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Post Reply "First Divine Light" by yaidoll
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Posted 2/10/09

The_8th_Sin wrote:


yaidoll wrote:


The_8th_Sin wrote:


Coglock wrote:

Okay, I'll say I'm not a person who isn't afraid to criticize something, because I am not afraid to do so. Let me start with an obvious problem. You need to separate your paragraphs, or at least do that a bit better. Looking at a massive block of text turns away readers easily. Also, the basic description, and the story itself seemed like a cliche, and mainly just plain a bit like self insertion, although you said that you and your sister imagined many things like this as children.

The things that make it unoriginal is the prophecy thing, where someone is chosen to defeat some great evil, and that the main character(s) must kill a god. Gods(as in omnipotent beings, not some certain god) are usually immortal, and basically and also literally can wipe something from existence with a single blink of their eye. One other thing that may ruin the story is the amount of Japanese influence and such in this story. It easily confused me, and so did the Japanese names. I'm not saying it's bad to make something based on a certain culture, but Japan has been overdone, and the Japanese names and plot seem more like a weaboo(I'm not calling you or anyone here one) or anime fangirl wrote this.

You could also try some spellcheck, and check your grammar a bit to see any mistakes, and you may have used some words incorrectly. Also, it'd be best to separate your story in about 4-6 spoilers if you can. And finally, the details and descriptions are nice, but it'd be nice if it didn't fill up most of the page and make it slow paced.

I apologize to the writers(and only the writers) if they feel any bit offended or upset from my criticism. I originally planned that I should've been a bit harsher, but I not only felt tired, but I also felt that you had potential, compared to most fictional writers on the internet.


There's nothing wrong with having prophesies or evil gods. They have been part of stories for thousands of years for a reason, you know. It's only a problem when an unimaginative person sticks them in and assumes it will make the story good. This story has been written with great beauty and elegance, so the fact that it has prophesies and an evil god is hardly worth mentioning.

To say that the Japanese cultural aspects of the story could be detrimental is absurd. There really is no way for a cultural setting to be "overdone," because the Japanese, like every other nation, have been telling stories set in their own nation since they first became a nation. Besides, Yaidoll actually lives in Japan, so it makes about as much sense to tell her to not set a story in a Japanese fantasy setting as it it is to tell an American or European to not set a story in a European Fuedal fantasy setting. And on that note, I don't think you can call Yaidoll a weaboo, (I'm not saying that you or anyone else did) considering that she lives in Japan.



*blushes*
wow, m speachless, it seems I have a knight in shining armer. lol
thnks a lot for your nice words, I appreciate them a lot and m sure my coo-writers will too as we r helping my sister make this in to her first animation demo. Thanks a lot!


lol

I didn't mean to be so
confrontational to Coglock, but I was only saying what I genuinely felt to be true.


There is no harm int Haha, its ok, no harm in that, u spoke the true and there is nothing wrong about such thing.
Posted 2/12/09
Don't worry Yai, we know good cuality work when we see it. We will b your loyal fans.
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Posted 2/12/09

SetsunaHaptism wrote:

Don't worry Yai, we know good cuality work when we see it. We will b your loyal fans.



Arigato! though u diserve a lot of credit for this work too, cause u've put up a lot of creativity for it.
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Posted 2/19/09
This is just a notice for all of u and to remind me that there r 2 weeks left for the 2nd ep to be posted, can't wait!
Pls, read and give me feed back on the story, for those of u how haven't read it yet. lol
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Posted 3/6/09
"First Divine Light Chapter 2: "Revelations.""
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Posted 3/12/09


I Really like it So Far Nice Action. BUT It was kind of hard to Follow will all the grammar and misspelled words. I did get lost a few times because i really did know who was talking and some times I was like WHAT? But Overall I like the story and i can see it becoming an Anime or EVEN a Manga. ^_^
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Posted 3/12/09

shinsonic23 wrote:



I Really like it So Far Nice Action. BUT It was kind of hard to Follow will all the grammar and misspelled words. I did get lost a few times because i really did know who was talking and some times I was like WHAT? But Overall I like the story and i can see it becoming an Anime or EVEN a Manga. ^_^


Thnx for your opinion. It is a hard reading cause its writen on first person, kind of tricky even to put together, but m glad u like it.
I usually brake it down in to 2 parts so that the readers can differenciate, but it was over due and had no time to go over that, r the grammer, my sister kind of procrastinated this month! lol
but thnx so much for your opinion and for reading.
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Posted 3/12/09
Glad i could help ^_^
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Posted 4/5/09
"First Divine Light episode 3."

