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Dear Diary...
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23 / F / What? Your mom di...
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Posted 12/10/09 , edited 12/10/09
.. Now it's the 'did-too-did-not' argument. -_-' Honestly? Do I REALLY have to keep arguing? This is stupid. Here's what's going on:

Alex: you said that you would not tell anyone, not even rachel
but you did
thats called lying


Meggie:-_-' fine then I didn't MEAN to lie. And technically, it wasn't a lie til I told her.

Alex: you were conscious and aware of what you were doing
you knew you were telling them
they didn't trick you into it
you MEANT to tell them
so you MEANT to lie


Meggie: ALRIGHT. I MEANT to tell them. I meant to tell them, but I didn't mean for it to be a lie.



Alex: well then you shouldnt have promised me and not meant it then

Meggie: Lol Alex, can you really not understand that I actually one hundred percent had the intention of keeping that promise?
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Posted 12/10/09

ember1116 wrote:

DX

And this is precicely why you couldn't go to him about it. Because he doesn't get you, and you don't get him.
Tell him that; that you didn't want to 'ruin things between you' and that if he meant shit to you, you wouldn't even be talking to him right now. Or saying sorry.
Because I get the feeling you're the type of person who says what they mean, and if you weren't sorry you wouldn't be saying it.
Does he KNOW he still has the butter effect on you?
Argh.
I don't know what else to say because I've never had this kind of relationship with anyone DX
Heck, I've never even had a boyfriend =w=


Embie-chan, you do amazingly well with relationship stuff. I can't believe that you've never had a boyfriend. I would NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS have guessed.
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Posted 12/10/09
lol, well I haven't XD
I'd say the closest I've ever gotten to having a boyfriend has been just having a really really good guy friend I shared my water with sometimes XD That's a huge deal for me, because I get germophobic and like, WILL NOT eat or drink anything someone else has even, like, touched with a spoon/fork they've had in their mouth =w=
but thanks ^^ It's good to know I do well lol

@ the Alex convo so far ::
Gaahhhh.
I don't like his ways of thinking D:
I understand that he's upset but honestly... he knows how hurt you were when he broke things off right?
Like, does he REALLY know how much he hurt you by doing that?
If he did, you'd think he would understand why you couldn't go to him about this...
Obviously, he doesn't get you. You need to be letting this kind of thing out with someone who DOES get you, like, say, A GOOD FRIEND =w= which is what you did.
Sure, it was a lie, but you didn't mean for it to be, like you said. And you suck at lying anyways, said it yourself =w= they would have found out anyways, even if you didn't SAY anything =w=
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23 / F / What? Your mom di...
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Posted 12/10/09
Lol Embie-chan, that's one of the things I had to get used to when I started hanging out with the guy friends I have now. We share EVERYTHING. Like I said in some other thread, they've pretty much all seen me naked. There are NO boundaries. One gets sick, so does everyone else. We look out for each other and all that.. We stay really close.. I like it ^^. They're family to me, in a way.

See, I can't figure out if he's just messing with me, or if he's really being serious about the lying thing...
I don't think he understands how much he really hurt me... I really think he has NO CLUE. Which is interesting, because I expressed it pretty well. "Common sense" he says..... >.> Really? I hope he's kidding.
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23 / F / What? Your mom di...
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Posted 12/10/09
Dear CR interactive diary:

Tomorrow morning I'm heading over to a different kindergarten to talk to their principle able volunteering. I have to go to bed now so that I can wake up early. It'll look better if I come in the morning. I'll look more "responsible". I dunno why, but that's just the impression people give off when they wake up early. So, yeah. I promise that I'll do everything within my power to cause trouble for the superintendent of the school I've been at. Talk to you tomorrow!
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Posted 12/11/09
Dear CR Diary ::

Something that really gets at me is when the people in charge of making decisions don't understand the situations of the people their decisions will effect. We really SHOULD have had a snow day today. We were 20 minutes late to school this morning because of the snow on the roads. We got stuck waiting at one like for about ten minutes because people were going so slow, afraid to hit anyone else =___=
If the superintendent of my school system had even stepped outside this morning, he would have called a snow day.
It was even freeze-the-snot-in-your-nose Cold today DX
Anyone who's been in that kind of weather knows exactly what I'm talking about =w=

Eh, I dunno. I'm glad we had school, but I hated the roads.

