First  Prev  1  2  3  4  5  6  Next  Last
[Fanfiction] Tiramisu With You~
Posted 11/28/08
very good
48 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
F / Singapore
Offline
Posted 11/29/08
HEY! (: I love your fanfic! It's very original and well-written! Hmmm...I wonder when I'll get my SHUGO DREAM >< 加油!
Member
2541 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
F / In a house
Offline
Posted 11/29/08
great chapter sure you made the longest most dramatic romantic chapter out of this whole fanfic and you didn't say said a lot! i was actually laughing when she kissed tatsuka (i do that sometimes) please upload the pictures of grace-chan, grace's other charas, and tatsuka-kun. he sounds cute lol
Member
15308 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
F / USA. nuff said.
Offline
Posted 11/29/08

anime_chibi123 wrote:

great chapter sure you made the longest most dramatic romantic chapter out of this whole fanfic and you didn't say said a lot! i was actually laughing when she kissed tatsuka (i do that sometimes) please upload the pictures of grace-chan, grace's other charas, and tatsuka-kun. he sounds cute lol


Thanks! I'll try to get more pictures in, but I'm not that good at drawing! XD LOL

Member
2541 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
F / In a house
Offline
Posted 11/29/08

Melon_GE_ wrote:


anime_chibi123 wrote:

great chapter sure you made the longest most dramatic romantic chapter out of this whole fanfic and you didn't say said a lot! i was actually laughing when she kissed tatsuka (i do that sometimes) please upload the pictures of grace-chan, grace's other charas, and tatsuka-kun. he sounds cute lol


Thanks! I'll try to get more pictures in, but I'm not that good at drawing! XD LOL



lol don't worry about it. boys are the most hardest to draw for me. it doesn't look very pretty at the end though ^^.
Member
4244 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
21 / F / Florida :O
Offline
Posted 11/29/08

Melon_GE_ wrote:

GE: OMG This is my first fanfic! It may start out bad but no rude coments plz!
Tiramisu in Italian means "Please take me to heaven" So put it together it says "Please take me to Heaven with you~" Yeah the title may be bad but I thought it was kinda cute!
Ikuto: Shut up and start the fanfic.

Chapter 1: New Beginnings? Star class's new surprise!



YAH-HOO! (Oh god I sound like Kiba) First chapter done! I always dreamed of making my own Fanfic! Comments Plzz! But no mean ones! DD:< (Sorry for spelling mistakes)



Thats very good ^^ But, the lyrics for chocolate Disco isnt "Chocolate Disco~ Chocolate Disco~" But Chocolate IDO Disco~ Chocolate Ido disco ^^
Member
15308 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
F / USA. nuff said.
Offline
Posted 11/29/08

Nikie504 wrote:


Melon_GE_ wrote:

GE: OMG This is my first fanfic! It may start out bad but no rude coments plz!
Tiramisu in Italian means "Please take me to heaven" So put it together it says "Please take me to Heaven with you~" Yeah the title may be bad but I thought it was kinda cute!
Ikuto: Shut up and start the fanfic.

Chapter 1: New Beginnings? Star class's new surprise!



YAH-HOO! (Oh god I sound like Kiba) First chapter done! I always dreamed of making my own Fanfic! Comments Plzz! But no mean ones! DD:< (Sorry for spelling mistakes)



Thats very good ^^ But, the lyrics for chocolate Disco isnt "Chocolate Disco~ Chocolate Disco~" But Chocolate IDO Disco~ Chocolate Ido disco ^^


Yeah I kinda messed up that one. Really it's supposed to be Chocolate Disco ~ But since the english isn't that great it's Chocolate IDO Disco.
Member
615 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
F / New Zealand
Offline
Posted 11/29/08
i luv ur story it is great i cant wait 2 read more of it
Member
6533 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
21 / F / VanCity, B.C., Ca...
Offline
Posted 11/29/08
Nope... I don't really like it that much.. You gotta lot to work on...

