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Posted 11/29/08 , edited 12/30/09
I close my eyes, it's scary. I don't want to try anymore, I could get hurt again. It's like a supernatural power pulls me from where I want to be and drags me down. Every time I get close and reach out I fall flat out, and no one is ever there to catch me. I don't want this anymore, I just feel like giving up. It feels so close and yet so far, It just seems like reaching for it only makes it grow further from my grasp. I can't take the abuse, the pain and frustration of failing. My body is torn and my heart heavy. If I lie down and just give up, can I even call it living anymore? What is the point of trying when you can't even get someone, anyone to care. I'm so worn out and yet I cannot get it out of my head, just one more try and maybe I'll win... And yet I have tried so many times in the past, gotten hurt time and time again. These wounds never seem to heal, leaving scars upon my body and soul until there is nothing of me left. All I ever asked for was someone to understand me, someone to care. I never bargained for the world to be so cold. I never thought I couldn't stand on my own. I just want to rest, why can my head never find a soft place to lie? How come my eyes can never find a shoulder upon to cry? What is there in this world for me to find? What is there but more things for me to trip over and fall again? What is there even worth fighting for? What is it that I ever fought for in the beginning? What is there even for me to hope for anymore?

I'm so scared, but what is there even to be afraid of? Where is my place in this world? What can I grasp to for understanding? Why is there no one I can hold to?

I suppose it's just me, alone.

Who am I but my own tormentor? I cannot even cry on my own shoulder, no pity for myself. No reassurance resounds through my mind.

I can only recall of how pitiful I am, how much I fail, and how scared I am to even try once again.

It's all so useless anyhow, I don't need all this.

Perhaps the ground is not that hard a place to lie my head.
Maybe it's not so cold a place to bury my eyes and cry.
It might not even be such a bad place to cling to for support.

It doesn't hurt as much when you just give up, when you surrender yourself to what you have being the only way.

What is there to even care about?
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Posted 12/31/08

atatakakunai wrote:

I close my eyes, it's scary. I don't want to try anymore, I could get hurt again. It's like a supernatural power pulls me from where I want to be and drags me down. Every time I get close and reach out I fall flat out, and no one is ever there to catch me. I don't want this anymore, I just feel like giving up. It feels so close and yet so far, It just seems like reaching for it only makes it grow further from my grasp. I can't take the abuse, the pain and frustration of failing. My body is torn and my heart heavy. If I lie down and just give up, can I even call it living anymore? What is the point of trying when you can't even get someone, anyone to care. I'm so worn out and yet I cannot get it out of my head, just one more try and maybe I'll win... And yet I have tried so many times in the past, gotten hurt time and time again. These wounds never seem to heal, leaving scars upon my body and soul until there is nothing of me left. All I ever asked for was someone to understand me, someone to care. I never bargained for the world to be so cold. I never thought I couldn't stand on my own. I just want to rest, why can my had never find a soft place to lie? How come my eyes can never find a shoulder upon to cry? What is there in this world for me to find? What is there for me to trip over and fall once again. What is there even worth fighting for? What is it that I ever fought for in the beginning. What is there even for me to hope for anymore?

I'm so scared, but what is there even to be afraid of? Where is my place in this world? What can I grasp to for understanding? Why is there no one I can hold to?

I suppose it's just me, alone.

Who am I but my own tormentor? I cannot even cry on my own shoulder, no pity for myself. No reassurance resounds through my mind.

I can only recall of how pitiful I am, how much I fail, and how scared I am to even try once again.

It's all so useless anyhow, I don't need all this.

Perhaps the ground is not that hard a place to lie my head.
Maybe it's not so cold a place to bury my eyes and cry.
It might not even be such a bad place to cling to for support.

It doesn't hurt as much when you just give up, when you surrender yourself to what you have being the only way.

What is there to even care about?


Ok . . . .

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TrueArtIsAngsty

But there is also

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Wangst
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29 / M / Michigan, USA
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Posted 12/31/08
:p yeah I said before I'm not a good writer.

thanks for affirming this
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Posted 1/1/09

atatakakunai wrote:

:p yeah I said before I'm not a good writer.

thanks for affirming this :)


No, I said you were an angsty writer. With lots of unrefined angst.
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Posted 1/1/09

Lexer wrote:


atatakakunai wrote:

:p yeah I said before I'm not a good writer.

thanks for affirming this :)


No, I said you were an angsty writer. With lots of unrefined angst.


same difference :D

It comes off angsty because I am a bad writer and cannot get my point across without going too far into the sorrowful end, only a real tight niche of readers would like this kind of writing (I am one myself >.< )
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Posted 2/27/09

atatakakunai wrote:

I close my eyes, it's scary. I don't want to try anymore, I could get hurt again. It's like a supernatural power pulls me from where I want to be and drags me down. Every time I get close and reach out I fall flat out, and no one is ever there to catch me. I don't want this anymore, I just feel like giving up. It feels so close and yet so far, It just seems like reaching for it only makes it grow further from my grasp. I can't take the abuse, the pain and frustration of failing. My body is torn and my heart heavy. If I lie down and just give up, can I even call it living anymore? What is the point of trying when you can't even get someone, anyone to care. I'm so worn out and yet I cannot get it out of my head, just one more try and maybe I'll win... And yet I have tried so many times in the past, gotten hurt time and time again. These wounds never seem to heal, leaving scars upon my body and soul until there is nothing of me left. All I ever asked for was someone to understand me, someone to care. I never bargained for the world to be so cold. I never thought I couldn't stand on my own. I just want to rest, why can my had never find a soft place to lie? How come my eyes can never find a shoulder upon to cry? What is there in this world for me to find? What is there for me to trip over and fall once again. What is there even worth fighting for? What is it that I ever fought for in the beginning. What is there even for me to hope for anymore?

I'm so scared, but what is there even to be afraid of? Where is my place in this world? What can I grasp to for understanding? Why is there no one I can hold to?

I suppose it's just me, alone.

Who am I but my own tormentor? I cannot even cry on my own shoulder, no pity for myself. No reassurance resounds through my mind.

I can only recall of how pitiful I am, how much I fail, and how scared I am to even try once again.

It's all so useless anyhow, I don't need all this.

Perhaps the ground is not that hard a place to lie my head.
Maybe it's not so cold a place to bury my eyes and cry.
It might not even be such a bad place to cling to for support.

It doesn't hurt as much when you just give up, when you surrender yourself to what you have being the only way.

What is there to even care about?


Very ... depressing. I read a lot of what you do, and i recon this is the few of the things that u hav done that i won't b able to read again. It's not bad! Needs a little refining, mayb a little polish, but it's not bad. It's just something that's hard to read because of the feelings being put toward it.
Keep polishing.
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