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[Fanfiction] Tiramisu With You~
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Posted 11/27/08

Melon_GE_ wrote:

Check it out!



Yeah I know it's bad. I lost my pink pencil so I did Amu's hair with a highlighter.
And Dia's egg looks red but it's orange.


kawaii~ XD
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Posted 11/27/08

Melon_GE_ wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:

Amazing! It's very creative and the eggs you created for Grace are unique and original as well as the drawings. It's very well done. A little more improvement in your writing and you may as well become an author. One tip: Don't say 'said' too much. The story loses feeling when the same word is repeated more than twice. Other than that keep it up. Can't wait until the next chapter! XP

Later~!
Senin~!


Thank you very much! People do say I use the word "said" alot, but all my teachers say I have a creative imagination. Most of this would have probably happened if I went to Japan and had guardian eggs. In the beginning of the school year I was separated from all my friends and put in a homeroom with only 7 girls! I wished there was a way to truly be myself and to be a popular student in the new class. It's kinda weird cause my wish came true! I became popular and now I get along with the girls and guys. My character at school is crazy and I'm the class clown. I'm just lucky. ...Wow this was a long response.
~Thanks
~Grace-chan
(BTW the pic was made by my pal DeeDee_95 )



Chapter six was awesome. There are times in a story where you have to use the word 'said' but most of the time use others words. At first I didn't have a problem with it, but my english teacher all taught us methods of not using 'said' with the title 'Said is Dead' so we'd lose one mark each time we used 'said'. It worked and now I notice more 'said's than necessary. When I even re-read Stephenie Meyer's Twilight, I noticed how many 'said's she had and I kinda. . . . disapproved. (I still do. xD) But it's true you are creative. Just only use said three or four times each chapter. If you use others words it makes the story more intriguing 'cuz there's more reality in the emotion. Sometimes people put so many 'said's the story itself feels numb. I was like that at the beginning when I started writing. I sucked. But keep it up. xD Can't wait!

Senin~!
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Posted 11/27/08

SakuraSenin wrote:


Melon_GE_ wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:

Amazing! It's very creative and the eggs you created for Grace are unique and original as well as the drawings. It's very well done. A little more improvement in your writing and you may as well become an author. One tip: Don't say 'said' too much. The story loses feeling when the same word is repeated more than twice. Other than that keep it up. Can't wait until the next chapter! XP

Later~!
Senin~!


Thank you very much! People do say I use the word "said" alot, but all my teachers say I have a creative imagination. Most of this would have probably happened if I went to Japan and had guardian eggs. In the beginning of the school year I was separated from all my friends and put in a homeroom with only 7 girls! I wished there was a way to truly be myself and to be a popular student in the new class. It's kinda weird cause my wish came true! I became popular and now I get along with the girls and guys. My character at school is crazy and I'm the class clown. I'm just lucky. ...Wow this was a long response.
~Thanks
~Grace-chan
(BTW the pic was made by my pal DeeDee_95 )



Chapter six was awesome. There are times in a story where you have to use the word 'said' but most of the time use others words. At first I didn't have a problem with it, but my english teacher all taught us methods of not using 'said' with the title 'Said is Dead' so we'd lose one mark each time we used 'said'. It worked and now I notice more 'said's than necessary. When I even re-read Stephenie Meyer's Twilight, I noticed how many 'said's she had and I kinda. . . . disapproved. (I still do. xD) But it's true you are creative. Just only use said three or four times each chapter. If you use others words it makes the story more intriguing 'cuz there's more reality in the emotion. Sometimes people put so many 'said's the story itself feels numb. I was like that at the beginning when I started writing. I sucked. But keep it up. xD Can't wait!

Senin~!



My teachers say the same thing to me all the time! I'm trying to make the story as dramatic and funny as I can. (Weird combination) So keep on checking back!

~Grace-chan
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Posted 11/27/08
ATTENTION!!!

If you like my fanfiction "Tiramisu With you~" then join my group!

http://www.crunchyroll.com/group/Tiramisu_With_You!?src=trail
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Posted 11/27/08
Chapter 7: Good or Bad?! Easter's...puppet?