Ahaha!
So I technically had a boyfriend for, oh, two minutes today XD it was all a joke, but I thought it was pretty funny since we've been talking about relationships on here so much.
I was waiting in the lunch line and one of my friends (who's been my friend for a long time, longer than a lot of my current friends =w=) said he was going to be my boyfriend for two minutes so he could cut me in line =w=
Of course, I said no cutting and made him wait behind me. Hahaha but when I swiped my ID and was about to leave the line he's like "haha, thanks for being a good girlfriend!" and I rolled my eyes =w=
He jokes about that kidna stuff so often, so I've become immune to it by now XD

Other than that today was fairly uneventful =w=
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Posted 12/11/09
@ Meg-chan :: How did it go??
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23 / F / What? Your mom di...
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Posted 12/11/09
Dear CR diary,

I didn't end up being able to go to the other kindergarten today because my mom used all the gas in my car. We don't have any other working vehicles other than the pick-up, which my mom took to work. I got all ready and everything just to be disappointed. I suppose I can do it on Monday, but I really don't want to wait that long. Life hates me. I SWEAR that karma just has something against me. I don't even have to DO anything to get picked on . Neh. I love life. Seriously, I'm sitting here in my coat as I type this. That's how ready I was to go.

Alex is still being an idiot. I just let him win the argument, because he's just bent around the fact that I lied (Actually, it's more of an opinion than it is a fact). -_- Why does he gotta do this to me? I guess I just spaced out during the part of my life that told how this was fair because I don't get it. Not to say that I have the hardest life ever. No, my life isn't so bad. I love my life. I just manage to squeeze myself into the most inconvenient situations sometimes and all of the odds are against me. I suppose that's how it goes though. See, I'm convinced that I have what it takes to change the world. I think that if I really wanted to, I could make a difference. I might do that someday. But for now, my focus is kindergarten, GED, and friends.

Stupid superintendent of (I'll just call it School District "A") School District "A"... He has no idea the kind of impulsive reckless teenager he's dealing with. I VOW that I will find SOMETHING illegal in what he's doing. I will find it and I will report it. Why? Because I'm impulsive, reckless, and I'm sick of people telling me what I can and can't do. I get enough restrictions from my parents, I don't need someone else telling me where I can't be. I'm not the type of person to just sit back and let him continue doing as he pleases. Stupid people... He's either too lazy to deal with me, or else he's too cowardly! I had an appointment to see him on monday, but now I'm told that if I go they'll fire my mom from the school district. It wasn't a spoken threat, but it was implied. And it's cowardly. I had a bit of respect for him, but it just poofed as soon as I heard that. It's not my mother that's rebelling, it's ME. So, what, I don't count because I'm a minor? Is that it? Age? Really? I'm still listed under her? Just because it's an insult to his pride, I'm going to assume that he's afraid of dealing with me. Using power to benefit himself and not the district, like he's supposed to be doing.. He doesn't deserve my respect, nor the respect of anyone else. I'm thoroughly disgusted right now, to say the least.

I must not let my impulsiveness take over, though. I need to think things through all the way before I act if we're dealing with legal matters. Oh I'll get him, though... I'll get him for something... Because I'm 16 and I'm allowed to be a little immature with my revenge <3

@Embie-chan: Yeah we had the cold problem here, too lol. It's freezing. I'm blaming the fact that they still had school this week on the superintendent of School District A. More because I don't like him than because it's his fault... Lol and I love the boyfriend thing.
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Posted 12/11/09
XD thanks =w=