My Constructive Critism

1. The details
2. Spelling/Grammer
3. Using '*'s.. Don't.. It doesn't help.. At all
4. Chapter length
5. Completely random stuff.. Some ppl may like it, but I really don't.
6. Character Transformation/Character Transformation Attacks- Twilight Rocker is kinda cool but it's so-so.
7. Character Names: Su is supposedly Su.. But you can spell Su like that or like Suu. Remember the suffixes and use them well!

And that's pretty much all.. Sorry if I offended you, but I have high standards.. Hehehe.. And the chapters here, are less then the chapters I have for my story on FF.Net.. I have 3 chapters and 7000+ words. So work on those 7 things, and you'll get better at writing..

Another tip, read animea-hime's Guide To.. It's a good fanfiction about writing fanfictions!

~Mitsuki Sakura Uchiha (my account on FF)
Member
6533 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
21 / F / VanCity, B.C., Ca...
Offline
Posted 11/29/08

SakuraSenin wrote:


Melon_GE_ wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:

Amazing! It's very creative and the eggs you created for Grace are unique and original as well as the drawings. It's very well done. A little more improvement in your writing and you may as well become an author. One tip: Don't say 'said' too much. The story loses feeling when the same word is repeated more than twice. Other than that keep it up. Can't wait until the next chapter! XP

Later~!
Senin~!


Thank you very much! People do say I use the word "said" alot, but all my teachers say I have a creative imagination. Most of this would have probably happened if I went to Japan and had guardian eggs. In the beginning of the school year I was separated from all my friends and put in a homeroom with only 7 girls! I wished there was a way to truly be myself and to be a popular student in the new class. It's kinda weird cause my wish came true! I became popular and now I get along with the girls and guys. My character at school is crazy and I'm the class clown. I'm just lucky. ...Wow this was a long response.
~Thanks
~Grace-chan
(BTW the pic was made by my pal DeeDee_95 )



Chapter six was awesome. There are times in a story where you have to use the word 'said' but most of the time use others words. At first I didn't have a problem with it, but my english teacher all taught us methods of not using 'said' with the title 'Said is Dead' so we'd lose one mark each time we used 'said'. It worked and now I notice more 'said's than necessary. When I even re-read Stephenie Meyer's Twilight, I noticed how many 'said's she had and I kinda. . . . disapproved. (I still do. xD) But it's true you are creative. Just only use said three or four times each chapter. If you use others words it makes the story more intriguing 'cuz there's more reality in the emotion. Sometimes people put so many 'said's the story itself feels numb. I was like that at the beginning when I started writing. I sucked. But keep it up. xD Can't wait!

Senin~!


You did Said Is Dead? Me 2.... xDDD I had these whole websites that showed it all the other words I could use!
Member
4244 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
21 / F / Florida :O
Offline
Posted 11/30/08

Melon_GE_ wrote:


Nikie504 wrote:


Melon_GE_ wrote:

GE: OMG This is my first fanfic! It may start out bad but no rude coments plz!
Tiramisu in Italian means "Please take me to heaven" So put it together it says "Please take me to Heaven with you~" Yeah the title may be bad but I thought it was kinda cute!
Ikuto: Shut up and start the fanfic.

Chapter 1: New Beginnings? Star class's new surprise!



YAH-HOO! (Oh god I sound like Kiba) First chapter done! I always dreamed of making my own Fanfic! Comments Plzz! But no mean ones! DD:< (Sorry for spelling mistakes)



Thats very good ^^ But, the lyrics for chocolate Disco isnt "Chocolate Disco~ Chocolate Disco~" But Chocolate IDO Disco~ Chocolate Ido disco ^^


Yeah I kinda messed up that one. Really it's supposed to be Chocolate Disco ~ But since the english isn't that great it's Chocolate IDO Disco.

