Born Leader
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20 / F / Sweden
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Posted 7/2/09
(not by me)


Maybe he was born a leader. Maybe he is just improvising. With his strong, masculine aura and his sensibility and thoughtfulness people always think of him as a perfect leader. Yunho knows he isn’t perfect, but he likes the feeling of having a role; a purpose. And when he is sick and watches the other four members make a performance as great as ever, he finds a small comfort in the fact that he’s their leader and somehow still have an importance.

When that comfort isn’t enough, Yunho finds himself in a warm embrace, receiving soft smiles and reassuring words. “Silly you. There would be no Dong Bang Shin Ki without you. We need you.” And Yunho believes and never thinks about leaving the group again.

They are popular. Beyond popular. They’re successful and famous, in Korea, in Japan. Yunho smiles and thanks the fans, smiles and answer the host's questions, smiles and chats with the staff backstage. Then he closes his eyes and thanks God, when he has the time, when he remembers. Yunho signs autographs, poses for pictures and sings with emotion. He falls asleep late at nights just as exhausted as his four members. “DBSK is at the top now,” people tell them. Yunho wonders if that means things will start going down soon. And then he doesn’t think about it anymore, because life goes on anyway.

Junsu is sulky, Changmin tired, Yoochun homesick and Jaejoong restless. Yunho is their strong, caring leader and asks them one at a time, face to face, how they’re doing. Their problems vary, but he tries to be there for them and help them. Guide them. And sometimes they laugh at him and tell him not to act too much like a leader and a father. It makes him stop and laugh and instead do funny imitations and crack silly jokes. Because sometimes Yunho is too much leader and too little Yunho and he’s thankful that his friends don’t let him get too lost. For how can he lead if he doesn’t know who he is?

Jaejoong’s many sides fascinate Yunho in a way he’s never been fascinated by anything before. It’s like he constantly notice new things about the eldest and he feels curious and intrigued and so damn fascinated. And they talk and they laugh and they breathe air that are already heated up by the other's lungs. And after a while no one feels lonely anymore.

Sometimes Yunho looks into Jaejoong’s eyes for so long that he begins seeing tiny, sparkling stars and then he knows there’s something special about Jaejoong. One time he even whispers, “There’s something special about you.”

Jaejoong only laughs and slaps his arm playfully. “I’m not anymore special than you.” And Yunho can’t find the right answer because suddenly the stars aren’t so clear anymore.

Even though he’s the leader, Yunho sometimes feels so lost and confused. That’s why he’s only grateful when someone else takes the lead for a while. He doesn’t protest when Jaejoong gently pushes him back on the mattress and starts to undress him with fumbling, shaking fingers. Yunho just closes his eyes, letting Jaejoong perform magic with his hands and body. And then he just lies there, taking, receiving new energy from pleasure-giving fingertips. And even when it hurts it never stops feeling good. And Jaejoong kisses his skin and smiles at him and Yunho suddenly finds how easy it is, smiling back at that beautiful face.

Secrets are dangerous, Yunho believes. Secrets can hurt, can destroy, can do so much damage that it’s impossible to repair again. Jaejoong leads Yunho into a world full of secrets and Yunho follows without hesitation. Because he can’t see how secrets filled with so much love and affection can be dangerous for anyone. And secrets that are never revealed will never cause any damage.

Jaejoong’s smile is dazzling and Yunho feels giddy and happy and almost, almost fulfilled. And sometimes when they lie together, skin touching skin behind closed doors, Yunho thinks he could die like this and it wouldn’t really matter.

“Your smile,” Jaejoong whispers. “It reaches your eyes now.”

And Yunho can only nod and smile some more, hoping that Jaejoong understands that it’s because of him.

Bubbles can burst, but Yunho never thinks about himself being in a bubble. He doesn’t notice when fervent kisses and soft touches intoxicate him to a state where he can’t think that clearly anymore. When his hands just want to feel more and his heart just want to feel alive how can they look at him with disapproval in their eyes? And Jaejoong is nervous, biting his lip, looking down at the floor. Yunho just wants to comfort him, but he’s beginning to see the world more clearly again. He’s beginning to understand that they’re not alone anymore.

“People are getting suspicious. I’m worried.” Jaejoong’s hand is stroking Yunho’s arm and Yunho wants to close his eyes and fall asleep. But instead he smiles a little and tries to think of something reassuring to say.

“They won’t know for sure. They’ll think it’s just fanservice.”

Jaejoong nods, maybe to assure himself more than Yunho. “I love you,” he whispers and Yunho smiles and is relieved that he managed to give some comfort. And then he bites his lip worriedly and wonders if Jaejoong needs him to be the leader again.

“I’ll work harder,” he mumbles, and closes his eyes, thinking that maybe he has been too much Yunho lately and too little leader. He never meant to get lost in himself. But life goes on anyway.

Yunho smiles at the world and the world smiles back at him. Sometimes he wants to escape, but there is nowhere else he wants to be. There is nowhere to escape. The world is just too small and his duties and responsibilities keep him chained down. Sometimes he has to remind himself that this is what he always wanted.

It’s hard to find empty rooms, it’s hard to find free time. And the cameras are everywhere; always watching, always seeing and Yunho feels suffocated. The cameras want to see a hard-working U-know Yunho and Yunho works hard and fights and works harder.

“You’re acting cold. Don’t be cold.” And Jaejoong’s eyes are pleading and Yunho searches for stars.

They end up alone in a hotel room and Jaejoong isn’t happy. He yells and he accuses and he stares at Yunho until Yunho finally stares back. And then Yunho is pushed against the wall, eyes wide and mind confused and Jaejoong kisses him hard, kisses him until he finally gets a response. Yunho feels as if his body has turned to stone and his lips are the only thing that are still working, the only thing that can still move.

“Don’t just stand there” Jaejoong hisses, gripping Yunho’s hands and guiding them to his hips. “Touch me.” And Yunho feels his hands coming to life again and suddenly he can’t control them anymore. They explore, they touch and they rip apart until obstacles no longer exist and he can finally melt together with burning flesh and surrounding warmth. There are moans and grunts and Yunho hears his name being called. Just a softly spoken Yunho. And nothing more.

Yunho wonders for a brief moment if true leaders ever fall in love. Jaejoong’s eyes are glistening and Yunho hopes it’s not tears. Not sad tears. Their hands are entwined and Yunho ponders over how well Jaejoong fits there; in the spaces between his fingers.

“We need to focus on the band now. But you and I will stick together through this,” Jaejoong whispers.

Yunho smiles, even chuckles a little because suddenly it’s so easy again.“Remind me again why you’re not the leader.”

Jaejoong’s touch is soft and sends shivers down Yunho’s spine. “You know I don’t have it in me.”

And Yunho can only stare into Jaejoong’s eyes until the stars start to appear again and silently wonder what he has that Jaejoong doesn't.


~Fin
Task Manager
13779 cr points
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23 / F / California
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Posted 7/2/09 , edited 7/2/09


we appreciated the fic but please let us know first before actually create a new Forum!!
Thanks... ^^


~MoD~
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