"Aerea - land of the Tree" by khadar747

Azyra was just walking through the woods near the Thealle base camp when he came across a strange object on the ground. He looked it over and saw many small buttons and strange shapes on it. "What's this?" He asked himself. He looked at his own COMP bit didn't see anything that resembled it. He shrugged and picked it up, placing it on his belt.
I should take it to Snakeman. He thought to himself.

A sudden rush of wind clued him in to a trap. Nets surrounded his body and he was brought up into the air. "Sheet!" He cursed, barely containing his surprise. A creature, kind of like that of a troll, came from the bushes.
"So. We caught him." It said. It moved a hand and more troll like beings came from the brush, "Take him down and bring him along. Take his COMP off." Was all that Azyra heard before he fell down hard on his back.

He woke up a half hour later and was bound and gagged inside of a tent. Dark as it was, he could see that his items were still near him. If only I can reach my comp. Then I can summon Raeth, my Garm. He thought to himself. He moved his foot over to the pile and watched the flaps as he moved his stuff around, trying to find his COMP.

It had taken Azyra roughly five minutes, maybe ten, to reach his COMP. He managed to get the device behind his back to his hands, with pain added onto that. He knew the combination of the buttons needing to be pressed to summon his Garm by heart, so, he pressed those. It took only a second or so for a mist like object to take form and soon solidify. His unusual black garm came into existence, looking for Azyra.
"Why have you summoned me?" It asked, the words coming from seemingly no where.
Azyra struggled against the gag and it eventually fell out, luckily due to Azyra staying calm and having his head bent down. He coughed once and then again then looked at his Garm with love and affection. "Raeth, I need to get untied." He whispered, "Can you do it?"
"Yes." Raeth replied, moving behind Azyra. Raeth used his left front claw to saw at the ropes and soon enough, Azyra's hands were free.
"Now the feet." He whispered.
A sudden footfall outside the tent let Azyra know of someone's approach.
"Quickly! Hide!" Azyra hissed as he put his hands behind his back, acting like he was still tied.

A female troll entered the tent just as Raeth hid behind a stack of crates, getting ready for the signal that Azyra usually gave.
"Ah. I see my brother has been rude again. Let me get those." She said in a soothing voice. She walked behind Azyra and saw his COMP near him, along with the shredded binds for his hands, "Ah. It also seems like you were able to summon someone and is probably still around here. Come on out. I'm here to help."
Azyra, by this time, had gotten into a siting position with his hands in front of him.
"Come on out Raeth. She tells the truth." Azyra called.
Raeth came from behind the crates and looked at the female troll.
"What is your name?" He asked her.
"Rella. I am Rella Stronghand." She introduced herself. She came back to Azyra and got his feet untied. With that, she told them that she'd be back at nightfall. She also told them to be ready by that time.
Azyra took her advice and put on his Gear. His Plasma Sword flared to life as the pommel touched his hand. "I hope we can trust her." He said as he pulled some bread from his backpack and gave half the loaf to Raeth.
"So do I." Raeth replied.

Azyra and Raeth were both ready before night fell. They had only run into two more trolls who weren't surprised that they were unbound. The trolls took them out for some exercise. After some time though, they were put back in the tent.
When night did fall, Azyra and Raeth were quietly enjoying the meal that the trolls had provided.
"It doesn't seem like they are all that bad." Azyra said wistfully, "Maybe they don't want anything bad to befall us. What do you think Raeth?"
"I think they're fatting us up for a meal." Raeth said sarcastically, going into his humorous side, "But I have to agree. They do seem to treat us nicely."
"Yeah. It's a shame we were brought here roughly. If they needed us for something, they could have asked." Azyra replied.

