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[Fanfiction] Tiramisu With You~
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Posted 12/4/08

SakuraSenin wrote:


Melon_GE_ wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:

Amazing! It's very creative and the eggs you created for Grace are unique and original as well as the drawings. It's very well done. A little more improvement in your writing and you may as well become an author. One tip: Don't say 'said' too much. The story loses feeling when the same word is repeated more than twice. Other than that keep it up. Can't wait until the next chapter! XP

Later~!
Senin~!


Thank you very much! People do say I use the word "said" alot, but all my teachers say I have a creative imagination. Most of this would have probably happened if I went to Japan and had guardian eggs. In the beginning of the school year I was separated from all my friends and put in a homeroom with only 7 girls! I wished there was a way to truly be myself and to be a popular student in the new class. It's kinda weird cause my wish came true! I became popular and now I get along with the girls and guys. My character at school is crazy and I'm the class clown. I'm just lucky. ...Wow this was a long response.
~Thanks
~Grace-chan
(BTW the pic was made by my pal DeeDee_95 )



Chapter six was awesome. There are times in a story where you have to use the word 'said' but most of the time use others words. At first I didn't have a problem with it, but my english teacher all taught us methods of not using 'said' with the title 'Said is Dead' so we'd lose one mark each time we used 'said'. It worked and now I notice more 'said's than necessary. When I even re-read Stephenie Meyer's Twilight, I noticed how many 'said's she had and I kinda. . . . disapproved. (I still do. xD) But it's true you are creative. Just only use said three or four times each chapter. If you use others words it makes the story more intriguing 'cuz there's more reality in the emotion. Sometimes people put so many 'said's the story itself feels numb. I was like that at the beginning when I started writing. I sucked. But keep it up. xD Can't wait!

Senin~!


Geez...Senin... u read Twilight? I read it too. Btw i agree,,,, Stephenie Meyer used lotsa 'tired' words. Its a nice book though.

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Chapter 9: New Crushes
Sorry for not uploading, Schools controlling my life!
DDDDDDDD:



Sorry it's so short!
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Posted 12/4/08

itchypeachy wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:


Melon_GE_ wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:

Amazing! It's very creative and the eggs you created for Grace are unique and original as well as the drawings. It's very well done. A little more improvement in your writing and you may as well become an author. One tip: Don't say 'said' too much. The story loses feeling when the same word is repeated more than twice. Other than that keep it up. Can't wait until the next chapter! XP

Later~!
Senin~!


Thank you very much! People do say I use the word "said" alot, but all my teachers say I have a creative imagination. Most of this would have probably happened if I went to Japan and had guardian eggs. In the beginning of the school year I was separated from all my friends and put in a homeroom with only 7 girls! I wished there was a way to truly be myself and to be a popular student in the new class. It's kinda weird cause my wish came true! I became popular and now I get along with the girls and guys. My character at school is crazy and I'm the class clown. I'm just lucky. ...Wow this was a long response.
~Thanks
~Grace-chan
(BTW the pic was made by my pal DeeDee_95 )



Chapter six was awesome. There are times in a story where you have to use the word 'said' but most of the time use others words. At first I didn't have a problem with it, but my english teacher all taught us methods of not using 'said' with the title 'Said is Dead' so we'd lose one mark each time we used 'said'. It worked and now I notice more 'said's than necessary. When I even re-read Stephenie Meyer's Twilight, I noticed how many 'said's she had and I kinda. . . . disapproved. (I still do. xD) But it's true you are creative. Just only use said three or four times each chapter. If you use others words it makes the story more intriguing 'cuz there's more reality in the emotion. Sometimes people put so many 'said's the story itself feels numb. I was like that at the beginning when I started writing. I sucked. But keep it up. xD Can't wait!

Senin~!


Geez...Senin... u read Twilight? I read it too. Btw i agree,,,, Stephenie Meyer used lotsa 'tired' words. Its a nice book though.



