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Posted 3/17/10 , edited 3/17/10
This is a story that i'm working on atm but need help with editing it along with comment or advice on how to make it better n plz don't copy this n make it your own work ty very much the section need help with be highlight in green edit to it will be done in red n if u want to edit something plz place it next to the part in red plz tyvm

“Close your eyes, and open you mind” those were the last word I heard from her. For as soon as I close my eyes my mind begin to wander they begin to drift, drifting slowly and slowly at first but then it started to fall drifting and falling deep into the deep dark unknown into this endless darkness until I saw a light at the end of it. Heading toward that falling out through it what I see next before my very own eye disturbed me, for what I see is a city lies in ruin smoke rise up into the air, ashes on the ground some building looking as if they have been burn, while other lies in ruins and rubbles. Looking around to only see the rubbles of what would have once be a town a city, and now looking at it he is seeing it destruction as he can see and hear building collapsing before his very own eyes, smelling the smoke and fire in the air. He begin to panic for he does not know where he is but wherever he is he know that he is in this at the wrong place and at the wrong time, as he gather his strength and courage to push out his fear of such thing that he have seen before his eyes he began stand up on his feet, he begin to wonder aimlessly without a destination in mind intimidate by what he have seen, for what he had seen is body, dead body, corpse of those that were in the building while some are litter in the street with their body left beyond recognition with their face being tore off along with the gut exposed and some internal organ left missing. Still being intimidate by it he began to walk careful with one thing on his mind and that’s “RUN!!!!!!” is what his brain is signaling him, for he begin to think that whatever did this will still be around. Looking around searching for something that he can use to protect himself, and then he sees it laying there in the rubble thinking to himself “Is not much but it’ll do for now for time being anyway” walking over to the piles of rubble, he bend down and picking it up holding it in his hand is just a 3 feet steel pipe, taking a closer look in the dim light and making an observation “It seem like it’s a stainless steel, wonder where it come from” letting out a breath of relief “Sigh, oh well at least I can make use of this”. Holding the steel pipe by his side and he continue to wonder looking around to see if there is any survivor, someone that could at least tell him where he is and what have happen to this place. As he continue to walk his searching for survivor, looking and looking walking and wandering around in this unknown place, he began to get tire and restless form the continuous walking. Stopping to search and look around to see if he could find a shelter or at least one that’s closely resemble it and it seem like he find it a burn down house with a hole in the wall. Walking into the house and looking around he see that there are still some decent thing left around to use, after looking around find out that there are three bedrooms in the house, two bathrooms minus one with the big hole in it, and what seem to be a basement and an attic, along with a dinning room which have a wooden table and some chairs sitting around the table. Looking up at the ceiling he saw a big chandelier hanging above the table, looking around for a switch to turn in on he find it on the wall to the right of the table, flicking the switch up and waiting for the light to turn on. A few minutes later, waiting impatiently, tapping his foot on the floor then he go back to the switch flicking it up and down, and then hit his hand on his forehead thinking “Right why would it turn on, this house got a big hole in the wall and it look burn down so why would the light work seriously” after realizing this he frown since it seem like he just a big fool out of himself. “Well at least hopefully I can take a nice warm bath” saying it out loud, while he was walking toward the bathroom he stop and look inside one of the bedroom searching around to try to find some clothes, it seem like he is in luck for he found some clothes along with some tower heading toward the bathroom and turn on the water putting his hand into the water n feel that it’s cold not hot or warm even though put he have turn on both hot and cool water, sighing “oh well, guess this is better then nothing” thinking to himself. A few minutes later, after have taking his bath he go to bed and fall asleep sleeping peacefully. Somewhere during his sleep he woke up by some disturbance, what woke him up from his sleep some to be some noises that he hear that was constantly getting annoying, the noise seem to be coming from the basement of the house arming himself with the 3 feet steel pipe that was next to his bed he walk down the stair to the basement, step by step the noises was getting louder moaning and wailing, yelling and screaming once he have taken the last step down the stair leading to the basement the noises was loud and was all around him, looking around but trying to see but he can’t see anything for in front of him was pitch black darkness flowing throughout the entire basement, continue moving toward where the noises is coming he feel a chill going up his spine and he was sweating a cold shower as feel a light breeze and then the breeze begin to get stronger and blowing around him as if there was something circling him faster and faster, something the human eyes can’t