Another foot fall sounded outside the tent flaps and Azyra got up, putting on his helmet again. Rella walked in. Her body was clothed in silk and she was smiling.
"Ah! It's good to see you guys ready!" She exclaimed, "I talked to my brother and he agreed that you would help us if we asked. He also sends his apologies for not asking you, but he was afraid that you would attack him and not listen to reason."
"It's OK. It was only a misunderstanding." Azyra comforted her, "The next time you see your brother, tell him all he had to do was ask. We are not like our brothers and sisters, some of whom attack with out thinking."
"I agree," Rella replied, "But you see, ever since we lost our Talisman, we have been having a harder time talking to the other races. So far, we've located where it has been and where it is being transported too. Unfortunately, your leader, Snakeman, was the one who set the ambush for us."
"What ambush?" Azyra asked.
"The one that you stepped in. It was originally for us. That COMP you saw was his from long ago. We had knocked out the guards around that area and then waited for you. Rumors had spread of a Demon Buster that had a black garm with him that would listen to anyone who asked." Rella explained, "My brother also wanted me to tell you that you are always welcomed here, no matter the circumstance."
"We appreciate the offer, but what is the real reason you have came to us this night?" Raeth asked, getting up.
"I wanted to personally ask you, on the honor of all the Stronghand trolls, if you would help." Rella asked.
"Help with what?" Azyra replied.
"Help us to get our Talisman back. That is what helps us keep our peace." Rella said in short, terse words.

"We will help." Azyra said later that night as he and Raeth got done speaking to each other about it, "But we will need help from a few friends."
"I understand." Rella said, smiling, "But you must leave tonight. Otherwise, the other trolls in this region will suspect us of treason. Please, you must forgive me for rushing you out."
"Its OK." Azyra and Raeth said together, in unison.

It only took them fifteen minutes to get to the entrance of the camp and out onto the path. "Thank you Rella." Azyra called into the darkness. The two companions started walking down the road, side by side.
It was only five minutes after they left the path onto a wilderness trail that they both knew that they heard footfalls behind them, too many to be one troll. And, with the increasing tempo, Azyra and Raeth could tell that they weren't friendly.
Azyra nodded to Raeth and both took off down the hidden path, heading straight towards the Third Home. They raced against what ever was chasing them for pretty much that whole night, or what was left of it. It was when they were fifteen, twenty yards from the Third Home that whoever was pursuing them broke off.
They arrived safely and went searching for their friends.

Azyra was just walking through the woods near the Thealle base camp when he came across a strange object on the ground. He looked it over and saw many small buttons and strange shapes on it. "What's this?" He asked himself. He looked at his own COMP bit didn't see anything that resembled it. He shrugged and picked it up, placing it on his belt.
I should take it to Snakeman. He thought to himself.

A sudden rush of wind clued him in to a trap. Nets surrounded his body and he was brought up into the air. "Sheet!" He cursed, barely containing his surprise. A creature, kind of like that of a troll, came from the bushes.
"So. We caught him." It said. It moved a hand and more troll like beings came from the brush, "Take him down and bring him along. Take his COMP off." Was all that Azyra heard before he fell down hard on his back.

He woke up a half hour later and was bound and gagged inside of a tent. Dark as it was, he could see that his items were still near him. If only I can reach my comp. Then I can summon Raeth, my Garm. He thought to himself. He moved his foot over to the pile and watched the flaps as he moved his stuff around, trying to find his COMP.

It had taken Azyra roughly five minutes, maybe ten, to reach his COMP. He managed to get the device behind his back to his hands, with pain added onto that. He knew the combination of the buttons needing to be pressed to summon his Garm by heart, so, he pressed those. It took only a second or so for a mist like object to take form and soon solidify. His unusual black garm came into existence, looking for Azyra.
"Why have you summoned me?" It asked, the words coming from seemingly no where.
Azyra struggled against the gag and it eventually fell out, luckily due to Azyra staying calm and having his head bent down. He coughed once and then again then looked at his Garm with love and affection. "Raeth, I need to get untied." He whispered, "Can you do it?"
"Yes." Raeth replied, moving behind Azyra. Raeth used his left front claw to saw at the ropes and soon enough, Azyra's hands were free.
"Now the feet." He whispered.
A sudden footfall outside the tent let Azyra know of someone's approach.
"Quickly! Hide!" Azyra hissed as he put his hands behind his back, acting like he was still tied.

