Post Reply Chapter 12: Balancing
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Posted 11/26/08 , edited 12/23/08
"Billy!" Charlie called as soon as he got out of the car.
I turned toward the house, beckoning to Jacob as I ducked under the porch. I
heard Charlie greeting them loudly behind me.
"I'm going to pretend I didn't see you behind the wheel, Jake," he said
disapprovingly.
"We get permits early on the rez," Jacob said while I unlocked the door and
flicked on the porch light.
"Sure you do," Charlie laughed.
"I have to get around somehow." I recognized Billy's resonant voice easily,
despite the years. The sound of it made me feel suddenly younger, a child.
I went inside, leaving the door open behind me and turning on lights before I
hung up my jacket. Then I stood in the door, watching anxiously as Charlie and
Jacob helped Billy out of the car and into his wheelchair.
I backed out of the way as the three of them hurried in, shaking off the rain.
"This is a surprise," Charlie was saying.
"It's been too long," Billy answered. "I hope it's not a bad time." His dark eyes
flashed up to me again, their expression unreadable.
"No, it's great. I hope you can stay for the game."
Jacob grinned. "I think that's the plan — our TV broke last week."
Billy made a face at his son. "And, of course, Jacob was anxious to see Bella
again,"
he added. Jacob scowled and ducked his head while I fought back a surge
of remorse. Maybe I'd been too convincing on the beach.
"Are you hungry?" I asked, turning toward the kitchen. I was eager to escape
Billy's searching gaze.
"Naw, we ate just before we came," Jacob answered.
"How about you, Charlie?" I called over my shoulder as I fled around the corner.
"Sure," he replied, his voice moving in the direction of the front room and the
TV. I could hear Billy's chair follow.
The grilled cheese sandwiches were in the frying pan and I was slicing up a
tomato when I sensed someone behind me.
"So, how are things?" Jacob asked.
"Pretty good." I smiled. His enthusiasm was hard to resist. "How about you? Did
you finish your car?"
"No."
He frowned. "I still need parts. We borrowed that one." He pointed with
his thumb in the direction of the front yard.
"Sorry. I haven't seen any… what was it you were looking for?"
"Master cylinder."
He grinned. "Is something wrong with the truck?" he added
suddenly.
"No."
"Oh. I just wondered because you weren't driving it."

I stared down at the pan, pulling up the edge of a sandwich to check the bottom
side. "I got a ride with a friend."
"Nice ride."
Jacob's voice was admiring. "I didn't recognize the driver, though. I
thought I knew most of the kids around here."

I nodded noncommittally, keeping my eyes down as I flipped sandwiches.
"My dad seemed to know him from somewhere."
"Jacob, could you hand me some plates? They're in the cupboard over the sink."
"Sure."

He got the plates in silence. I hoped he would let it drop now.
"So who was it?" he asked, setting two plates on the counter next to me.
I sighed in defeat. "Edward Cullen."
To my surprise, he laughed. I glanced up at him. He looked a little embarrassed.
"Guess that explains it, then," he said. "I wondered why my dad was acting so
strange."
"That's right."
I faked an innocent expression. "He doesn't like the Cullens."
"Superstitious old man,"
Jacob muttered under his breath.
"You don't think he'd say anything to Charlie?" I couldn't help asking, the words
coming out in a low rush.
Jacob stared at me for a moment, and I couldn't read the expression in his dark
eyes. "I doubt it," he finally answered. "I think Charlie chewed him out pretty
good last time. They haven't spoken much since — tonight is sort of a reunion, I
think. I don't think he'd bring it up again."
"Oh,"
I said, trying to sound indifferent.
I stayed in the front room after I carried the food out to Charlie, pretending to
watch the game while Jacob chattered at me. I was really listening to the men's
conversation, watching for any sign that Billy was about to rat me out, trying to
think of ways to stop him if he began.
It was a long night. I had a lot of homework that was going undone, but I was
afraid to leave Billy alone with Charlie. Finally, the game ended.
"Are you and your friends coming back to the beach soon?" Jacob asked as he
pushed his father over the lip of the threshold.
