"The Ultimate Team" by jadenik

Once upon, there was a group islands known as the golden islands. They were called the golden islands becuase they were like heaven on earth. The leader and most beloved person on the golden islands was the beautiful and intelligent Gary Jane. Gary was loved by all people of the world, he was the most wanted man in the world by millions of woman and was envied by many for his intelligence,beauty, and kindness.

It was a beautiful afternoon in the capital of the golden islands, golden city. The howler monkeys sang beautifully, and the dragons flew gracefully through the air. The beautifull sister of Gary, son Maryanne, wife of the greatest martial artist in the world, son goku, was picking flowers in her backyard. Maryanne was beautiful and pure-hearted, that goku divorced his ex-wife ,Chi-Chi, to marry her. But chi-chi was happy for goku, for he had found true love. Goku walked out to her and gave her a giant hug. "How's my mary-wary doing this afternoon", he said snuggling his head against her. "oh, you big ol' teddy-bear", mayanne said in her angel-like voice.

Suddenly, they heard screams and cries of "EXTERMINATE" and "Fag, Noob" coming out of golden city. Goku immediately jumped into the air and flew towards the city. When he got near the city, he saw daleks hovering over the city shoutng "Exterminate" and shooting lazer beams at the building and citizens. Goku was about to charge a ka-ha-me-ha wave until a bunch of daleks shot lazer beams at him and he fell to the ground.

Goku was laying on the ground while people ran past him. he was too injured to get up. Suddenly, a group of trolls approached calling him a fag and a noob, though they did that to everyone. Trolls were hated creatures, infamous for their hideous apperances ,their stupidity, and their horrid social skills. Feared for most of all when they started flame wars, where they would set fire to villages and towns while they called their citizens "fag" and "noob".

The trolls were about to flame him until Doctor Who appeared and shot a lazer beam from his sonic screwdriver at the trolls, knocking them down. He then threw a can of spam, a troll's favorite food, at them and they began fighting over the can of spam. Doctor Who was the most famous doctor in the golden islands. He wasn't just a regular doctor, he was the doctor of everything. He was an eccentric humanoid alien time traveler called a time lord. If a citizen of the golden islands had a problem, they would go to him. His spare time would be spent traveling through time and space in his police box shaped time machine, the TARDIS. He had a striking similarity to the scottish actor, David Tennant.

Doctor Who grabbed Goku's body while the trolls were fighting, and dragged him into an alley to escape the chaos that was going on. Goku suddenly awoke to find that jesus had healed him. Jesus was the second most beloved citizen of the golden islands. "Jesus, Doctor, where were you guys?", asked goku. "We went on a time traveling trip, we hade no idea this would happen", said the Doctor. "i'm deeply sorry, Goku, does this mean we're not having that sparring match on Saturday?", asked Jesus. "I couldn't stay mad at you, Jesus, you're on.", said Goku smiling. "We don't have to buddy up, Golden city is in trouble.", reminded the Doctor. So, Jesus got onto his fire breathing raptor, Goku got onto his nimbus cloud, and the doctor onto another fire-breathin raptor , and they ran out into the city together.

Goku flew over the city ready to take on a group of daleks . "EXTERMINATE", yelled the daleks as they shot lazer beams at him. But this time, he dodged them and punch one by one outta the sky. "My wife is so totally gonna give orel tonight.", he said smiling to himself.

Meanwhile, on the streets, The doctor and jesus rode upon their fire-breathing raptors, commanding them to shoot fireballs at the trolls. "Porky jr. the 5th, aim to the left and shoot at those trolls calling that man in the red shirt a fag.", commanded Jesus to his raptor. "Kenny rogers Sr., fire at those trolls in front, they're about to flame us.", said The Doctor to his raptor. Kenny rogers Sr. shot a flamethrower at a trio of trolls about to launch fireballs at them. Nothing could goku in the air as he launched energy beams to counter to the lazers of the daleks or the Canadian Fire-breathing Raptors of Doctor who and jesus as they flames outmatched those of the trolls. In other words, they out flamed the trolls.