A female troll entered the tent just as Raeth hid behind a stack of crates, getting ready for the signal that Azyra usually gave.
"Ah. I see my brother has been rude again. Let me get those." She said in a soothing voice. She walked behind Azyra and saw his COMP near him, along with the shredded binds for his hands, "Ah. It also seems like you were able to summon someone and is probably still around here. Come on out. I'm here to help."
Azyra, by this time, had gotten into a siting position with his hands in front of him.
"Come on out Raeth. She tells the truth." Azyra called.
Raeth came from behind the crates and looked at the female troll.
"What is your name?" He asked her.
"Rella. I am Rella Stronghand." She introduced herself. She came back to Azyra and got his feet untied. With that, she told them that she'd be back at nightfall. She also told them to be ready by that time.
Azyra took her advice and put on his Gear. His Plasma Sword flared to life as the pommel touched his hand. "I hope we can trust her." He said as he pulled some bread from his backpack and gave half the loaf to Raeth.
"So do I." Raeth replied.

Azyra was granted an audience with Snakeman and asked about the trap. He debriefed Azyra on it and explained why it was necessary. Snakeman though, forgot to leave out that he was trying to find the Talisman himself. Azyra knew this somehow because Snakeman did not mention it. Although Azyra found Snakeman as a good guy, he couldn't help but feel resentful at the idea of killing for no reason.
He sighed as he left the Control Room. He looked about and headed towards the Armor shop as he was sure he'd find a friend there. He was right. His friend, some call Sunrise (nickname) and others call by his name, Ryan. He explained about the whole mission thing and what Snakeman said. Ryan understood all this and agreed that he would help.
Azyra didn't know why Ryan agreed so quickly, but he was sure it was for good purposes.

Unfortunately, none of the two's friends were found for the rest of that day. So, in celebration of Azyra's return, they headed towards the gardens to enjoy a snack. Luckily though, no trouble came their way as they had expected and didn't get to have fun. There was always one or two Demon Busters that were always after Azyra because of Raeth.
Ryan headed home after an hour or so. Azyra sighed and then looked about for Raeth. He knew that his Garm would be found slinking around, trying to find trouble. But Azyra was worried. He knew that his friends would help and all, but he couldn't help the thought of doing something wrong.

The next day though, Azyra's two other friends were found in the gardens, early in the morning. Rane and Shade (twin brothers) were expecting Azyra and Ryan, but they weren't expecting the mission that Azyra laid out at their feet. They agreed as well, yes, but they were worried that their comrade in arms was going too far. All three of Azyra's friends knew that Snakeman would kill them if he found out of what they were doing.
"He already knows." Azyra said once they expressed their thoughts, "I've already told him that I was going to undertake this with or without his permission."

It's a decent start for a story, but you're not using words as efficiently as you possibly could. You're trying to show much action with few words, which doesn't work very well in my opinion. It's a decent premise for a story, but it lacks description in my opinion.

Instead of "We lost our talisman" say something like "We lost our talisman that shown with all the light of the stars in the night sky. It was a precious object, given to us centuries ago when our gods walked among us. It is more than just a simple talisman, it is a symbol of the pact that we had made, that we would prosper and speak in all tongues as long as we were faithful.
That such a precious thing would be lost grieves us deeply and brings shame upon our people."

And so on and so forth, obviously your writing style is different than mine, but you should definitely describe things more.
For the sake of the story, you should describe Snakeman a bit too. Obviously, playing the game, we all know what he is like, but the way you portray him in the story can make him a twisted hard-line instructor or a teacher who is wise in the ways of battle.
You reference a few times that "Snakeman will kill us." or something along those lines, but it comes out as almost comical by the end, just because he's fairly one-dimensional in the story, make him live, make him breathe, make him bitter and hard, make him lusting for power and conniving.

All in all it's a decent premise, but you should definitely flesh it out a bit.

Azyra was granted an audience with Snakeman and asked about the trap. He debriefed Azyra on it and explained why it was necessary. Snakeman though, forgot to leave out that he was trying to find the Talisman himself. Azyra knew this somehow because Snakeman did not mention it. Although Azyra found Snakeman as a good guy, he couldn't help but feel resentful at the idea of killing for no reason.
He sighed as he left the Control Room. He looked about and headed towards the Armor shop as he was sure he'd find a friend there. He was right. His friend, some call Sunrise (nickname) and others call by his name, Ryan. He explained about the whole mission thing and what Snakeman said. Ryan understood all this and agreed that he would help.
Azyra didn't know why Ryan agreed so quickly, but he was sure it was for good purposes.

