of him as a whole. An alright guy with no real interest in her. That if nothing else I wish she wouldn't be so attached as to kill herself should he leave. She took offense obviously. Asking me why can't I just be happy for her? I reminded her of her admitting denial, that I had never lied to her, I had been sorry for going behind her back to talk to Mike's brother, and that I had nothing but her best wishes in mind. She later said I had no respect for her and didn't care at all. Eventually she blocked me, even using a quote I had shown her as a tiding of love to Mike in an away message. I felt so... insignificant. I had tried to help, always fulfilled a promise to her, never lied once to her, talked to her for hours, had only her best wishes in mind, hadn't been important enough to even live for, and she had blocked me and even made a mockery of our time. If she had been any other person I would have called her out, but she was fragile, suicidal; I couldn't. After I sent a message saying I felt bad over the whole thing, she said she always planned to talk to me again, but not until she thought she could handle it.

And that's where it stands: I have to wait for her to decide we can talk again on her whim. I can't leave her, she's suicidal. I don't even love the girl and I'm being emotionally used. It's been a day and each time I see myself still blocked I feel more and more insignificant. I can't call her out, she's emotional, I can't risk her never talking to the one person who wants to help again. Any advise or words of wisdom out there?
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Posted 11/19/08
O_O well don't feel bad just think of all the times u made her happy
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Posted 11/19/08
Thanks, it's changed a little since then. She's talked to me since; talked to me today even, but she also randomly ignores me. When I confronted her with the mixed feelings of hate and flirting I get from her she excused herself saying she was manic depressive. I'd be fine with that, but it's like a third of the time I'm a friend who cares too much, and the next third I'm a pain to be ignored, and the last third I'm a deep guy she can flirt with. Whenever I try to say I'm done talking to her she pulls me back, whenever I'm interested she abuses me. I still ultimately wont leave because of that, she needs the attention, justification to live.
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Posted 11/20/08
Maniac depressive isn't like that... most depressed people won't throw themselves at people... they try to block people out so that no one can hurt them.. but that's general sense.. your friend might be different... i'm wondering if she's isn't just continuing to persuade herself she likes this guy just because you told her it's a bad idea (reverse psychology)
Posted 11/29/08

leftofftheark wrote:

Thanks, it's changed a little since then. She's talked to me since; talked to me today even, but she also randomly ignores me. When I confronted her with the mixed feelings of hate and flirting I get from her she excused herself saying she was manic depressive. I'd be fine with that, but it's like a third of the time I'm a friend who cares too much, and the next third I'm a pain to be ignored, and the last third I'm a deep guy she can flirt with. Whenever I try to say I'm done talking to her she pulls me back, whenever I'm interested she abuses me. I still ultimately wont leave because of that, she needs the attention, justification to live.


u know, if she is talking again, and things are better, then i would suggest that u distance urself, u have tried to help , u might have helped. but u are also a human being, not a toy who can be "randomly ignored" or flirted with.
or to be throw around when done. *sigh* i cant say much but give an advice, i ,most likely, can be wrong too , so dont take it to ur mind. so do whatever *U* , YOU, think is right!!!!! lol, i think u already know that one more thing: if she comes to u, then help her, if u can!! btw, why are u so involved with her when u dont even like her?? dont reply to this ^_^
Posted 12/1/08
She's too obsess... one day or another the guy will leave or cheat on her because if she really got him by just threatening him than its obvious that he doesn't love her. but on the girl part, i dunno how to say it because it depends on you but i suggest you distance yourself because you were ignored and flirted with you can't be sure what her true objective is. i'm sorry for not helping much...
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21 / F / dancing with haji...
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Posted 6/29/09
no words... u should try to let her go...
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