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Post Reply post some poems you have written
Otaku
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Posted 1/8/08

MazzaVD wrote:


Revrebrent wrote:

nice poems MazzaVD. you shoulda had them better divided though. was hard to determin where one ended and the next began


Thank you Revrebrent for complimenting my poem, but I'd rather pretend you didn't because of your criticism. What was 'nice' in it that made you look down on the only real merit it holds? I disagree with you. My poem is, indeed, well structured.

Also: Poem. No plural. Only one. I've done many other ones but I throw them out since it's nothing worth keeping. My writings tend to degenerate into two things when I ATTEMPT poetry. The first is prose. If every word does not click in such a way that it is impossible for it to click in any other way, then it is a weak line, a general sentence, like this one here. I enjoy PbP role playing and my post are usually a page long of describing what and how my character experiences, interacts, and perceives the world around him. In order to write poetry, that involves going a step higher. The poem you read was originally a love letter that I didn't think was good enough to convey what I wanted to tell her.

The last is bad free verse poetry. Most of the poetry that I see by teenagers on the web can be related to squiggly lines of some object they probably drew as children. There's little form. It's crap, but you don't say it's crap because there's potential in everyone to do better and you want to encourage them to do so. You tell them, "That's good ^.^ Keep practicing," like in the Oekaki boards.

When I go home tonight, I'll put up some poetry my friends have written that are decent and make my poem look like crap. I should keep practicing, but I'm busy ^__^;;;


he he. >< i thought it was a set of diferent poems. well a tital would be nice. I hard a hard time telling and from the look it seemed like several related poems but not one continues one. as I read it again I can make sence of it as a single piece of lituriture. It was good either way.
Otaku
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Posted 1/8/08
PROMISES

Don't like to make promises, because that means there is reason to doubt.

But sometimes that extra reassurance is something that we can't live without.

So I make a promise to you to be faithful, and If you need more I will do.

I promise to always be caring, open, and honest to you.

I promise to never take you for granted, and to never play you cheap.

Although promises are made to be broken, mine are made to keep.

I promise to stand beside you, never behind or out in front.

I promise to do everything within my power to give you what you want.

I promise to be right there with you when It's time for us to sleep.

Although promises are made to be broken, mine are made to keep.

I promise to come to you with the problems that our love may face.

I promise to never, ever let another take your place.

I promise to never hit you, or to be demanding.

I promise to be here to listen when you need some understanding.

I promise to keep these promises, because I hold them in my heart so deep.

Although promise are made to be broken, mine are made to keep.

Otaku
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Posted 1/8/08

Yunneko wrote:

I wonder if that was said in an annoyed way or in a cheerfull way..

sumimasen, demo.. I would not post poems by force, or the ones that don't make sense.. I will post as soon as I make one good one.


Neither. I wrote what I did in a critical way. School does that to me.
Otaku
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Posted 1/9/08
Poem contest?O.o
Otaku
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Posted 1/9/08
nice poem maximus1122. ^^
Mera_flame i don't think a poem conext would be enjoyed by most. most people that have posted seem to post just for fun
Otaku
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Posted 1/9/08
thx ^^
i worked on it with my brother
Otaku
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Posted 1/9/08

Revrebrent wrote:


MazzaVD wrote:


Revrebrent wrote:

nice poems MazzaVD. you shoulda had them better divided though. was hard to determin where one ended and the next began


Thank you Revrebrent for complimenting my poem, but I'd rather pretend you didn't because of your criticism. What was 'nice' in it that made you look down on the only real merit it holds? I disagree with you. My poem is, indeed, well structured.

Also: Poem. No plural. Only one. I've done many other ones but I throw them out since it's nothing worth keeping. My writings tend to degenerate into two things when I ATTEMPT poetry. The first is prose. If every word does not click in such a way that it is impossible for it to click in any other way, then it is a weak line, a general sentence, like this one here. I enjoy PbP role playing and my post are usually a page long of describing what and how my character experiences, interacts, and perceives the world around him. In order to write poetry, that involves going a step higher. The poem you read was originally a love letter that I didn't think was good enough to convey what I wanted to tell her.

The last is bad free verse poetry. Most of the poetry that I see by teenagers on the web can be related to squiggly lines of some object they probably drew as children. There's little form. It's crap, but you don't say it's crap because there's potential in everyone to do better and you want to encourage them to do so. You tell them, "That's good ^.^ Keep practicing," like in the Oekaki boards.

When I go home tonight, I'll put up some poetry my friends have written that are decent and make my poem look like crap. I should keep practicing, but I'm busy ^__^;;;


he he. >< i thought it was a set of diferent poems. well a tital would be nice. I hard a hard time telling and from the look it seemed like several related poems but not one continues one. as I read it again I can make sence of it as a single piece of lituriture. It was good either way.


Look at that guy! *Points at MazzaVD* He lied~! Where's the poetry he said he'd put up last night? What a jerk!