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Posted 5/15/09
"Chapter 4.


Shuuya Himemiya crossed the lands, and there he brought his house and his army and conquered all who came before him, saying ‘I shall not rest until a great leader blessed by heaven has defeated my soldiers, and that man I shall serve thereafter, his imperial sword.’ And he fought countless battles, defeating great men and routing all that challenged his host as they coveted his power. For ten years he bestrode Japan, an undefeated titan who refused to take the throne. At that time, an old woman came to him and said ‘I will rout your great army, using only the ribbon that ties my hair.’ And it was so, and she said ‘I am always with you. Ascend to heaven and tell of the wisest leader that you follow, Ame No Murakumo.’
________________________________________
“Why did you let something like that happen?”
“We had no choice.”
“We had a choice,” I spat, feeling passion tremble through my body. “We’re the Miko. We always have a choice. But you left me in a corner by deciding that all by yourself.”
“And if we’d interfered? What then?” Haruki shot back glaring at me. “We can’t back down from our decisions for personal reasons. We have the confidence of leaders far older and wiser than us because of Ame No Murakumo’s blessing. That’s all. If we undermine that-”
“What will happen? Nothing.” I slammed the door behind us shut, walking forwards. “That’s all a sham. I believed it, you know, but you’ve never believed. Uchito-sama doesn’t believe. If we acted for personal reasons, they’d believe we’re just teenagers, not the voices of a god… those leaders believe that anyway! Just keeping up this play-act is all they do!”
“I believe!” Haruki said, stepping backwards defensively. “My belief is different from yours, though! I’m sincerely trying to be a good priestess. If you’re the one who is questioning our best decision for your own human emotions, you’re the one whose faith is weak.”
“Yes! Yes, my faith is weak. It was so strong when I was a designated pawn in the right place, protecting Shuu-sama’s place.” I stepped over the place where’d I’d slept, and been nursed to health, twice now in two days. The thought almost gave me pause. “Wouldn’t it have been convenient for you if things had worked out right? But I know what your leaders do… they just manipulate us. Even you. Getting me to go along with you, and deceiving all our proud warriors, that isn’t the way of the Ame No Murakumo I believed in!”
“This and that are different,” Haruki said. “I know it was a horrible thing, but I had no place in that! What is, is, and we have to live on and fight no matter what with what we have. That is Ame No Murakumo’s way! And I’ll lie for that cause, and deceive people. My deceptions give your family hope and the strength to fight. I won’t apologise for that.”
“He did! Uchito did. He abandoned me to his brother, and now he needs me back. So he’s killing off my mother for that cause! And you’re telling me this and that aren’t connected?” I slammed my palm against a wooden beam, cracking it. “Don’t screw with me! You’re just allowing yourself to be manipulated by him.”
“Uchito-sama would never do anything like that! This is just what we have to do! Your mother is strong, amazingly strong, and there’s no better choice. You agreed yourself that this is necessary. And we’re all promised to Ame No Murakumo, without exceptions to that rule. Won’t you hurt your warriors more, leaving them all to die except for your mother? Naïve!” Haruki looked straight at me, eyes trembling. “Your family exists to lead from the front, not the reverse. That’s the way of Ame No Murakumo.”
“So what about Uchito? Why is he always standing behind us?” I demanded. “He should have the pride and dignity to fight his battle himself.”
“He’s still necessary as a leader. To protect his life, the branch family exists for that reason.”
“I’m sick of it,” I said, turning away and facing the door. “Your ‘reasons’, your ‘meanings for existence’. ‘Necessary’ and ‘unnecessary’ people neatly split like that. I’ve had more than enough of that. I was an unnecessary person too, and now I’m not. I finally understand what you were saying. I’m the Lunar Priestess. There isn’t anyone left to bow to. Just Ame No Murakumo.” I closed my eyes. “The God I believe in doesn’t think of people like chess pieces. No one would worship that God. Nor was it that banner I fought for.”
“Then can you do it? This power alone doesn’t make you a worthy priestess. Can you really protect everyone while holding onto such soft, easy ideals? It’s not possible. Sacrifices are necessary! You know that too.”
“I’ll bear them all myself,” I said, gritting my teeth. “I can do that much with my power.” I moved to leave.
“What are you going to do?” Haruki demanded tautly.