@ Alex being stupid still :: It's that infamous Man's Pride and Honor.
He HAS to be right, because he's a guy, and you're a girl =___=
You might as well let him think he's won, and rest easy in the knowledge that you know better than he does ^^
YOU know the truth about what you did, and you're being the better *wo*man and letting it rest because he's bent on not seeing reason >___<

@ Superintendent of School District A :: DX Blegh.
You even made an appointment with him, like a RESPONSIBLE person, and he's canceling, or whatever, telling you your mom will be fired because of you showing up for an appointment you already made =___+
Gah, I'm going to spoil my good mood if I keep on this subject, so I won't rant =w=
But I'm with you, I hpe everything works out D:
It stinks that you couldn't get to the Other Kindergarten =__= stupid Gas D:
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Posted 12/11/09
Pride is stupid.... Lol again with my creative insults....

Dear CR diary (and Embie-chan):

I suppose I should say a little more about Rachel. She's my friend that's a girl. I have other friends who are girls, but I don't really see any of them. Like, ever. And we don't talk all that often either. Anyway I know she'd be pissed if she ever read this and figured out that I don't really talk about her that much. She's pretty.. Um.. Well, I dunno. She's different. I THINK I have her figured out sometimes, but then she does something and it ruins it. Well..She doesn't ruin it exactly..... -_-' I dunno.
Anyway she's pretty pissed at me right now.. She paid for me to get into a play. So, of course, I went and we hung out in the balcony with Kohl and Casey, because they were helping with the technical stuff. Anyway like the whole time Rachel just gave off negative "waves". She'd sit there all alone and I'd go try to stand by her and start a conversation, but she didn't really keep it going for very long and eventually she'd go stand somewhere else. So, with fair reasoning, I must point out, I took it as her not wanting me around. I don't get out all that often, so I wasn't about to let it ruin my night of freedom. I went and stood by people who actually did want me around. After a while, Doug and Robert showed up. I don't get to see either of them that often and I didn't know they were coming, so I was freaking OVERJOYED to see them lol. Seriously, I wouldn't let go of Robert for like ten minutes. Cut me a LITTLE slack, though. I went from seeing my friends every day, to seeing them twice a week, if I'm lucky. Robert hasn't been around because he's been up with his girlfriend every weekend. So yeah it's been a while. Well as soon as Robert walked in, Rachel was ALLLLLL over me. She wanted me then. I think it's because Rachel has a grudge against Robert because he's her ex.. Well then it wasn't her turn, if you know what I mean. She had a chance to be all over me before, and she didn't take it. When people I don't see often come in, they take priority over the others. It may not be how everyone works, but it's understandable, at least. I think that Rachel has my relationship with the guys a little twisted. I'm not sure that she accurately understands exactly how close I am to them. I think it's hard for her to picture because she's only ever been that close to GIRLS.. I'm not sure that she's really had a friendship with a guy like I have. So my guess is that she assumes that she takes priority over them, when really, she's equally close to me. Sometimes, I'm not even sure she's THAT close to me. Part of that is because she tries to make me choose between her and them, sometimes. Like, they'll all be doing something, and then Rachel will plan something separate. Then I have to choose which to go to. Usually, I end up going to Rachels because I know that if I miss the guys thing they won't be mad at me, but if I miss Rachels thing, she'll be pissed. Damn, maybe that's why I don't have a lot of friends who are girls. They get pissed too often.

Lol so back to the play thing.. I guess after I left, she cried on Kohl because she paid for me to get in and then I didn't spend any time with her. My view on this is that if she wanted me to spend time with her, she should have acted like it.

I know she's stressed. She's REEEEALLY stressed. Her dad lost his job and she might get shipped to Arizona. But that's not an excuse to treat me like I'm invisible, and then cry because I didn't stick around to put up with it.