:D I did! I read all three books in three days. (My friends call me obsessed.) Then I read Breaking Dawn in like five hours. (If you count a thirty minute break it's five hours.) So technically I read it in four and a half hours.
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Posted 12/4/08

SakuraSenin wrote:


itchypeachy wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:


Melon_GE_ wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:

Amazing! It's very creative and the eggs you created for Grace are unique and original as well as the drawings. It's very well done. A little more improvement in your writing and you may as well become an author. One tip: Don't say 'said' too much. The story loses feeling when the same word is repeated more than twice. Other than that keep it up. Can't wait until the next chapter! XP

Later~!
Senin~!


Thank you very much! People do say I use the word "said" alot, but all my teachers say I have a creative imagination. Most of this would have probably happened if I went to Japan and had guardian eggs. In the beginning of the school year I was separated from all my friends and put in a homeroom with only 7 girls! I wished there was a way to truly be myself and to be a popular student in the new class. It's kinda weird cause my wish came true! I became popular and now I get along with the girls and guys. My character at school is crazy and I'm the class clown. I'm just lucky. ...Wow this was a long response.
~Thanks
~Grace-chan
(BTW the pic was made by my pal DeeDee_95 )



Chapter six was awesome. There are times in a story where you have to use the word 'said' but most of the time use others words. At first I didn't have a problem with it, but my english teacher all taught us methods of not using 'said' with the title 'Said is Dead' so we'd lose one mark each time we used 'said'. It worked and now I notice more 'said's than necessary. When I even re-read Stephenie Meyer's Twilight, I noticed how many 'said's she had and I kinda. . . . disapproved. (I still do. xD) But it's true you are creative. Just only use said three or four times each chapter. If you use others words it makes the story more intriguing 'cuz there's more reality in the emotion. Sometimes people put so many 'said's the story itself feels numb. I was like that at the beginning when I started writing. I sucked. But keep it up. xD Can't wait!

Senin~!


Geez...Senin... u read Twilight? I read it too. Btw i agree,,,, Stephenie Meyer used lotsa 'tired' words. Its a nice book though.



:D I did! I read all three books in three days. (My friends call me obsessed.) Then I read Breaking Dawn in like five hours. (If you count a thirty minute break it's five hours.) So technically I read it in four and a half hours.


wow!! you are a fast reader....dang...i wished i could read like you. i read really slowly. I read the 1st book in like...3 days? Not to mention lots of breaks too.... =D

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Posted 12/5/08

itchypeachy wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:


itchypeachy wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:


Melon_GE_ wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:

Amazing! It's very creative and the eggs you created for Grace are unique and original as well as the drawings. It's very well done. A little more improvement in your writing and you may as well become an author. One tip: Don't say 'said' too much. The story loses feeling when the same word is repeated more than twice. Other than that keep it up. Can't wait until the next chapter! XP

Later~!
Senin~!


Thank you very much! People do say I use the word "said" alot, but all my teachers say I have a creative imagination. Most of this would have probably happened if I went to Japan and had guardian eggs. In the beginning of the school year I was separated from all my friends and put in a homeroom with only 7 girls! I wished there was a way to truly be myself and to be a popular student in the new class. It's kinda weird cause my wish came true! I became popular and now I get along with the girls and guys. My character at school is crazy and I'm the class clown. I'm just lucky. ...Wow this was a long response.
~Thanks
~Grace-chan
(BTW the pic was made by my pal DeeDee_95 )



Chapter six was awesome. There are times in a story where you have to use the word 'said' but most of the time use others words. At first I didn't have a problem with it, but my english teacher all taught us methods of not using 'said' with the title 'Said is Dead' so we'd lose one mark each time we used 'said'. It worked and now I notice more 'said's than necessary. When I even re-read Stephenie Meyer's Twilight, I noticed how many 'said's she had and I kinda. . . . disapproved. (I still do. xD) But it's true you are creative. Just only use said three or four times each chapter. If you use others words it makes the story more intriguing 'cuz there's more reality in the emotion. Sometimes people put so many 'said's the story itself feels numb. I was like that at the beginning when I started writing. I sucked. But keep it up. xD Can't wait!

Senin~!