“I’m still holding my promise to you,” I said shortly. “That hasn’t changed, I’ll remain by your side. We’re still destined to fight and destroy Orochi. But I won’t play at being equals while deferring to your every decision any more. There are some things that must be protected, no matter what you say.”
“That’s fine,” she replied, her voice terse. “Do as you like. Just act responsibly. Don’t use your authority to assert a worse whimsy than Uchito-sama’s commands.”
“Is that even possible?” I snapped, stepping through the sliding door and slamming it behind me.
I managed to get halfway down the corridor before I collapsed against a wall, breathing heavily. I leaned against it, closing my eyes and trying to regain my composure. My world’s been broken slowly, but this evening was the last raindrop to fall, shattering stone. My parents, my lost brother, my twin, the deceptions of the Head Family, my sudden elevation and sudden battles, everything… the world, the god and the people I believed in are altogether different from what I had thought them to be. No, I had believed in them, and they had betrayed me. Uchito-sama- as if I could accept that man any more. My reverent respect has turned to ash, and continuing to pretend I believe in him is just a hollow act, put on for the convenience of how things should be. Yes, that’s the worst part of all this. I’ve always been earnest. I’ve always been serious. I’ve always been honest. I’ve always believed. They encouraged that in me, bred it into me, forced it into my parents who shaped it in me. I sincerely felt that the Head Family was the same, that such a sincerity was the quality of the Himemiya and Ame No Murakumo. I was wrong, and now I stand by their side- no, above them- the Head Family is asking me to do the same thing. To maintain that pretence. To tell small lies to please the earnest people. To do to my subordinates what was done to me and smile. I’m sick of it.
I pushed myself up, and went to find my mother. Eventually, I found her, standing in the ruins of the keep’s top floor.
She looked serenely up at the sky, watching the sun setting slowly in the sky. “What is it, Sayomi-sama?”
“Don’t call me that,” I said, approaching slowly. “I’m still your daughter. I’m not right or worthy for my role. I’m sick of being exalted.”
“It is far worse to be powerless,” mother said, turning and looking at me with cold blue eyes. Her swords shifted slightly as she moved. “You are what you are. You must bear with it.”
“I know,” I said, composing myself. “But that’s why I can say this without hesitation. I’m not going to let you stay behind.”
“I thought that was already a decided matter,” mother said coolly.
“I’m overturning those decisions,” I said. “Whether you consider that my word as the Lunar Priestess, or my own selfish emotions, either is fine. There isn’t anyone who can stop me, so I won’t let Uchito-sama use you as a sacrifice. That’s all.”
“Using me? I volunteered for this duty myself,” mother said. “I said that already. This is my duty.”
“Your duty to the main family? That’s only another way of being used. They used us at their convenience, forcing me on you and taking me away. I went along with that as well. But not any more.” I narrowed my eyes. “Uchito, the Priestesses’ wisdom, our disdainful superiority and cold sacrifices, I can’t believe in those things. The Ame No Murakumo I believe has never been a god of such lies.”
“So your heart’s wavering,” mother said, turning her head away. “That’s natural. You’ve come a long way these past two days. Why don’t you tell me clearly, then, why do these marks on our back exist?”
“They’re the marks of Ame No Murakumo’s blessing,” I said automatically. “They show we are chosen in his eyes and that his power flows through him.”
“No. At least, not in my opinion.” Mother turned to face me again. “These marks are brands.”
“Brands?” I asked, momentarily confused.
“Yes. You should know it better than anyone else does, our power only brings greater expectations. You and that girl are the ones who can fight the demons. Trapped by destiny, thrashing, struggling, expected to fight and bleed with your own power to protect everyone without wavering or hesitating, even for a moment, and without ever losing. That’s why you have fought until your body broke, even though you weren’t prepared for this destiny. You are carrying that brand.”
“For that reason, my power exists?” I asked cynically.
“Yes. This is a divine duty.” Mother frowned, her hair blowing slightly as wind swept round us. “As nobles and as the chosen of Ame No Murakumo alike, we must all accept the mantle of leaders. That includes bearing the heavy weight of those who die for us, believing in us and everything we fight for. Birth and blood, the power fused with our bones, all of it can only have meaning in that way. That is what I believe.”