To be continued.
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Posted 11/27/08
blast i had that idea for awhile (yukari) u beat me to it =\
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Posted 11/27/08

uhohimdead wrote:

blast i had that idea for awhile (yukari) u beat me to it =\


Eh, he, he... sorry.

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Posted 11/27/08

Melon_GE_ wrote:

Eh, he, he... sorry.



no worries ill have to change how the switch happens is all
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Posted 11/27/08

Melon_GE_ wrote:

Chapter 7: Good or Bad?! Easter's...puppet?



To be continued.

great chapter, can't wait for the next one!
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Posted 11/27/08

Karin55 wrote:


Melon_GE_ wrote:

Chapter 7: Good or Bad?! Easter's...puppet?



To be continued.

great chapter, can't wait for the next one!


Thanks! Since these chapters are getting shorter I have to make more chapters to make up for it! ^^
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Posted 11/27/08

Melon_GE_ wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:


Melon_GE_ wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:

Amazing! It's very creative and the eggs you created for Grace are unique and original as well as the drawings. It's very well done. A little more improvement in your writing and you may as well become an author. One tip: Don't say 'said' too much. The story loses feeling when the same word is repeated more than twice. Other than that keep it up. Can't wait until the next chapter! XP

Later~!
Senin~!


Thank you very much! People do say I use the word "said" alot, but all my teachers say I have a creative imagination. Most of this would have probably happened if I went to Japan and had guardian eggs. In the beginning of the school year I was separated from all my friends and put in a homeroom with only 7 girls! I wished there was a way to truly be myself and to be a popular student in the new class. It's kinda weird cause my wish came true! I became popular and now I get along with the girls and guys. My character at school is crazy and I'm the class clown. I'm just lucky. ...Wow this was a long response.
~Thanks
~Grace-chan
(BTW the pic was made by my pal DeeDee_95 )



Chapter six was awesome. There are times in a story where you have to use the word 'said' but most of the time use others words. At first I didn't have a problem with it, but my english teacher all taught us methods of not using 'said' with the title 'Said is Dead' so we'd lose one mark each time we used 'said'. It worked and now I notice more 'said's than necessary. When I even re-read Stephenie Meyer's Twilight, I noticed how many 'said's she had and I kinda. . . . disapproved. (I still do. xD) But it's true you are creative. Just only use said three or four times each chapter. If you use others words it makes the story more intriguing 'cuz there's more reality in the emotion. Sometimes people put so many 'said's the story itself feels numb. I was like that at the beginning when I started writing. I sucked. But keep it up. xD Can't wait!

Senin~!



My teachers say the same thing to me all the time! I'm trying to make the story as dramatic and funny as I can. (Weird combination) So keep on checking back!

~Grace-chan


Grace! I like the improvement in the seventh chapter! Good job! *high fives* My face literally went [ ] when I saw it. Yay! She got another guardian character! My surprise is that it's half and half a character. Normally it would be two characters. Kinda like Utau's. The only difference between Iru and Eru is that they're angel and devil. xD Can't 'till the next chap.

Senin~!
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Posted 11/28/08
Chaper 8 preview:

Chapter 8: Heart-thumping madness! Help save Grace!



Yayzz! This one's gonna be good!
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Posted 11/28/08 , edited 11/29/08
Chapter 8: Heart Thumping Madness! Help Save Grace!
(WARNING: This is may be the most Dramatic, Romantic, and shocking chapter I've written so far.)



Sorry I didn't include Nadeshiko cause she doesn't have a chara-transformation yet.
Wow this was a long one.
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Posted 11/28/08

Melon_GE_ wrote:

Chapter 8: Heart Thumping Madness! Help Save Grace!
(WARNING: This is may be the most Dramatic, Romantic, and shocking chapter I've written so far.)



Sorry I didn't include Nadeshiko cause she doesn't have a chara-transformation yet.
Wow this was a long one.

awesome chapter!

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Posted 11/28/08

Karin55 wrote:


Melon_GE_ wrote:

Chapter 8: Heart Thumping Madness! Help Save Grace!
(WARNING: This is may be the most Dramatic, Romantic, and shocking chapter I've written so far.)



Sorry I didn't include Nadeshiko cause she doesn't have a chara-transformation yet.
Wow this was a long one.

awesome chapter!



Thanks! ^^
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