Geez...Senin... u read Twilight? I read it too. Btw i agree,,,, Stephenie Meyer used lotsa 'tired' words. Its a nice book though.



:D I did! I read all three books in three days. (My friends call me obsessed.) Then I read Breaking Dawn in like five hours. (If you count a thirty minute break it's five hours.) So technically I read it in four and a half hours.


wow!! you are a fast reader....dang...i wished i could read like you. i read really slowly. I read the 1st book in like...3 days? Not to mention lots of breaks too.... =D



Well, at first I was skeptical because honestly, vampires? They are sooo not my thing. But when I read Twilight, it entirely changes your perspective of view on vampires. I may love vampires now, but I'll never write a story about them. I can never match to Stephenie Meyer or Anne Rice. Have you read The Hose though? >O HALF OF THE CHARACTERS IN IT REMIND YOU OF THE WEREWOLVES!
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Posted 12/5/08

Melon_GE_ wrote:

Chapter 8: Heart Thumping Madness! Help Save Grace!
(WARNING: This is may be the most Dramatic, Romantic, and shocking chapter I've written so far.)



Sorry I didn't include Nadeshiko cause she doesn't have a chara-transformation yet.
Wow this was a long one.


Aw, that's a cute chapter. FYI you're stooping low on the 'said's again. Anyways, nice job with the movement and placements of the paragraphs. Tip: When you're writing sentences with quotes, instead of doing something like ("Umm... guys I have something to tell you." I said quietly.) put a comma at the end of your phrases. Like this ------>>>>> "Umm... guys I have something to tell you," I said quietly.
:D Another for your spelling. Good job!

Senin~!
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Posted 12/5/08

Melon_GE_ wrote:

Note: I won't update as many chapters because I have my writing exams!
Gomen!


:D I passed mine! I had to delay on the fanfictions I was writing on fanfiction.net xD
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Posted 12/6/08 , edited 12/6/08

SakuraSenin wrote:


itchypeachy wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:


itchypeachy wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:


Melon_GE_ wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:

Amazing! It's very creative and the eggs you created for Grace are unique and original as well as the drawings. It's very well done. A little more improvement in your writing and you may as well become an author. One tip: Don't say 'said' too much. The story loses feeling when the same word is repeated more than twice. Other than that keep it up. Can't wait until the next chapter! XP

Later~!
Senin~!


Thank you very much! People do say I use the word "said" alot, but all my teachers say I have a creative imagination. Most of this would have probably happened if I went to Japan and had guardian eggs. In the beginning of the school year I was separated from all my friends and put in a homeroom with only 7 girls! I wished there was a way to truly be myself and to be a popular student in the new class. It's kinda weird cause my wish came true! I became popular and now I get along with the girls and guys. My character at school is crazy and I'm the class clown. I'm just lucky. ...Wow this was a long response.
~Thanks
~Grace-chan
(BTW the pic was made by my pal DeeDee_95 )



Chapter six was awesome. There are times in a story where you have to use the word 'said' but most of the time use others words. At first I didn't have a problem with it, but my english teacher all taught us methods of not using 'said' with the title 'Said is Dead' so we'd lose one mark each time we used 'said'. It worked and now I notice more 'said's than necessary. When I even re-read Stephenie Meyer's Twilight, I noticed how many 'said's she had and I kinda. . . . disapproved. (I still do. xD) But it's true you are creative. Just only use said three or four times each chapter. If you use others words it makes the story more intriguing 'cuz there's more reality in the emotion. Sometimes people put so many 'said's the story itself feels numb. I was like that at the beginning when I started writing. I sucked. But keep it up. xD Can't wait!

Senin~!


Geez...Senin... u read Twilight? I read it too. Btw i agree,,,, Stephenie Meyer used lotsa 'tired' words. Its a nice book though.



