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Post Reply Tale in the Moonlight
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Posted 1/12/10 , edited 1/24/10

Technical Information:

Genre: Mainly shoujo. Adventure. Romance.
Characters: Original characters (based off of various Manga though.)
A/N: This is my first time posting my story in anything other than my blog so I don't really know the formatting or how things work, but please read and review~ ANY comments would make me happy (yes, even if you only post to say "you suck", at least I'll know that you've read it.)

Project Summary:

The moon shone high in the velvet sky on the night of their fated meeting.

She is the heiress to her father’s multi-millionaire estate who has never spent more than half an hour without the company of one of her caretakers. He is the proud and slightly egotistical civilian boy who lives at the edge of her estate.

Will he be able to set her free and let her experience the real world with her own two eyes, or will the obstacles that stand in their way be too great to overcome?





Chapter 1: Bittersweet Moon

The sun sank slowly over the distant horizon, bringing with it the warm, vibrant colors. The wide, amber-colored sky slowly began to lose its sparkle as bright orange turned to red, purple, gray and, at last, black. In this darkness, the crescent moon crawled slowly into the velvet sky, its dull and sad sheen slowly getting stronger as it ascended higher and higher into the night sky. One by one the stars emerged, gaining confidence and twinkling harmoniously like little diamonds in the darkness.

Somewhere far away, a figure emerged with the break of twilight. Elegantly, delicately, she wove her way up the winding staircase of the building, going through multiple spirals of the long staircase until she approached the barrier. Her round, violet eyes gazed at the dark ebony double doors looming in front of her. Slowly but surely she reached out towards them, grasping one of the smooth iron knobs in the palm of her warm, slender fingers.

The lock clicked. The door creaked ever so slightly, letting a tiny sliver of light enter the dark, dread-filled passage from which she had just come. She pushed gently on the tall door, noticing touch of the wood at her fingertips. She felt her breath catch at the back of her throat, the hairs on the back of her neck prickled with anticipation. With a final resounding thud the large doors parted completely, revealing a spacious marble terrace bathed in the moonlight.

She hesitated for a moment, remaining stooped nervously in the shadows. Gathering her composure she absently stepped forward, advancing into the light of the half-moon. Now she walked to the tip of the terrace to lean on the polished white railings. The her ginger-brown hair cascaded in gentle curls down her shoulders, the tips coming to a rest on the ledge. A shiver ran along her spine as the late summer breeze washed over her, caressing her pale tear-streaked cheeks.

Along with the wind came a scent unfamiliar to her as she turned towards the eastern walls. Along the perimeter of the wall tall vines dangled charmingly, interspersed with a type of flower she had never seen before. Drawing nearer to that wall she found the buds of about a dozen dainty flowers soaking up the moonlight. Each honey-gold center was surrounded by fifteen to twenty round, white petals that formed three or four layers around the middle. The rings, like the wings of an angel, glowed mysteriously in the serene atmosphere. Carefully, trying not to disturb the perfect proportions of the vines around the flower, she reached out to touch one of the glowing white petals. The fuzzy, velvety feel of the petal on her fingertip surprised her. She had guessed, based on her visual observation, that the petal would feel more waxy and hard rather than fuzzy.

"Who are you?"

An unfamiliar voice with a strong English accent cut through the silent atmosphere like a knife through butter. Her head swiveled sharply to find the source of the sound. She turned in time to see a figure climbing over the side of the railings, tousled silver-blond hair illuminated in the light. Little did she know that the key to her fate had just appeared...
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Posted 1/12/10 , edited 6/27/10

Table of Contents:

(click the links to jump to the chapter)






Character Biographies:

MEI:






Extra Notes and Information:

Setting: Rural England
Languages:
▶Standard Language of Conversation: English
▶Alternate Language of Conversation: Japanese (conversation will still be written in English, but you will be alerted when they switch languages)
Fantasy vs. Reality: While the descriptions of things in this story appear to all be really unrealistic and fantasized (as things often are in Manga) please keep in mind that I have attempted to incorporate as many elements of 'reality' as I could.
▶Purple Eyes: Having just spoken of the realistic nature of my story, you may or may not have noticed, from the first chapter, that the girl's eyes are purple. According to this website, they exist. While I really doubt that it's actually true... shhhh.... let me live in my slightly altered reality for a bit xD
▶Hair and Eye Colors: Until the character biographies are revealed, it may be unclear as to the nationality of our two main characters. They are both mixed breeds between Japanese and European (later specified), thus the hair and eye colors come from their European forebearers, despite their Japanese names.
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Posted 1/12/10
well I can say you dont "suck" at all...

