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What if your Bestfriend...
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F / Labyrinth of Amala
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Posted 4/23/09

tey04 wrote:

What if your bestfriend is getting married. But you still have some unrequited feelings for him/her. Are you gonna say your feelings before it's too late or not?

well...?


Yes!
Do it even if you don't have such grand feelings.
Do it just to see if you can spoil their marriage ;D
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27 / M / Look up.
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Posted 4/23/09
My best friend is a guy, so I highly doubt I even have feelings to begin with.
Posted 4/23/09
don't know really
Posted 4/23/09
Nope. It would be too hard for me. :(
Me R chicken. I guess,I'll continue on with my life.
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M / Someplace
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Posted 4/23/09
nope.... why ruin her moment?
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Ecuadorian Roast Pot
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Posted 4/23/09
Probably not. If it's unrequited, I would probably move on before he even gets married. I never continue liking people that don't like me back.
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F / Xiah's Heart.
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Posted 4/23/09
nope, movinnnnnnn on.
Posted 4/23/09
noo i mean if they found someone they love n ur their bet friend u cant jsut ruin their happylife lik that its just selfish
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24 / M / Michigan
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Posted 4/23/09 , edited 4/23/09
I problobly would say something. Id rather not have it stuck up in me forever. Id tell them that i have feelings for them, currently. That doesnt mean that they cant get married though. As a true friend id say do whatever floats ur boat and makes u happy. But fortunately this will never happen to me cause my best friends a guy and im not gay,lol.
Posted 4/23/09
who knows...
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23 / M / Canada :)
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Posted 4/23/09
no of course not.. that'd be so selfish ><
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23 / F / beside my pc... ^...
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Posted 4/23/09 , edited 4/23/09
hahha.. no.. ill wish her happy life!
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27 / F / USA!
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Posted 4/23/09
You either do or you do not.

My initial response was No. Obviously you should not, the motivation to do so is completely selfish, etc etc. Which is true. If you are confessing due to some secret hope that he'll spin around on the altar, realize that the woman he was marrying was only his second choice which he chose because he thought he could not have you, don't. Don't confess, even if you're hoping that your confession may cause him to grow feelings for you, because that is all in your head and with that sort of motive, you are definitely not being a good friend. Plus for those kind of motives, definitely should have confessed sooner if you intended/wanted anything out of it, instead of just waiting for him to make the first move. You'd only be reacting because he apparently made a move that was not in your direction, and trying to stop him, even passively by confessing, is selfish.

Now. If you want to confess to him for closure, I would actually say Yes.

It's all about what you want to occur by confessing. If you want to stop the wedding in any way (and seriously ask yourself, don't try to deny your motives to avoid feelings of guilt or facing the truth), stop yourself right now. Don't confess, and understand that there are so many other guys out there that if you got to know as well as your best friend, you'd probably fall in love with them as well.

If you DON'T want to stop the wedding, and just want closure, then I would actually say yes. I'm assuming that if you want closure, plus the rather -large- hint of him getting married, that you understand that he doesn't return your feelings. You probably want him to be happy and all, so you could phrase your confession like this: "I've been your best friend for so long, I've gotten to see all sides of you, and I can't believe what an amazing person you. Because you're so great, I've actually been in love with you. I'm not trying to make anything happen by telling you, I just want closure for myself and for you to understand how much I want you to be happy with her, how much I will support you."

Something along that vein emphasizing that you love him, but you are truly, deeply happy for him finding someone else.


By telling him, you also come to terms with the fact that you have to get over him, and that he's marrying someone else. Ultimately I think if you do that, it's a truly selfless thing that should make you feel good and proud of yourself in the long run. Something about saying it out loud really helps with ending something, and I think he will appreciate your friendship all the more because of it.

Not, do NOT do this during the wedding itself. Very important. Even if you're saying how you got over him, you do not want the wedding night for him to start with his wife getting a little jealous and possessive, also not the best way to make a first impression on the woman that's going to be around him and you a lot.

Also, if you think you can't tell him you love him but are happy for him to marry a woman he loves without truly meaning it, I would hold back from confessing. It will only give him negative feelings for the wedding, and as his best friend, that is not something you should want for him. Also if you suspect there is a slight chance he may actually become confused, or start wondering about you two being together, I would also not confess.

Just because you two might be a good pair together, does NOT mean that the pairing of you two is better than him paired with the woman he intends to marry.

Finally, I would also measure how strong your feelings are. If it's kind of just a mild naggin that you feel you should confess to him, I wouldn't really.

I guess whether you confess or not is ultimately up to you. I'm just saying theoretically, the above stated thoughts are what I would take into consideration if I was in your position. Keep in mind always though, that there are so many possible potential relationships out there, and hate to be cliche, but when one door closes, a bunch more open.

Also, if your question was purely theoretical and not personal, sorry for getting so into it.


Posted 4/24/09
I'll stop him when hes dating the girl?? and tell him my feelings so that he wont end up marrying her! LOL if hes my best friend hell tell me ofcourse whos he dating so ill just make my move there AHAHA
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21 / F / ♫caught in an oce...
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Posted 4/24/09
um...i think i should...but it would be really hard..
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