:D I did! I read all three books in three days. (My friends call me obsessed.) Then I read Breaking Dawn in like five hours. (If you count a thirty minute break it's five hours.) So technically I read it in four and a half hours.


wow!! you are a fast reader....dang...i wished i could read like you. i read really slowly. I read the 1st book in like...3 days? Not to mention lots of breaks too.... =D



Well, at first I was skeptical because honestly, vampires? They are sooo not my thing. But when I read Twilight, it entirely changes your perspective of view on vampires. I may love vampires now, but I'll never write a story about them. I can never match to Stephenie Meyer or Anne Rice. Have you read The Hose though? >O HALF OF THE CHARACTERS IN IT REMIND YOU OF THE WEREWOLVES!


Haha. I wasn't that crazy over vampires...but... you see, ever since I read Vampire Knight, I started reading books concerning vampires. (yeah, i know im crazy) But seriously, I don't think my writing skills are as good as yours. Mine sucked a lot. You wrote fanfics too, didn't you? I read your fanfics. My writing skillls are barely half of yours...probably worse than half of yours....

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Posted 12/6/08

itchypeachy wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:


itchypeachy wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:


itchypeachy wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:


Melon_GE_ wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:

Amazing! It's very creative and the eggs you created for Grace are unique and original as well as the drawings. It's very well done. A little more improvement in your writing and you may as well become an author. One tip: Don't say 'said' too much. The story loses feeling when the same word is repeated more than twice. Other than that keep it up. Can't wait until the next chapter! XP

Later~!
Senin~!


Thank you very much! People do say I use the word "said" alot, but all my teachers say I have a creative imagination. Most of this would have probably happened if I went to Japan and had guardian eggs. In the beginning of the school year I was separated from all my friends and put in a homeroom with only 7 girls! I wished there was a way to truly be myself and to be a popular student in the new class. It's kinda weird cause my wish came true! I became popular and now I get along with the girls and guys. My character at school is crazy and I'm the class clown. I'm just lucky. ...Wow this was a long response.
~Thanks
~Grace-chan
(BTW the pic was made by my pal DeeDee_95 )



Chapter six was awesome. There are times in a story where you have to use the word 'said' but most of the time use others words. At first I didn't have a problem with it, but my english teacher all taught us methods of not using 'said' with the title 'Said is Dead' so we'd lose one mark each time we used 'said'. It worked and now I notice more 'said's than necessary. When I even re-read Stephenie Meyer's Twilight, I noticed how many 'said's she had and I kinda. . . . disapproved. (I still do. xD) But it's true you are creative. Just only use said three or four times each chapter. If you use others words it makes the story more intriguing 'cuz there's more reality in the emotion. Sometimes people put so many 'said's the story itself feels numb. I was like that at the beginning when I started writing. I sucked. But keep it up. xD Can't wait!

Senin~!


Geez...Senin... u read Twilight? I read it too. Btw i agree,,,, Stephenie Meyer used lotsa 'tired' words. Its a nice book though.



:D I did! I read all three books in three days. (My friends call me obsessed.) Then I read Breaking Dawn in like five hours. (If you count a thirty minute break it's five hours.) So technically I read it in four and a half hours.


wow!! you are a fast reader....dang...i wished i could read like you. i read really slowly. I read the 1st book in like...3 days? Not to mention lots of breaks too.... =D



Well, at first I was skeptical because honestly, vampires? They are sooo not my thing. But when I read Twilight, it entirely changes your perspective of view on vampires. I may love vampires now, but I'll never write a story about them. I can never match to Stephenie Meyer or Anne Rice. Have you read The Hose though? >O HALF OF THE CHARACTERS IN IT REMIND YOU OF THE WEREWOLVES!


Haha. I wasn't that crazy over vampires...but... you see, ever since I read Vampire Knight, I started reading books concerning vampires. (yeah, i know im crazy) But seriously, I don't think my writing skills are as good as yours. Mine sucked a lot. You wrote fanfics too, didn't you? I read your fanfics. My writing skillls are barely half of yours...probably worse than half of yours....



>O DON'T SAY THAT! It was my english teacher who inspired me. If he hadn't forced the class to write a story, I probably would have a 10% chance of having a future. I don't know how to express my gratitude. I realized alot of my mistakes and pretty much deleted all the stories I wrote. I vowed to myself (I think I was either ten or younger) I would write a story that would be so good everyone in the world would love it and I wouldn't give up. Now, I'm improving.
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Posted 12/11/08
Chapter 10: Chara Swap!



