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24965 cr points
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Posted 3/27/09
would you mind reading my story i have here online?

the group is called 28 hours and I have almost 800 members at this point but i would love to hear more thoughts about what people think about my work. its a rough draft and nowhere near perfect, so i want to hear from more people to improve myself.

click the link below if you are interested! thank you for taking the time to read this!

http://www.crunchyroll.com/group/28_hours

much love -ashley
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Posted 3/27/09
I think it is a pretty decent story with an interesting idea. However, it is hard to get through in some of the parts and becomes tedious and boring. But overall, I thought it was a decent story; also, I dont think it is necessary to point out the instances of irony because of the number 28, the reader should figure that on his own.
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Posted 3/28/09

MCMXCI wrote:

I think it is a pretty decent story with an interesting idea. However, it is hard to get through in some of the parts and becomes tedious and boring. But overall, I thought it was a decent story; also, I dont think it is necessary to point out the instances of irony because of the number 28, the reader should figure that on his own.


oh thank you! I totally understand. I dont know why i pointed it out either, i agree i shouldnt. thanks again for reading what i have so far.

Posted 3/28/09 , edited 3/28/09
Way too short.
Chapter one is like 1 1/2 pages.

You should include some sexual conflict to appeal to teenagers.

Or.

You can include erotic literature to appeal to me.

I'm guessing it's a coming of age novel.
Posted 3/28/09
its really beautiful
Posted 3/28/09
I advise that you slap a copyright thingy on it before someone else steals it.
Posted 3/28/09 , edited 3/28/09
I liked it, but some parts it did get boring. Other than that great job.
Posted 3/28/09
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