Hey, Can you give more details of how Grace looks like? I wanna try to draw her xD

Member
15308 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
F / USA. nuff said.
Offline
Posted 11/30/08

Nikie504 wrote:


Melon_GE_ wrote:


Nikie504 wrote:


Melon_GE_ wrote:

GE: OMG This is my first fanfic! It may start out bad but no rude coments plz!
Tiramisu in Italian means "Please take me to heaven" So put it together it says "Please take me to Heaven with you~" Yeah the title may be bad but I thought it was kinda cute!
Ikuto: Shut up and start the fanfic.

Chapter 1: New Beginnings? Star class's new surprise!



YAH-HOO! (Oh god I sound like Kiba) First chapter done! I always dreamed of making my own Fanfic! Comments Plzz! But no mean ones! DD:< (Sorry for spelling mistakes)



Thats very good ^^ But, the lyrics for chocolate Disco isnt "Chocolate Disco~ Chocolate Disco~" But Chocolate IDO Disco~ Chocolate Ido disco ^^


Yeah I kinda messed up that one. Really it's supposed to be Chocolate Disco ~ But since the english isn't that great it's Chocolate IDO Disco.

Hey, Can you give more details of how Grace looks like? I wanna try to draw her xD



Umm, I'll try,

Hair: Medium length, dark brown with caramel highlights, wears a orange headband.
Eyes: Dark brown.
Appearance: Wears a white shirt with a red tie, red pleaded skirt with dark skinny jeans under, diamond patterned choker necklace, and she carries a brown school bag with pins on it

I hope this helps! XD
Member
2926 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
Canada
Offline
Posted 11/30/08

iluvshaoran wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:


Melon_GE_ wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:

Amazing! It's very creative and the eggs you created for Grace are unique and original as well as the drawings. It's very well done. A little more improvement in your writing and you may as well become an author. One tip: Don't say 'said' too much. The story loses feeling when the same word is repeated more than twice. Other than that keep it up. Can't wait until the next chapter! XP

Later~!
Senin~!


Thank you very much! People do say I use the word "said" alot, but all my teachers say I have a creative imagination. Most of this would have probably happened if I went to Japan and had guardian eggs. In the beginning of the school year I was separated from all my friends and put in a homeroom with only 7 girls! I wished there was a way to truly be myself and to be a popular student in the new class. It's kinda weird cause my wish came true! I became popular and now I get along with the girls and guys. My character at school is crazy and I'm the class clown. I'm just lucky. ...Wow this was a long response.
~Thanks
~Grace-chan
(BTW the pic was made by my pal DeeDee_95 )



Chapter six was awesome. There are times in a story where you have to use the word 'said' but most of the time use others words. At first I didn't have a problem with it, but my english teacher all taught us methods of not using 'said' with the title 'Said is Dead' so we'd lose one mark each time we used 'said'. It worked and now I notice more 'said's than necessary. When I even re-read Stephenie Meyer's Twilight, I noticed how many 'said's she had and I kinda. . . . disapproved. (I still do. xD) But it's true you are creative. Just only use said three or four times each chapter. If you use others words it makes the story more intriguing 'cuz there's more reality in the emotion. Sometimes people put so many 'said's the story itself feels numb. I was like that at the beginning when I started writing. I sucked. But keep it up. xD Can't wait!

Senin~!


You did Said Is Dead? Me 2.... xDDD I had these whole websites that showed it all the other words I could use!


We just had a long list. A REALLY LONG LIST. xD
1131 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
19 / F / Under your bed
Offline
Posted 11/30/08
ok, i really don't like stories with new guardians and all, but this is ok, so, i guess i like it!
also, can you tell me whenever you put another chapter up? thanks!
Member
15308 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
F / USA. nuff said.
Offline
Posted 12/1/08
Note: I won't update as many chapters because I have my writing exams!
Gomen!
First  Prev  1  2  3  4  5  6  Next  Last
You must be logged in to post.