Tell Me The Truth
Again. The same dream. I knew I had no special talents to begin with so why did I end up following him here? This school’s exams were extremely difficult yet I couldn’t separate from him so it took me the whole summer just to study for exams. I followed him wanting to see surf and swim, the school was known for its famous sports stars, but beside that it was one of the most famous academic wise schools in the country. Sakura Academy, it was a private school for the best of the best so how did I end up here? It takes me twice as much time to study then all of the other students. I have yet to meet any friend but he did. Hiroki Toshi was my best friend and for some reason going to a different school then him pained me so much. Being with him so long I knew he was smart, athletic, and friendly with everyone, yet he stayed with such a useless, brainless, girl like me. Why?
“Come on Sora, you’re so slow,” Toshi called me from the dorm. Yes, private school meant living in the dorms, which also put pressure on my shoulders. It meant I had to get a job because my dad left me at a young age to live by myself so paying school expenses meant I had to get a few jobs. It wasn’t too hard, as long as I could see Toshi it was worth it. Sure he joked around a lot but he was the best friend anyone could have.
“You’re one to talk.” I said running after him. “What time is swim practice today?”
“I think five, then surfing tomorrow.” Toshi said running ahead. “Those are the swim guys catch you later, Sora,” He waved behind him not looking back. The thought of him eventually leaving me was painful but even I knew it would come true one day. I could never be apart of his life forever, although his mother likes me, he should end up with someone more compatible to him.
“Yush! It’s time for me to work hard!” Sora squeezed her fists together and shouted. People were staring at her but she didn’t care as long as she could keep up the hard work then she would be fine.
“You seem full of energy,” Zane, one of the guys from class laughed.
“Of course, another day has come time to work hard. You work hard to,” I winked at him and walked off. Zane was also good looking as well but to me Toshi was the only one who looked the best. Just being with him for so long he was the only guy that ever entered my mind. Zane saw me staring at Toshi again and narrowed his eyes.
“Well I’ll walk with you too class,” He said with a smile.
“Oh sure, but I’ll probably be late. Apparently I’m slow,” I said scratching my head with a small smile.
“Heh? Then tag you’re it,” Zane grabbed my bag and ran off with it.
“Oi, oi, oi, that’s not fair!” I said chasing him all around. He ran past the swim team and I didn’t even notice when I did. She knocked into someone with boxes and they fell over. “I’m so sorry, I’ll help you right away! Did you get hurt?” She said, some people around were laughing. She turned slightly red.
“No, no, no, I’m fine, don’t worry,” This guy said with a smile. He had blond hair and I recognized him as the track team star.
“Ehhh!!! You’re the one who gets second place after Toshi when surfing!” I said a little loud.
“That’s rude,” Toshi said hitting me in the head. I looked up and saw Toshi there helping that guy up now.
‘Eh? I didn’t even noticed him,’ I thought standing back up after Toshi picked up all the boxes and was now making friends with that guy. He was amazing, nothing I would ever do would meet his expectations.
“I’ll help him you get to your class. With your speed you’ll be late.” Toshi said making the others laugh. For some reason that hurt more then it should have.
“Ah so, I see excuse me for bothering you,” I said to the two of them. “Give me my bag back.” I said seriously to Zane.
“I was just joking around,” Zane said handing it back a little puzzled.
“Che, whatever,” I said throwing the bag over my shoulder and walking off.
There were girls surrounding the pool again. Most of them were there to see Toshi, although I wanted to I just couldn’t see him. After blowing up like that in the morning he was avoiding me like he always did when I was mad. He used to always ask what was wrong but now he became so different. It was time for a change in his mind but I guess my mind was still stuck in the past. I went to my job then didn’t get back till ten at night. After that I sat down in the park where there were lights near the sidewalk to it was a huge walking path so people could enjoy the park during the day and night. I sat down near the ocean because it was near the ocean and looked at the view.
“In the one month we’ve been here you always come here,” Toshi said throwing a water bottle at me. “Drink it maybe it’ll clear your head.”
“My head is perfectly fine,” I said leaning back looking at the water.
“You sure? Cause before it seemed you were thinking about something. Always spacing out, if you do that in class you’ll get the lowest grades.” Toshi said making a joke once again. I opened the water bottle and squirted some water at him then laughed at his expression. “Well you seem better.”
