Every now and then I was engaged in random chat, like when someone randomly adds you at IM at sends you a couple of messages asking you to be friends. In those situations I just can't repress my inner asshole and start some shit. What can you say about those people who pull off chat pranks? Have you ever tried doing a prank to someone? If you, do kindly post your masterpiece (please put them in a spoiler)
My convos are bluntly retarded name calling shit so before I get a decent one worth posting, here are some epic ones from somethingawful.com
Years of writing for a big website and having the same ICQ address will lead to you getting a lot of unwanted messages, even when you appear offline. The past couple of years have seen a dramatic increase in the number of weird Chinese IM-marketing I have been receiving. Sure, there is still plenty of porn spam, but these days more often than not it's someone claiming they represent a firm in China that can help my business grow.
For all I know KenK and his ilk are totally legitimate businessmen choosing an unusual method to get the word out about their services. Maybe poor KenK is sitting in a cramped cubicle somewhere in Beijing trying to offer his marketing services to my business. That's all beside the point, because when you start nagging me about your product in my inbox or on my IM client then you are free game for a prank.This particular prank has been sitting on my computer for a few months, mostly because I wasn't sure how to present it to people. The prank pretty much fails because KenK never catches on to what's happening, but that somehow makes it funnier to me. It's as though he doesn't even care what I have to say.
KenK: Do you wish more money?
Zack: Who doesn't wish more money, Kenk?
KenK: Sir, do you own a business or sell a product that could be success overseas?
Zack: It's funny you should ask, I am just getting ready to launch a new product.
KenK: This is excellent timing. Sir, we have access to untapped market: China. This market has millions of consumer ready to buy American goods. Company name removed will help you unlock potential and bring product to release overseas.
Zack: But Kenk, how can you help me? It sounds like I need your help.
KenK: We can help you market to China consumer using web advertise and other advertise methods. If you are interest we can discuss further.
Zack: You have no idea how interest I am. If you travel back in time and put a hundred dollar bill in a bank in 1780 and travel to our present time and then go to the bank and withdraw all of the money then you might have a slight idea of my interest.
Zack: It's huge, KenK. My interest is huge.
KenK: Very good. Sir, I am start up a profile for your business. We can walk through process.
Zack: Kenk, that sounds fantastic. You're a beautiful man.
KenK: Thank you so much, very good. Sir, first I ask your name?
Zack: My name is Kenneth K. Karruthers.
KenK: Very good. Sir, what is the name of your business?
Zack: Well, it's not technically a business as such, Kenk, it's more of a product I sell out of my house.
KenK: Sir, what is the name of your product?
Zack: It is called "Learn How to Rap Awesome" it is a DVD I am selling.
KenK: Very good, so you wish market DVD to China?
Zack: I believe every human has a love of awesome rapping, regardless of race, so yes.
KenK: Sir, what is your business office address?
Zack: I make them in my apartment with my keyboard so I don't have an office.
KenK: What address is apartment?
Zack: 473 Oak Circle, Round River, Odahoa 32556
KenK: Odahoa is state?
Zack: It's a District so you can put D.O. or District of Odahoa.
KenK: Very good. Sir, we have a variety of package that may interest you.
Zack: Do you like rap music, Kenk?
KenK: Music is very good. Sir, I understand you have DVD. Is this mail order product?
Zack: Yeah, my DVD is called "Learn How to Rap Awesome" and I go by my stage name of DJ Rap MC. I guess I could sell it by the mail.
KenK: Very good. Sir, do you prefer a traditional market campaign or a new media market campaign?
Zack: My beats are fresh so I have to say new media. Do you know how to rap, Kenk?
KenK: No, sir. Music is very good though.
Zack: A big part of rap is improvising and just coming up with stuff on the spot. This is technically called "flowin'". Like you feel it inside you and the words just come out.
Zack: Kenk, Kenk. Kenk, Kenk. He don't even think, got plates in the sink. Gonna get a drink, and the glasses will clink. You see what I mean?
KenK: I like very good. We have many package that interest you. We move large volume units. Do you have an email where I can send you price quotes?