Unfortunately, none of the two's friends were found for the rest of that day. So, in celebration of Azyra's return, they headed towards the gardens to enjoy a snack. Luckily though, no trouble came their way as they had expected and didn't get to have fun. There was always one or two Demon Busters that were always after Azyra because of Raeth.
Ryan headed home after an hour or so. Azyra sighed and then looked about for Raeth. He knew that his Garm would be found slinking around, trying to find trouble. But Azyra was worried. He knew that his friends would help and all, but he couldn't help the thought of doing something wrong.

The next day though, Azyra's two other friends were found in the gardens, early in the morning. Rane and Shade (twin brothers) were expecting Azyra and Ryan, but they weren't expecting the mission that Azyra laid out at their feet. They agreed as well, yes, but they were worried that their comrade in arms was going too far. All three of Azyra's friends knew that Snakeman would kill them if he found out of what they were doing.
"He already knows." Azyra said once they expressed their thoughts, "I've already told him that I was going to undertake this with or without his permission."

It's a decent start for a story, but you're not using words as efficiently as you possibly could. You're trying to show much action with few words, which doesn't work very well in my opinion. It's a decent premise for a story, but it lacks description in my opinion.

Instead of "We lost our talisman" say something like "We lost our talisman that shown with all the light of the stars in the night sky. It was a precious object, given to us centuries ago when our gods walked among us. It is more than just a simple talisman, it is a symbol of the pact that we had made, that we would prosper and speak in all tongues as long as we were faithful.
That such a precious thing would be lost grieves us deeply and brings shame upon our people."

And so on and so forth, obviously your writing style is different than mine, but you should definitely describe things more.
For the sake of the story, you should describe Snakeman a bit too. Obviously, playing the game, we all know what he is like, but the way you portray him in the story can make him a twisted hard-line instructor or a teacher who is wise in the ways of battle.
You reference a few times that "Snakeman will kill us." or something along those lines, but it comes out as almost comical by the end, just because he's fairly one-dimensional in the story, make him live, make him breathe, make him bitter and hard, make him lusting for power and conniving.

All in all it's a decent premise, but you should definitely flesh it out a bit.

"Whine? Whine?" the voice drew nearer. "What're looking at?"
"Water," I said.
He sat down on the bank beside me.
I looked out across the bay at the buildings that had sunken into the water.
He looked where I was looking.
"Do you think anyone is in there?" he asked.
"Squatters maybe," I said.

I laid back on the dewy grass and stared up at the grey sky through the haze of the fog. I played my fingers across my helmet which was in the grass next to me. It was from an older uniform, a sandy color dabbled with grey. It was the color everything was when I left the place that was my home.
I had been away for such a long time now.
I wondered if I would ever return home.
I held my left hand up in the air above my face and danced sparks between my finger tips.
Stars.

"What's it like in space?" he asked me.
"Cold," I told him. "Cold."

He was younger than me, though age no longer had a meaning. He was recently given to me as my aide in what was left of a military service in this place. I had recently been promoted to a position that was similar to my old on in the CIC army. A position without rank, authority on the field, responsibility for the lives of many.

I pitied the sad state of the military here.
This world had no idea.
They were unprepared.
For so long they had turned a blind eye to the things they did not understand, for so long they glossed them over that they forgot the raw truth of the universe, until it came reckoning.

And I came to right it.

They called them demons here, those who could twist reality and speak with the seeds of chaos were known as Demon Busters. It seemed childish to me. They made it into a game.

Chaos should never be trifled with.
That girl, that one who was not fully human, had come here. This was her doing.
She came here with that Union girl to experiment. She wanted her world back.

But she was not justified to do this, and I had orders to carry out. Orders from a military vastly superior to the one here.
When a world is a means to an end, such a silly thing. Toys of gods.

"Wine," he said, I had quite forgotten about him. "Who is this person you're trying to kill anyhow?"
"There's two of them really," I told him. "There's a girl with long violet hair who is something of a god, in fact, many people know her as a god. She has, oh... how do you say... an extremely powerful Demon, but it's more like... she is the demon and the demon is her, but neither are the same being, and... nevermind. If you see anyone with long violet hair whom the demons will not touch, that is her."

"What is the demon she has?" he asked.