I am amazed. Sincerly amazed. Your descriptions are entirely soo good, i felt dazed by their excellence. I guess I wouldnt be exaggerating if I said this is one of the best environmental descriptions I have read. One of the richest. And still not too rich. Not over-whelming.

Since it was such a short chapter I cant say much about the flow of events or the fiction in but as far as I read I am loving this. I will definetly come back to check to see if you posted new chapters.

Welcome the Blue Rose Story Circle.
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Posted 1/12/10
YES~ Feedback ^^ Thanks so much! It's a start ^^

About the format though, I write my stories in 'parts' that are usually around that length. They're more of parts than actual chapters. Next part will be coming... in a bit...? xD I'll give it a couple of days and hope that perhaps a few others will read it what I've got so far~

Thanks again for my first feedback xD
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Posted 1/14/10
*whistles* Wow. Descriptive. Amazingly descriptive. I like it. It has that japanese shoujo manga touch to it. I definitely like it. I really like it. I like alot. xD Can't wait 'till the next post.
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Posted 1/15/10 , edited 1/23/10

Chapter 2: Unfamiliar Moon

The sliver of the moon continued to shine brightly directly above the two figures, illuminating them in its pale sheen.

"Who are you?" The boy repeated, again in English, lowering himself to crouch neatly on the balcony railing. There he paused, still waiting for her response. When it was clear that no answer would be found, he descended. Swiftly, without letting his curious gaze stray from her face, he took a giant leap from the top of the railings, the back of his jet-black shirt flapping carelessly behind him, almost like a set of wings, and landed gracefully a few meters from where she was standing. "Those are my flowers" he bluntly pointed out, clear blue eyes gleaming, as he quickly closed the distance between them with two long strides.

As he approached her the girl drew back instantly, taking a step away from the flowers and also retreating farther into the shadows beside the entrance door. One of her arms hovered protectively near her chest. A mixture of fear, confusion, and wonder glimmered in her eyes.

"Woah there!" Startled by her sudden defensive position the boy came to a halt. Realizing that his presence was making her uncomfortable, he slowly raised his arms to indicate that he had nothing to harm her with. Keeping his distance, he averted his eyes from her intense gaze, looking downwards to the ground in front of her.

The first thing he noticed was that the girl was bare-footed, her long slender legs seemed to shiver slightly, either from the cool temperature surrounding them or from unease. She wore a flowing cream nightgown, sleeveless, with tiny ruffles along the shoulder straps. The bottom edge of her dress, which reached just above her knees, was also lined with the ruffles. Shifting his gaze upwards more his eyes fell on her light brown hair which cascaded smoothly over both shoulders in delicate little waves and wrapped itself gently around her porcelain-like face. Her gentle lavender eyes complemented her tiny pointed nose and thin, elegant mouth. He noticed the remains of two tiny sparkling streaks that were accented by the lighting and then realized that the girl had been crying not long before. Bathed in the moonlight her slightly pale complexion shone, making her look like an angel who had descended from heaven.

Aware that he had gawked at her for some time, once again his eyes found their way back to the place where hers still remained. "I'm sorry for my abrupt entrance there." He apologized as he regained his composure, "It's just that I've taken care of the plants on the roof here for some time in secret. This is the first time I've seen anyone come from inside this house. The lights are usually off so I thought no one lived here. Forgive me for intruding, but are you okay? Err... you do understand English right?" He asked timidly, once again searching her face for signs of a response.