"I'm not sure," I hedged.
"That was fun, Charlie," Billy said.
"Come up for the next game," Charlie encouraged.
"Sure, sure," Billy said. "We'll be here. Have a good night." His eyes shifted to
mine, and his smile disappeared. "You take care, Bella," he added seriously.
"Thanks," I muttered, looking away.
I headed for the stairs while Charlie waved from the doorway.
"Wait, Bella," he said.
I cringed. Had Billy gotten something in before I'd joined them in the living
room?
But Charlie was relaxed, still grinning from the unexpected visit.
"I didn't get a chance to talk to you tonight. How was your day?"
"Good."
I hesitated with one foot on the first stair, searching for details I could
safely share. "My badminton team won all four games."
"Wow, I didn't know you could play badminton."
"Well, actually I can't, but my partner is really good,"
I admitted.
"Who is it?" he asked with token interest.
"Um… Mike Newton," I told him reluctantly.
"Oh yeah — you said you were friends with the Newton kid." He perked up.
"Nice family." He mused for a minute. "Why didn't you ask him to the dance this
weekend?"
"Dad!"
I groaned. "He's kind of dating my friend Jessica. Besides, you know I
can't dance."
"Oh yeah,"
he muttered. Then he smiled at me apologetically. "So I guess it's
good you'll be gone Saturday… I've made plans to go fishing with the guys from
the station. The weather's supposed to be real warm. But if you wanted to put
your trip off till someone could go with you, I'd stay home. I know I leave you
here alone too much."
"Dad, you're doing a great job."
I smiled, hoping my relief didn't show. "I've
never minded being alone — I'm too much like you."
I winked at him, and he
smiled his crinkly-eyed smile.
I slept better that night, too tired to dream again. When I woke to the pearl gray
morning, my mood was blissful. The tense evening with Billy and Jacob seemed
harmless enough now; I decided to forget it completely. I caught myself
whistling while I was pulling the front part of my hair back into a barrette, and
later again as I skipped down the stairs. Charlie noticed.
"You're cheerful this morning," he commented over breakfast.
I shrugged. "It's Friday."
I hurried so I would be ready to go the second Charlie left. I had my bag ready,
shoes on, teeth brushed, but even though I rushed to the door as soon as I was
sure Charlie would be out of sight, Edward was faster. He was waiting in his
shiny car, windows down, engine off.
I didn't hesitate this time, climbing in the passenger side quickly, the sooner to
see his face. He grinned his crooked smile at me, stopping my breath and my
heart. I couldn't imagine how an angel could be any more glorious. There was
nothing about him that could be improved upon.
"How did you sleep?" he asked. I wondered if he had any idea how appealing his
voice was.
"Fine. How was your night?"
"Pleasant."
His smile was amused; I felt like I was missing an inside joke.
"Can I ask what you did?" I asked.
"No."
He grinned. "Today is still mine."
He wanted to know about people today: more about Renée, her hobbies, what
we'd done in our free time together. And then the one grandmother I'd known,
my few school friends — embarrassing me when he asked about boys I'd dated. I
was relieved that I'd never really dated anyone, so that particular conversation
couldn't last long. He seemed as surprised as Jessica and Angela by my lack of
romantic history.
"So you never met anyone you wanted?" he asked in a serious tone that made me
wonder what he was thinking about.
I was grudgingly honest. "Not in Phoenix."
His lips pressed together into a hard line.
We were in the cafeteria at this point. The day had sped by in the blur that was
rapidly becoming routine. I took advantage of his brief pause to take a bite of my
bagel.
"I should have let you drive yourself today," he announced, apropos of nothing,
while I chewed.
"Why?" I demanded.
"I'm leaving with Alice after lunch."
"Oh."
I blinked, bewildered and disappointed. "That's okay, it's not that far of a
walk."

He frowned at me impatiently. "I'm not going to make you walk home. We'll go
get your truck and leave it here for you."
"I don't have my key with me,"
I sighed. "I really don't mind walking." What I
minded was losing my time with him.
He shook his head. "Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition
— unless you're afraid someone might steal it."
He laughed at the thought.
