What do you think about this???
7728 cr points
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23 / F / in my La La Land~
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Posted 6/18/09 , edited 6/18/09
Ok, this is the story line of my new story. It's call, Kokoro. Read this summary and tell me what do think about it. Thanks ^^

Mariko Sakamoto(27), an interior designer, whose living a happy life as a wife of Yuuya Sakamoto(29), a talented lawyer, and a loving mother of a daughter, Akiko Sakamoto(5). However, her life shattered when her beloved husband died in a brutal car accident. Not only Mariko have to endured the pain of loosing her husband but she also lost her in laws' supports. Without anyone to trust, Mariko can only turned to her long time friend, Hiroshi Yamashita(28). As they became closer and closer, Hiroshi began to developed strong feelings toward Mariko. To put more gas into fire, her sister-in-law, Haruna Sakamoto(25) created a cruel rumor about Mariko and Hiroshi's relationship to devided Mariko from her in laws. The rumor became more and more intense as Hiroshi confessed his feelings to Mariko. Mariko gratefully declided Hiroshi's kindness, but he continued to looking over her and loving her. After hearing the rumor, Mariko's mother-in-law, Naoko Sakamoto(58) caught Mariko and Hiroshi together. She became furious and forced her to hand over Akiko, but she strongly refused their request. While the arguement between Mariko and her in laws continued on, Akiko began to falls ill. When the family and Mariko rushed Akiko to the hospital, they found out that Akiko have leukemia...


So??????????
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23 / F / Under your skin.
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Posted 6/19/09
*you have to study your grammar lessons if you want your so-called fanfic to be understood clearly.
*i don't find the plot interesting, but rather boring. (maybe i'm not just into adult love)
*try to elaborate the story more, we might misunderstand something if wrongly stated.

those are all i can think of, as flaws. compliment? i'll praise your effort for that, if you used any.
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F
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Posted 6/19/09
umm... just to be frank *n honest* coz i dont wanna lie... your story is too normal and not so catchy anymore coz there're tons of similar stories out there.

i suggest you might wanna develop the story in a more unexpecting way rather than predictable plots lyk that ^_^~
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20 / F / -Rawr- Hug Me (>^...
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Posted 6/19/09
I'm srry bt i also find ur storie rather dull and hard to understand it could b more interesting n dramatic bt i honestly do think ur storycould b sum wat intersting keep thinking ur on the rite track
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F / my own world...
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Posted 7/22/09
Yep! The plot is too similar
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22 / F / you will never know
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Posted 9/28/09
what happens next i wanna know
lovely story keep on like this
Posted 11/6/09
Pretty good
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20 / F
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Posted 2/16/10
the story is good but you could add more drama or detail to make it more interesting.Good job though
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