"Challorah is its name proper. It's been called many things it seems. My people studied it for a long while. It is an ancient being of incomprehensible might."

"You said there were two people though?"

"Ah, the other..." I thought for a moment, "the other is a pain. She's a soldier from my own place, though she is an enemy. She's apathetic and impartial to the point of frustration. I would not mind her, had I not already killed her once. She's a strange person. She's rather short and has ratty blonde hair, she will likely be wearing a very out-of-place uniform, a walking anachronism, so if you see-"

My radio crackled.

"we9, come in."

I pushed the black button, "present."

"There is a turbulence in the Nankano sector, it is relatively close to your vicinity, the coordinates are X2905.36, Y0449.50, please investigate it and file a report following it."

"Understood, we9pr8gy out," I said.

I sat up in the grass. The metal plating on my back was wet from the dew.
I put on my helmet, and pulled the field map out of my breast pocket.
I unfolded it, the coordinates indicated that it was in the middle of the lake I was sitting across from, probably in those ruins.
It seemed to be an old school that had fallen into a large doline, then filled with water. From what I remembered of the education system here, it would have been a second tier school in their system.

"So, what's up?" he asked me, I tried to remember his name, it was Goto, pronounced Ghoto(p) with a vowel modifier which did not appear in their language.

"Chaos in the ruins," I said, pointing at the school half-sunken in the water.

"Oh, we get to go to school," he said. It seemed as if he were hinting at something. "Will you wear your uniform?" he asked.

Whatever he was hinting at was lost on me, so I ignored him, and proceeded to find one of the locals to get a dinghy.

We walked into the local Yagiya's hut, there were some boats tied up on the shore nearby, so we could probably rent one here.
"I would like to rent a dinghy," I said to him.
"You cannot," he said to me, with a snarky tone in his voice.
"Why not?" I asked him.
"You are soldier, you most graciously do not consort with them, you are not COMP," he said.
"I'll rent the boat then," said Goto.
"You cannot," the Yagiya said to him, with a snarky tone in his voice.
"Why the h ell not?" I asked him.
"Because he would take you in the water, and you do not most graciously consort with them," he said.
"Where then, can we get a boat?" I asked him.
"Only place is here. Make a deal with me most graciously, and you can have a boat for to cross the water and draw in most gracious fish," he said.
"What's the deal?" I asked.
"Women here, weak stomached, weak headed. Outdrink me, and boat is yours. Outdrink you, you are mine," he stated his terms.
"Fine," I said to him, not at all concerned. I had once outdrank a man who could not feel the effects of alcohol.
The Yagiya brought out the drinking shots, and a glass bottle, he poured a sepid liquid into each glass.
He picked it up and drank it and poured another.
I picked up the glass he poured for me, drank it, then I flung the glass against the wall, shattering it.
"WHAT MOCKERY IS THIS?!" I yelled at him. He seemed a bit frightened. "I THOUGHT WE WERE TO DRINK? WHY HAVE YOU GIVEN ME WATER?"
It was alcohol, but a weak local brew, only good for thinning the blood a bit.
I pulled out a jacket bottle from my pack, dumped out the glass he had poured for himself, and filled it with some of the Vodka I had had imported less-than-legally a while back. It was very similar to what I had grown up drinking, it made the place feel more like home.
The Vodka ran clearer than water, liquid quartz in a glass.
I then up-ended the bottle and drank my fair share.
He drank the glass, sputtering after drinking it, I doubted he had ever had anything of such strength.
I continued filling his bottle and taking swigs until he had passed out on the floor.
I took his keys, a good portion of his macca to make up for the good vodka he wasted, and a few supplies we would be needing.
I waited a few minutes and let my body burn up the alcohol.
Goto was looking at me, "Are you drunk?" he asked.
"Of course not," I said, there was hardly a blush on my cheeks. Praise Yeheweh for the CIC.