He wondered if she was injured somewhere and stepped forward, concerned, searching her body for any signs of damage. However, as he approached her for the second time, she likewise retreated, flitting swiftly through the rooftop door...
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Posted 1/15/10
>_< Cool! Just make sure the girl doesn't end up a Mary Sue. If you haven't already planned her character than make sure you make note of her interests and hobbies. To me that's an important key to people's characters in stories. No matter what the hobbies or likes are, that part of the protagonist will always distinguish a person from the story in a surreal type of way.
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Posted 1/16/10
Definitely not a Mary Sue xD but THANKS SO MUCH! I did plan her character, but I never actually considered interests and hobbies. Now I know what I should have considered ^^
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Posted 1/18/10
you know what, I think this is going excellent. I am truly in it now. I want more. I think your descriptions are professionally amazing, the dialogues are incredibly convincing and flow is immensly captivating.

Thank you for this share. Good Work Tsukoyomi!
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Posted 1/19/10
a typical shojou manga story. the difference? your amazing descriptions.
i agree with everyone in here. your descriptions is just amazing. i can clearly visualize the scene in my mind. great vocabulary.
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Posted 1/22/10 , edited 1/23/10

Chapter 3: Chastised Moon

"Ms. Yamauchi, where have you been for the past 20 minutes?" Asked her nanny impatiently, "Do you know how hard everyone in this household has looked to find you? I never expected that you would need to be accompanied on a simple trip to the bathroom. When you didn't return, we were so worried. The servant who went to check on you looked like he was about to faint from worry! I was just about to call the master of the household to tell him that you went missing. Furthermore..."

The girl let the stout, middle-aged woman in front of her continue to lecture her about her manners in silence. Her dark brown eyes were hard and cold under her deeply furrowed brow. She could tell just from the look on the woman's face that no one in her household had actually been truly 'worried' about her. In reality, it was more like they were worried for themselves. The servants, maids, kitchen aids and even the tutors were all living in this household because they were paid so generously by her father to do so. She knew that not one of them held even an ounce of love for her. In their eyes, as long as she did what she was told and cooperated with them, she was simply the key to the vault.

"Ms. Yamauchi... Ms. Yamauchi... MEI!" At the sound of her first name being called Mei gave a little jump.

"Y-yes?" She stammered.

"Are you listening to me at all today? Goodness. And where are your manners? You are an extremely blessed young woman to be born into such a wonderful and prosperous family. You have world-class tutors who have given you lessons beyond what most children your age have learned. How can you possibly sit there with that vacant expression on your face and simply answer 'y-yes' to someone you should be paying attention to?" The nurse scolded.

"I'm terribly sorry ma'am. Maybe it is because it has already grown so late. Perhaps I am lacking sleep now. I was on my way to the bathroom but found myself lost in my thoughts on the way back. When I looked up I realized I had lost my way as well." Mei answered carefully, trying to be as polite as possible while bobbing a quick curtsy.

"Oh alright, I suppose it really has gotten late enough. Off to bed with you. It would be troublesome if your lack of sleep caused you to do poorly in your studies tomorrow." Her nanny replied grumpily as she turned away muttering to herself, "Getting lost in the house you were born and raised in... humph...".

When she had gone Mei heaved a huge sigh before collapsing carelessly onto her bed (if her nanny had seen she would have been chastised yet again for her rude behavior). She had narrowly avoided being caught on her rooftop excursion this time, but what would happen next time?

As her vision became blurry and her mind started to wander one image continued to linger, his face etched in her mind like liquid gold carved in deep ebony bark. Who was that mysterious boy who had climbed up onto her rooftop? He wasn't wearing the uniform of the household servants, so why was he there? Why had his voice sounded so concerned when he was approaching her?

All of her unanswered questions continued to nest in her mind, but they soon faded as the darkness enveloped her body and mind. From the corner of her eye, a tiny crystal droplet the size of a diamond began to form, growing larger and larger. Slowly, it trickled down across the girl's pale cheek before plummeting off of the tip and into the depths below...



Chapter 3.5: Autumn Moon

(a short chapter extra in which the same encounter is told from the perspective of the boy)

The boy continued to stare at the place where the girl had vanished from in wonder. Who was that mysterious girl just now?

