Created by laoboix
should i continue writing this story?
2051 cr points
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24 / M / CA
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Posted 7/2/09
this story is based of a bunch of animes,mangas, and drams ive seen and or read and so well its gonna have a basic anime type characteristics with some drama comedy and romance mixed in.

its about a boy who isnt much at all with a lot of potential to be something and as the story goes he grows with it and the ultimate girl of this story is change not only in his love life but as a person. this story will have many obstacles in it for the boy and it is similar to other stories but i assure you this will be different.

(i know my writing isnt polished but bear with me and ive only just begun to scratch the surface of the heart of this story and i apologize for lack of detail but i just made this story up and im still making it up as i go)

anyways this story starts off with the introduction of the protagonist kyoshiro mizuki an average looking teenage boy in high school who in fact isnt average at all; he may even be considered below average. Anyways kyoshiro has long lengthy hair that covers his face and addition to his hair he wears glasses; big dorky looking glasses and with his clothes kyoshiro doesnt look like much at all really just an untidy uniform with messy long hair and he is about 5-9 to 510 not too tall; despite all of this kyoshiro actually has a set body thats not full of muscles but not fat or skin and bones either a correct term for his body type is cut.kyoshiro is the nice guy type who when he sees a cat or something thats hungry he gives it something to eat and he is the quiet type where he doesnt talk to anyone. kyoshiro attends an amazing high school for elite students usually the kind which includes rich kids that dont know how to pick up their own mess, but not all students are like this. in kyoshiros school he is regarded as one of the most unattractive and smartest person there, and because of the way he looks most people never talk to him; so they know just about nothing about him. This is one of the things that makes kyoshiro very odd, for although he doesnt look it kyoshiro is very smart and a quick learner who doesnt forget anything. On the contrary their is another student who is also considered not only as one of the smartest but the most attractive and the most popular student there, and she happens to be a beautiful heiress to a multimillion dollar corporation so she is regarded as the princess by others.(more detail on her later) Another thing that most people dont know about kyoshiro is that his family owns a world reknown marital arts dojo and also that not only does he live there but trains also. kyoshiro isnt filthy stinking rich but hes pretty set. As you might have guessed yes kyoshiro is not at all good with handling girls or even much talking to them; the only girl hes ever really talked too and feels at ease with is his childhood friend who has been going to the same dojo as him ever since he started.(more detail on her later) this is due to the fact that for most of his life hes been studying and training. Moving on kyoshiros daily life is after school he goes directly home and stays there; he rarely comes out. The begining of this story starts when one day after test results have been shown kyoshiro receives 1st place with the scores and while checking with everyone else he is congratulated by her the princess(her nickname and she is the popular girl blah blah blah you know what i mean)since she was second by a little bit, and when she said it it was a shock to not only to kyo(nickname) but to everyone else also and the first thing kyo says is are u speaking to me? she reply's with a smile yes and he says oh ok thank you and he walks off, but as he walks off some boys yell at him screaming what gives you the right to talk to the princess and why are you being so rude blah blah. one grabs him by the shirt and asks him again. kyoshiro feeling angered but controlling it answers im sorry and i apologize so will you let me down please. the one grabbing him takes this as sarcasm so he slams kyoshiro against the wall and says are you messing with me. With this action kyoshiro has passed his point of control and since he was brought up in a martial arts home he knows now that he is allowed to retaliate as this is considered an act of offense. with those thoughts kyoshiro grabs the guys and does an amazing kick to the students head forcing the student to let go and is sent flying. after his hit the student didn't get up but his friends were pissed so they ran to attack kyoshiro.as the attackers were coming the crowd were making awe sounds and amongst the crowd kyoshiros childhood friend was about to go help but she knowing kyoshiro being skilled would beat them with ease but in the middle of the fight one of the attackers got in a lucky punch to his face which knocked off his glasses, after that kyo never took another hit. after the last attacker fell kyo was looked at with shock and amazement; everyone couldn't believer their eyes that the most unattractive and smartest student just beat about 5 guys in a fight. As everyone looked at him in amazement the princess walks up to kyo and hands him his glasses and says im sorry they attacked you and kyos reaction to this is something mumbled because he cant look her in the eyes so all he gets out is a cracked sentence with the words its ok thanks and excuse me. with that he walks away with everyone staring at him; in his mind kyo is thinking omg ive just talked with the princess and wait a sec did i just beat up 5 guys in my school, oh crap my dad is gonna kill me i know it was protection but still maybe i went overboard etc etc etc


thats pretty much all im gonna say for now and im sorry there are so many holes in the story such as names of places like the school and character names like his friend and the princess and ive also left out the antagonist and a few other details as well and some grammatical errors here and there but like i said i just made this up and so all feedback is very helpful and all i truly wanted to do was to share this story i had in my head that seemed like it would be interesting to others.
(sorry for the lengh lol i got carried away)
killar 
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Posted 7/2/09
My inner grammar Nazi just died...

I tried to read some of it, but I could not finish due to all the grammatical errors... Sorry
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24 / F / Ninja
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Posted 7/2/09
yeah keep writing, don't give up!
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24 / M / CA
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Posted 7/2/09

killar wrote:

My inner grammar Nazi just died...

I tried to read some of it, but I could not finish due to all the grammatical errors... Sorry


no its fine thank you for your feed back and like i said i apologize for not polishing it i did a quick scan review which wasnt adequate but like i said thanks and im sorry for not being clear
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Posted 7/2/09

chloebob825 wrote:

yeah keep writing, don't give up!


thank you for your support lol and if theres anything youd like to say feel free to do so
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23 / F / Under your skin.
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Posted 7/2/09
it's so hard to read.
Posted 7/2/09
regardless of whether the story is "good" or not to other people, u should still finish writing it! because if writing it is fun for u, then u should just do it! ^^
Posted 7/2/09
watever ppl say u continue if u want to ^^^
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Posted 7/2/09
yeah....
Posted 7/2/09
Sorry but no personal threads allowed.
There is a Fan Fiction section and a Creative Writing thread. Please post in there and people will give you feedback.

If you have any difficulties finding the threads/sections then just message me.

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