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☆ GAME °F My Life°
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Posted 4/18/09
Today, I went shopping with my friend. The store was having a special where if you spend over $75 you receive a free T-shirt. I paid for my items and my total was over $75. The salesman didn't hand me a shirt so I asked him for one. He looks at me and says I'm sorry, we only have Mediums. FML
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Posted 4/18/09 , edited 4/18/09
Today, I sent a cover letter to a potential employer. In the letter, I talked about my great attention to detail, my strong ability to focus, and my stellar writing skills. After hitting send, I reread the letter and noticed that I typed my name "B-R-A-I-N." My name is Brian. FML
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Posted 4/18/09
Today, I decided to ride my bike to work. When I tried to cross a major street, I couldn't get enough speed because one of my tires was flat, and I was hit by an SUV. I then had to pay $1700 to fix the large dent my face left on the car. Essentially, I paid $1700 to get run over to go to work. FML
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Posted 4/18/09
Today, I was having a panic attack so I called my parents. My brother answered to say my parents couldn't come to the phone because they were watching 24. Its ten o'clock and 24 is not on now. They were watching 24 on TiVo and couldn't pause it to come to the phone. FML
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Posted 4/18/09
Today, I decided to snack on some M&M's. I saw my dog sniffing something and realized one of my M&M's had fallen on the floor. To prevent my dog from eating the chocolate, I hurriedly snatched the M&M's off the ground and ate it. When I bit down, I realized it wasn't an M&M's. It was a dead beetle. FML
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Posted 4/18/09
Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had payed the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML
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Posted 4/18/09
Today, I was struggling through an exam and the hot girl next to me seemed to be flying through the questions. So I cheated off her. When we finished I asked her to lunch. She said, "No, I just rushed through the exam so I can go see my boyfriend." I got shutdown and probably failed an exam. FML
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Posted 4/18/09
Today I decided to volunteer for the first time at a horse center, where you teach kids to ride horses. I figured okay, this can't be that hard, I can do this. I get to the lesson and it was just me, a horse, and a deaf girl. FML
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Posted 4/18/09
Today, I was in the supermarket walking through the aisles picking out what I needed. As I'm checking out, an old man gives me a disgusted look and proceeds to call me every derogatory term you could call an Asian. I'm not Asian. FML
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Posted 4/18/09
Today, my boyfriend playfully flirted with my mom, in response to our jokes that she is a "cougar" who likes young men. As I got up from the bench my mom and I were sitting on, my boyfriend took my seat and put his arm around her. He placed her hand on his thigh and kissed her on the cheek. She didnt move her face, or her hand. FML
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Posted 4/18/09
Today, I was wearing a new 500 dollar dress on a crowded train. I looked great and I could feel the eyes on me. A cute guy then offered me his seat, only boosting my confidence more until he said "for you and the baby," pointing at a bump in my dress. I'm not pregnant and wasted 500 dollars. FML
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Posted 4/18/09
Today, I was stage managing a school show. Some kids were goofing off backstage, so I yelled at them that they could hurt themselves. While walking back to my chair, I tripped over my own feet and fell 5 feet off the stage. I shattered my cheekbone telling kids they would hurt themselves. FML
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Posted 4/18/09
Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag with her tax materials. FML
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Posted 4/18/09
Today, I was visiting my grandmother's house. She keeps the thermostat on 85 and after about 30 minutes I explained to her I'm going to have to leave, it's just too hot in here. She replied: You think it's hot in here, wait until you get to hell. I laughed. She didn't. FML
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Posted 4/18/09
Today, I finally hooked up with a guy I've been hanging out with for 2 months. Afterwards, while we're getting dressed he says, "You better be clean." Tell me now so I dont pass it on to my girlfriend. Stunned, all I could say was, "Girlfriend?!" His reply, Well technically my fiance. FML
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