Suddenly, a parade of german neo-nazi tanks rolled through the streets and began laying havoc to the city. Accompaning them were a rare breed of white skin-headed trolls that ponited to people and shouted "jew" and"White power" while throwing large fireballs at them. The chaos became even greater as people ran through the streets on fire.

In the skies, a fleet of black daleks engraved with Swastikas apperaed before Goku. "EXTERMINATE THE JEWS" they cried with thick german accents. "Theres no way I can face them all.", Goku thought to himself. "Make WAY for the Furer.", cried the daleks as they seperated in two seperate lines. "No, it can't be, I killed.," Goku said to himself. Making way his way towards Goku was Adolf Hitler himself wearing a long cape with a giant Swastika on him. "Its to see you agian, Herr Goku.", said Hitler with an evil grin.

Meanwhile,, in the sreets, the doctor's and jesus's raptors had been shot by tanks. 'No,Porkyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", cried Jesus with great tears. "As much as I'll miss Kenny rogers, we move on , Golden city needs us."said Doctor as he tried to confort Jesus. "Y-you're right", said Jesus as he dried up his tears. "But how are we supposed to take on that army of troll nazis?" asked Jesus. "Thats why we're here.", siad a giant booming voice. Jesus and Doctor turned their heads and saw a giant mecha, Gurren Laggan , the protector of the Golden Islands, piloted by Simon the digger and more importantly, Gary.

"Oh my dad, ITS GARY, and oh, hi simon." said Jesus. Simon jumped out of his cockpit and was about to punch jesus in the face. "Damnit,jesus, I protect this city too", he said with a glare in his face' "Simon, that's enough, we have more improtant things to worry about.", said Gary as he pointed to a fleet of tanks coming at them. SImon got back into his cockpit. Together, they activated Gurren Laggan. "GIga Drill Breaker", they shouted as a they shot a giant drill that easily destroyed the fleet of tanks.

Meanwhile, in the sky, Goku and Hitler were facing off trading punches and kicks. "Who brought you back?", said Goku to Hitler as he blocked a punch from hitler. "It was mein Master". said Hitler as he punched Goku in the face. "Who is he, who would bring back a monster like you?,' said Goku as he drove a punch into Hitler's chest. "I'll never a dirty jew-lover like you, I'll kill you and maryy your magnificent wife, maryanne.", said Hitler with pain. "Now, you really piss me off.", he said with an anger of a drunken rhino. He kicked Hitler in the testacles so hard, it sent hitler flying into a group of daleks so hard, that it knocked out of the air.

Goku transformed into a super saiyan and was about to prepare a Kahameha wave until hitler, still holding his groin in pain, raised his head and started at him with eyes as red as hell. Goku couldn't move, hitler's hate was strong, he could use it for a technique. "Feel my hate,Goku, felel my hate of the jews, the world , and most of all ,you.", said Hitler with rage. "WE WERE HAPPY TOGHETER, YOU WERE THE WORLD TO ME, I CHANGED MY WAYS FOR YOU, WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME FOT THAT BITCH?", shouted Hiter.

Hitler recovered from his pain and stood up. He pointed at goku and shouted orders to the nazi daleks. "EXTERMINATE THE JEW WHO BROKE MY HEART",, he commanded as a bunch of daleks flew past him and towards goku,who was still paralyzed and burining under Hitler's glare of hate. Sudden;y, the dalkes who were about to kill goku were frozen by a mysterious cold wind. Then, they were finsihed off by a red hot lazers. "WHO DID THIS!!," shouted Hitller in rage.

