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Post Reply "The Ultimate Team" by jadenik
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Posted 1/11/09 , edited 1/25/09
Part1



Part 2


Part 3


Part 4


Note:Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way is a character from the infamous fanfic, My Immortal.

Here's a link:
http://myimmortalrehost.webs.com/index.htm

Beware, reading this will lower your IQ by 20 points



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Posted 1/11/09
Good god! I skimmed episode one instead of reading it in order to avoid IQ loss, but I think I lost 6 or 7 IQ points anyway. My sense of decency drives me to remove it, but my desire to make the world suffer is far more powerful, so it will stay.
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Posted 1/11/09
I just finished. This story varies in its humor level. When you are just being plain random, it really isn't all that funny. Crossovers aren't funny in of themselves; you can't just use a billion of them and expect the story to naturally funny. That said, your story has some amazing spoof qualities. I love when you're being over-the-top ridiculous or making fun of stupid stuff that they do in anime.

Something to note: all of the parts with Nazis and Hitler made me wince, not because I am particularly offended, but because I'm afraid that other people will be and will insist on its removal on those grounds.
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Posted 1/11/09

The_8th_Sin wrote:

Good god! I skimmed episode one instead of reading it in order to avoid IQ loss, but I think I lost 6 or 7 IQ points anyway. My sense of decency drives me to remove it, but my desire to make the world suffer is far more powerful, so it will stay.


I don't know if you're refering to my immortal or my literature
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Posted 1/11/09

jadenik wrote:


The_8th_Sin wrote:

Good god! I skimmed episode one instead of reading it in order to avoid IQ loss, but I think I lost 6 or 7 IQ points anyway. My sense of decency drives me to remove it, but my desire to make the world suffer is far more powerful, so it will stay.


I don't know if you're refering to my immortal or my literature


I'm talking about your story. The one with Jesus, Hitler, and Goku.
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Posted 1/11/09
O_O WHOA!!!! WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST READ!?!
Um... I think you seriously need to rethink your main objective here. Is it to be awkward or to offend cause I'm seeing quite a bit of both... What the hell were you trying to do in this?
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Posted 1/12/09
I didn't mean to offend anybody really.
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Posted 1/12/09

jadenik wrote:

I didn't mean to offend anybody really.


Perhaps your goal wasn't to offend, but it doesn't take much common sense to realize that the subject matter (Hitler and Nazis) inevitably will offend. Once again, I'm the last person to advocate censorship, but if enough people complain, I will be forced to delete it.
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Posted 1/12/09

The_8th_Sin wrote:


jadenik wrote:

I didn't mean to offend anybody really.


Perhaps your goal wasn't to offend, but it doesn't take much common sense to realize that the subject matter (Hitler and Nazis) inevitably will offend. Once again, I'm the last person to advocate censorship, but if enough people complain, I will be forced to delete it.


Sorry,I didn't people would be offened by hitler, i know he was a terrible person, but he lived such a long time ago, i didn't think anyone would be offended by him.
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Posted 1/12/09

jadenik wrote:


The_8th_Sin wrote:


jadenik wrote:

I didn't mean to offend anybody really.


Perhaps your goal wasn't to offend, but it doesn't take much common sense to realize that the subject matter (Hitler and Nazis) inevitably will offend. Once again, I'm the last person to advocate censorship, but if enough people complain, I will be forced to delete it.


Sorry,I didn't people would be offened by hitler, i know he was a terrible person, but he lived such a long time ago, i didn't think anyone would be offended by him.


lol Your story can still be funny and even use offensive humor if you want it too, I like some offensive humor, but you need to be careful about what you are posting. My father is Jewish, so I've had to be careful with a lot of things of that sort. It's just that there's a lot of pretty bad people out there that can easily made fun of and can be very entertaining to do so, but Hitler is a much more sensitive button to push. So, I don't see a real serious problem right now, and your story is still pretty funny and entertaining which shows that you do have the ability to write good funny stories. You just got to be careful, a big important rule for writing, think of the audience that you are trying to appeal too. So keep at it and you'll do fine but always think of what you're viewing audience might think, some wont always find funny what you think is funny.
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Posted 1/12/09

jadenik wrote:


The_8th_Sin wrote:


jadenik wrote:

I didn't mean to offend anybody really.


Perhaps your goal wasn't to offend, but it doesn't take much common sense to realize that the subject matter (Hitler and Nazis) inevitably will offend. Once again, I'm the last person to advocate censorship, but if enough people complain, I will be forced to delete it.


Sorry,I didn't people would be offened by hitler, i know he was a terrible person, but he lived such a long time ago, i didn't think anyone would be offended by him.


Are you really from the same America that I'm from? The America I'm from, you can't even say Hitler's name without the thought police cracking down on you.
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Posted 1/12/09 , edited 1/12/09
I don' knowt anyone personally that gets offended by hitler. I didn't known hitler jokes wer taboo, halocaust yes, bu hitler I ddn't know.
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Posted 1/12/09

jadenik wrote:

I don' knowt anyone personally that gets offended by hitler. I didn't known hitler jokes wer taboo, halocaust yes, bu hitler I ddn't know.


Whatever. Maybe they are maybe they aren't. What you need to decide now is this: are you going to change your episodes to exclude Nazis, or are you just going to keep it how it is? I am almost completely sure that at least one member who would otherwise read your story will be too distracted by the inclusion of Hitler to judge it fairly.

By the way, your story did include quite a few references to the holocaust, so it's taboo, even if Hitler himself is not.
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Posted 1/19/09
oh, sheesh. i'm not really against the references but... THIS SUCKS. there, i said it. i imagine you thought it'd be funny to string random events together with a poorly-told story and offensive material. SHEEESH.
you. can. do. better.
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Posted 1/19/09

atelier7 wrote:

oh, sheesh. i'm not really against the references but... THIS SUCKS. there, i said it. i imagine you thought it'd be funny to string random events together with a poorly-told story and offensive material. SHEEESH.
you. can. do. better.


I wasn't exactly aiming for a good story, I'm never into comedy for the story
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