Post Reply If you do not intend to....
Creator
6213 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
22 / M / Earth =]
Offline
Posted 8/9/09
If you intend to stay in the group. Please be active. At the moment, only one person has viewed my story and that saddens me, as it took me time (me and my aneue, lijachan) to create the portrait(s) and the storyline. Please, if you join, at least read a bit and decide either you want to stay or leave.

Thx
Member
49737 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
76 / Unreachable Dream...
Offline
Posted 8/9/09 , edited 8/9/09

silvery1994 wrote:

If you intend to stay in the group. Please be active. At the moment, only one person has viewed my story and that saddens me, as it took me time (me and my aneue, lijachan) to create the portrait(s) and the storyline. Please, if you join, at least read a bit and decide either you want to stay or leave.

Thx


I like your story, but of course, since you want feedback, I shall give you some.

I think that 20 years is far too long, they would all be very aged. Lelouch would still be young but who'd want a wrinkled Suzaku? Also, it is a major discrepancy that Lelouch went to Milly since considering Lelouch's character, he would never do that... C.C. too. She would watch Lelouch but not actually join the academy... She can always go in and out unnoticed nonetheless.

Intro:
- You should present the problem, not vaguely foreshadow that there is a problem.

Lelouch:
- Lelouch has left the world to Suzaku and to the people, he would not want to interfere, considering his pride... However, if the problem is really a big deal, he would only go in and interrupt when its really serious, a BIG ENTRANCE when nobody else can solve it, a deus ex machina. However, he wouldn't reveal his identity nor become zero for zero is already there. He could make a new character or so... or whatever.

C.C.
- Her character must be taken into consideration.

Time:
- Things come and go, and so did the "Demon Prince" so I believe that 5-8 years would suffice, but considering you wanted Milly to have kids, the next generation, 15-18 years should suffice.

Also, do not forget THAT EVERYTHING, every single thing, went according to what Lelouch has planned. Lelouch should be portrayed as more cautious and manipulative.

ALL HAIL LELOUCH!


Creator
6213 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
22 / M / Earth =]
Offline
Posted 8/10/09 , edited 8/10/09

mikomiko123 wrote:


silvery1994 wrote:

If you intend to stay in the group. Please be active. At the moment, only one person has viewed my story and that saddens me, as it took me time (me and my aneue, lijachan) to create the portrait(s) and the storyline. Please, if you join, at least read a bit and decide either you want to stay or leave.

Thx


I like your story, but of course, since you want feedback, I shall give you some.

I think that 20 years is far too long, they would all be very aged. Lelouch would still be young but who'd want a wrinkled Suzaku? Also, it is a major discrepancy that Lelouch went to Milly since considering Lelouch's character, he would never do that... C.C. too. She would watch Lelouch but not actually join the academy... She can always go in and out unnoticed nonetheless.

Intro:
- You should present the problem, not vaguely foreshadow that there is a problem.

Lelouch:
- Lelouch has left the world to Suzaku and to the people, he would not want to interfere, considering his pride... However, if the problem is really a big deal, he would only go in and interrupt when its really serious, a BIG ENTRANCE when nobody else can solve it, a deus ex machina. However, he wouldn't reveal his identity nor become zero for zero is already there. He could make a new character or so... or whatever.

C.C.
- Her character must be taken into consideration.

Time:
- Things come and go, and so did the "Demon Prince" so I believe that 5-8 years would suffice, but considering you wanted Milly to have kids, the next generation, 15-18 years should suffice.

Also, do not forget THAT EVERYTHING, every single thing, went according to what Lelouch has planned. Lelouch should be portrayed as more cautious and manipulative.

ALL HAIL LELOUCH!




I've already judged these problems before writing the story.

Since 20 years passed, i supposed Lelouch became has more wise O: And as for C.C, i know its weird for her to join the academy but otherwise, we wouldnt see her much and its funnier to have C.C join the academy (thats what I think)

Even if 20 year passes, Susaku would only be 38 (not that old :P) Plus, he can't fight anymore...considering the fact that he is zero and that zero does not attack in the front line...i mean, lelouch fought with shinkiro with long range attacks while suzaku would just rush in and attack

I'm trying to give the least infos possible because I have MOST OF THE PUZZLE, not all of them in my head, thats why I'm only giving infos that are ready to be shared.

Making a new character IS possible. However, the world's on Zero's side. Why would they want a new hero of justice? Plus, what is Code Geass without Lelouch xP But yeah, I know what you mean but this is a pretty serious threat, as the enemy is once again someone with the Geass (if you actually didn't really realized that I've purposely added V.V-sama :P)

C.C's problem...that was the toughest TT.TT I'll try to make her more ... C.C but you have to admit that its hard to imagine how C.C would talk...sometimes,she's just cute and all, something she's indifferent

At first, it was 17 years but you do know that marrying yourself isn't something you do easily. So if I consider the fact that the new generation are 16-18, then it took them 2 years about to date, marry and have kids. That is more plausible don't you think?

As for the last feedback, I don't quite understand it...I mean...at the moment, all Lelouch is doing is trying to be apart of the society and this is in the next chapter, little spoiler, knowing new ppl to choose the new generation of the Black Knights like as you said, they've gotten quite old and I don't think Tohdoh who would be 50 something, would still fight :P

Hope these answers your feedbacks
Member
16269 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
19 / F / in a snow gloab
Offline
Posted 8/24/10
i like your story too. ^^ i think its awsome. much better thank what i could do
You must be logged in to post.