see, as he continue to walk toward where the noises is coming from the wind blow pass him. Walking deeper into this pitch black darkness where he have only follow the noises so far, but then suddenly something just fall to the ground making him jump to his feet he tensed up and then relax telling himself “Don’t worry about it am sure it was nothing at all as long as I follow where the noises is coming from am sure I’ll be safe” as he was regaining his breath and his confident, suddenly out of nowhere a white specter appear out of the ground from beneath him flying up to his face and breath cold air into his face spooking him. Jumping back a few steps to catch his breath while the specter vanish into thin air looking around again in the pitch darkness, still hearing the noise his body however still in shock from the last scare sitting down on the floor touching his hand to the floor feeling it icy cold as his butt is getting numb from sitting on it. Jumping back up to his feet while continue walking toward the direction of the noise now noticing the bottom of his feet getting colder and colder “Is getting cold here” saying to him self while feeling some chilly breeze blowing past him “Man boy what is down here anyway?” standing still and swing his 3 feet pipe to the darkness in front of him and then tapping the ground in front of him making sure that there is nothing he would fall into. Then sudden he hears a THUD!!!!! As his steel pipe hit something to right of this darkness “Sound like it hit some wood” thinking to himself, turning over to right side feeling the woods “It seem like door” thinking out loud while moving his hand franticly on the wood searching for the knob. OUCH!!!!! Saying it out loud as his left hand hit something hard, then quickly putting his hand on what he though to be the knob quickly turning it then he tumble in as the wood gave in and fall back. OUCH!!!!!!!! Now getting annoy putting hand on the floor and not feeling the cold, but yet rather something soft while laying the steel pipe down next to his right side, swinging his arm up wildly in the air hoping at find something. His hands finally caught what seem to be like a metal string, as he pulls down on it out of nowhere light sudden turn on. Closing his eyes and putting hand to his face covering his eyes AHH!!!!! TOO BRIGHT!!!!!! As he scream out then slowly opening both of his eye and trying to adjust to the brightness. Looking around he found himself in a bunker with a wide mirror hanging on the rock wall, two beds one on each side of the wall, and some drawers behind the bed and to the side of the wall along with some big chests on the floor beside the drawer, and a few doors in the back of the room leading toward somewhere and he also notice that there was no windows in the bunker. Then he looks down at the floor which was soft and comfy under his feet and he saw that the entire floor was cover in carpets. Turning around and looking and seeing a wooden door and where darkness has been now replaced by some light. Looking outside the door he sees what to be a long tunnel continuing deeper and deeper into the pitch dark unknown. Thinking to himself “Well might as well rest up since it seem like I find a rest house in a tunnel in the basement of some house, wait now how weird is that, tunnel in the basement of a house with a house in that tunnel” Chuckling quietly to himself “Well I need to pee anyway since was holding it back inside that tunnel” Looking around the bunkhouse he saw a few and he decide to see what is behind those doors, and so he go up to one of them and put his hand on the cold metal knob and turn it. To his relief he has seemed to find the restroom behind the door. Looking around the restroom and before he forget he went out to the bunker front door and close it and lock it also by turning the little metal that is inside the knob. After he has locked the front door he went back to the bathroom, and closing the bathroom door behind him. Looking around the bathroom in amazement for what he saw was a hot tub for four along with a big wide mirror with light on them hanging on the wall of the bathroom “Wow!!! Is this a bathroom or a dressing room” he thought to himself for he saw a closet inside the bathroom also “Man this is a very nice bathroom that I have seen by far” thinking out loud to himself. A few minutes later after he have finish using the restroom he walk back out and then laying down on the bed looking up at the ceiling then pull down on the cord and closed his eyes and fall asleep sleeping peacefully. A few hours later he wake up from his long slumber laying quietly in bed in the dark thinking “Well at least I found a safe place to stay, and well now if only I have something to eat” hearing his stomach grumbling he get up. Pulling down on the cord and the light turning on “Well we have a bathroom room and well two more mystery behind those two doors” thinking to himself. Well let’s see what is behind door number two as he turn the knob and opening the door. To his surprised as well as shock “Well now what else does this place does not have? Is this place a dream house or bunker or well whatever this is” As he putting his hand on the wall and flip the switch the light come on and there is the once dark room is a kitchen. “Well now I wonder who was the previous owner of this place is he must be dumb for abandoning such a great place like this” As he continue to stare and being amaze by the marvelous kitchen in which now have him hypnotized. “Well now if only I know how to cook then I could cook up a feast” thinking sadly to himself “Hmmm I wonder if this house or bunker have some frozen foods or PIZZA!!!!!” grinning happily at his thought as he walk into the kitchen.