"That'd be me.' Suddenly, a man with a long beard wearing a suit similar to superman's with the letters AM on his chest appeared, It was the greatest comic writer of all, Alan Moore

"Mein Gott,it's Herr Alan Moore!.", said Hitler,now with fear in his eyes instead of hate. "G-get him, he's a threat to the Black Alliance!", he shouted at his nazi daleks. "Black Alliance, eh?", said Alan Moore as a crowd of nazi daleks approached him. Alan sucked in a bunch of air and blew away the daleks crowd knocking against another approaching crowd of daleks and destroying them away.

"Looks like I have to get rid of him myself, prepare for my ultimate attack!", shouted the racist bastard. Hitler puffed up his chest and shot out a fire attack that was bigger than an entire neighberhood and shaped like a swaztika at Alan Moore. Alan Moore countered this attack by using his ice beath attack and finished the firey Swaztika by punching it with all the might he had left. The punch shattered the frozen fiery swatztika ,spillitng it in many smaller flames, causing rife to rain down from the sky. The remaing falmes burned trolls and skinhead trolls, who last words respectivaley were painfu;l shouts of "NOOB" and "wHITE POWER".

The brillant writer and the Furer were both out of breathe and gasping for air. "Huff, Huff, you seem to be even more tired out than I am, herr moore.", said Hitler. "I used all my energy in those attacks.", expalined Alan Moore. "Hmph, I still have some energy left and I'll use to you burning in hell along with the Jews", said Htiler with an evil smirk. "Y'know I really hate you use the J...", but hitler had already driven his knee into Alan's chest, cutting him off in mid-sentence. "IT's a godd thing I tired you off with all those daleks attacks or I'd be dead for the 7th time, now its time you died for the first time.", he withdrew his knee and grabbed Moore by the feet. Hitler then spun alan moore at high speeds and threw him down , causing Alan Moore to go down like a shooting star upon golden city.

As alan moore crashed upon the streets, his impact caused an explosion that destroyed many tanks and trolls, who let out a last painful "FAG". Hitler frowned down at this and said, "i guess it was a worthy price to pay..", but he was knocked out before he could finish his sentence. It was Goku who did this who apparently stood there and did nothing while alan moore fought hitler.

Meanwhile, in the streets, Gurren Laggan was smashing tanks and trolls under its feet while the doctor shot his sonic screw drive lazer at the enemies and jesus used his sweet dances moves to crush the bad guys. Finally, Gary got tired of the fighting and jumped out of the cockpit of gurren with the grace of a beautiful swan and surrounded by a golden aura. "Enough is Enough.", cried jesus and gary at the same time. "Can;t you see what you're doing is wrong!", said jesus to the troll army. "Can't you see, you're hurting the sweet, innocent people of golden city?", said gary with a voice of a choir of angels.

The trolls responded only to gary's godlike voice and cried a rriver of tears. "We is sry gary, we murdr usselves now, k?",they said with the usual terrible spelling and grammar that trolls are known for. So, the trolls killed themselves and gary cried for them. His tears were so sad, that it suddenly rained. It was as if the world was crying with and for him.

A month later, everything was back to normal again and the citizens of Golden city were happy again. Even though it was the worst event in the history of the golden islands and many people died or were servely injured. Others were shocked by the event and were put under mental care. As for, the remaining daleks and troll corpses, no-one knew what hapenned to them. I guess that's plot hole lfet unsolved. Any way, despite the carange, everyone were basically fine and happy by the next day.

Hitler was sent to the worst prison in the golden islands where weaker prisinors were raped horribly daily three times a day. This place was the main reason why crime rate was really low in the golden islands. The odctor and simon were put in charge of keeping watch on hitler. "Are you sure its humane to put hitler in a white room where he's forced to listen to soulja boy constatantly?", simon asked doctor. "Its perfectly reasonable after whats he's done.", said the doctor. " "Okay, but was its nessicary to include a window where we can watch him roll around and squirm lwhile he covers his bleeding ears in pain, its seems kinda sadistic.", said simon. "Its perfectly necesssary, now shut up, I'm trying to watch him.", said the doctor angrily.

