First  Prev  1  2  Next  Last
Post Reply "To the End" by Rezzy64
Moderator
8502 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / California
Offline
Posted 8/23/09 , edited 9/25/10
Well hello everybody, here it is my next greatest distraction from all my other writings that I have already started. The thing about this story however is I wanted to do a lot of various different interesting things for it. Different ideas and strange nightmares to come together in this new strange story I'm building, I came up with this idea for a story while in the process of working on Episode 3 of "HHTWIHF" (Which I promise I will get out soon, I'm just working on some logic based problems that I am having with the story.). I had thought of all sorts of various ideas that kind of spun off from the general plot work of "HHTWIHF" but wouldn't work in the story because of the awkwardness of these ideas would just not fit for "HHTWIHF" direction of story. So soon overtime of working on the third episode all these ideas began to pile up into my brain that could just not be used for the story but seem to be a sort of waste to just throw them away. Soon enough so many of these silly little ideas piled up so nicely that I was finally able to start building a plot around it. I soon began to create this funny little story that I began to put together next thing I knew I had a plot and general direction for a story and a few characters to boot. So I couldn't help but write out a small sample of what my story was, so then I had a nice little prologue to play with, which I now present to you in this strange and slightly nightmare-ish story.
Please enjoy everybody! :D


Prologue
“The Hand”



Copyright 2009, Michael Reznick
All rights reserved.
Moderator
15623 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / Labs, towns, citi...
Offline
Posted 8/24/09
Yet another promising story.

Your emphasis on the surreal continues to attract me as a reader. One thing about this story that's very different is the powerful first person narrator. I don't know if it will (or should) continue past the prologue but it worked very well. He (or she) has the kind of unique voice that I've come to love in texts. He's very human, but still possesses the talent of seeing the big picture, almost to a mystical degree, something you love to give to your characters. Sentences like "I just woke up one day and said to myself that there seemed to be something strange occurring around here that is more than just the obvious strangeness of a giant hand implanted in the ground, which in a way is not saying much," are always fun to read.

On the other hand, this makes the grammar, syntax, word choice, ect. mistakes more annoying. If you'd like, I'd be willing to comb over this text and point some out, so you'll know what to look for.

From your description at the top, it sounds like you created this story for the same reason that Satoshi Kon created Paranoia Agent: a bunch of leftover ideas invented while doing other stories were tied together.
Moderator
8502 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / California
Offline
Posted 8/24/09


Ah thank you for your comment 8th!
The funny thing about when I started working on this, is originally I had not wanted it to be in the style of a television show script (Anime). I originally began writing it as if I was actually telling a story from a book. So when I prefer to write something like that I generally put it in first person as the main character telling the story from his perspective. I don't normally do that when writing my show scripts, it wasn't until about a day after I wrote this prologue that I actually decided to present it to Making Anime, still I had the problem where I didn't feel that it was supposed to be a script. So right now I'm trying to figure out whether I should present it to you guys in script form as a show or just keep on writing it in the story style I have now, which I sort of prefer for this particular story.
Moderator
15623 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / Labs, towns, citi...
Offline
Posted 8/24/09

Rezzy64 wrote:



Ah thank you for your comment 8th!
The funny thing about when I started working on this, is originally I had not wanted it to be in the style of a television show script (Anime). I originally began writing it as if I was actually telling a story from a book. So when I prefer to write something like that I generally put it in first person as the main character telling the story from his perspective. I don't normally do that when writing my show scripts, it wasn't until about a day after I wrote this prologue that I actually decided to present it to Making Anime, still I had the problem where I didn't feel that it was supposed to be a script. So right now I'm trying to figure out whether I should present it to you guys in script form as a show or just keep on writing it in the story style I have now, which I sort of prefer for this particular story.


Do whatever feels most comfortable for you. This is only appearing as text anyway.
Moderator
8502 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / California
Offline
Posted 8/28/09 , edited 9/25/10
Chapter One
"Town of Self-made Tragedy"



Copyright 2009, Michael Reznick
All rights reserved.
Moderator
15623 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / Labs, towns, citi...
Offline
Posted 8/28/09
Another successful venture.

The characters are shockingly real and act like real people. This is a true accomplishment despite the fact that there are only two of them.

The scar (and its backstory) are disturbing, which I suppose was your goal. Mission Accomplished.

In this installment, I noticed that I'm beginning to feel bothered by the sheer length of the text. The narration tends to drag, as the narrator frequently uses two or three sentences when one might suffice. Sometimes, he circles around the topic before getting to the point. This gives the impression that the narrator is grappling with feelings that he has trouble putting into words. Which is great btw, but you should also be careful not to go too far and get reduntantly reduntant.