An image of her remained firmly implanted in his mind. Her china doll-like face seemed to glow in the moonlight, casting off an almost other-worldly presence. Just as he'd wondered if she was really human, he'd noticed the tear streaks left on her cheeks. He couldn't imagine why such a beautiful girl would be crying at this hour of the night.

He shifted his gaze back to the flowers growing along the wall, his flowers. The days were getting shorter and the temperature was quickly dropping. He would probably need to bring something to cover and preserve their vines over the winter.

But wait, am I even allowed to be here? He asked himself, running his fingers gently across one of the flowers. I never thought that people lived in this building.

Anyways, he said to himself, looks like there's nothing more to be done tonight. I should probably get back before Granny realizes that I snuck out. It seems impossible... but I wonder if I would be able to meet that girl again another time. It would be nice to have a chat with someone up here.

And with that, he walk towards the terrace railings and hoisted himself over to the other side. Being careful not to slip over the edge and fall what seemed like five stories down, he moved along the ledge to the place where the roof sloped elegantly downwards.

The early autumn breeze brushed playfully around the building, rustling the leaves in its path and sending them soaring for the sky. Now at only one story above the ground level he encountered yet another railing (a slightly redundant one in his opinion). Placing one hand on the rail he nimbly vaulted over the edge, accompanied by the fiery gradient of the leaves as they fluttered to the ground.
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Posted 1/22/10 , edited 1/22/10
Tsukoyomi I just want to point out one thing, send your each new chapter in a new post. Dont add it on the old ones for that will cause confusion with your reviews. You will have hard time understanding for which chapter they are commenting on as time goes by and your story gets popular.

Other than that, I just love your story. I sincerly hope from the bottom of my heart that you will continue and I will have the chance to see where this is going.

Thank you for the share... With this chapter, you are now officially one of "Our Authors".
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Posted 1/22/10

elanra_moonlight wrote:

Tsukoyomi I just want to point out one thing, send your each new chapter in a new post. Dont add it on the old ones for that will cause confusion with your reviews. You will have hard time understanding for which chapter they are commenting on as time goes by and your story gets popular.

Other than that, I just love your story. I sincerly hope from the bottom of my heart that you will continue and I will have the chance to see where this is going.

Thank you for the share... With this chapter, you are now officially one of "Our Authors".


lol~ hmm... good advice... that'll probably be true xD okay~ I'll put them into separate posts from now on... it's not hard since I've posted something before adding a new section each time.

Awesome~ so I'm an author now? Lol... though if I may request it... can you put the project summary on the first post rather than part of the first chapter? I think those descriptions are a little boring for a captivator xD
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Posted 1/22/10

Tsukoyomi wrote:


elanra_moonlight wrote:

Tsukoyomi I just want to point out one thing, send your each new chapter in a new post. Dont add it on the old ones for that will cause confusion with your reviews. You will have hard time understanding for which chapter they are commenting on as time goes by and your story gets popular.

Other than that, I just love your story. I sincerly hope from the bottom of my heart that you will continue and I will have the chance to see where this is going.

Thank you for the share... With this chapter, you are now officially one of "Our Authors".


lol~ hmm... good advice... that'll probably be true xD okay~ I'll put them into separate posts from now on... it's not hard since I've posted something before adding a new section each time.

Awesome~ so I'm an author now? Lol... though if I may request it... can you put the project summary on the first post rather than part of the first chapter? I think those descriptions are a little boring for a captivator xD


Just let me know where do you want me to put, and I'll do it... copy it and send me as PM. I'll fix it right away
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Posted 1/22/10
Aw, I have thing for stories written in a guy's perspective. Did you figure out Mei's hobbies and interests yet? Like for example, she's super rich right? Maybe she indulges in sentimental whims like playing the piano or sketching when people aren't around? Or doing research on, well, flowers? I think it's most exciting if she does something truly sentimental. Especially if no one knows about it. It doesn't need to be a secret but yet no one's aware she does these things or this thing. But it's your story. I can't tell you what to do. I just love the vocabulary, words, descriptions. I'm commenting on what I would like to see. And so far, I like it. I like it alot. xD
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