Gary, jeus, Alan Moore, goku, and his wife Maryanne walked into the room. The shining precense of gary and maryanne shined so brillantly , that its blined hitler through his room's window and caused him to go blind and put a gigantic smile on his face. He seems to have been put outta his misery. Hitler was then put into chair and tied to it to be interviewed. "WHY DID YOU COME BAC?" , WHY DID YOU ATTACK THE CITY?", "WHO IS YOUR MASTER?", "FOR THE LAST TIME, WE'RE THROUGH!!!!!', goku shouted at hilter. "Goku, honey calm down.", said Maryanne. "Yes, maryanne, my one and only true love, my mary-wary.", said Goku.

"I found tihs video in his pocket earlier.", said Jesus. "Why didin't you say so ealier.", said Alan Moorel 'I have no idea.", said Jesus. So they put the video inside a VCR of tv that was there the entire time but no mentioned until now. On the video appeared a man wearing a white mask. "Haldo, I am Shriley l. white mask x, but you can call me Mr. White Mask X".

'Greetings, I am Mr.WhiteMaskX.", introduced the odd fellow in the video. "I am Hitler's boss and the one who brought back to life"., said Mr.WhiteMaskX. "I have assembled a group of seven. that includes me and hitler, to dominate the world.", he said. "I will not reveal my plans for world domination., but I will tell that invasion on Golden City was a warning." "Bring me the Four Great Sages or I'll send a greater invasion force to kill everyone on the Golden Island except for Maryanne and Gary, I couldn't sleep if I harmed them. "akso, if you really want to know why I'm doing, I woke up one and decided to become evil for apparent reason.", he finshed.

"That bastard.", shouted Goku as punched the TV screen. "He didn't even tell us where to find these four great sages.", said Simon. "I happen to know where of them is., and he lives in these very islands.", said Gary in all his all-knowing wisdom. " Gary,even though I know of things the average man can't even imagine to think and have outsmarted countless foes, I envy your knowledge.", said the Doctor as he looked at him was a lustful glare. "

Are you talking about ol' dumbledore, headmaster of hogwarts?", said Alan Moore. "Isn't hogwarts in england?", asked Jesus. "Hey, I'm the englishmen here, question me again and I'll punch your bloody lights.". threathend Alan. "Let's my TARDIS to get to hogwarts.' suggested The Doctor. So, all of them got inside the TARDIS, which was also there the entire time, but wasn't mentioned until now. Actually, all of them except Maryanne,who was left in a room next to a deranged pyscho.

So they arrived at Hogwarts island, home of Hogwarts school for Wizarding, Witcheny, StreetFighting, and Breakdancing. This is where Jesus learned his funky fresh moves as a teenager, where he went through his disco phase. He still wears his platform shoes till this day,which are also good for kicking people in the testicles.

Anyway, they all got out of The TARDIS, except for the Doctor, who has had a fear of streetfighters ever since an encounter he had in New York City which will not be mentioned, becuase every time it is told, he goes in a fetal position. Outside of Hogwarts, people were having danceoffs or living their dreams of dressing up like Ryu, Ken, and Akuma from Street Fighter the video game. As they advanced to the gates, a bunch of goths approached.

The leader of the goths was a girl with long ebony colored hair. "Hey I've heard of you , you're Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, you're famous for some reason.", said Simon. "Fukk of prep,Ive no tim for to fukk with yu.", said Ebony. "What was that, you speak with the spelling of a troll". said Simon. "I'm a Goff an a vampir, not a trull, now fukk of preppe'", said The Guff? "Don't you mean Goth?", asked Simon. "Ys, now get the fukk out my wayy,or I'll suckk yr bluud.", said the Trollish vampire goth.

'We can't understand a word you're saying, please speak with proper Grammar and spelling.", said Alan Moore. "Its like some troll mated with a a gothic vampire and they produced a retarded child that was really whiny and a btich but people still like her anyway.", whispepered Goku into Gary's ear. Gary nodded and Agreed. "THATS IT MOTHERFUKERS.", said Ebony as she abd her gothic friends pulled out their wands.