Inside the cold tile floor kitchen there is a two refrigerators on the right side along with the sink to the front of the fridge beside it and some cabinets on the wall to the left and also on the left side of the wall and some more cabinets to the back of the refrigerator beside it. In the middle of the room there lie a grand wooden table with three seats to the left and right side and one on each top and bottom side. Next to the light switch there is also an electric stove with an oven in it. As he is walking to the back of the room he see some shelf with glass on the door mounting on the right side of the wall containing books while some contain jar of ingredients. As he look down to the cabinet on the right side of the wall, counter on top of the cabinet sit a small oven and a microwave.


Inside the cold tile floor kitchen there are two refrigerators on the right side next to the sink, and on the left side of the sink, all the way to the wall, there are a row of cabinets. In the center of the room rests a long wooden table, consisting a total of eight chairs, three chairs on each long side of the table, and one on each short end. Right by where the light switch is, you will see a electric stove with an oven. As he walks towards the back of the room, he looks to the right and he saw some glass-doored shelves, bearing books and jars of ingredients in them. As he looks farther, he saw the row of cabinets; a mini oven and microwave sits on the counters.



“Well now they sure have a lot of thing in this kitchen” thinking to himself as he is walking toward the refrigerator and open the door the light in the kitchen suddenly went off and the room was flooded with darkness then suddenly the refrigerator light suddenly turn on and his face was blasted by the sudden light that he was blinded momentarily. Then as he look into the refrigerator out of nowhere a creature suddenly lunge it self toward him and latch it self onto his face. He now just realize that something is on his face and was mauling and scratching viciously at his face until he felt that there was something warm running down his cheek and then the pain hit him like a thousand volts. Screaming out loudly as the agonizing pain has now settle in his body then he putting both of his hand in front of the creature trying to separate it from him but no matter how hard he try pulling on the creature it would not let go of his now grotesque. Then he got and idea as he stand and run around in the dark room then suddenly he hit the wall the begin to get up again but this time determination to get rid of the creature that has attach it self to his face he took a few steps back and charge full force toward the wall and collide against with a loud THUD!!!! He then tumble and fall down to the floor and he lay there his mind wandering off somewhere else. Suddenly he jolt up from his bed breathing hard and feeling cold sweat running down his cheek looking around the eerie room resting his hands on the bed sheet. He continue to look around in fear and terror that at any moment now something out of nowhere will jump at him and maul his face off as it have happen in his dream. Waving his hands wildly in the air until he hit the cord he yank it down gently then as soon as he yank down on it light fill the room and stun him with temporality blindness then as he rubbing his eyes and looking around the room as everything is where it should be. Breathing a breath of relief then lying down on the soft bed and pondering on what his dream could have been then his stomach suddenly grumbling loudly. He starts laughing as he putting his hand behind his head and continues chuckling away at this embarrassing moment. He start getting up from his bed and walking toward a door unconsciously, and then he open the door to his astonishment the room that was behind the door was a perfect exact replica of the one in his dream. Suddenly fill with fright he begins looking around quickly checking to make sure that there was nothing out the ordinary. Then as he let out a sign of relief he move toward the fridge opening the door and expecting something that would jump out to claw and maul his face viciously, but nothing happen there was no creature no light out or any of that which he dreamed. Feeling safe and secure he took out a small frozen pizza and putting it into the small oven



As he looks down to the cabinet on the right side of the wall, he saw a countertop and on top of it sits a small oven and a microwave


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