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Darwin Awards
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27 / M / In your room stea...
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Posted 3/5/09
Does anyone else read the darwin awards, these are hilarious,



(Winter 1995, Michigan) During the ski season at Sugarloaf Resort, a new lift operator was assigned to work the bottom of Lift 2. He was greatly impressed by the bull wheel that turned slowly above his head. The giant spokes on the wheel were impossible to resist. He grabbed onto a spoke and did a few pull-ups while the wheel turned.

After entertaining himself in this manner for a while, he decided to try this trick on the outer rim of the wheel. His timing was off. He did not drop down in time. Caught between the wheel and the lift cable, he was sliced in twain during this fateful final trip around the bull wheel.



(8 March 2008, Czech Republic) Steel is valuable, especially the high-grade alloy used in steel cable. Scrap metal dealers do not ask questions. They pay in cash. And a good supply of steel cable can be found in elevator shafts.

This particular gold mine was a towering shaft inside an empty granary near Zatec, forty miles northwest of Prague. The cable was tightly fastened, and the far end of it disappeared into the shadowy distance above.

After substantial wear and tear on a hacksaw, our man finally cut through the strong steel cable. At that instant the counterbalance, no longer held in check, started to move silently downward, accelerating until it reached the bottom of the shaft.

Result: one proud winner of a "terminal velocity" Darwin Award.



(2008) Darren was dumb even for a junkie, but what he lacked in IQ he made up in creativity. In the supermarket, he notice a bag labeled "Birdseed 100% Poppy Seed." He seized his chance to circumvent the stranglehold of the International Drug Cartels with the following logic: 100% Poppy Seed = 100% Opium! Figuring he was onto something good, he bought a bag of birdseed, boiled it into a thick black paste, and proceeded to inject it into his vein.

Nothing happened, so he did it again.

An hour later, he was brought unconscious to our Emergency Department, as sick as it is possible to be. His chest X-ray showed thousands of tiny seed-like objects scattered throughout his lungfields. Our working diagnosis was Milary Tuberculosis, so-called because the TB deposits resemble millet seeds. Little did we know!

Only two weeks later, after he recovered from life-threatening septicaemia and multiple organ failure, did the true story emerge. Darren survived, but subsequently died of a garden variety overdose.



(2 February 2008, New York) A 50-year-old man was bird hunting in Upstate New York with his buddies and his faithful canine companion. They stopped for a smoke, and his dog found a deer leg bone!

The man tried to take the bone away, but like any right thinking dog, the animal would not relinquish its treasure. He stayed just out of reach. Frustrated with this blatant show of disobedience, the man grabbed his loaded shotgun by the muzzle and began wielding it like a club. Each time he swung it, the dog dodged.

Suddenly the "club" struck the ground and fired, shooting the man in the abdomen. He was airlifted to a nearby hospital, where he died from his injuries. He did remain conscious long enough to confirm this account to police; otherwise, his poor friends might now be under suspicion!

At least he didn't hit the dog.



(9 October 2008, South Africa) For several days Johannesburg office workers watched a demolition worker slowly chip away at a pillar supporting the concrete slab above him. One observer said, "I wondered how they would drop that section." The walls were gone, and only the supporting pillars remained.

Dozens of observers watched the slow and senseless demolition proceed. Finally the only possible outcome concluded this epic battle. The besieged support collapsed, crushing man and machine beneath a pile of rubble. Ishmael Makone, 52, was killed instantly inside the cab of his mini-excavator.

"I cannot believe they did not foresee this," said a shocked witness who did not forsee this. Observers said they had been concerned about the workers' safety for several days. "There was no common sense."


God these are fucking awesome, www.darwinawards.com
Posted 3/5/09
Ah natural selection at its finest.
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Posted 3/5/09

superninjaboy wrote:

Ah natural selection at its finest.


Natural selection is an amazing thing isn't it ?
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Posted 3/5/09

Allhailodin wrote:

Does anyone else read the darwin awards, these are hilarious,



(Winter 1995, Michigan) During the ski season at Sugarloaf Resort, a new lift operator was assigned to work the bottom of Lift 2. He was greatly impressed by the bull wheel that turned slowly above his head. The giant spokes on the wheel were impossible to resist. He grabbed onto a spoke and did a few pull-ups while the wheel turned.

After entertaining himself in this manner for a while, he decided to try this trick on the outer rim of the wheel. His timing was off. He did not drop down in time. Caught between the wheel and the lift cable, he was sliced in twain during this fateful final trip around the bull wheel.



(8 March 2008, Czech Republic) Steel is valuable, especially the high-grade alloy used in steel cable. Scrap metal dealers do not ask questions. They pay in cash. And a good supply of steel cable can be found in elevator shafts.