“I used to believe the same thing, but that’s only what they want us to think,” I said. “Now I know how the main family have toyed with us and lied with us! They treat our sincerity was contempt and use us freely. I can’t accept them as worthy leaders.”
Mother sighed slightly, smiling and closing my eyes. “Certainly, they have used us. But that is also a burden that rests heavy on their hearts. I know that well. And I don’t mind being used.”
“If that’s the case, I have no choice,” I said, putting my right hand on the hilt of my sword. “I don’t know very much about what is and isn’t wrong, but I know there are some things that can’t be forgiven. I won’t let you die for their convenience. Not even for my convenience.”
“I see. Then come.” Mother put her hands on her swords. “I will have one last chance to beat discipline into your unruly frame.”
“Don’t mock me!” I drew my sword and charged, releasing a thick wave of power from my divine mark.
Mother simply stood with her hands on her blades, lowering her stance. Our blades clashed in an instant, silver light flashing through their air between us.
My sword flipped into the air, rotating slowly before impaling itself quivering in the floor. I stepped back, my expression thick with shock, as my mother returned her swords to her sheaths. “How… how could this be…”
“How can you be surprised?” mother shouted. “Charging me with such a purposeless sword, you didn’t even put your blessing into the blade! I don’t recall raising such a half-hearted, weak daughter!”
I fell to my knees. “I don’t understand.” I thought I was determined. I thought my mind was made up after the argument with Haruki. But, why? Why can’t I shake these doubts that grip my heart, doubts and regrets that hold me back?
“Is it heavy, Sayomi?” mother said more quietly, watching my face. “The weight of trying to bear everything? Leaders need subordinates, and everyone needs people to trust and believe in. You’re this weak fighting by yourself. Even if you found conviction, deciding everything for yourself and walking alone would be unbearably lonely and dark.”
I put my hands on the floor, bowing my head and staring at the broken tiles. Yes, it was here I fought to control that bow, bleeding and fighting through the pain, because I could feel everyone’s spirits with me. And even now, this isn’t my real self… fighting with Haruki, fighting with mother, despising my family… how could I ever be wholehearted about that? It would be much better, if only they could be people I could smile about and believe in again.
Mother knelt, offering her hand. “Rise. You aren’t cutting a very dignified figure, Sayomi-sama.”
I raised my face, managing to smile. “Yes.”
She lifted me up. “Uchito needs us. Undoubtedly, too, he would die for you. If it all possible, please use your power to prevent that from becoming necessary.”
“Even after everything he’s done to us?” I said. “I find that hard to accept, even now…”
“Yes. We have always protected him, after all. Shall I tell you a secret?” Mother crossed the floor, stopping in front of my sword. “Your father was always the more blessed one. Ame No Murakumo’s power was undoubtedly stronger in him.”
I stared. “That’s impossible. Then-”
“Your father told your grandfather clearly when we married. Uchito is undoubtedly the most suited to lead the Himemiya family, because Shuuya Himemiya’s true nature is stronger in him. So he said.” Mother pulled the sword of the moon from the ground. “We are promised to Ame No Murakumo, but we are not defined entirely by Ame No Murakumo. Remember that, Priestess or not.”
Mother approached, offering me the sword. “He can be arrogant, and he makes mistakes. He is only human, after all. But he has vision and determination, and his intelligence and subtlety are vital to our family. Compared to him, I have been the first to abandon hope, even though he lost his precious son.”
I took the sword, staring at her. “What do you mean, mother?”
“This castle is as far as I can go,” she said enigmatically, turning away. “I understand that now. Ever since Nijiya died, I’ve rediscovered my own limits.”
“You have to live,” I said, sheathing my sword. “Even if it sounds childish, since you’ve made me turn back, you can’t betray me any more. No matter what it takes, no matter what you have to do, you have to live, mother.”
“Don’t worry. I will live on, for your sake at least.” Mother closed her eyes. “This world won’t change for me, though. Please make a better world with your power, Sayomi. A world where we aren’t necessary.”
I bowed and walked away, leaving her to her thoughts. I knew she still wanted to be alone. So we walked back with a heavy heart, still burdened by my troubles. If she herself accepts it, I have no choice, and I’ve certainly made mistakes. I’m going to have to begin by apologising to Haruki-dono, at least. I said too much. No, far too much. She’s going to be very angry with me.