"All right," I agreed, pursing my lips. I was pretty sure my key was in the pocket
of a pair of jeans I wore Wednesday, under a pile of clothes in the laundry room.
Even if he broke into my house, or whatever he was planning, he'd never find it.
He seemed to feel the challenge in my consent. He smirked, overconfident.
"So where are you going?" I asked as casually as I could manage.
"Hunting," he answered grimly. "If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm
going to take whatever precautions I can."
His face grew morose… and pleading.
"You can always cancel, you know."
I looked down, afraid of the persuasive power of his eyes. I refused to be
convinced to fear him, no matter how real the danger might be. It doesn't matter,
I repeated in my head.
"No," I whispered, glancing back at his face. "I can't."
"Perhaps you're right,"
he murmured bleakly. His eyes seemed to darken in color
as I watched.
I changed the subject. "What time will I see you tomorrow?" I asked, already
depressed by the thought of him leaving now.
"That depends… it's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?" he offered.
"No,"
I answered too fast. He restrained a smile.
"The same time as usual, then," he decided. "Will Charlie be there?"
"No, he's fishing tomorrow."
I beamed at the memory of how conveniently
things had worked out.
His voice turned sharp. "And if you don't come home, what will he think?"
"I have no idea,"
I answered coolly. "He knows I've been meaning to do the
laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer."

He scowled at me and I scowled back. His anger was much more impressive
than mine.
"What are you hunting tonight?" I asked when I was sure I had lost the
glowering contest.
"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far." He seemed bemused by my
casual reference to his secret realities.
"Why are you going with Alice?" I wondered.
"Alice is the most… supportive." He frowned as he spoke.
"And the others?" I asked timidly. "What are they?"
His brow puckered for a brief moment. "Incredulous, for the most part."
I peeked quickly behind me at his family. They sat staring off in different
directions, exactly the same as the first time I'd seen them. Only now they were
four; their beautiful, bronze-haired brother sat across from me, his golden eyes
troubled.
"They don't like me," I guessed.
"That's not it," he disagreed, but his eyes were too innocent. "They don't
understand why I can't leave you alone."

I grimaced. "Neither do I, for that matter."
Edward shook his head slowly, rolling his eyes toward the ceiling before he met
my gaze again. "I told you — you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like
anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me."

I glared at him, sure he was teasing now.
He smiled as he deciphered my expression. "Having the advantages I do," he
murmured, touching his forehead discreetly, "I have a better than average grasp
of human nature. People are predictable. But you… you never do what I expect.
You always take me by surprise."

I looked away, my eyes wandering back to his family, embarrassed and
dissatisfied. His words made me feel like a science experiment. I wanted to
laugh at myself for expecting anything else.
"That part is easy enough to explain," he continued. I felt his eyes on my face but
I couldn't look at him yet, afraid he might read the chagrin in my eyes. "But
there's more… and it's not so easy to put into words —"

I was still staring at the Cullens while he spoke. Suddenly Rosalie, his blond and
breathtaking sister, turned to look at me. No, not to look — to glare, with dark,
cold eyes. I wanted to look away, but her gaze held me until Edward broke off
mid-sentence and made an angry noise under his breath. It was almost a hiss.
Rosalie turned her head, and I was relieved to be free. I looked back at Edward
— and I knew he could see the confusion and fear that widened my eyes.
His face was tight as he explained. "I'm sorry about that. She's just worried. You
see… it's dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time with
you so publicly…"
He looked down.
"If?"
"If this ends… badly."
He dropped his head into his hands, as he had that night
in Port Angeles. His anguish was plain; I yearned to comfort him, but I was at a
loss to know how. My hand reached toward him involuntarily; quickly, though, I
dropped it to the table, fearing that my touch would only make things worse. I
realized slowly that his words should frighten me. I waited for that fear to come,
but all I could seem to feel was an ache for his pain.
And frustration — frustration that Rosalie had interrupted whatever he was about
to say. I didn't know how to bring it up again. He still had his head in his hands.
I tried to speak in a normal voice. "And you have to leave now?"
"Yes."
