Post Reply "Aerea - land of the Tree" by khadar747
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Posted 1/14/09 , edited 1/14/09
Chapter 1 The summoning


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Posted 1/14/09
Chapter 2 Night run




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Posted 1/14/09

khadar747 wrote:

Chapter 1 The summ
oning




I read your first chapter, I'll read the second one later, I just want to say, the pace is generally comfortable, I kind of like how you got it all set up. It could be a little bit longer, but I'm glad to see you have a good pace for it because that's generally what most people have trouble with. The biggest problem that I can see here is there is absolutely no background what so ever. Even if you say "Don't worry I'm going to get to that soon." It's still important to give us a small amount of background to make the reader feel a bit more comfortable about what they're reading.
As far as I can see, this is really interesting, but put some background into it and it will be much more comfortable. Once again great job on the pacing.
(Personal note...) ...Snakeman? ...SOLID SNAKEMAN... WOOO!!! ...lol sorry I couldn't help myself, that little detail made me giggle when I first read it...
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Posted 1/14/09
This was the opening im going to explain everything later on in the story

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Posted 1/15/09
Chapter 3 Rounding up



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Posted 1/18/09

khadar747 wrote:

Chapter 3 Rounding
up





What the hell? Why does your episode have a review of it posted inside of the story? Has some mod been getting confused by the edit feature?
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Posted 1/18/09
The story is quite easy to understand, except of course when someone says something like "I'll use my COMP to summon my Garm." which is incomprehensable to an absurd degree. All the same, there is a certain power to giving the readers no background at all. However, if you don't give any background, be sure to describe the events and objects in great detail to emphasize the fact that we don't understand what they are supposed to be.

The pacing is also nice.

Keep writing, and I'll keep reading.
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Posted 1/19/09
now this is a good story. i especially like all the technical terms, but i'd like it if you explained what's going on a bit more. your little reference was also good.
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Posted 1/27/09
Well im trying to pull a soul eater when trying to create a story for 2 different characters and than they meet so here is PART 2


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Posted 1/27/09
CHAPTER 2 RUINS


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