Post Reply "Blodlust" by Baddies-Lover
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26 / F / In Lemon Planet,...
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Posted 2/6/09 , edited 2/6/09
Here is the prologue! Enjoy! And comment!

Prologue

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25 / M / California
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Posted 2/6/09

Baddies-Lover wrote:

Here is the prologue! Enjoy! And comment!

Prologue



Okay... You really need to slow everything down!
Way too fast... Also your formatting is pretty bad.
A lot of the story needs work. The characters are paper thin and need more time to be developed. Also besides the fact that everything moves too fast, the tense of everything is confusing... For instance I can't tell what is in the present and what is in the past. The sequence of all events happens so fast it leaves me in a state of confusion as to what is going on.

Looking at the idea that you have going here by itself, I can say that it looks very interesting, I like the idea of your characters having to deal with a nasty situation at such a young age and that gives the characters as well as the story some depth.
I would like to see this idea of yours developed into a more expansive story cause currently it seems like you only have a good idea, and I'm sorry to say it but this little prologue you got here does it no justice.
So think about what you want to do with this a little more before you write any more of this story, cause it's a good idea, it just needs more development.
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