He raised his face; it was serious for a moment, and then his mood shifted
and he smiled. "It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that
wretched movie left to endure in Biology — I don't think I could take any more."

I started. Alice — her short, inky hair in a halo of spiky disarray around her
exquisite, elfin face — was suddenly standing behind his shoulder. Her slight
frame was willowy, graceful even in absolute stillness.
He greeted her without looking away from me. "Alice."
"Edward,"
she answered, her high soprano voice almost as attractive as his.
"Alice, Bella — Bella, Alice," he introduced us, gesturing casually with his
hand, a wry smile on his face.
"Hello, Bella." Her brilliant obsidian eyes were unreadable, but her smile was
friendly. "It's nice to finally meet you."
Edward flashed a dark look at her.
"Hi, Alice," I murmured shyly.
"Are you ready?" she asked him.
His voice was aloof. "Nearly. I'll meet you at the car."
She left without another word; her walk was so fluid, so sinuous that I felt a
sharp pang of jealousy.
"Should I say 'have fun,' or is that the wrong sentiment?" I asked, turning back to
him.
"No, 'have fun' works as well as anything." He grinned.
"Have fun, then." I worked to sound wholehearted. Of course I didn't fool him.
"I'll try." He still grinned. "And you try to be safe, please."
"Safe in Forks — what a challenge."
"For you it is a challenge."
His jaw hardened. "Promise."
"I promise to try to be safe,"
I recited. "I'll do the laundry tonight — that ought
to be fraught with peril."
"Don't fall in,"
he mocked.
"I'll do my best."
He stood then, and I rose, too.
"I'll see you tomorrow," I sighed.
"It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?" he mused.
I nodded glumly.
"I'll be there in the morning," he promised, smiling his crooked smile. He
reached across the table to touch my face, lightly brushing along my cheekbone
again. Then he turned and walked away. I stared after him until he was gone.
I was sorely tempted to ditch the rest of the day, at the very least Gym, but a
warning instinct stopped me. I knew that if I disappeared now, Mike and others
would assume I was with Edward. And Edward was worried about the time we'd
spent together publicly… if things went wrong. I refused to dwell on the last
thought, concentrating instead on making things safer for him.
I intuitively knew — and sensed he did, too — that tomorrow would be pivotal.
Our relationship couldn't continue to balance, as it did, on the point of a knife.
We would fall off one edge or the other, depending entirely upon his decision, or
his instincts. My decision was made, made before I'd ever consciously chosen,
and I was committed to seeing it through. Because there was nothing more
terrifying to me, more excruciating, than the thought of turning away from him.
It was an impossibility.
I went to class, feeling dutiful. I couldn't honestly say what happened in Biology;
my mind was too preoccupied with thoughts of tomorrow. In Gym, Mike was
speaking to me again; he wished me a good time in Seattle. I carefully explained
that I'd canceled my trip, worried about my truck.
"Are you going to the dance with Cullen?" he asked, suddenly sulky.
"No, I'm not going to the dance at all."
"What are you doing, then?"
he asked, too interested.
My natural urge was to tell him to butt out. Instead, I lied brightly.
"Laundry, and then I have to study for the Trig test or I'm going to fail."
"Is Cullen helping you study?"
"Edward,"
I emphasized, "is not going to help me study. He's gone away
somewhere for the weekend."
The lies came more naturally than usual, I noted
with surprise.
"Oh." He perked up. "You know, you could come to the dance with our group
anyway — that would be cool. We'd all dance with you,"
he promised.
The mental image of Jessica's face made my tone sharper than necessary.
"I'm not going to the dance, Mike, okay?"
"Fine."
He sulked again. "I was just offering."
When the school day had finally ended, I walked to the parking lot without
enthusiasm. I did not especially want to walk home, but I couldn't see how he
would have retrieved my truck. Then again, I was starting to believe that nothing
was impossible for him. The latter instinct proved correct — my truck sat in the
same space he'd parked his Volvo in this morning. I shook my head, incredulous,
as I opened the unlocked door and saw the key in the ignition.
There was a piece of white paper folded on my seat. I got in and closed the door
before I unfolded it. Two words were written in his elegant script.