I paused before the door when I arrived, swallowing nervously. My fists balled. Just bow down and apologise. That was enough, right? We didn’t have time to hate each other. My stomach twisted at the thought. I pushed down my hesitation and slid open the door.
I froze as I caught a sob, abruptly cut off. No way.
I stepped through, closing the door behind me. Haruki-dono was crouched in the corner, her legs sprawled untidily across the floor. She looked up at me, smiling weakly and looking down. “Sayomi-dono… I didn’t particularly want you to see this face…”
Tears were running down her cheeks.
I walked hesitantly forwards, falling down and leaning against the wall next to her. “Haruki, I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry. This is all my fault.” Haruki’s hands closed about her knees, crumpling her robes. “Thinking I was treating you as an equal, when all I was doing was patronising you and taking your subservience for granted… never considering your feelings… trying to decide everything for myself just like that, it’s all my fault. Saying I owned you, too. It makes me sick to think about it.”
“I was the same, though,” I said softly.
“But-”
“I’ve been too weak and naïve, leaving everything difficult to you and then complaining about your decisions just to gratify myself. If I’d told you my ideals clearly at the time, I know you’d have listened. I just wanted to leave the burden of leading just to you.” I looked up at the ceiling. “It’s not true that I can’t do anything… but I can’t do everything either… I’ve been doubly selfish, first in not caring about myself, then caring only about myself. I’m the worst.”
“That’s not true at all!” Haruki said urgently. “You’ve been fighting so hard to protect everyone else, and you’re the one who remembered their feelings! Compared to that, I-”
I let my head slip sideways, resting it on her shoulder. “That’s enough. I’m tired. We’re both just teenage girls, right? Haruki-dono, too.”
Haruki relaxed slightly, leaning back as well. “Mm. I always try to forget that, though.” She wiped her eyes on her sleeve, before looking down uncertainly. “Um. About your mother. I still don’t think it’s for the best, but if you insist, we can talk to Uchito-sama. We have an important duty, but your feelings are important as well.”
“It’s fine,” I said weakly. “Mother already beat that out of me. But, she also promised to live.”
“I see.” Haruki looked at me. “I think it’s for the best.”
I closed my eyes.. “We should sleep. We’ll be moving in the night, after all.”
“Yes.”
But we didn’t move from there for some time, even so.
________________________________________
We began the march several hours into the night, frustrated by the difficulty of getting everyone moving coherently. Even with Uchito-sama’s guidance, the majority of the column isn’t trained for this. Sayomi-dono slipped off early on, presumably to see her mother off, and I let her go. The quarrel was still unpleasantly fresh in my mind. We both have a long way to go. It’s worth being reminded of that. But now we’re travelling in the centre of the column, ready for battle. We’ll definitely fight together again.
We were marching by torchlight along a forest path when I first felt something like a presence. I stopped my Estelle suddenly, looking at Sayomi-dono. “Can you feel it?”
Sayomi-dono nodded. “Yes. One of the Orochi Gods?”
“Maybe.” I turned and looked forwards. “Uchito-sama! We’ve detected a malignant presence. It’s possible it belongs to the enemy, but it’s currently distant and faint.”
Uchito-sama nodded. “I understand. Please tell me if it comes close to us.”
“Yes.”
We concentrated and tracked its movements as best we could as it progressed. It seemed to be moving around in front of us at great speed, almost as if it was zigzagging… but undoubtedly, it was also moving forwards, straight towards us. It came closer and closer. Within half an hour, it was crossing the forest in front of us, radiating darkness.
“Control your mark,” I advised, gritting my teeth. “It’s coming, Uchito-sama.”
“I understand,” Uchito-sama said, raising his hand and signalling with his hand. The signal passed between the soldiers across the column and it split, racing for cover on both sides of the forest. We rode to the left, reaching the cover of the trees as it approached fast.
“We should identify it, if we can,” Sayomi-dono suggested, dismounting and touching her horse briefly to still it. “That would help us, no?”
I nodded, following her and telling Estelle to wait before turning to face one of the trees. “We’ll be right back.”