This particular gold mine was a towering shaft inside an empty granary near Zatec, forty miles northwest of Prague. The cable was tightly fastened, and the far end of it disappeared into the shadowy distance above.

After substantial wear and tear on a hacksaw, our man finally cut through the strong steel cable. At that instant the counterbalance, no longer held in check, started to move silently downward, accelerating until it reached the bottom of the shaft.

Result: one proud winner of a "terminal velocity" Darwin Award.



(2008) Darren was dumb even for a junkie, but what he lacked in IQ he made up in creativity. In the supermarket, he notice a bag labeled "Birdseed 100% Poppy Seed." He seized his chance to circumvent the stranglehold of the International Drug Cartels with the following logic: 100% Poppy Seed = 100% Opium! Figuring he was onto something good, he bought a bag of birdseed, boiled it into a thick black paste, and proceeded to inject it into his vein.

Nothing happened, so he did it again.

An hour later, he was brought unconscious to our Emergency Department, as sick as it is possible to be. His chest X-ray showed thousands of tiny seed-like objects scattered throughout his lungfields. Our working diagnosis was Milary Tuberculosis, so-called because the TB deposits resemble millet seeds. Little did we know!

Only two weeks later, after he recovered from life-threatening septicaemia and multiple organ failure, did the true story emerge. Darren survived, but subsequently died of a garden variety overdose.



(2 February 2008, New York) A 50-year-old man was bird hunting in Upstate New York with his buddies and his faithful canine companion. They stopped for a smoke, and his dog found a deer leg bone!

The man tried to take the bone away, but like any right thinking dog, the animal would not relinquish its treasure. He stayed just out of reach. Frustrated with this blatant show of disobedience, the man grabbed his loaded shotgun by the muzzle and began wielding it like a club. Each time he swung it, the dog dodged.

Suddenly the "club" struck the ground and fired, shooting the man in the abdomen. He was airlifted to a nearby hospital, where he died from his injuries. He did remain conscious long enough to confirm this account to police; otherwise, his poor friends might now be under suspicion!

At least he didn't hit the dog.



(9 October 2008, South Africa) For several days Johannesburg office workers watched a demolition worker slowly chip away at a pillar supporting the concrete slab above him. One observer said, "I wondered how they would drop that section." The walls were gone, and only the supporting pillars remained.

Dozens of observers watched the slow and senseless demolition proceed. Finally the only possible outcome concluded this epic battle. The besieged support collapsed, crushing man and machine beneath a pile of rubble. Ishmael Makone, 52, was killed instantly inside the cab of his mini-excavator.

"I cannot believe they did not foresee this," said a shocked witness who did not forsee this. Observers said they had been concerned about the workers' safety for several days. "There was no common sense."


God these are fucking awesome, www.darwinawards.com


and people actually question whether we really evolved from monkeys
Posted 3/5/09

Allhailodin wrote:


superninjaboy wrote:

Ah natural selection at its finest.


Natural selection is an amazing thing isn't it ?


Its alright can't really fight nature so may as well go with the flow until the world becomes dummy proof.
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Posted 3/5/09

zecks_marquise wrote:


Allhailodin wrote:

Does anyone else read the darwin awards, these are hilarious,



(Winter 1995, Michigan) During the ski season at Sugarloaf Resort, a new lift operator was assigned to work the bottom of Lift 2. He was greatly impressed by the bull wheel that turned slowly above his head. The giant spokes on the wheel were impossible to resist. He grabbed onto a spoke and did a few pull-ups while the wheel turned.

After entertaining himself in this manner for a while, he decided to try this trick on the outer rim of the wheel. His timing was off. He did not drop down in time. Caught between the wheel and the lift cable, he was sliced in twain during this fateful final trip around the bull wheel.



(8 March 2008, Czech Republic) Steel is valuable, especially the high-grade alloy used in steel cable. Scrap metal dealers do not ask questions. They pay in cash. And a good supply of steel cable can be found in elevator shafts.

This particular gold mine was a towering shaft inside an empty granary near Zatec, forty miles northwest of Prague. The cable was tightly fastened, and the far end of it disappeared into the shadowy distance above.

After substantial wear and tear on a hacksaw, our man finally cut through the strong steel cable. At that instant the counterbalance, no longer held in check, started to move silently downward, accelerating until it reached the bottom of the shaft.

Result: one proud winner of a "terminal velocity" Darwin Award.



(2008) Darren was dumb even for a junkie, but what he lacked in IQ he made up in creativity. In the supermarket, he notice a bag labeled "Birdseed 100% Poppy Seed." He seized his chance to circumvent the stranglehold of the International Drug Cartels with the following logic: 100% Poppy Seed = 100% Opium! Figuring he was onto something good, he bought a bag of birdseed, boiled it into a thick black paste, and proceeded to inject it into his vein.