Be safe.
The sound of the truck roaring to life frightened me. I laughed at myself.
When I got home, the handle of the door was locked, the dead bolt unlocked, just
as I'd left it this morning. Inside, I went straight to the laundry room. It looked
just the same as I'd left it, too. I dug for my jeans and, after finding them,
checked the pockets. Empty. Maybe I'd hung my key up after all, I thought,
shaking my head.
Following the same instinct that had prompted me to lie to Mike, I called Jessica
on the pretense of wishing her luck at the dance. When she offered the same
wish for my day with Edward, I told her about the cancellation. She was more
disappointed than really necessary for a third-party observer to be. I said
goodbye quickly after that.
Charlie was absentminded at dinner, worried over something at work, I guessed,
or maybe a basketball game, or maybe he was just really enjoying the lasagna —
it was hard to tell with Charlie.
"You know, Dad…" I began, breaking into his reverie.
"What's that, Bell?"
"I think you're right about Seattle. I think I'll wait until Jessica or someone else
can go with me."
"Oh,"
he said, surprised. "Oh, okay. So, do you want me to stay home?"
"No, Dad, don't change your plans. I've got a million things to do… homework,
laundry… I need to go to the library and the grocery store. I'll be in and out all
day… you go and have fun."
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely, Dad. Besides, the freezer is getting dangerously low on fish —
we're down to a two, maybe three years' supply."
"You're sure easy to live with, Bella."
He smiled.
"I could say the same thing about you," I said, laughing. The sound of my
laughter was off, but he didn't seem to notice. I felt so guilty for deceiving him
that I almost took Edward's advice and told him where I would be. Almost.
After dinner, I folded clothes and moved another load through the dryer.
Unfortunately it was the kind of job that only keeps hands busy. My mind
definitely had too much free time, and it was getting out of control. I fluctuated
between anticipation so intense that it was very nearly pain, and an insidious fear
that picked at my resolve. I had to keep reminding myself that I'd made my
choice, and I wasn't going back on it. I pulled his note out of my pocket much
more often than necessary to absorb the two small words he'd written. He wants
me to be safe, I told myself again and again. I would just hold on to the faith
that, in the end, that desire would win out over the others. And what was my
other choice — to cut him out of my life? Intolerable. Besides, since I'd come to
Forks, it really seemed like my life was about him.
But a tiny voice in the back of my mind worried, wondering if it would hurt very
much… if it ended badly.
I was relieved when it was late enough to be acceptable for bedtime. I knew I
was far too stressed to sleep, so I did something I'd never done before. I
deliberately took unnecessary cold medicine — the kind that knocked me out for
a good eight hours. I normally wouldn't condone that type of behavior in myself,
but tomorrow would be complicated enough without me being loopy from sleep
deprivation on top of everything else. While I waited for the drugs to kick in, I
dried my clean hair till it was impeccably straight, and fussed over what I would
wear tomorrow. With everything ready for the morning, I finally lay in my bed. I
felt hyper; I couldn't stop twitching. I got up and rifled through my shoebox of
CDs until I found a collection of Chopin's nocturnes. I put that on very quietly
and then lay down again, concentrating on relaxing individual parts of my body.
Somewhere in the middle of that exercise, the cold pills took effect, and I gladly
sank into unconsciousness.
I woke early, having slept soundly and dreamlessly thanks to my gratuitous drug
use. Though I was well rested, I slipped right back into the same hectic frenzy
from the night before. I dressed in a rush, smoothing my collar against my neck,
fidgeting with the tan sweater till it hung right over my jeans. I sneaked a swift
look out the window to see that Charlie was already gone. A thin, cottony layer
of clouds veiled the sky. They didn't look very lasting.
I ate breakfast without tasting the food, hurrying to clean up when I was done. I
peeked out the window again, but nothing had changed. I had just finished
brushing my teeth and was heading back downstairs when a quiet knock sent my
heart thudding against my rib cage.
I flew to the door; I had a little trouble with the simple dead bolt, but I yanked
the door open at last, and there he was. All the agitation dissolved as soon as I
looked at his face, calm taking its place. I breathed a sigh of relief — yesterday's
fears seemed very foolish with him here.