The goths(or Goffs) shot a wide variety of spells everywhere as the group split into different directions. The spells ranged from to spells that turned streetfighters into lesbian penguins to spells that set on breakdancers on fire. The breakdancers that were on fire still danced anyway but screamed at the top of thier lungs. Some spells woked up a lot of students that had died in the past and soon the schoolyard was full of fiery breakdancers, fightiing lesbian penguins, and zombie hogwarts students fighting each other to the death.

'ENOUGH", shouted Dumbledore who walked outside wearing nothing but a bathrobe. "I CAN'TEVEN HAVE A DATE WITHOUT A BLOODY FIGHT GOINH ONE,YOU'RE ALL GET A WEEK OF DETENION!!", he shouted. So, the zombie students,Ebony and the goths, the lesbian penguins, and the flaming breakdancers, and even our heroes served a week in detenion

And so, our heroes spent a month in detention. Yes' I was a week ,but dumbledore felt the need to punish them even further for just hell and becuase he's old bastard. Some of their punishments included giving him a spongebath. You can only imagine the horror bathing an 120 year old wizard. ITs so horrible thats its considered a capital crime in some crimes to force someone to give an wrinkly old man a spongebath. You could get the death penatly for that; In fact, Simoun stills has nightmares to this day about giving dumbledore a spongebath. Dumbledore thought he did the best job and made him gve him extra baths. Dumbledore didn't actually need that many baths, he just like to make them suffer.

After their hellish punishment , Dumbledore made them report to his office. On top of a cold mountain. Naked. So they stood upon a cold mountain in the nude. "SO what it is you wanted?", said Dumbledore with a sadistic smile. "Mr. WhiteMaskX has invaded the golden islands. and requires the four great sages or he'll continue his invasion".explained Gary. "Fine,I'll submit myself but he'sgonna after the word not just the islands", said Dumbledore. "in fact, he's so powerful, you'll need another one to join you if you want to defeat him." "Who do you suggest?", said Jesus. "I know ,theres this guy I know, he's a ninja, and what not's cooller than having a ninja on our team?", said GOku.

"IS he one of those awesome black-cladded ninjas?!", said Simoun with an excited look on his face. "No, he's more of a annoying loudmouth dressed in an orange and black tracksuit.", frowned Goku. "He's not even a stealthy kind, he justs yells alot and wings it alot." "We still need all the help we can get, lets go to konoha island and recruit him", said Gary in all his magnificent wisdom. God, gary is so fricking hot naked in the snow, I just want to have hot steamy sex with him even though I'm straight. In fact, every straight guy I know wants to have sex with him. Even god is a fanboy of Gary. Wait, did I lose myself again? oops, back to the story.

"But first,I'll tell you where to find the other three sages", said Dumbledore. "one's is in the internet, one's located on a private island, and the other is located in some ghetto." "Did you know this along?", said Alan Moore. "Yes, but I never told you guys because I hate you and wish you all painful deaths.", explained Dumbledore. "oh, and Mr. WhiteMaskX's amry is after the other three sages." "Why was the point in sending us on this journey then?',. asked Jesus. "Let's just go, I was bored anyway.", said Goku.

And so our heroes boarded Doctor's TARDIS and went to Kohona Island. Home ot the Village hidden in the leaves, the highest death rate in the world dues to constant attacks, a lot of bishies, and a bunch of ninjas that dom't even resemble ninjas. Its the seconf worst place ot live. The first place being canada. Yes,I'm am high and rambing incohereamt nonsense. Kohona is a great to vactaion. What's that? Kohona is located in an alternate world that doesn't even resemble our own. You wanna a hot poker shoved deep into you ass? I thought so.