Zack: DJ Rap MC on the computer, stealin' rhymes like a looter, my man Kenk on point, rockin' the whole joint. We eatin' red apples, droppin' phat grapnels. Far East dragon, grab another flagon of this mad mead I'm pourin' and with awesome babes we are scorin'.
KenK: Very good. Sir, you have no email in profile. What is your e-mail for the quote?
Zack: I'm just joking around, but you get the idea. Wait, I can do better. What are your interests?
KenK: Customer satisfaction and marketing experience to China.
Zack: Rap, rap. Rap, rap, rap. If ya'll tryna do marketin' on China, catch Kenk's chain reaction of customer satisfaction. Rap, rap. Rap, rap.
KenK: Very good. Sir, what is your e-mail?
Zack: I also have a CD I am interested in selling. It's not really related to the DVD, so you might want to adjust your quotes and what have you.
KenK: Okay! We include price for DVD and CD and combination of two.
Zack: It's my first CD and it's called "The Rap Never Sets". It's the best selling album in Odahoa.
KenK: Very good. Popular American music translate well to China. Just need e-mail address to send information!
Zack: Probably my best song on that album is "Rap Emperor". I basically go through and do this rap thing called "dissing" on a bunch of people.
KenK: What is your e-mail address?
Zack: Here's how it goes:
Zack: I am the rap emperor, the king of fresh, all hail me and forget all the rest. Snoop Dogg is a bad rapper, his raps aren't good, he's smoking too much drugs all up in the hood. Run DMC can't run from me, I will chase them in a tree as I set my rhyming free. Puff Daddy is the father of bad rap, he tries to rap but his raps are all crap.
KenK: I like it very good. Please, e-mail address?
Zack: Hold on, don't bust me up. I'm still going.
Zack: 50 cent, more like 15 cent, he has been shot a lot but I guess a bullet doesn't make you rap better. Here's a nickel, buy a new sweater. Now it's time to rap about my least favorite guy and it's the Beastie Boys. More like Beatless Boys. They couldn't find a rap if it was on a present with their name on the card, rhymin' ain't hard but it is if you're lame and all your raps are the same. Rap suckas.
KenK: I am very impress.
Zack: Hang on, one more verse: Last off I gotta rap, about the worst rappers of all time, their raps are a crime. I'm talkin' about China, and I ain't even gonna tryna, make an execuse for their shameful lack of rap juice. A whole nation can't find a beat if it's in a present with their name on it, their raps will never be a hit. They could all watch my DVD, and still couldn't tell me, what it takes to be a rapper whose rhymes don't belong in the crapper. I hate China and I hate the Chinese, so I'm askin' you please, I'm down on my knees, beggin' you to just cease. Quit rappin' and...Peace!
KenK: Very good. I like song about China. Will be very popular in China. Can we talk about offer now?
Zack: Of course, Kenk. What did you need to know?
KenK: e-mail address?
Zack: My email address is [email protected]
KenK: Thank you! I will send mailing to address and to office. We have brochure to look at.
Zack: Thank you, Kenk. How can I ever repay you?
KenK: Prices are list on quote.
Zack: I have a good feeling about this.
KenK: Yes, the feeling is good.
Zack: I love you, Kenk.
KenK: Very good.
I feel an infantile delight when I see shiny lights and pretty colors. I sometimes find myself following police cars and ambulances for miles and I have been known to walk into any Spencer's Gifts I come across, lured in by strobe lights, plasma spheres, and the promise of saucy greeting cards for my 40th birthday.
That love for flashing lights might explain my abiding love for laser light shows. There is nothing quite so patriotic as spending the evening of a muggy July 4th listening to Lee
hello friends who still use crunchyroll :D ill be back if I miss crunchy lulz
oh shi- i double posted! this is the fake one!
hello friends who still use crunchyroll :D ill be back if I miss crunchy lulz
Imma post on the fake one. Yay.
Me too. Yaay~
Fake one three! Yay!
. ... nope.
Happy New Year 2010