He wasn't smiling at first — his face was somber. But then his expression
lightened as he looked me over, and he laughed.
"Good morning," he chuckled.
"What's wrong?" I glanced down to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything
important, like shoes, or pants.
"We match." He laughed again. I realized he had a long, light tan sweater on,
with a white collar showing underneath, and blue jeans. I laughed with him,
hiding a secret twinge of regret — why did he have to look like a runway model
when I couldn't?
I locked the door behind me while he walked to the truck. He waited by the
passenger door with a martyred expression that was easy to understand.
"We made a deal," I reminded him smugly, climbing into the driver's seat, and
reaching over to unlock his door.
"Where to?" I asked.
"Put your seat belt on — I'm nervous already."
I gave him a dirty look as I complied.
"Where to?" I repeated with a sigh.
"Take the one-oh-one north," he ordered.
It was surprisingly difficult to concentrate on the road while feeling his gaze on
my face. I compensated by driving more carefully than usual through the stillsleeping
town.
"Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?"
"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather — have some respect,"
I
retorted.
We were soon out of the town limits, despite his negativity. Thick underbrush
and green-swathed trunks replaced the lawns and houses.
"Turn right on the one-ten," he instructed just as I was about to ask. I obeyed
silently.
"Now we drive until the pavement ends."
I could hear a smile in his voice, but I was too afraid of driving off the road and
proving him right to look over and be sure.
"And what's there, at the pavement's end?" I wondered.
"A trail."
"We're hiking?"
Thank goodness I'd worn tennis shoes.
"Is that a problem?" He sounded as if he'd expected as much.
"No." I tried to make the lie sound confident. But if he thought my truck was
slow…
"Don't worry, it's only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry."
Five miles. I didn't answer, so that he wouldn't hear my voice crack in panic.
Five miles of treacherous roots and loose stones, trying to twist my ankles or
otherwise incapacitate me. This was going to be humiliating.
We drove in silence for a while as I contemplated the coming horror.
"What are you thinking?" he asked impatiently after a few moments.
I lied again. "Just wondering where we're going."
"It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice."
We both glanced out the
windows at the thinning clouds after he spoke.
"Charlie said it would be warm today."
"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?"
he asked.
"Nope."
"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?"
He seemed cheered by the
idea.
"No, I told her you canceled on me — which is true."
"No one knows you're with me?"
Angrily, now.
"That depends… I assume you told Alice?"
"That's very helpful, Bella,"
he snapped.
I pretended I didn't hear that.
"Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?" he demanded when
I ignored him.
"You said it might cause trouble for you… us being together publicly," I
reminded him.
"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause me— if you don't come
home?"
His voice was still angry, and bitingly sarcastic.
I nodded, keeping my eyes on the road.
He muttered something under his breath, speaking so quickly that I couldn't
understand.
We were silent for the rest of the drive. I could feel the waves of infuriated
disapproval rolling off of him, and I could think of nothing to say.
And then the road ended, constricting to a thin foot trail with a small wooden
marker. I parked on the narrow shoulder and stepped out, afraid because he was
angry with me and I didn't have driving as an excuse not to look at him. It was
warm now, warmer than it had been in Forks since the day I'd arrived, almost
muggy under the clouds. I pulled off my sweater and knotted it around my waist,
glad that I'd worn the light, sleeveless shirt — especially if I had five miles of
hiking ahead of me.
I heard his door slam, and looked over to see that he'd removed his sweater, too.
He was facing away from me, into the unbroken forest beside my truck.
"This way," he said, glancing over his shoulder at me, eyes still annoyed. He
started into the dark forest.
"The trail?" Panic was clear in my voice as I hurried around the truck to catch up
to him.
"I said there was a trail at the end of the road, not that we were taking it."
"No trail?"
I asked desperately.
"I won't let you get lost." He turned then, with a mocking smile, and I stifled a
gasp. His white shirt was sleeveless, and he wore it unbuttoned, so that the
smooth white skin of his throat flowed uninterrupted over the marble contours of
his chest, his perfect musculature no longer merely hinted at behind concealing
clothes. He was too perfect, I realized with a piercing stab of despair. There was
no way this godlike creature could be meant for me.