This time Jesus stayed in the tardis since he attacked Kohona last for some reason. SOmetihng about hating Masashi Kishimoto for killing Jiraiya. So he's orderd to stay away from Kohona by law. When our heores arrived inside Kohona they were surprised. "What a dump!', said Simon. "I know, its worse than Detroit and the slums of NCY combined"., said Goku. Kohona was nothing but broken down buildings,factories that apparently had no purpose except but pollute the air, and drug addicts and hookers. Though, the hookers were laways there. Kohona has always been famous in the ninja world for its hookers.

Sudden;y, a living plot device ran towards them . "YOU NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", shouted Naruto as he ran from the ninja Gai. Gai for some reason was sporting an afro. "Come back here, you little CrackSlut!!', shouted Gai. When Naruto rans towards the gang, Simon pulled out a shovel. Naruto ran face into the shovel and fell towards the ground. "Since when did you own a shovel?",asked Alan Moore. Simon hit him over the head with a shovel and knocked him uncoisioucs. "NEVER QUESTION ME AGAIN!", shouted Simon. Normally, the imapct he recived would cause people brain damage and possibly paralyse them for life, but he should be okay. How did he survive that with pain, I have no idea. I fail bilogy forever. Or was it Health? IDk, i failed high schooll and was named the most retarfed kid in U.S. education history.

Gai approached naruto and put him over his shoulder. Btw, Gai looks sexy with ihs afro, OMG., SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE. ":Thanks for re-capturing him, he's to stay in my rehad center until he straightens up", asked Guy. "You run a rehad center?', asked Goku. "Yeah, for quite some time I've had, gives something to do until the economy gets better", said Gai with a smile and his famous thumbs up. "Let me guess, Tsunade owes a lot money", said Goku with a sigh. 'Yep, Bitch doesn't know when to give up.'Gai with a smile and a thumbs up.

So, the heroes went to Gai's rehab center, which was conviently right behind them. Gai and the gang went to naruto's bedroom and Gai laid him upon his. Gai then kissed on the lips. "Goodnight my sweet angel", said Gai. "NOW WAKE UP, YOU LITTLE CRACKSLUT." Gai then slamed a bat upon naruto's head, waking him up. Naruto rubbed the bump upon his head, even though that hit should put him in a comma. "Why you do that for, I tohught you loved me.", said Naruto with tears in his eyes. "You thought wrong, CrackSLut,the Gai needs no lover, justing sweet loving", said Gai with a thumbs up and a smile. Then he hit naruto with the bat again. He hit reapeatedly with bat, again and again while Naruto cried.

"Why?'', "Why?", cried Naruto. "Becausem you're a sex/drug/alcohol addict and that's why you're here in my lovely rehab center, CrackSlut", said as he gleefully hit naruto with the bat. "Man, I' tired of hitting this CrackSlut, you bitches want to go some cold ones with me?". "We'd love to", said Gary as he decided for the group since he was their master and them his worthless slaves. "I don't drink beer", objected the doctor. Gary slapped him across the face. "Know your plac,e my dear friend", said Gary with the sweetest smile that was ever shown. God, I'm getting an Man-orgasm just thinking of his smile. Fap. Fap. FAp.

"Yes, my lord and master", said the Doctor with a lustful glare. "Why don't you help gary, that's illegal what he was doing to me.", said Naruto criyng. 'He abuses me pyschically and verbally" "No, I don't feel like it', said Gary. "But I send you letters constantly to help, I'm willing to change y'know", said Naruto. "Nah, Idon't feel like it.,said Gary. Everybody stood there while Gary denied a person in need of help. But he can get away just because. So our heores were gonna go get cold ones until Gai stopped Simon. "NO way, bithch, you stay here and watch over the crackslut while me and my homies go get some beer". said Gai

As Gai, the Doctor, Gary, and Goku left, Simon was forced to watch over Naruto. Meanwhile, the others passed alan moore who still on the ground bleeding to death. But they stil didn't noticed him.