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Posted 7/10/09





First Love
ft. Alex Evans


I can still remeber him well. His eyes were the first thing I fell for. They were as clear as the sky, but as deep and dark as the ocean and cool as the midnight sky. All different shades of blue swirling in one orb. He told me, "my mom and dad has different eye colors and I guess they just mixed."

But he was wrong.
His eyes were unique, except he didn't want to admit. He said, "I don't want to be too different."
Different is good though, was what I told him. He only shook his head and gazed back up at the sky. I remeber the clouds looking like visible whispy wind and they would slowly move across the painted canvas. It was like an artwork, that changes daily.

That was the last time I saw him. The last time I saw his eyes. The last time I heard his voice.

The last time I cried.


-- --- -- -- -- --


I didn't expect it. It has been 2 years, two long years. I had let go, moved on ... But he was a man of mysteries. How he found me, I don't know.

I wanted to run away, just like he did without an explanation. After telling me he loved me. Those three little words made my heart chocked and stutter, it made my hopes rise again, and for me to be able to feel. But then he left. Just like that. Then I knew that I was a joke, like a one night stand. I was just there for the heck of it.

So I promised myself I wouldn't go and find him
I wouldn't go looking
Not this time.
Not ever.

Too bad I underestimated him. Too bad I couldn't solve him quick enough.

Alex Evans is back.


-- --- -- -- -- --


"forgive me." he begged. I promised him I would meet him for some reason. Maybe because I wanted to tell him off or becuase somewhere deep inside me, I still loved him.

I told him I couldn't. I told him I had moved on. I told him the things I told myself, although I don't feel convinced anymore. Alex Evans has that kind of power.

We didn't say anything for hours. I counted. The clock was ticking so loudly inside my head, counting off how much time was ticking away as I sit here sipping coffee with my first love. Each time the hand moved a second, I would cringe.

Then I asked him the only question that was bugging me. Why he came back, but I didn't hear his answer because his eyes were sucking me in and I hated that. I hated the tought of falling for Alex Evans all over again.

So I asked him to repeat it and his answer surprised me.

"Because it was my turn to find you."


-- --- -- -- -- --


It has been two days since his return, and he claims he won't leave again. He's always holding his camera in his hand and sometimes, I swear I see him taking a picture of me. But he denied it coyly, so I just dropped it becuase I just didn't want to go that into it.

I still keep my distance away from him though, but the thing is. It's impossible to stay away from Alex and he knows that. Which isn't fair because he uses that to his advantage and I'm left always falling for his tricks.

Today, I'm getting ready for a party. The hair curler is starting to steam as I wrap my ginger hair around it. Although it isn't so ginger anymore, it's more of a gingerish brown. I let the curl fall loose over my shoulder and started another. Alex sits in the corner watching me intently, his hands secured on his camera. He has to come along too becuase my friend likes him. He agreed to meet her, although I wished he hadn't.

But I shouldn't.

I applied mascara and a coat of eyeliner on my top lid before pulling on my high neck black wool coat. The buttons were so huge inside my palm, and I liked that.

"You should get dress Alex. We're about to leave." I said, finally speaking to him after 3 hours of silence. He nodded and threw on his purple hoodie, and slightly combed his finger though his hair before giving me thumbs up. I rolled my eyes.

The purple long sleeved underneath my coat clung to my body, just like my dark washed skinny jeans did. I wondered why I wore such tight clothes. Alex grabbed my car keys and rushed me out of the house telling me I looked good enough already.
I wish he wasn't so excited about the party. I wish he didn't have any interest in her.
I wish I didn't care so much.


-- --- -- -- -- --


The music was loud. I could feel it vibrate inside my chest as I pulled up. The vibrating increased when i stepped out, and was met with the cold bitter air of Denver. I breathed it in, allowing it to freeze my lung and glanced up at the gloomy sky. Even though at 7 pm, the sky seemed bright depsite the light gray clouds. I felt a faint smile crawling onto my face.

Click.

I moved my head over, my eyes following the movement, until they landed on Alex.

Click.

I caught him this time, but I didn't mind. The cold air was making me dizzy. I just smiled and looked back up at the sky, my hands resting in my warm pockets. If only this moment will last.

Suddenly, I didn't want to go to the party anymore. I just wanted to get away from this loud place and go somehwere peacefull, somewhere quiet. Somehwere that didn't involve drunk people and desparate girls. Especially girls that sparked Alex's interest.

Alex seemed to have read my mind. Becuase then, he was pulling my arms down the road, away from this place.

Away from my worries.


-- --- -- -- -- --


The swing chilled my bottom as I sat down, Alex next to me with his camera resting on his lap. The swings werere only a mere 1 and a half inch away from each other, and our shoulders would constantly rub against each other when we swing. I realize this was the first time being so close to him during the week he has been here.

And I liked it.

There was a shock, so intruiging and funny. And the connection it held was so strong, I couldn't help but glance over to him to see if he noticed.

He didn't. Of course he wouldn't. For all I know, he could have forgotten. He could have came back on a whim.

We sat there for a few minutes in silence. Something that wasn't so new, but this time there was a difference. There wasn't tension in the air anymore or a sense of awkwardness that I always try to run away from. I felt comfortable.