“Toshi,” I began.
“What?” Toshi asked.
“Toshi! Hurry up!” The group of guys at the top of the hill called for him.
“Never mind, go have fun with your friends,” I smiled really big then jogged away towards the water.
“If you say so…” Toshi looked at me intently then ran up to his friends laughing with them. He knew I had something on my mind and would probably try to bring it up again. The thing was I couldn’t tell him that I wanted to be by his side forever, it just wasn’t possible. To tell him or for it to be true.
“Why do you have to be so amazing?” I said wiping my eye with my sleeve laying down in the water. “It’s not fair.”
“Do you really not understand such low level lessons?!” The teacher yelled at me again in the middle of class. Good thing Toshi wasn’t in this class with me.
“I just need to study a little more,” I said. The others in the class just whispered about how I shouldn’t even be there, how I was holding them up. “You can move on to something new! I’ll stay after school and study. I can do it, really, sensei,” I said. I hated letting people down or getting in other people’s way.
“Its fine. They let anyone in these days don’t they?” The teacher said walking out. The other students laughed again. I looked in my desk and saw some of my textbooks were torn to pieces. I gathered them by stuffing them in my bag then jogging to the next class where I got to see Toshi. I didn’t notice that someone was watching me.
“Hey Toshi, could I barrow your text book for math again?” I asked turning around to face him.
“Eh? Again? I have homework so no, go ask one of your friends,” Toshi said turning around to the other guys in his class to talk.
“Alright I will,” I said with a smile.
“Like she has any,” A group of girls, with Jules as the leader muttered amongst themselves, giggling.
“Sora may I speak with you?” Narumi, the teacher of this class asked with as smile. It was English class. I nodded and followed him out the room. He was holding a folder.
“What is it?” I asked with a smile.
“Your writing assignments. I’ve only gotten one of them and there are eight supposed to be due today.” Narumi said.
“Really? But I’m sure I turned them in early. Wait I have the other copies in my bag,” I turned but Narumi put a hand on my shoulder and shook his head.
“No really I did. Just let me redo them please?”
“Slow down, hold on, I know. The one you gave me if enough for eight of them. And you get a perfect score. You have a special ability in writing, good thing I read all of those eight before I lost them. I just wanted to know if you were alright. Mel can be a little tough on students.”
“Oh, don’t mind, don’t mind. Its my fault for not getting it, I just need to push myself harder.”
“Not to hard. I’ve noticed you’re always alone except when you’re with Toshi but even then you seem out of place.”
“Not at all! I love it here. I have several friends.” When did I become so good at lying. Oh that’s right when I lie to Toshi saying getting into this school was easy. “Plus I’ll just working harder. You may be complimenting my writing because you feel sorry for me but I’m fine.”
“No, wait-” Before Narumi could finish I already walked back into the class.
“What’d he want?” Toshi whispered.
“Can you believe it? He actually thinks I’m good at writing.” I whispered.
“Really? Well we know the truth,” Toshi smirked talking with his friends again. What did he mean by that? Just as I though he thinks I’m useless just like everyone else. Toshi, when did you become so far away? Narumi walked back in and saw me looking down at the desk but out of the corner of my eye looking at Toshi.
Another month passed and things just couldn’t get worse. I had to work even harder to earn money for the upcoming school field trip or I would have to be all alone for two whole weeks with no talking with Toshi at all.
“So Toshi,” The guys put an arm around his shoulder, “We hear you and Jules have been even closer then ever. You went over to her dorm yesterday night.” My eyes widened a little but it had to be true. Of course, she was an excellent pair with him. They looked so good together.
“She asked me to help her move in a few boxes is all,” Toshi scratched his head but really meant that. He saw me then stood up.
“Why are you looking at me like that? That’s good, you got yourself a girlfriend,” I smiled really big nudging him with my elbow.
“She’s not my girlfriend. I’d never date her,” He said a little offended.
“Oh my bad, I thought because they said that..” I said.
“You’ve changed, believing in rumors.” He said frustrated.