We jumped up the nearest tree, landing close to the top and taking cover under the branches. Within seconds, the evil presence intensified, rushing straight towards us at great speed. It felt like an overwhelming pressure. Sweat dripped down my face. Surely we’d already been discovered, we should hide, no, flee. Defiance was useless, and it was naïve to think we could hide from such a monstrosity. This was a hopeless situation. And then it came into sight, a massive humanoid demon with glowering eyes, dark skin and white teeth, long, twisted pinions jutting from its back and propelling it rapidly through the air. Green light pulsed visibly through thick veins across its body, the only clear sight as its huge bulk blocked out moon and stars, casting us all into darkness. Then it was gone almost as soon as it had come, flying past us and onwards beyond our sight.
I wiped sweat from my brow. “Take no Yamikazuchi… but what an overwhelming force of presence…”
“It definitely feels different from the others,” Sayomi-dono admitted hoarsely. “Is it much stronger?”
“It shouldn’t be,” I said doubtfully. “They are all equal in myth, all tamed by Orochi.”
“Probably, it’s heading to the castle,” Sayomi-dono said quietly.
I looked at her, and couldn’t find anything to say to that. I settled for touching her shoulder silently.
“It’s fine. Let’s go.” Sayomi-dono jumped down the tree and I followed her.
“It’s Take No Yamikazuchi,” I said, looking down at Uchito-sama.
He stood uncertainly, shaking his head. “A true demon. We must hurry.”
“When we reach the edge of the forest, though, we won’t have any further to run,” Sayomi-dono said. “Even though this seems to prove they can’t sense our presence alone, it will be able to find us on the plain and attack.”
“There’s nothing else we can do, though,” Uchito-sama said sharply. “We can’t stay here forever!”
“Do you have an idea, Sayomi-dono?” I said more calmly.
Sayomi-dono nodded. “If it was possible for the column to pray, I should be able to create the great bow again. Undoubtedly, that would give away our presence, but it would also give us a chance to fight on our terms. Hopefully, I could destroy it in one shot again.”
“And if you missed?” Uchito-sama said. “We would be in great danger!”
“Haruki-dono would still be able to fight,” Sayomi-dono said. “She should be able to hold it off long enough for me to recover. But in any case, I wouldn’t miss.”
“That technique is very dangerous,” I said. “Will you be okay?”
Charuki-dono nodded. “I should be better at it this time. Please leave it to me, Himeko-dono.”
I closed my eyes, considering. Even if Uchito-sama hasn’t realised, I know well Sayomi-dono’s real reason. By turning the enemy back here and now, this is the best way to protect the castle. But it’s true that a clash with this enemy is inevitable before long, and fighting with a concrete plan of attack may be for the best. No, this is the first time we’ve had such a chance. If we really could cripple it with one shot, that would give us precious time to reach the ritual site. I opened my eyes and nodded. “Very well. I understand. This time I will be able to support you with my powers, too.”
Uchito-sama nodded. “Fine. I’ll order the message passed along the line. Ame No Murakumo be with us.”
“He is always with us,” we said together.
It took longer than we’d hoped to get everyone ready. Apparently, everyone had been shaken by the demon’s presence. But when we began, the bow took shape and grew fast. Whether that was the desperation of the prayers or Sayomi-dono’s growing skill and power or my own golden light woven deep inside the construct, I’m not sure, but it was everything we could hope for. As we felt the presence turn about, racing back towards it, it had grown into a towering column of light, bound by a smooth, powerful ring of fiery energy. Sayomi-dono gritted her teeth in concentration, her face and arms still torn up by the radiance as it crumpled everything around it. “I’m almost ready.”
“Here it comes,” I said, releasing all of my aura and turning my head to see the demon approach. “In one shot, C Sayomi-dono. We believe in you.”
“Yes.”
I looked up, feeling the malignant presence focus on us. This was all as we planned, so why was I feeling apprehensive? My eyes snapped open suddenly. What was this- golden-yellow force, there and here, all around us? As if mortal eyes were staring at us-
“My, my. That’s quite a weapon you have there.”
I spun, drawing my sword and staring at the figure that had stepped out of thin air in the middle of the forest. Dark hair fell to the shoulders across a muscular, kimono-clad back. He raised his right hand, clad in a dark metal gauntlet, and struck before either of us could react, smashing into the overwhelming power of the great bow. It exploded in Sayomi-dono’s hands. Not good! With that radius- I broke for it, concentrating my power into my sword to disperse the explosion as best I could.
It was gone before I was there, absorbed harmlessly by another punch from those gloves. Sayomi-dono collapsed to the floor, gasping for breath. I stopped short as the Orochi Disciple looked back over his shoulder, blue eyes radiating an overwhelming evil presence. “It’s dangerous to use that around mere civilians. In any case, let’s try and settle this cleanly.”