"Hey Iv,"

I glanced over at him through my bangs, his eyes were directed dtraight at me. I shifted incomfortably, "um ..yea?"

He leaned in and I felt his cool lip ring, and the warmth of his lips pressed against mines. The feeling was strange , but I held on, pressing my lips harder against his, until I can feel his lips ring almost imprinted into my lips. There was a slight tingling, and I felt like this was how it should feel like; just right. He tangled his hand into my hair and pulled me closer. I wrapped my arms around his shoulder, and somehow, he had shifted me until I was on his lap.

This wasn't suppose to happen. Alex Evans was never suppose to come back into my life. I wasn't suppose to let my guard down.

Alex Evans was supose to be a forgotten first love.


-- --- -- -- -- --


I remember a long time ago, when my mother was still alive. She would hold me close to her heart and let me hear her heartbeat. I would always giggle and scoot in closer, loving the way it sounded. It was so alive and warm.
She told me, "my heart beats for you and only you." then she would kiss me and say goodnight.

So as I lay here, staring up at the sky, emrbaced inside Alex's arm. I could feel his heartbeat, beating steadily. And it was alive and warm. I giggled and scooted in closer, letting his body heat burn my cheeks.
Alex looked down at me with his beautiful blue eyes in wonder and held me tighter.

"Alex .."

"hmm?"

I grabbed his hand and placed it over my chest. Even in the darkness of the night, I can see his pale face turn a faint blush pink.

"My heart beats for you and only you."

I wanted to melt away into the world for saying something so corny. Perhaps I was jsut caught up in the moment. Or maybe it was his scent. It was quite addicting.

I supported my body weight on my elbow, leaning my body up. I kissed him gently on his forehead, and fell back onto his lap, snuggling in comfortably.

"good night."

-- --- -- -- -- --


I awoke to bitter coldness, the faint sound of falling rain, and a deep hushed voice coming from next to me. It was Alex's voice.

I closed my eyes and pretended I was sleeping, hoping to catch every little thing he said.

"Alex, what did I tell you?"

"yea, i know. I .. just got caught up in the moment."

"Alex, you have to leave her!"

"I know. I planned it all out already. I'll be back tomorrow night."

He hung up after that, and let out a loud sigh.

Is this how love feels?
To love someone so much it hurts.

I know it hurts to love Alex Evans.


-- --- -- -- -- --

I woke up again to the sound of only rain falling, and dragged myself out of bed, the sheets tangling with my bare legs. My tear dried face felt hard, and when I yawned, it cracked and started to tingle.

I needed to go. I needed to go as far away from this place as possible.

It's my turn to run away Alex Evans.

I rushed around the room, throwing on a gray cami with a black cardigan swung over it, and black skinny jeans. I grabbed the nearest bag I could get, and threw in my stuff I would need and rushed out.

The rain's coldness shocked my body, and it was fully alert sas I rushed down the street. Finally soaking wet, I took comfort in a book store.

When I opened the door, I was met by a gust of warm air and a solid chest. The familiar scent of honey filled the air, and I paniced as I looked up ..

Alex Evans


-- --- -- -- -- --


"What are you doing?" His voice is confused and slightly hurt for maybe knowing what I might've tried to do. I smoothed back my tangled hess of hair, and looked at him cooly in the eye, even though I wanted to die right there and then.

"nothing."

"Ivory, you're soaking wet. How could that be nothing?" Ignoring his own question, he took off his coat and draped it over me before putting his arm around my waist and pulling me into the direction of my apartment.
I took one last glance at the street behind us and sighed.

Go. Run now. Don't look back.

My mind screamed at me, but I couldn't. I felt oddly safe in his arms, and warm. I didn't want that to go away. No matter how much he was going to hurt me all over again. Maybe I can take a risk. Maybe I can let him win again .. Just this one.

-- --- -- -- -- --

"Alex. i need to get away from here."

it's been three days, six hours, forty-five minutes, and five seoncds, since that day, and still he hasn't left yet.
This could still be my chance.

He stared at me. His blue eyes said nothing, although I wshed they did. I wished they would tell me to stay. Stay with him forever.

"Why?"

Why, Why,Why,Why

His question rung in my head over and over again. I cringed as his hand rested on my face. He felt it. I know he felt it, except he didn't pull away.

"Why?"

A tear slipped away from my eye and drifted down the curves of my cheekbones.

"Because it's my turn."


-- --- -- -- -- --

SO I ran. Just like that.
I didn't care. I just couldn't let Alex Evans hurt me anymore.

I really don't care.

So why am I crying?
Why does it feel so painful?
Why do I regret it all?




-the picture above is of the photo Alex took.
-This was just a quick write, so I didn't double check, so excuse me for any spelling or grammar mistakes >.<" and there are a few parts I'm not so crazy about it. So all in all, this was a totally imperfect creation.

but tell me what you think ?
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24 / F / ~*heaven*~
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Posted 10/25/09
this.is.so.AWESOME!!!! >O< your writing style here is the most unique one i have ever seen!! this little story is soo sad and understandable D; keep up the great work!! ;D
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