“Don’t take your frustration out on me. You’re the one who went to her room anyone would assume. Even though assuming just makes you look stupid. Who cares? If two people look good together then of course rumors would start. Geesh my bad for thinking you had a girlfriend.” I said sitting down looking away.
“Oi, Oi, Oi, you trying to start something?” He said lighting up a little bit because he saw how irritated I looked.
“Who knows, tomorrow’s that field trip. You going?” I asked to get off that topic. I didn’t want to here who he liked or who he looked good with, it hurt to much. It wasn’t like he was going to be with me, I just wanted him to be happy even if it meant I would get hurt in the process.
“Yeah but you aren’t right?” He asked suddenly a little aggressive.
“Yeah I got the money somehow.” I laughed a little.
“You shouldn’t go,” He said. What was this? Didn’t he want to go? In middle school he would always want me to go to he wouldn’t be bored. Times do change.
“I already told Narumi I would go.” I said trying not to sound hurt.
“Ah so, well have fun being alone. I already promised people that I would walk around with them. You should try asking your friends to go with them.”
“Yeah alright. I’ll do that.”
“I don’t want to sit by her,” The girls on the bus whispered when they saw that I was sitting alone on the bus.
“Then you don’t have to,” The girl with long black hair from her class sat down beside me.
“You’re Sai Yuki,” I said with a smile.
“Don’t lie to me. It doesn’t do any good. I don’t see how he can’t see it but you’re lying to yourself. If you even try to lie to me once this friendship will be over before it even begins.” She said seriously. My eyes widened a little and I didn’t even know what to say.
“Let me speak with you,” Narumi said to Toshi.
“Yes?” Toshi asked.
“About Sora..” Narumi said.
“Ah uh, there’s nothing to talk about. She always does stupid things like wanting to be with me all the time. Going to this school was tough on her but if she tried hard for me I couldn’t tell her not to go. I’ve always been with her so being without her would make me irritated for some reason. But seeing her forcing herself to lie makes me pissed. She may think I’m dense but until she admits it to me herself I’m not going to help. Even though it pains me to see her hurt like this. The reason I’ve changed since middle school is because she only thinks of me as a friend, not a man. And until she does I’ll go about acting the same or in her view changing. Sorry Narumi but even if you speak with me there’s nothing you can do. I’ll protect her from the shadows until she tells me herself. Always alone, never looking back and continuing to look forward isn’t a good thing or it is but not in her case. She never backs down and keeps getting hurt. Even with her father, he dumped her but she kept working hard for money and never once cried until that night. She never tells anyone what she feels, when she does its rare.” Toshi said stretching his arms over his head.
“You must have waited long to say something like that. You told all your friends about her and they know you like her but she’s dense as well. The thing is just like you she’s waiting for someone to come to her for help. Even if you want to be more then her best friend that position was always taken by you ever since you entered her life. She may hold the same feelings as you.” Narumi smiled.
“That’s not true. I’ve never done anything for her.” Toshi protested madly. “I may be an idol for everyone but that’s not the real me and if she was any sort of friend she would know that!”
“Have you read any of her writings?” Narumi asked abruptly.
“Huh? That doesn’t make any sense in this situation but yes I’ve always read what she wrote. When she came over to my house I’d find her writing in the middle of the night then when she fell asleep I would read them. It’s just like what you said she’s talented.”
“Then you may have no read anything recent have you?” Narumi took out my writings then handed them to Toshi. After that he walked onto the bus to greet everyone and Toshi followed him.
“You and Toshi aren’t a couple?” Yuki asked after we reached are designation and got off the bus to walk around. The two of us walked away from the others and took our own path.
“No! He would never like me like that,” I said. “I’m brainless, useless, and have no special talents. Before you say something I know that doesn’t make a good couple. Looks, talents, abilities, they don’t make a personality but you see Toshi is someone who, how do I say this without making it sound strange. He’s someone who lights up a room with his smile. I’ve watched him grow into the man that he is so being without it hurts so much. You could say I was in love with him because that would probably be true but no matter how much I wish for that to happen it won’t come true. I love all those times we were together, all the times he’s helped me. In my past and even now, I just want him to be happy even if it means I’m not. That way of thinking is stupid? You think that but I can’t help it. I don’t deserve him at all.” I said trying not to cry. Suddenly Yuki hugged me.
