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Post Reply I'm So Confused(Poem) ~ Can Someone Tell What They Think
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Posted 3/30/10 , edited 3/31/10
I wrote this poem last night putting some of the events in my life that all happened within a 6 month period that brought me to tears. I'm curious to know what you people think about this poem. So, give me what you got.

I’m so confused
All I hear is my muse
And nothing else I can’t use
I hear my words falling out of control
With all my emotions taking their toll
I take a deep breath
Like how it was during my grandfather’s death
And I say what the heck
As I remember hearing all the funeral songs playing in my head
And I cut off my music dead

I’m so confused
I’m hurt and bruised
Can’t someone help me defuse?
I’m scared and alone
As I try to pick up the phone
But I pull my hand back and groan
Putting my hand on my cheekbone
I realize I’m the unknown
I’m the soulless girl
With no love whirl
I wish for him
But it looks so dim

I’m so confused
What is this life that I abuse?
As I watch my laptop screen become cloudy
Because I know my eyes are teary
And nothing I say can help me
I just wanna sit under a big tree
I wanna hide, so let me be
I wanna cry and look at the sea
Then lock away this where no one can see
But I always fumble with the key
Realizing this is me
My double life where my emotions bleed

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Posted 3/30/10
*holds breath* That was beautiful! The rhymes, the images flitting across my mind when my eyes scour the verses of your poem and your literary skill. You have a magnificent imagination. I honestly cannot wait for the poem you will submit next.
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Posted 3/30/10 , edited 3/30/10

SakuraSenin wrote:

*holds breath* That was beautiful! The rhymes, the images flitting across my mind when my eyes scour the verses of your poem and your literary skill. You have a magnificent imagination. I honestly cannot wait for the poem you will submit next. :D


Thank you so much for that. That took a lot courage for me to write because these are true emotions that I have felt and have gone through as I said in my note before I posted the poem. I do have lots of other poems that I will post soon. Thank you again
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Posted 3/30/10
mhm, exactly like Sakura said

It indeed was a beautifull piece
it was very powerful yet soft.
It was very deep. I liked it!
Hope everything is well for u <3
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Posted 3/30/10

xXcrystaltearXx wrote:

mhm, exactly like Sakura said

It indeed was a beautifull piece
it was very powerful yet soft.
It was very deep. I liked it!
Hope everything is well for u <3


Thank you but now I'm doing much better but I just wanted to share my feeling on some of the events my life that were diffcult to watch and feel. Thank you very much
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Posted 3/30/10
No problem~
^^
Its great that u are feeling much better
ur poem is something that even i can relate my life to!
=]
Great work
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Posted 3/30/10

xXcrystaltearXx wrote:

No problem~
^^
Its great that u are feeling much better
ur poem is something that even i can relate my life to!
=]
Great work


Well, I have more poems coming so if you liked this one then I have more that different but still have those same diffcult emotions expressed LOL =D
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Posted 3/30/10
*Grins*
Is that so?
Then I ish Looking forward to it! <3
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Posted 3/31/10


Preview:Hello Asianangel,
Don't be offended by my analysis of your poem. XD
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Posted 3/31/10
Very well written poem with rhymes. Well painted pictures. There used to be a saying, a thousand words paint a picture and it looks like you manage to paint a picture with less than a thousand word. Congratulations. The technique of using rhymes and sudden stopping it allow
the readers to sense the flow or the mood of the poems. Punctuation and grammar looks good and used in the correct way. Nothing that I can scrutinze so far. A wonderful piece of work. I am amazing that you have such writing talent although you are just a 19-year old.You have
what it takes to be a great poet. Just keep to your own style.