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Posted 12/11/09
D:
I can relate to this .____.
One of my friends is like that... sort of.
I guess I won't get into the details for now, but long story short, that kind of thing happens with us too D: And I hate it, every time. She's got this power over me, like she can always make me feel guilty, even if she was the one in the wrong .____.
Once it even got to the point where she made me feel guilty because I made her feel guilty for once and she didn't take it well =w=

I definitely know what you mean about girls getting pissed too often =w= I do it too, I'm no exception =w=
These things will happen, but it'll blow over in time ^^ All you can do for now is bear with it and try to make her understand what was going on and that you did want to spend time with her .____.
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Posted 12/11/09
Dear CR Diary...

Uh just a little intro here I guess. Anyways I'm Defy-chan and yes I'm a guy who uses the -chan at the end of my name. DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!!!!! Sooo I'm just gonna write about my school here because I think there's a major problem with how my program is being run by.


So basically I'm in the GAD program that's for Game Arts & Design. A big problem about my program is not having enough teachers to teach the subjects. Since my brother already graduated back in August of 09 we've been having talks about what it was like when he was still a student in the GAD program. Apparently there are at least 10 or less teachers who teaches my program. BUT for AVE [Animation and Visual Effects] they have all of the best teachers including ones that don't even fit in that sort of field. Now my brother has said it has to do with AVE's Course Director, I can see why. Andrew S. the course director of AVE pretty much blew away a huge chunk of the school's budget one a new Mo-Cap place, that's Motion Capturing.

So yeah since my program already doesn't have the money for funding for anything we can't get any teachers. Like really, there's an AVE teacher by the name of Rodney Brett who came from Activision [a gaming company] so he should be teaching us GAD students, but noooo Andrew S. has put a tight leash on him and keeps him from jumping ship so he's working with AVE students instead. Which is retarded because if you came from a gaming company you'll be teaching students who want to learn how to make games!

My program's structure is totally in shambles and the GAD's course director Andrew N. can't find a way to fix it. If we want to use a much better room because they have MUCH better computers that can run the Unreal Engine and Maya at the same we can't because AVE's course director has that on lock down for his own students even though they have no class for that specific day. At this point I'm questioning myself right now if GAD will get better because my next term will be Game Production 1 which will be a huge class for GAD students because its one of our first major classes to take.

And now that Epic had just dropped a huge bomb shell saying that the Unreal Engine is now FREE to download, ANYBODY can make games from the ground up! All I need now is a good enough computer then download the Unreal Engine, take Maya off of the school server, grab me any other programs that I need and I can make a game starting like RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW!

*sigh* choices, choices.......
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Posted 12/11/09

Dear CR diary:
Lol alright... I'm getting a TEENY bit pissed now.. Idk, I have ridiculous patience, but he's starting to push it.


Alex:false because if you really did you would have kept it. its an all or nothing. you either decide your taking it to the grave or you dont and spread it. you spread it
if you had 100% intention of keeping the promise you wouldnt have said a thing even if you were directly asked. You would have maybe even lied for the sake of keeping the promise you made me. Because what means more to you the curiosity of someone or my trust?


Meggie: -_-' fine. You win. I'm done arguing.
Really Alex? Which do you THINK means more?

I'm not so shallow that I would place curiosity above trust.

Alex: well ya kinda did


Meggie: Alright Alex, I made a mistake. I'm human. I do that. You CANNOT tell me that I placed curiosity over trust because you can't tell me how I feel about something. See, Alex, I know me a lot better than you know me, kay? YES what I did was wrong. I know that. I'm sorry. NOW what? I can't take it back, so NOW what do I do? That's my problem. Don't try to twist this so it looks worse than it is. I did NOT mean to lie.

To be honest, I'm having trouble figuring out why this is such a big deal to you if you don't have any feelings for me.


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Posted 12/11/09
Alex really doesn't understand you.
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25 / F / In my own little...
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Posted 12/11/09
Rawrrrr.
His lack of sense bugs me =w=

I wonder how he's going to respond to that last bit!
And he better not avoid it and say something like "Well what I feel obviously doesn't matter because you LIED to meeee *whine whine*" =w=

And I don;t think he gets that WHEN YOU MADE IT, you weren't planning on breaking the promise. You only broke it when you realized you wouldn't be able to keep it either way D:
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