He stared at me, bewildered by my tortured expression.
"Do you want to go home?" he said quietly, a different pain than mine saturating
his voice.
"No." I walked forward till I was close beside him, anxious not to waste one
second of whatever time I might have with him.
"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice gentle.
"I'm not a good hiker," I answered dully. "You'll have to be very patient."
"I can be patient — if I make a great effort."
He smiled, holding my glance,
trying to lift me out of my sudden, unexplained dejection.
I tried to smile back, but the smile was unconvincing. He scrutinized my face.
"I'll take you home," he promised. I couldn't tell if the promise was
unconditional, or restricted to an immediate departure. I knew he thought it was
fear that upset me, and I was grateful again that I was the one person whose
mind he couldn't hear.
"If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd
better start leading the way,"
I said acidly. He frowned at me, struggling to
understand my tone and expression.
He gave up after a moment and led the way into the forest.
It wasn't as hard as I had feared. The way was mostly flat, and he held the damp
ferns and webs of moss aside for me. When his straight path took us over fallen
trees or boulders, he would help me, lifting me by the elbow, and then releasing
me instantly when I was clear. His cold touch on my skin never failed to make
my heart thud erratically. Twice, when that happened, I caught a look on his face
that made me sure he could somehow hear it.
I tried to keep my eyes away from his perfection as much as possible, but I
slipped often. Each time, his beauty pierced me through with sadness.
For the most part, we walked in silence. Occasionally he would ask a random
question that he hadn't gotten to in the past two days of interrogation. He asked
about my birthdays, my grade school teachers, my childhood pets — and I had to
admit that after killing three fish in a row, I'd given up on the whole institution.
He laughed at that, louder than I was used to — bell-like echoes bouncing back
to us from the empty woods.
The hike took me most of the morning, but he never showed any sign of
impatience. The forest spread out around us in a boundless labyrinth of ancient
trees, and I began to be nervous that we would never find our way out again. He
was perfectly at ease, comfortable in the green maze, never seeming to feel any
doubt about our direction.
After several hours, the light that filtered through the canopy transformed, the
murky olive tone shifting to a brighter jade. The day had turned sunny, just as
he'd foretold. For the first time since we'd entered the woods, I felt a thrill of
excitement — which quickly turned to impatience.
"Are we there yet?" I teased, pretending to scowl.
"Nearly." He smiled at the change in my mood. "Do you see the brightness
ahead?"

I peered into the thick forest. "Um, should I?"
He smirked. "Maybe it's a bit soon for your eyes."
"Time to visit the optometrist,"
I muttered. His smirk grew more pronounced.
But then, after another hundred yards, I could definitely see a lightening in the
trees ahead, a glow that was yellow instead of green. I picked up the pace, my
eagerness growing with every step. He let me lead now, following noiselessly.
I reached the edge of the pool of light and stepped through the last fringe of ferns
into the loveliest place I had ever seen. The meadow was small, perfectly round,
and filled with wildflowers — violet, yellow, and soft white. Somewhere nearby,
I could hear the bubbling music of a stream. The sun was directly overhead,
filling the circle with a haze of buttery sunshine. I walked slowly, awestruck,
through the soft grass, swaying flowers, and warm, gilded air. I halfway turned,
wanting to share this with him, but he wasn't behind me where I thought he'd be.
I spun around, searching for him with sudden alarm. Finally I spotted him, still
under the dense shade of the canopy at the edge of the hollow, watching me with
cautious eyes. Only then did I remember what the beauty of the meadow had
driven from my mind — the enigma of Edward and the sun, which he'd
promised to illustrate for me today.
I took a step back toward him, my eyes alight with curiosity. His eyes were
wary, reluctant. I smiled encouragingly and beckoned to him with my hand,
taking another step back to him. He held up a hand in warning, and I hesitated,
rocking back onto my heels.
Edward seemed to take a deep breath, and then he stepped out into the bright
glow of the midday sun.
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