“Who are you?” I demanded, stalling for a time while I brought my sword to guard and gathered as much of my energy as I could. I was still tired from supporting Sayomi-dono. How could things have turned out like this?”
“Sorry, sorry.” The Orochi disciple turned to face me, lowering his gauntleted arms. A strip of white cloth was tied across his forehead. “I’m Rishou, Rishou Arai. Orochi’s Seventh Neck, and the master of Take no Yamikazuchi. You are the Solar Priestess, no? Haruki Ogami?”
I simply nodded, still gathering power. If I can defeat him here and now, I should have more chance against the dark god. But I’ll wait for as long as I can, though he could attack at any time…
“This may sound unusual, but I’m not in favour of unnecessary violence,” Rishou said calmly. He gazed at me with a piercing intensity. “I’ve ordered Take no Yamikazuchi not to attack. But since it’s an impatient god, I will have to be brief. You priestesses are co-dependant, right? So if I kill only one of you, leaving the other alive is fine, isn’t it?”
“We don’t intend to die,” I said firmly. Inwardly, I was confused. Was this an Orochi trick? They’re disciples of the ending world, there’s no meaning in them showing mercy.
“I know, but this can’t be helped,” Rishou said, widening his stance and raising both his gauntlets. “It is necessary. I challenge you to a fair fight to the death, using all of our power.”
I narrowed my eyes, feeling Ame No Murakumo’s blessing flow through me. Sayomi-dono had eliminated a disciple while she was wounded. I should be able to deal with this. “I accept, as a priestess of the sword god. I will kill you here.”
“I return those words to you.”
I stepped forwards, springing off my back foot and beginning to charge. Within a moment, he had reached me, his right fist thrown back for a punch. My eyes widened as I desperately blocked, forcing more golden light into the blade. Green light exploded from his weapon, cutting me across my body and throwing me violently back into a tree. Just blocking won’t work! I ducked desperately as he rushed in, barely avoiding his second blow and rolling aside. The tree exploded, falling down behind me. I slashed at his feet but he jumped deftly back, diving towards me. I rolled aside again, springing away and bringing my sword up as I moved back. He flipped up and charged me head-on, sending a rapid-fire barrage towards my chest from both sides. I gritted my teeth, trying to follow his incredibly fast attacks with my eyes as I dodged and weaved, barely keeping my body out of reach. His range is low, but his speed compensates and the rapidity and power of his blows is incredible. I slashed towards his face but he batted my attack aside as if it was nothing, taking the chance to throw a punch towards my open chest. I jumped back, barely escaping, only to find my back slamming into a tree again. I desperately raised my sword again, heart thundering in my chest. He began his charge.
Uchito-sama charged him from the side, sword slashing down. Rishou turned the blade almost idly and batted him aside, throwing him down instantly. Other warriors of the Himemiya attacked from all sides. I took the chance to drive my sword into the ground and draw my bow, gathering energy. Rishou blurred between targets, disarming them and knocking them down without ever inflicting a lethal blow. “Leave me,” he shouted. “I fight her only.” He turned towards me, raising his gloves again.
I let fly. His eyes widened as a blazing arrow shooting straight towards his chest. He tried to dodge too late, ending up engulfed in a violent magical explosion. I breathed out, sweat pouring down my face.
He stood as the smoke cleared, lowering his gloves. His face was blackened and cut, but his eyes still radiated the same killing intensity. “I couldn’t fully block even with both gauntlets,” he said, shaking his hands out. “As expected of the Priestess of the Sun. But-”
He was cut off as a sword plunged through his chest from behind.

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Posted 8/9/09
Update on First Divine light.
Chapter 5 will be posted in 2 weeks, from then a new chapter will be posted every Sunday. The story and animation series are both completed, I just need a discent computer because mine died of old age. lol But for that I will have to wait till I get home in about another week.
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Posted 12/15/09
Here is chapter 5.
The manga and anime demo have been finished since the summer, but i ran in to some complications, so now m going to pick it up and post as often as i can. enjoy!
Episode 5.


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