Just to get it out of the way.
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Posted 12/18/08 , edited 12/18/08
I love ur stiry please write more soon
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Posted 12/19/08

SakuraSenin wrote:


itchypeachy wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:


itchypeachy wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:


itchypeachy wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:


Melon_GE_ wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:

Amazing! It's very creative and the eggs you created for Grace are unique and original as well as the drawings. It's very well done. A little more improvement in your writing and you may as well become an author. One tip: Don't say 'said' too much. The story loses feeling when the same word is repeated more than twice. Other than that keep it up. Can't wait until the next chapter! XP

Later~!
Senin~!


Thank you very much! People do say I use the word "said" alot, but all my teachers say I have a creative imagination. Most of this would have probably happened if I went to Japan and had guardian eggs. In the beginning of the school year I was separated from all my friends and put in a homeroom with only 7 girls! I wished there was a way to truly be myself and to be a popular student in the new class. It's kinda weird cause my wish came true! I became popular and now I get along with the girls and guys. My character at school is crazy and I'm the class clown. I'm just lucky. ...Wow this was a long response.
~Thanks
~Grace-chan
(BTW the pic was made by my pal DeeDee_95 )



Chapter six was awesome. There are times in a story where you have to use the word 'said' but most of the time use others words. At first I didn't have a problem with it, but my english teacher all taught us methods of not using 'said' with the title 'Said is Dead' so we'd lose one mark each time we used 'said'. It worked and now I notice more 'said's than necessary. When I even re-read Stephenie Meyer's Twilight, I noticed how many 'said's she had and I kinda. . . . disapproved. (I still do. xD) But it's true you are creative. Just only use said three or four times each chapter. If you use others words it makes the story more intriguing 'cuz there's more reality in the emotion. Sometimes people put so many 'said's the story itself feels numb. I was like that at the beginning when I started writing. I sucked. But keep it up. xD Can't wait!

Senin~!


Geez...Senin... u read Twilight? I read it too. Btw i agree,,,, Stephenie Meyer used lotsa 'tired' words. Its a nice book though.



:D I did! I read all three books in three days. (My friends call me obsessed.) Then I read Breaking Dawn in like five hours. (If you count a thirty minute break it's five hours.) So technically I read it in four and a half hours.


wow!! you are a fast reader....dang...i wished i could read like you. i read really slowly. I read the 1st book in like...3 days? Not to mention lots of breaks too.... =D



Well, at first I was skeptical because honestly, vampires? They are sooo not my thing. But when I read Twilight, it entirely changes your perspective of view on vampires. I may love vampires now, but I'll never write a story about them. I can never match to Stephenie Meyer or Anne Rice. Have you read The Hose though? >O HALF OF THE CHARACTERS IN IT REMIND YOU OF THE WEREWOLVES!


Haha. I wasn't that crazy over vampires...but... you see, ever since I read Vampire Knight, I started reading books concerning vampires. (yeah, i know im crazy) But seriously, I don't think my writing skills are as good as yours. Mine sucked a lot. You wrote fanfics too, didn't you? I read your fanfics. My writing skillls are barely half of yours...probably worse than half of yours....



>O DON'T SAY THAT! It was my english teacher who inspired me. If he hadn't forced the class to write a story, I probably would have a 10% chance of having a future. I don't know how to express my gratitude. I realized alot of my mistakes and pretty much deleted all the stories I wrote. I vowed to myself (I think I was either ten or younger) I would write a story that would be so good everyone in the world would love it and I wouldn't give up. Now, I'm improving. :)


-touched-
Okay, it was your English teacher who inspired you. Now it is you who is inspiring me. I'm trying my very best to write a story. A story that is gonna be half as good as yours. Okay, maybe just one-third would do.

