Post Reply "Beau and the Beast" by jadenik
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Posted 1/12/09 , edited 1/29/09








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Posted 1/12/09

jadenik wrote:



WHOA TIGER!!!! Slow down there Buddy.
Okay... So first things first...
I can see you're a bit excited to get this story out there but you are really going to have to bring the pace down to a much slower rate. Moves WAY to fast.
Also the character development is going to have to drag out a bit more than the small narrations that you provided us with, cause with what I just read you got some seriously paper thin characters. Try a few more conversations, show more interaction between them. Maybe show how they react differently to each other and their surroundings.
I'm not going to say much about the overall story because it's your story, but what I will say is that It's kind of obvious where it's going and it's a wee bit boring... Just spice it up a bit okay?
I really hope this information helps you out! Keep posting, I'm looking forward to more work!
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Posted 1/12/09

Rezzy64 wrote:


jadenik wrote:



WHOA TIGER!!!! Slow down there Buddy.
Okay... So first things first...
I can see you're a bit excited to get this story out there but you are really going to have to bring the pace down to a much slower rate. Moves WAY to fast.
Also the character development is going to have to drag out a bit more than the small narrations that you provided us with, cause with what I just read you got some seriously paper thin characters. Try a few more conversations, show more interaction between them. Maybe show how they react differently to each other and their surroundings.
I'm not going to say much about the overall story because it's your story, but what I will say is that It's kind of obvious where it's going and it's a wee bit boring... Just spice it up a bit okay?
I really hope this information helps you out! Keep posting, I'm looking forward to more work! :D


Thanks for the advice.
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25 / M / California
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Posted 1/12/09

jadenik wrote:


Rezzy64 wrote:


jadenik wrote:



WHOA TIGER!!!! Slow down there Buddy.
Okay... So first things first...
I can see you're a bit excited to get this story out there but you are really going to have to bring the pace down to a much slower rate. Moves WAY to fast.
Also the character development is going to have to drag out a bit more than the small narrations that you provided us with, cause with what I just read you got some seriously paper thin characters. Try a few more conversations, show more interaction between them. Maybe show how they react differently to each other and their surroundings.
I'm not going to say much about the overall story because it's your story, but what I will say is that It's kind of obvious where it's going and it's a wee bit boring... Just spice it up a bit okay?
I really hope this information helps you out! Keep posting, I'm looking forward to more work! :D


Thanks for the advice.


No problem man, just don't be discouraged because your idea looks really good! I wanna see it go far and read it in all of it's Anime Goodness!
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Posted 1/19/09
um, what to say? generic story, boring, fast-paced execution. there's not much going for it, to be honest.
suggestions: flesh out your characters, they're too stereotypical.
please, try being a wee bit different.
overall, make it a bit more interesting. add drama, or comedy.
or just make another story.
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