Heh. In order to protect the innocent, I will never mention any names. Except my own, since I never get away with anything. I'm always guilty >_>;

Warriors of the Tide

I see the warriors of the tide, and on their shoulders rests
The duty of stopping the sea- I watch them charge the crests
Their oath is of valor, and their courage is strong
Their pathways have vanished, their footsteps are gone
I see them standing, some young, some old
The tide is raging, its tendrils mighty, fleeting, and cold
I know what's going to happen, that eventually they'll drown
The tide pulls them under and the waves push them down
Who are these warriors of the tide? They seem princely sons of kings
Yet they fight this futile battle and their swords still swings
It seems I stand forever, watching from the beach
As some are rolled under, and become lost from life's reach
While another steps forward to take the fallen's place
But their ranks are thinning, as more are erased
"What madness is this?" I cry from today's crowd
But no one around me sees them, and they trample them to the ground
A space opens before me, as I stand lonely on the crowded beach
I heft my sword and ran, never alone again, charging into the breach.
Otaku
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Posted 1/9/08

MazzaVD wrote:


Revrebrent wrote:


MazzaVD wrote:


Revrebrent wrote:

nice poems MazzaVD. you shoulda had them better divided though. was hard to determin where one ended and the next began


Thank you Revrebrent for complimenting my poem, but I'd rather pretend you didn't because of your criticism. What was 'nice' in it that made you look down on the only real merit it holds? I disagree with you. My poem is, indeed, well structured.

Also: Poem. No plural. Only one. I've done many other ones but I throw them out since it's nothing worth keeping. My writings tend to degenerate into two things when I ATTEMPT poetry. The first is prose. If every word does not click in such a way that it is impossible for it to click in any other way, then it is a weak line, a general sentence, like this one here. I enjoy PbP role playing and my post are usually a page long of describing what and how my character experiences, interacts, and perceives the world around him. In order to write poetry, that involves going a step higher. The poem you read was originally a love letter that I didn't think was good enough to convey what I wanted to tell her.

The last is bad free verse poetry. Most of the poetry that I see by teenagers on the web can be related to squiggly lines of some object they probably drew as children. There's little form. It's crap, but you don't say it's crap because there's potential in everyone to do better and you want to encourage them to do so. You tell them, "That's good ^.^ Keep practicing," like in the Oekaki boards.

When I go home tonight, I'll put up some poetry my friends have written that are decent and make my poem look like crap. I should keep practicing, but I'm busy ^__^;;;


he he. >< i thought it was a set of diferent poems. well a tital would be nice. I hard a hard time telling and from the look it seemed like several related poems but not one continues one. as I read it again I can make sence of it as a single piece of lituriture. It was good either way.


Look at that guy! *Points at MazzaVD* He lied~! Where's the poetry he said he'd put up last night? What a jerk!

Heh. In order to protect the innocent, I will never mention any names. Except my own, since I never get away with anything. I'm always guilty >_>;

Warriors of the Tide

I see the warriors of the tide, and on their shoulders rests
The duty of stopping the sea- I watch them charge the crests
Their oath is of valor, and their courage is strong
Their pathways have vanished, their footsteps are gone
I see them standing, some young, some old
The tide is raging, its tendrils mighty, fleeting, and cold
I know what's going to happen, that eventually they'll drown
The tide pulls them under and the waves push them down
Who are these warriors of the tide? They seem princely sons of kings
Yet they fight this futile battle and their swords still swings
It seems I stand forever, watching from the beach
As some are rolled under, and become lost from life's reach
While another steps forward to take the fallen's place
But their ranks are thinning, as more are erased
"What madness is this?" I cry from today's crowd
But no one around me sees them, and they trample them to the ground
A space opens before me, as I stand lonely on the crowded beach
I heft my sword and ran, never alone again, charging into the breach.


beutifull poem. all the more i can say.
Otaku
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Posted 1/11/08
I know the feeling. I've had the feeling since i was 11 about.
Otaku
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Posted 1/12/08

Yunneko wrote:

Sugoii, ne?? MazzaVD, u really r good for it to be ur first poem...

oh Zizi.. that was kinda harsh 4 Revrevent


sry..i jus dun get those emotional poems i prefer poems like this
(made by my sisters friend with included Singlish)

B4 and After marriage

Before marriage.
Darling here, darling there.
After marriage.
Eh you here, eh you there.

Before marriage.
You die, I'll die with you.
After marriage.
You die, up to you.

Before marriage.
You go anywhere, I'll follow you.
After marriage.
You go anywhere, up to you.

Before marriage.
You are my heart, you are my love.
After marriage.
You get on my nerves.

Before marriage.
You are sweet and kind just like Cinderella
After marriage.
You are worse than Godzilla.

Before marriage.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Like
it or not, I'm stuck with you.
After marriage.
Roses are dead, I watch blue. You
get on my head, I'll sue you.

Before marriage.
Every date he brings you to
Shangri-La.
After marriage.
You want to go, he says
"You wait long long la."

Before marriage.
She is hot like Beyonce.
After marriage.
Look like dont know like what seh.
Otaku
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Posted 1/12/08
kinda harsh twords marrge. don't know if ya want a husband ever.
Otaku
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Posted 1/12/08
haha like i said..it was made by my sister's friend..
Otaku
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Posted 1/12/08
I haven't wrote a poem in a year. Let me try now.
Note: The following poem does not represent my own opinion, or my views, or me in any way.
Note: The following poem may or may not be true, it is up to the reader.

Darkness

The darkness of darkness,
taking me in,
bathing me in darkness,
filling me in,
finding peace in darkness,
darkness I am in.

(wow, that was surprisingly good)
Otaku
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Posted 1/13/08
lol mybe the poem is about some1 hu loves the dark or the night?
Otaku
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Posted 1/13/08
maybe. it is up to the reader as to how this poem is to interpreted.
Otaku
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Posted 1/13/08
when one writes a poem it allways reflects the writer. even if it only represents the smallest fasset of our hearts.
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