Post Reply Narrative leads
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Posted 11/17/08
When writing a story, either fictional or non-fiction, you always need to hook the reader in. The best way is to start at the begining paragraph, here are some examples you can use:

Typical
It was a normal ordinary day at the end of June. My mom, dad, brother, and I were at our camp on Rangeley Lake. We arrived the night before at 10:00, so it was dark when we got there and unpacked. We went straight to bed. The next morning, when I was eating breakfast, my dad started yelling for me from down at the dock at the top of his lungs. He said there was a car in the lake.

Action:A Main Character Doing Somthing
I gulped my milk, pused away from the table, and bolted out of the kitchen, slamming the broken screen door behind me. I ran down to our dock as fast as my les could carry me. My feet pounded on the old wood, hurrying me toward my dad's voice. "Scott!" he bellowed again.
"Coming, Dad!" I gasped. I couldn't see him yet----just the sails of the boats that had already put out into the lake for the day.

Dialogue:A Character or Characters Speaking
"Scott! Get down here on the double!" Dad bellowed. His voice seemed far away.
"Dad?" I hollered. "Where are you?" I squinted through the screen door but couldn't see him.
"I'm down on the dock. MOVE IT. You're not going to believe this," he replied.

Reaction:A Character Thinking
I couldn't imagine why my father was hollering for me at 7:00 in the morning. I thought fast about what I might have done to get him so riled. Had he found out about the way I talked to my mother the night before, when we got to camp and she asked me to help unpack the car? Did he discover the fishing reel I broke last week? Before I could consider a third possibility, Dad's voice shattered my thoughts.
"Scott! Move it! You're not going to believe this!"

Credits to:


©2002 by Nancie Atwell from Lessons That Change Writers (Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann)
Posted 12/25/08

I see~
Arigatou na~~
Does this "start" seem... intriguing?

I’m Sumiya Akari. I was born on October 24 at Kobe. My parents, Sumiya Akira and Suzuki Eika married each other under orders from their family. Family, yes; they were distant cousins. I was born.
The first time I showed any signs of being… abnormal was at school, 2nd grade. I only remember being mad, being real mad. I have forgotten why. All I know is that I was mad. Then things started shaking, and the windows and light bulb shattered. The glass shards… I remember them. They flew in an unnatural way; all away from me, showering the rest of the class. Everyone was screaming, running for the door. That made me madder. The teacher came and tried to pull me out… I forgot what happened after that. There was a loud bam and more screams. That was it; all I remember.
Back then… I didn’t know it was me. All I knew was that this mess, this destruction all ventilated my anger. It was a good stress relief. But I didn’t know it hurt so many people. I never went back to school after that, but I heard my parents talking about the teacher, how she was in coma. Since that day, everything changed.
It was a glass of lemonade plunked down in front of me. It was a hot summer’s day, high humidity. I didn’t think twice about it, only thanks to my parents. It was until I was half way through that I read that pain, despair in her eyes, my mom’s. I didn’t understand, only slowly drawing the cup away from my lips. Then I tasted that chalky powder. I couldn’t believe it at first, only staring back into my mom’s watering eyes. My dad came in, sitting by her, hiding his eyes. “It’s… drugged…” I whispered, recalling what the news channel had announced only seconds ago. That few seconds changed everything.
My eyes opened to the sound… That sound sounded so… familiar, but I know I have never heard it before. My eyelids felt so... heavy. But curiosity got the best of me. But I didn’t expect what came next. My mom was leaning in towards me, lower half of her body outside… outside of what? But I didn’t look around to check, my gaze froze on the shining streaks running down my mother’s cheeks. I raised a sleep-begging arm, gently wiping away the tear, then letting it fall heavily by the side. “Don’t cry…” I breathed out. “Akari… Akari…” she only continued to sob. It was only then I remember what happened. She froze, possibly reading the expression on my face. My fingers subconsciously curled and tightened on the faux leather cover of the car seat. “Where are you taking me?!” My voice had risen in alarm, but I still couldn’t manage above a whisper. I saw my father’s familiar calloused fingers grip my mother’s frozen shoulders, pulling her back. “Where are you taking me?!” This protest made it to a scream, but I barely heard it, just like I barely heard the loud shatter of the streetlamp. Suddenly, rough hands grabbed my left shoulder, pulling me back. But before I could turn, a white funnel shaped mask was shoved over my nose and mouth. I screamed, really loud. But the breath that followed allowed that drug to rush into my system. It worked instantly. My head drooped, my arms went limp… Everything else went dark.
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20 / F / wonder land
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Posted 12/25/08


mmm....theres a lot of discriptive words and action.
I like it! but some more in it, and everytime a character speaks, a new paragragh starts. some spelling mistakes can be changed.

Posted 12/25/08

Dark_angel_1324 wrote:



mmm....theres a lot of discriptive words and action.
I like it! but some more in it, and everytime a character speaks, a new paragragh starts. some spelling mistakes can be changed.



Kay~~! Thank you~!
Posted 12/29/08

How about this?

I stood in frozen fear. The street lights flickered. Amy's eyes, the same eyes that were filled with happiness and horror, looked guilty. I gasped for air. She blinked, then tears ran down her face. Her bloody hands reaching toward me. I took a step back, then I fell to the ground.
"Don't touch me," I said, my eyes still filled with fear.
"K-Katie."
"No, you're not Amy."
"I am Am-"
'No!" I shouted, before she could finish. "You aren't Amy! I don't even know who you are! You just 'ate' Tyler!' She looked suprised. Then she giggled. "You're right. i'm not Amy, I'm the other side of her." I couldn't say anything. I just stared at her. "Do you want to be a part of the Amy you know?" She glanced at me, then let out a breath. Her eyes turned a blazing red again. She smiled. I stopped breathing. Something wet covered me. Then everything turned black.
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20 / F / wonder land
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Posted 12/30/08



*-* i luv it! it would b nice if u could turn it into a story.
Posted 12/30/08

Dark_angel_1324 wrote:




*-* i luv it! it would b nice if u could turn it into a story.


Really? Thanks alot!
Posted 1/17/09



xD
I'm back~
How about this~?

Honestly, my life, my always-has-been-calm life, is now a tipsy roller coaster ride, hanging by a millimeter thin thread through 750 meters high, not to mention endless, broken down, rusted tracks.
But strangely, I’m quite enjoying the thrill.
I guess I should start from the beginning, and explain to you why I, a normal high school junior, would be in such a topsy turvy ride.
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20 / F / wonder land
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Posted 1/21/09


mmm...is this the first chapter? u should let readers find out about the characters along the story. if u explain everything now, itll b 2 straight forward. try 2 do a example of the tipsy roller coaster ride life. but everything is good =)

Posted 1/21/09

Dark_angel_1324 wrote:



mmm...is this the first chapter? u should let readers find out about the characters along the story. if u explain everything now, itll b 2 straight forward. try 2 do a example of the tipsy roller coaster ride life. but everything is good =)



naw~
it's just the first part of the intro~
didn't wanna paste the whole thing on
WAY too long
like, 79 pages in microsoft
xDD
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