Post Reply "The Darkness of Qularia" by Rezzy64
Moderator
8500 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / M / California
Offline
Posted 7/20/09 , edited 9/25/10
“The Darkness of Qularia”

I guess as always, I can't help but come up with a new story and can't even work on my other stories currently... ADHD like crazy over here, plus my problem of not being able to finish what I tend to start, but I'm working on fixing that bad habit.
Anyways my problems are not what I'm trying to present here. I was thinking of this video game a while back called Final Fantasy 3. Man that is a boring game... Super linear, weak characters, not a very interesting story, and with the same point of being linear, there's not a whole lot of fun things to do outside of the main story line of the game.
Still this fantastic idea I got from a simple fragment of the story line inspired me to begin working on this fantasy story.
In the story line of Final Fantasy 3, they explain that there is a balance between good and evil. As they explained a bit into it, it's set up as a mutual relationship. When Evil exceeds the balance in the story, these warriors of light are chosen to go out and set the balance right again.
This is where I came up with my fantastic idea, The idea of this balance is that evil has as much of a right over the scale as good does. What if rather than evil exceeding the balance, instead good exceeds this balance thus a set of dark warriors needs to be chosen and set the balance once more.
See it's this very simple little background that began in my head and spawned all these various little devious ideas, so I'm going to go ahead and fly off with this this crazy idea.
Hope you all enjoy!


Episode 1 “The Boy and his Rock”



Copyright 2009, Michael Reznick
All rights reserved.
Moderator
15623 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / Labs, towns, citi...
Offline
Posted 7/20/09
Good god, that was a long read.

It seems to me you have a compelling enough setting, good characters, and a kind of limitless potential at the end of episode 1 which will serve you well throughout the series.

I'm less thrilled about the very nature of the story. Are you sure that a main character who is forced to do evil won't be difficult to root for? Of course, we only have the word of the characters in the story that Clawne and her minions are evil. So far, the only evil we've seen done was done by worshippers of Abella, who seem for the most part to be a completely unlikable bunch of oppressive bigots. In any case, episode 1 is no time to make assumptions about the content, so I am merely speculating.

Grammar errors, mispellings and awkward dialogue make reading this story difficult. Be careful.

My reaction to the action is extremely favorable. The main character's fighting abillities, although far from revealed, strike me so far as the simple elegant kind that will be satisfying to watch over and over again. And since the world is so rich in options, what with it having technology and other species, you'll have plenty of ideas to use on villains (or heroes or whatever you want to call them)

That's all for now.
Moderator
8500 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / M / California
Offline
Posted 7/20/09


Ha ha yay! I know... unlike my other stories, I was lazy on correcting it... mostly because I was so excited on releasing my next story that I didn't proof read it properly... my bad...
Alright the thing about good and evil in this story is an important part of the story. I'm not going to tell more about it because it would give away too much info on the story.
Also I'm really glad you liked the fight scene because I was actually really worried about it.
Also yeah sorry if the length was a bit of a problem. There were so many things I wanted to explain in the first episode and it just dragged on a bit.
Moderator
15623 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / Labs, towns, citi...
Offline
Posted 7/20/09

Rezzy64 wrote:

Also I'm really glad you liked the fight scene because I was actually really worried about it.


It wasn't good per se, it just demonstrated what to expect from the fight scenes in the future. It seems our main character is likely to have a fast, reckless attack style that is always fun to watch. In fact, it was so short I wouldn't even really consider it a fight.
Moderator
8500 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / M / California
Offline
Posted 7/20/09

The_8th_Sin wrote:


Rezzy64 wrote:

Also I'm really glad you liked the fight scene because I was actually really worried about it.


It wasn't good per se, it just demonstrated what to expect from the fight scenes in the future. It seems our main character is likely to have a fast, reckless attack style that is always fun to watch. In fact, it was so short I wouldn't even really consider it a fight.


Ha ha... yeah... it was short... but I liked it being reckless and short.
The point was to show that his fighting style is sloppy and quick. For instance the part where he leaps into the air with his arms raised up was supposed to be like a savage looking attack.
Moderator
15623 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / Labs, towns, citi...
Offline
Posted 7/20/09

Rezzy64 wrote:


The_8th_Sin wrote:


Rezzy64 wrote:

Also I'm really glad you liked the fight scene because I was actually really worried about it.


It wasn't good per se, it just demonstrated what to expect from the fight scenes in the future. It seems our main character is likely to have a fast, reckless attack style that is always fun to watch. In fact, it was so short I wouldn't even really consider it a fight.


Ha ha... yeah... it was short... but I liked it being reckless and short.
The point was to show that his fighting style is sloppy and quick. For instance the part where he leaps into the air with his arms raised up was supposed to be like a savage looking attack.


Great job. You really got the savageness across to me.
Moderator
8500 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
26 / M / California
Offline
Posted 7/20/09

The_8th_Sin wrote:


Rezzy64 wrote:


The_8th_Sin wrote:


Rezzy64 wrote:

Also I'm really glad you liked the fight scene because I was actually really worried about it.


It wasn't good per se, it just demonstrated what to expect from the fight scenes in the future. It seems our main character is likely to have a fast, reckless attack style that is always fun to watch. In fact, it was so short I wouldn't even really consider it a fight.


Ha ha... yeah... it was short... but I liked it being reckless and short.
The point was to show that his fighting style is sloppy and quick. For instance the part where he leaps into the air with his arms raised up was supposed to be like a savage looking attack.


Great job. You really got the savageness across to me.


Well I plan to get on the next episode soon. I'll see if I can make it a bit shorter and proof read it a bit better as well as make the situations flow a bit more comfortably.
You must be logged in to post.