“You can cry. There are times when to be strong and times to be weak. You may have wanted Toshi to say this too you but he’s to stubborn to do it. He’s the type of guy that you have to confront about what you feel or he’ll treat you coldly. He may be that way but he’s certainly not dense. He sees right through your lies just like I do. Just cry and let it out. I’m here for you now. You think only of others but you should worry about yourself, be selfish!” Yuki said. Her words really got to me and the tears just came out.
“See? Don’t you feel better?” Yuki smiled giving me some chocolate ice cream.
“What’s this? Been crying have we?” Jules asked appearing with her group. “You should leave, its best. You’ll just get in Toshi’s way. In other words you’re a bother, he’s such a great guy but he has a friend like you. It doesn’t make sense, its disgusting.”
“He never wants thought of me as a bother!” I said hoping it were true. No one noticed that all the guys were watching all of this going on.
“Is that true? Or is that you dreaming again?” Jules laughed narrowing her eyes a little. Yuki saw the guys behind all of them now but for some reason I was madder then I ever got before.
“Maybe it is me dreaming. But dreaming is a good thing! At least for me it is. I may not be like you who’s athletic, good looking, or doesn’t have to try at all but so what? I can be just as much of a competitor as you!”
“Ah uh, I knew it you just came here to stalk Toshi.” Jules said. The other girls laughed and thought it was strange.
“Stalk? Heh, yeah right. At least I came here with a purpose. What’s your excuse? Came here with daddy’s money? Before you get on my back about coming here you should figure that out.”
“Why? You have no friends, no parents, no special talents, no money, yet you work so hard! You fainted the other day right?! It makes me mad to see you working so hard when you don’t even belong here.” Jules said raising her hand to hit me. Suddenly someone got in front of me and let Jules hit him across the face. I opened my eyes and saw Toshi standing there. Everyone’s eyes widened, especially mine.
“Toshi…” Everyone said. Jules backed away from how mad he looked.
“Tell them what you really feel!” Toshi yelled. I looked at him. “Now!”
“Its harder then it looks! Working so hard isn’t easy. Well of course it isn’t because it has hard in it. What I mean is you all have it pretty easy so why can’t I? Yuki is smart and has a personality of an angel. Everyone likes her when she tries to help. Even you Jules, although your personality could use a little changing everyone is drawn towards you. Toshi, you have everyone smiling and wanting to look at you! I feel like you’ll forget all about me who is good at nothing. The only thing I have is you so when you leave I’ll be really sad and left alone. It’s probably because I’m in love with you!” Toshi was staring at me then everyone started to laugh at how out of breath I looked.
“You weren’t supposed to say that much,” Toshi put a hand on my head because now I was looking at the ground holding in the tears. He was blushing a little but only Yuki and Narumi noticed that. “But I feel the same.” He scratched his head then raised my chin up to look at him.
“I was wrong about her! She’s too pure,” Jules said laughing again. She looked up and saw Zane laughing as well. The two of them started to talk and found that they had some things in common. Yuki and Narumi seemed to get along quite well, although they would have to be careful that relationship would most definitely work, especially after high school was over. Jules, Yuki, and I became the best of friends. Of course there were differences but we would get through them and no one would get in our ways. Yuki would help me with my studies now so I’ve been able to keep up with the rest of the class. Those were the people who were most important and I loved them but the one person that would always have my heart would be Hiroki Toshi. Not only my best friend but my lover. My other half was him all along. I guess I just had to tell him how I felt then he responded with a dream answer. Okay, maybe it wasn’t a dream anymore. It was real.
“You really gotta stop being so slow,” Toshi was waiting outside the dorm again. Every morning he waited for me ever since then.
“Oh shut u-” I began but suddenly Toshi’s lips were again mine. That was my first kiss and it would always be Toshi and I together. Even if he went someplace he would never leave me behind. He would bring me with him. My heart skipped a few beats as I kissed him back. Although I didn’t want it to end the two of us would be late to class and Jules would probably make up some kind of rumor. I grabbed his hand and started to run, dragging him along beside me with a huge smile. He smiled and kept up with me easily.
I'm Actually Thinking About Leaving, Starting Over Is What I Need Right Now.