We went out back and untied the dinghy that looked the least rotted, I made for Goto to get in it, which he did, picking up the oars.
I pushed it off and we began rowing across the water.
"Remi?" I asked him.
"Oh," he laughed. "You're right, this is probably going to be dangerous."
He set down the oars for a moment and we drifted across the cold and misty waters. He touched in some numbers on his COMP and a young girl appeared sitting beside him. The boat did not so much as create a single extra ripple when she appeared.
"Hello Remi," he said, cheerfully greeting her.
She made a wicked smile at nothing in particular and looked around to see where we were going.
Her skin was red and her eyes were two small orbs of fire. She was a strange thing, and I did not know where she was from. She was not like the other Hua Po I had encountered, small, mischievous, filled with strange powers, and generally somewhat benevolent. Quite the contrary, she was proportioned as a small human would be, and she was one of the most malicious creatures I had ever come across
Goto seemed completely oblivious to the fact that not only was she of disturbing temperament, but I had never once seen her do anything that would be beyond realism for a human being. She never so much as lit a match in my presence, when we fought, she used an old straight-bladed sword.

"What are we going to.... kill...?" she asked, breathing the last word out, as if it were enjoyable.
"A disturbance in the old school here," said Goto, nodding to the dilapidated building that was nearing behind him.
"Mmmm..." she breathed.
She looked at me with those slanted yellow eyes. She seemed to have some sort of twisted hatred for anything with existence, and I was no exception. "Mmmm..." she breathed again.
I just stared back at her.
Her personality was so unbecoming of her. It would have worked much better if she were actually capable of killing things. She usually ended up making a mess of things and generally getting in the way when it all came down to it.
I didn't mind that though, if things were attacking her, then they were not attacking me.

Goto brought in the oars and we glided a ways over the silently lapping gentle waves.
The prow of the dinghy bumped softly against the half-submerged side of the building.
The craft was brought around so the starboard side was against the wall, I pulled us along it until the dinghy was near a window that had been knocked out by the rising and falling of the lake.
Using the sill of the lower window as a foothold, I ascended into the floor above.
Remi followed me with silent footsteps.
Goto tied the dinghy up and climbed in after her.
It was dark.
The land here was dark in the first place, but the lack of sun was compounded by the walls and furniture weaving shadows together in an impenetrable web.
I flicked my left wrist a bit and made a nice glow of Saint Elmo's fire around my hand to guide our way. It was quite marvelous really, and I enjoyed playing with it in dark places, weaving it around my fingers, watching it play across the Vishkhennove plating.
This was no time to play though.
We walked along through the dilapidated corridors.
The shadows oppressed us and the smells of mildew and rotting fish made fingers around our faces.
I stepped over a place where the floor had fallen in, there was water beneath it.
What we were looking for was not on this floor.
We went through the classrooms one by one to make certain though.
Nothing was out of alignment in its disorder.
The desks were skewed by the quake, notices on the walls still spoke of events long past, if they had ever even occurred.
I nodded up, I could sense that what we wanted was on that floor.
We climbed the stairs, poured of concrete so long ago.
Dust was on the rails and the whole place stank.
The stairs seemed in good condition though, they had been supported better than the floors, and they did not bear the weight of floating walls.
We turned the corner at the landing and I reached the next floor first.

What we had come after was doubtless in the classroom with the soft glow of a fire coming from the doorway.
The three of us walked silently and stood before the frame of the door.
I pulled out a small mirror and held it up, looking in the room so as not to be seen.
I scanned it around, the room seemed more well-kept, people lived here.
A pair of black light combat boots were dangling from an upturned desk.
I followed the boots up to a slim body in a functional black dress made of heavy cloth and leather straps. Black gloves covered both hands. No skin was revealed. Long violet hair draped down on either side, running as velvet along the top of the desk.
I followed the body to a neck that was ghostly white and to a satanic grin and two eyes that were staring bemusedly straight at my mirror.
"Dammit..." I muttered, I let down the mirror and walked through the door.
I did not try to guess how she had known I was searching the room, I had held the mirror so that it should not have been seen, but, ah well.
"What do you want?" she asked me, a voice like dark red wine.
I noticed there were two others in the room with her.
A girl with scraggly blond hair dressed in a soldier's uniform sat by a small fire smoking a cigarette. She was the one whom I had killed before. She didn't look up when we entered.
She had the end of a chain under her hand, at the other end of which was a girl who was sitting with her head between her knees as far away from them as possible.
She looked up at me with a sort of mixed look in her eyes. She hated them, but she would fight me.
I noticed she was very sickly, blood mixed with vomit was on the floor near her.
A defiant girl nonetheless.