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Posted 12/19/08

itchypeachy wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:


itchypeachy wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:


itchypeachy wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:


itchypeachy wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:


Melon_GE_ wrote:


SakuraSenin wrote:

Amazing! It's very creative and the eggs you created for Grace are unique and original as well as the drawings. It's very well done. A little more improvement in your writing and you may as well become an author. One tip: Don't say 'said' too much. The story loses feeling when the same word is repeated more than twice. Other than that keep it up. Can't wait until the next chapter! XP

Later~!
Senin~!


Thank you very much! People do say I use the word "said" alot, but all my teachers say I have a creative imagination. Most of this would have probably happened if I went to Japan and had guardian eggs. In the beginning of the school year I was separated from all my friends and put in a homeroom with only 7 girls! I wished there was a way to truly be myself and to be a popular student in the new class. It's kinda weird cause my wish came true! I became popular and now I get along with the girls and guys. My character at school is crazy and I'm the class clown. I'm just lucky. ...Wow this was a long response.
~Thanks
~Grace-chan
(BTW the pic was made by my pal DeeDee_95 )



Chapter six was awesome. There are times in a story where you have to use the word 'said' but most of the time use others words. At first I didn't have a problem with it, but my english teacher all taught us methods of not using 'said' with the title 'Said is Dead' so we'd lose one mark each time we used 'said'. It worked and now I notice more 'said's than necessary. When I even re-read Stephenie Meyer's Twilight, I noticed how many 'said's she had and I kinda. . . . disapproved. (I still do. xD) But it's true you are creative. Just only use said three or four times each chapter. If you use others words it makes the story more intriguing 'cuz there's more reality in the emotion. Sometimes people put so many 'said's the story itself feels numb. I was like that at the beginning when I started writing. I sucked. But keep it up. xD Can't wait!

Senin~!


Geez...Senin... u read Twilight? I read it too. Btw i agree,,,, Stephenie Meyer used lotsa 'tired' words. Its a nice book though.



:D I did! I read all three books in three days. (My friends call me obsessed.) Then I read Breaking Dawn in like five hours. (If you count a thirty minute break it's five hours.) So technically I read it in four and a half hours.


wow!! you are a fast reader....dang...i wished i could read like you. i read really slowly. I read the 1st book in like...3 days? Not to mention lots of breaks too.... =D



Well, at first I was skeptical because honestly, vampires? They are sooo not my thing. But when I read Twilight, it entirely changes your perspective of view on vampires. I may love vampires now, but I'll never write a story about them. I can never match to Stephenie Meyer or Anne Rice. Have you read The Hose though? >O HALF OF THE CHARACTERS IN IT REMIND YOU OF THE WEREWOLVES!


Haha. I wasn't that crazy over vampires...but... you see, ever since I read Vampire Knight, I started reading books concerning vampires. (yeah, i know im crazy) But seriously, I don't think my writing skills are as good as yours. Mine sucked a lot. You wrote fanfics too, didn't you? I read your fanfics. My writing skillls are barely half of yours...probably worse than half of yours....



>O DON'T SAY THAT! It was my english teacher who inspired me. If he hadn't forced the class to write a story, I probably would have a 10% chance of having a future. I don't know how to express my gratitude. I realized alot of my mistakes and pretty much deleted all the stories I wrote. I vowed to myself (I think I was either ten or younger) I would write a story that would be so good everyone in the world would love it and I wouldn't give up. Now, I'm improving. :)


-touched-
Okay, it was your English teacher who inspired you. Now it is you who is inspiring me. I'm trying my very best to write a story. A story that is gonna be half as good as yours. Okay, maybe just one-third would do.



Well, there are different styles of writing. If there are say, ten people who had the same style and they were authors, then that would be a competition. However with many different styles. . . . everyone wins! There is no one truly good story! Too many different styles make every book good or better.
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Posted 12/22/08
Chapter 11: A Graceful Heart! A Promise To Keep!



I think this was a good chapter!
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Posted 12/22/08

Melon_GE_ wrote:

Chapter 11: A Graceful Heart! A Promise To Keep!



I think this was a good chapter! :)


great chapter! ^_^ looking forward to chapter 12!~
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