By the way, is it a coincidence that this story reminds me of FLCL?
Moderator
8502 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / California
Offline
Posted 8/28/09


Wow 8th, I'm actually surprised about all the good things you said about it. I'm not saying that I doubt you or your ability to criticize. I just felt like when I read through it that I had a bunch of problems with what I wrote.
I'm really glad that you felt that the characters were realistic, cause that's what I was trying really really hard on accomplishing. I really wanted the characters to be in a state of mind as any other person you could meet on the street. I don't want a glorified hero or a slutty air head girl side kick. I want everything to be as realistic as possible.
I am glad that you pointed out one of the main problems that I had with my writing which is the constant circling around the main issue instead of me getting straight to the issue. I tend to have a problem with that and I did recognize that problem when I proofread my chapter.
Also I'm glad that you thought the scar story was disturbing, because when I had this story in my head it was absolutely important to me to make that characters background for the scar very dark and messed up.
I do also find it important that he has trouble explaining things directly but just like what you said, he does need to get to the point which is a problem with my writing that I need to work on.

lol It is really funny that you point out the FLCL idea. Although while writing this FLCL has never entered my Mind, but you are not the only person to point out the idea that it seems like FLCL. A close friend of mine read this as well and said the exact same thing. I guess I can kind of see a connection to FLCL and my story, but I promise you that my story has other motives in mind and not once (until now) has FLCL been on my mind while writing this.
Moderator
15623 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / Labs, towns, citi...
Offline
Posted 8/28/09

Rezzy64 wrote:



Wow 8th, I'm actually surprised about all the good things you said about it. I'm not saying that I doubt you or your ability to criticize. I just felt like when I read through it that I had a bunch of problems with what I wrote.
I'm really glad that you felt that the characters were realistic, cause that's what I was trying really really hard on accomplishing. I really wanted the characters to be in a state of mind as any other person you could meet on the street. I don't want a glorified hero or a slutty air head girl side kick. I want everything to be as realistic as possible.
I am glad that you pointed out one of the main problems that I had with my writing which is the constant circling around the main issue instead of me getting straight to the issue. I tend to have a problem with that and I did recognize that problem when I proofread my chapter.
Also I'm glad that you thought the scar story was disturbing, because when I had this story in my head it was absolutely important to me to make that characters background for the scar very dark and messed up.
I do also find it important that he has trouble explaining things directly but just like what you said, he does need to get to the point which is a problem with my writing that I need to work on.

lol It is really funny that you point out the FLCL idea. Although while writing this FLCL has never entered my Mind, but you are not the only person to point out the idea that it seems like FLCL. A close friend of mine read this as well and said the exact same thing. I guess I can kind of see a connection to FLCL and my story, but I promise you that my story has other motives in mind and not once (until now) has FLCL been on my mind while writing this.


Always happy to help.

I was a bit distracted when I wrote my comments on the story. If you'd like me to help you find more flaws, I suppose I could try again.

Best of luck on the next part.
Moderator
8502 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / California
Offline
Posted 8/28/09


lol It's all good, if something bothers you just point it out to me, I'm already working on the next chapter, and so far I like how it's going.
Moderator
8502 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / California
Offline
Posted 8/29/09 , edited 9/25/10
Chapter Two
"He was Atlas"



Copyright 2009, Michael Reznick
All rights reserved.
Moderator
8502 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / California
Offline
Posted 9/3/09 , edited 9/25/10
Chapter Three
"Having the Night"



Copyright 2009, Michael Reznick
All rights reserved.
Moderator
73185 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
30 / F / in the land of tw...
Offline
Posted 9/3/09
Wow... this story has me hypnoticed... I don't know if its the new way of writing it, the first person narrations or the carefully well thought out plot... but m hucked. lol, Great job Rezz, chapter 3 was the best so far.
Moderator
8502 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / California
Offline
Posted 9/3/09

yaidoll wrote:

Wow... this story has me hypnoticed... I don't know if its the new way of writing it, the first person narrations or the carefully well thought out plot... but m hucked. lol, Great job Rezz, chapter 3 was the best so far.


lol Thanks Yai, I'm really glad you like it. I'll hopefully start on chapter four tonight.
Moderator
15623 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / Labs, towns, citi...
Offline
Posted 9/3/09
I have read chapter two.

I could spend a bunch of time getting into specifics, but I don't think it's worth my time. There's a much simpler away to describe my experience with this story.

You see, I have high standards and low expectations. It's how I function. Philosophizing tends to fill me with deep suspicion. Only rarely have I ever felt so certain that a story is closing in on a real and pertinant truth about the human condition and the nature of life. I don't know what the point is yet, but I have a feeling it's something truly amazing and I will look forward to it every step of the way.
Moderator
8502 cr points
Send Message: Send PM GB Post
25 / M / California
Offline
Posted 9/3/09

The_8th_Sin wrote:

I have read chapter two.

I could spend a bunch of time getting into specifics, but I don't think it's worth my time. There's a much simpler away to describe my experience with this story.

You see, I have high standards and low expectations. It's how I function. Philosophizing tends to fill me with deep suspicion. Only rarely have I ever felt so certain that a story is closing in on a real and pertinant truth about the human condition and the nature of life. I don't know what the point is yet, but I have a feeling it's something truly amazing and I will look forward to it every step of the way.


Aww... 8th... You shouldn't have, sayin all those purrty things about my little old story...

lol alright, sorry about that...
Well I'm glad to hear that you are being pulled into the complex ideas about the human conscious and how it tries to understand things that are not understandable. I've got all sorts of strange crap that I have planned for this story. I'm trying to ask people to really think about this situation realistically. If something like this actually happened in the real world, your life wouldn't become some magical fantasy with a mystical adventure filled quest in front of you. Although we read and hear stories about people just adapting to what they don't understand and even eventually using it to their advantage, in reality, does that actually happen? Would you as a person really be able to except something that no human on earth can understand? My answer to that question is this story.
First  Prev  1  2  Next  Last
You must be logged in to post.