Nothing happened, so he did it again.

An hour later, he was brought unconscious to our Emergency Department, as sick as it is possible to be. His chest X-ray showed thousands of tiny seed-like objects scattered throughout his lungfields. Our working diagnosis was Milary Tuberculosis, so-called because the TB deposits resemble millet seeds. Little did we know!

Only two weeks later, after he recovered from life-threatening septicaemia and multiple organ failure, did the true story emerge. Darren survived, but subsequently died of a garden variety overdose.



(2 February 2008, New York) A 50-year-old man was bird hunting in Upstate New York with his buddies and his faithful canine companion. They stopped for a smoke, and his dog found a deer leg bone!

The man tried to take the bone away, but like any right thinking dog, the animal would not relinquish its treasure. He stayed just out of reach. Frustrated with this blatant show of disobedience, the man grabbed his loaded shotgun by the muzzle and began wielding it like a club. Each time he swung it, the dog dodged.

Suddenly the "club" struck the ground and fired, shooting the man in the abdomen. He was airlifted to a nearby hospital, where he died from his injuries. He did remain conscious long enough to confirm this account to police; otherwise, his poor friends might now be under suspicion!

At least he didn't hit the dog.



(9 October 2008, South Africa) For several days Johannesburg office workers watched a demolition worker slowly chip away at a pillar supporting the concrete slab above him. One observer said, "I wondered how they would drop that section." The walls were gone, and only the supporting pillars remained.

Dozens of observers watched the slow and senseless demolition proceed. Finally the only possible outcome concluded this epic battle. The besieged support collapsed, crushing man and machine beneath a pile of rubble. Ishmael Makone, 52, was killed instantly inside the cab of his mini-excavator.

"I cannot believe they did not foresee this," said a shocked witness who did not forsee this. Observers said they had been concerned about the workers' safety for several days. "There was no common sense."


God these are fucking awesome, www.darwinawards.com


and people actually question whether we really evolved from monkeys


Humans(Homo genus) came from Australopithecus not from monkeys in the sense your thinking
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Posted 3/5/09

superninjaboy wrote:


Allhailodin wrote:


superninjaboy wrote:

Ah natural selection at its finest.


Natural selection is an amazing thing isn't it ?


Its alright can't really fight nature so may as well go with the flow until the world becomes dummy proof.


There will always be stupid humans in the world. After all we are animals with limited intelligence, but unlimited stupidity.
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Posted 3/5/09

Allhailodin wrote:


zecks_marquise wrote:



and people actually question whether we really evolved from monkeys


Humans(Homo genus) came from Australopithecus not from monkeys in the sense your thinking


well well well, thank you for the surprisingly intelligent reply. I was writing in the third person, as it is not an opinion i share, but i'm sure you realised that and were just clarifying things for any of the degenerates who happen to read this thread......
Posted 3/5/09
haha MOnkey awards at its best
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23 / M / Terra
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Posted 3/5/09 , edited 3/5/09
and why is it called darwin award?
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Posted 3/5/09

o0James0o wrote:

and why is it called darwin award?


because a man named charles darwin came up with the theory of evolution and one of the main parts of his theory was natural selection. natural selection is also known as "the survival of the fittest" which basically means that the stronger, faster, smarter, or more commonly referred to as the better adapted individuals of a species will survive in nature. as the species advances through the generations, subsequently the more desirable traits will be passed on until a large portion of the species will generally become better adapted to whatever habitat they are now accustomed to. this is known as evolution which you most likely already know. the darwin awards "award" people who do idiotic things to get themselves killed. thus, this is natural selection doing its work and getting rid of the weak or in this case the dumb people.
Posted 3/5/09
Eh, they died from their own stupidity, so I feel no remorse.
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Posted 3/5/09
I actually have a copy of the book.
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Posted 3/5/09

azn099 wrote:


o0James0o wrote:

and why is it called darwin award?


because a man named charles darwin came up with the theory of evolution and one of the main parts of his theory was natural selection. natural selection is also known as "the survival of the fittest" which basically means that the stronger, faster, smarter, or more commonly referred to as the better adapted individuals of a species will survive in nature. as the species advances through the generations, subsequently the more desirable traits will be passed on until a large portion of the species will generally become better adapted to whatever habitat they are now accustomed to. this is known as evolution which you most likely already know. the darwin awards "award" people who do idiotic things to get themselves killed. thus, this is natural selection doing its work and getting rid of the weak or in this case the dumb people.


i do know who darwin is, but it still doesnt make sense. why would you want to award morons? seems to me that its just some people who used darwin's name to make their award famous.....
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Posted 3/5/09
Ahhhh Darwin awards! Love reading these...tons of fun
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