PS: Are you new here, Haven't seen you before. I believe I will be looking forward to more of your poem soon. And if I have the time and if
you don't mind me critic it for you, I will gladly do it for you. A nice pleasure meeting you,

Oh ya , my pen name is liger.
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Posted 3/31/10 , edited 3/31/10

ligersay wrote:



Preview:Hello Asianangel,
Don't be offended by my analysis of your poem. XD


I'm not offended because i wanted to hear peoples opinion about my poems. Good or bad comments, I take them seriously. I believe if you want someone to review your work there's always be someone who wants to say something bad about it. But I'm willing to take that risk because I love showing my work to others because I wanna inspire others to tap into their emotions and maybe feel inspired to write as well. People around me always tell how I do it. How do I write good poetry. And I say that it's practice because when i started writing poetry, i was never good at rhyming words or anything like that and stopped. i started again two years ago and sort of never give up. And here i am with a very emotion piece we see above me. And the way you expressed my poem's meaning was done beautifully. I forward to your reviews in the near future =D
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Posted 3/31/10 , edited 3/31/10

ligersay wrote:

Very well written poem with rhymes. Well painted pictures. There used to be a saying, a thousand words paint a picture and it looks like you manage to paint a picture with less than a thousand word. Congratulations. The technique of using rhymes and sudden stopping it allow
the readers to sense the flow or the mood of the poems. Punctuation and grammar looks good and used in the correct way. Nothing that I can scrutinze so far. A wonderful piece of work. I am amazing that you have such writing talent although you are just a 19-year old.You have
what it takes to be a great poet. Just keep to your own style.

PS: Are you new here, Haven't seen you before. I believe I will be looking forward to more of your poem soon. And if I have the time and if
you don't mind me critic it for you, I will gladly do it for you. A nice pleasure meeting you,

Oh ya , my pen name is liger.


Well, Liger, They say even at 19 you can accomplish many things in life. Not that i'm saying that I have accomplished many things. But poetry to me is my greatest accomplishment right now because when it was my first year in high school, in english one day, we started our poetry unit and that was pretty the first I really got interested in it. And i remember it being terrible experience too because that was the time someone gave me a bad critic about my poetry. I took it's seriously and decided not write again. But what teacher always said me stuck in my head. She said "Poetry can be anything you want it to be if you put your feelings into it. There is no right or wrong in it." And one day two years later I decided to start writing again. So, thats sort of my belief life story with poetry. But thank you for the comments. And like i said i forward to ur reviews in my near future other poem postings.

P.S. I'm not new. I have been part of this group for sometime. I just like to lay low and pop out randomly time to time. And no I dun mind your critic, I actually welcome it. I'm not afraid to be judged. So judge away. LOL


It's nice to meet you Liger, everyone calls me Ray. I dun have pen name
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Posted 3/31/10
@Ray: I already posted a comment on your pages bout this poem xD To put it more eloquently, I love this poem because it depicts your true feelings/emotions for the loss of your grandfather. It's as if I'm also the one who experienced this tragic loss. The abovementioned poem itself was properly executed in lieu of rhymes & spacing.
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Posted 4/1/10

madetcolorcloud wrote:

@Ray: I already posted a comment on your pages bout this poem xD To put it more eloquently, I love this poem because it depicts your true feelings/emotions for the loss of your grandfather. It's as if I'm also the one who experienced this tragic loss. The abovementioned poem itself was properly executed in lieu of rhymes & spacing.


Hey Marie, i read the comment u left. Thanks. yeah, u know how it feels to lose someone too, i know. But now i need to be happy bc that wat my grandpa would have wanted. he would have wanted me to be happy not crying over him. thanks for the comment, Marie
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Posted 4/1/10

asianangel122890 wrote:


madetcolorcloud wrote:

@Ray: I already posted a comment on your pages bout this poem xD To put it more eloquently, I love this poem because it depicts your true feelings/emotions for the loss of your grandfather. It's as if I'm also the one who experienced this tragic loss. The abovementioned poem itself was properly executed in lieu of rhymes & spacing.


Hey Marie, i read the comment u left. Thanks. yeah, u know how it feels to lose someone too, i know. But now i need to be happy bc that wat my grandpa would have wanted. he would have wanted me to be happy not crying over him. thanks for the comment, Marie


Hey Ray : D Yeah, you need to be happy & always remember that all of us who are your friends are here whenever you need us okay. Just continue to be the sweet & caring person that I know. I'll continue to follow all of your posted poems
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